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Lost 2 Daughters

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In Janurary 1997 I lost both of my daughters to carbon monoxide poisoning in our home. My husband and I were both affected also but survived. On February 7, 1997 we burried both of our sweet angels. I know they are in a good place and will never hurt again. I have been so busy trying to help my husband to heal for the last nine years that I have just now even thought of grieving. I really thought I was going to be ok and had passed the worst part of all this, but just last night I realized that I had missed all of the steps except anger. I have really good friends to talk to and do so often, but now I don't know where to start. I miss them terribly as we were always together. They were only 14 and 17 years of age.
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Guest Guest_sarah_*

I lost my son on November 22,2005.He was 3 years 7 months.I know how it is to be in shock.I have been in shock for the last 6 weeks.It has now hit me full force.I just wanted you to know you are not alone.

My son died of an accidental shooting in our home and I was with him.Not something you can erase from your mind.

Just wondered if there's others out there hurting too.

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Dear Ones,

I am so very sorry that your precious children have died, and of course we can only imagine the depth of your pain. Please know that you are being held in our hearts and that, although we're saddened that you have reason to be here, we are right here beside you, sharing in your pain. I also hope that by reading through the other posts in this forum, you will find that you are not alone in what you are experiencing.

I want to share with you some very wise words from a dear friend and fellow bereaved mother, Sandy Goodman, author of Love Never Dies: A Mother’s Journey from Loss to Love:


• Grief Waits. If you put it away and try to ignore it, it will simply wait until you have no choice but to experience it.

• We grieve as intensely as we love.

• There is no "normal" in grieving.

• You will never be the same person you were before your loss.

• You must make a conscious decision to "get better."

• There are no set-in-concrete stages or timelines in grief.

• It is typical to feel almost numb for the first few months. When that "fog" lifts, it can be very frightening. Think of it as a wave and ride it out.

• Losing a child is "out of order". Talking to and being with other bereaved parents is extremely helpful.

• Other people will not understand your grief unless you share it.

• It is okay to talk about your child as long as you want.

• It is okay to keep their belongings as long as you want.

• It is okay to include them in celebrations and special occasions for as long as you want.

• "Finding closure" is not a requirement of healing. For parents, it is not even an option.

• Even in death . . . love remains.

I am so sorry your child has died. I vividly remember the gut wrenching pain of grief. My son was 18 when he was killed in 1996 in an electrical accident. My life changed forever.

A year after Jason died, we attended a conference in Philadelphia put on by The Compassionate Friends (TCF). We were not members of their organization, but were welcomed with open arms. For the first time in our grieving, we were able to say what we felt without seeing a look of terror in the eyes of the listener. As you will learn, it is very difficult for anyone to understand the pain of a bereaved parent. It is an unthinkable loss. Had I known about TCF and the other resources herein, immediately following Jason's death, I would have ran to them before taking another breath.

Please use this information. Grieving the loss of a child is an incredible amount of work, but there is an incredible amount of support available to you. Reach out, take a hand, and hold on tight.


Sandy Goodman



If you haven’t already done so, I sincerely hope that you will make every effort to contact your local chapter of The Compassionate Friends, whose mission is to assist families toward the positive resolution of grief following the death of a child of any age. To access TCF’s chapter locator, click on http://www.compassionatefriends.org/states.shtml

You’ll also find links to dozens of other helpful resources on the Death of an Infant / Child / Grandchild page of my Grief Healing Web site.

Wishing you peace and healing,

Marty T

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