Guest Dayna Posted January 9, 2006 Report Share Posted January 9, 2006 On Tuesday January 10 (this week), it will be one month since my father has died. I am completely and totally lost. I am a teacher and most days work is really hard. I have to put on this fake happy face for my students and the people around me. I am only 23 years old (with a birthday coming up next month). My father just turned 52 years old. He was an alcoholic for many, many years of his life. He was a functioning alcoholic, meaning that he worked everyday and seemed to enjoy his work. Most people ask me how I am doing and they tell me they are sorry for my loss. Then they ask me what my father died from and when I say liver cancer due to alcoholism they give me a funny look. Like I am not supposed to be sad or that he got what he deserved because he drank most of his life. I truly believe that it is a disease and for most alcoholics it is a way of life and that they don’t know how to change their ways. Growing up there were bad times, some really bad times but there were also good times. I know it sounds weird but I was Daddy’s girl from the beginning even though he wasn’t always very nice to me when I was a kid. We still had a very close relationship. Besides my husband, he was probably my best friend. He knew he did things in life that weren’t right, but I guess he did the best he could at the time. As I got older, we became really close and always had great talks. He could talk for hours on any subject. I frequently met people that he knew, that already knew me because he bragged about me all the time. It was nice to have some one that was so proud of me and my accomplishments. I miss him terribly and I don’t know how to cope. I feel like I have no one to be proud of me anymore and I feel like I am nobody’s little girl anymore. Most days I feel like I am running in circles trying to catch my tail. Christmas was really hard for me. Last Christmas my dad and I had a really stupid argument and we didn’t talk for a few months and I wanted him to live through Christmas this year because I thought I could make it right by spending the day with him this year. As it turns out it didn’t happen that way. We found out he had liver cancer a week before he died and the doctors gave him a couple months, I had hope but I knew it wouldn’t work out that way. I cry everyday and I just wonder if it will ever get better like everyone says. The worst part is that my husband and I finally decided to start trying for a family a few months ago, although nothing has happened yet. My dad had been asking for a couple years when we were going to have kids and when we decide the time is right he passes. It’s not fair. I want him to be here and see my kids. I want him to sit on the living room floor, play with my kids, and help them open presents on Christmas day and now all that has been taken away. Its really not fair. Why do these things happen like this? I am a beliver in that everything happens for a reason, but I can’t figure out why this has happened this way. If anybody has any advice or a similar situation that wants to share that would be so helpful right because I don’t even know which way is up anymore.Dayna Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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