You Help

[Guest wtrbg]

I have been reading all your entries, and they help. I am feeling some of the emotions you talk about. I am an older person and I also feel like a little kid. I don't know what to do with all these confusing feelings, the loss of control - crying and the wanting to withdraw. Death is such a taboo topic in our society, people feel very uncomfortable with me bringing it up. They ask me how I am, and when I tell them, they don't know what to do. So I wish they wouldn't ask. I have also had people say, oh well, your mother was older and suffering, so its a good thing she is gone. Yes, it is, but I still feel so sad and empty. I love my mom, and I miss her. I also thought I was prepared, I knew this was coming for a long time, but the depth of missing her is far beyond what I expected. I am the eldest sibling, so I did all the awful things that have to be done - the clearing of my mom's apartment, talking to the minister for her memorial, bringing her clothes for her cremation, picking her up after the cremation...and everytime I do one of those things, I feel like I am losing her again and again. I have already lost my dad, 29 years ago and a child 34 years ago, but I was so young and a busy single parent, and not very aware of my own feelings. This feels very different. Thanks for all your honesty, and I am grateful this site exists.

[Still a Daughter]

I am glad you sought out this site and added your thoughts to the discussion. Obviously we are all looking for something, comfort or just to know that we are not alone in this journey. Otherwise, why would we be doing this? Although we don't know each other, we can reach across boundaries and provide a direct connection through our common pain. I have helped my brother sort through my mother's possessions and papers. We are finding insights into her that we never knew about. I feel like we are discovering the complex and beautiful soul that she never let us see. My mother was private about her feelings. We are all on such unique journeys. I hope you can find your path through this grief process. Yes the tears will come when you least expect them, but they need to spill. Someone once told me that our tears fill a bucket and sometimes that bucket overflows because it can't hold any more. Pour out your bucket every so often, whether with a friend or in private. Those tears are a tribute to how much your mother meant to you.

Good luck and wishing you peace.

Still a Daughter

[Guest Tracy]

Jesus sees every single tear and counts them dear and precious