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Loss Of Best Friend


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I lost my best friend (she was like a sister) on 2/14/15 after her 2nd battle with breast cancer. I have known her all my life because she grew up in the house next door and was 2 when I was born.

Although we knew she had metastatic breast cancer this time, we never really thought she wouldn't beat it. It was only two weeks prior to her death that doctors threw in the towel and said nothing else could be done. The chemo was killing her faster than the cancer.

In the wake of her death, there is a divide in her family. All of the dysfunction is pouring out. Her two children (daughter 18, and son 10) now live apart as they have different fathers. The daughter is living with the deceased's boyfriend of 3 years. The boy is with his father. Her remaining siblings are in turmoil trying to settle her affairs. Much to everyone's dismay, she did not have things in order. There is a power struggle regarding the boy's father allowing him to continue to stay with the boyfriend and daughter. Everyone is taking sides. It is a mess.

I am lost because I feel useless in helping with anything. While I was a 2nd daughter to her mom, and a 2nd sister to her closest brother, now that she is gone, it seems like my value is too.

Wives of the brothers are attached to the daughter and seem to be feeding the animosity with the boys father. I am trying not to take sides while trying to smooth the relationships during this transition. I know all of the people involved and am close to most. It is very difficult for me. I feel like if I was truly her sister, my thoughts, feelings and opinions would mean something; but since I am not blood related, I feel like I have been tossed aside.

It is very painful, as I am already struggling with the grief of losing my best friend, and now I am losing some of the other people. Of course, in the past, this would be something I would spend hours discussing with her!

Just wondered if anyone else has had this happen.

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First let me say I am sorry for your loss. With all of the drama and turmoil, it can obliterate the true heart of everything, which is, losing her. I hope rather than being caught up in what does/doesn't happen, things you can't change anyway, that you take time to fully recognize and embrace your loss, the loss of your best friend, who is for all intent and purposes, your sister. You can be there for her kids if you are allowed to be...maybe to pick up from school and take out for a coke, listen to them, just be there for them. I hope all of those left, boyfriend, ex, siblings, etc. will keep in mind what is truly best for the kids...I hope the kids can be kept together and if not raised together, at least given lots of visitation rights. What is best for the kids may have to be decided in court.

I haven't had this happen, when my husband died, pretty much all of our friends and his family disappeared on me. It was hard enough losing him. I do still have contact with his grown daughter, but she lives clear across the US from me, so it's limited.

What you are going through is real and is going to require your full attention...loss is not something we get over, but learn to transverse through. We are never quite the same after something so pronounced has occurred in our lives. It's okay to talk to her...who knows but what maybe she hears you...

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