annezeke Posted February 4, 2006 Report Share Posted February 4, 2006 I know my grief is nothing unique but after three months I seem to be feeling more hopeless about the future. I am going through the motions of living, but feel like a fraud because I doubt that I shall ever experience the degree of happiness I experienced in the presence of my magnificent Zeke. He was 16 when I decided to euthanize him and I feel as though I have been utterly traumatized by this experience, even although we were fortunate that it was a"peaceful" death at home. I am alone at home with no family and my friends have had quite enough of my grieving. I was told to "take a pill" by one of them. I know it's im[ossible to comprehend another's grief so I try to forgive them. I worry now that my heart is permanently out of commission...especially relevant because I have a sweet little dog I rescued off the street two years before Zeke left, and now I cry almost every time I touch him and I know this is afffecting his dear sweet soul. He and Zeke were not particularly bonded as Zeke saw him (Masashi is his name) as an interloper and only tolerated his joining our home. Zeke and I werer apart a total of three days for all the years we were together, so he was used to and expected my undivided attention, although he was incredibly sweet and gentle with Masashi. I wonderif Masashi woukld be happier with a different, happier and more appreciative human. I treat him really well but amso sad so much of the time and he knows. Seems unfair to him, he's such a great dog, but I was so in love with and physically attracted to Zeke-he was a wild terrier type gorgeous orange fur TV dog...Masashi looks are not what attracted me...I feel so inadequate for Masashi yet also love him and would probably die now of loneliness, although feel as though this is what is happening anyway without the presence of my beautiful Zeke. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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