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Lost Sister Now Losing Mom Too

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I lost my sister on July 31st after her open heart surgery. Death of your sister so totaly unexpected takes you aback. How do you survive? I have asked myself this several times. Now Mom has told me that Hospice is coming in. She told me it was like a death sentence. I told her I was selfish I really wanted her around a very long time. She has suffered 10 years with osteoperosis. Her lungs are struggling, I hear it in her voice. I call her every morning I call her every evening. Lord how am I to get through this??? How do I go on? I want her pain to stop but I want her here to call, when I need a hug, when I need a recipe, when I just need reassuring. I am 50 years old you would think I could get through this. NO I can't. My sister was my support when I was angry, sad, disappointed, happy, excited, anything she was my best friend. Now she is gone and I am losing my Mom now too. I am so far away from all my family and have only my dh here to offer support, but I get now why are you crying...man I just want some one to offer support to say they understand. My brother goes to see her very often, he is fortunate to see her often, I feel helpless being so far away.

Help me.

Edited by tired and sad
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Guest Shell Louise

Dear Sad,

I lost my dear mom six months ago, I'm still a wreck so I do not know if I can help much. But knowing how much worse it will get, I can only say what I would do if I were you. If you can go see her, hold her, tell her she was a good mom, you love her more than anything else in the world. If I was not able to do this with my mom I would not get thru the days now. Even though I told her every day several times a day I loved her before she got so ill this time. It still helps me to know that the her last days I was there telling her I loved her and knowing that some of her last memories in this world where of my brothers, her grandchildren and myself telling her we loved her. Which to me is what life and death are all about. Our parents love will live on in our hearts even when they are gone. Our relationship was by no means perfect, but I know my mom loved me and I her and that is all that matters in the end. Cherish every moment you have left. When the time comes do not be surprised when the people you that you where there for all of your life are not there for you. Just a warning, my mom warned me and as usual mom was always right. Worry only about your mom and you. Take care of the two of you as most of the rest of the people will not give you another thought. I will keep you and your mom in my prayers.

Shell Louise

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Dear Tired and Sad,

I lost my dad a year ago today, my favorite uncle a month before that, my moms cousin a week after my dad, one of my fur babies a week after that, and a good friend three weeks later. I am 52 and feel like I'm 5. It is hard enough to lose one loved one, let alone another so close, so I know how you feel. And the age thing....I keep feeling that I am an immature mess, but then I realize how really traumatic losing someone is and I figure it's ok to be such a mess. I was glad to read what you said, made me feel like I wasn't so bad after all! I feel so for you knowing you are going to lose your mom too. I have no advice, just know that there are lots of us out here to share your grief with.

Hugs to you,


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Guest tired and sad

Mom fell last night, she was alone and on the floor all night withno one there for her. Brother called this morning to let me know, she is no officially in the HOSPICE house. I was made to go out on the lake, yes it was cold, but it was what I needed. I had peace with GOD and myself. I will talk to Mom tomorrow. I spoke to her yesterday, she was in her glory with everyone there (but me and I was on the phone) Then she fell. I feel guilty and sad.

I hope I sleep tonight.

Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers.

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  • 4 weeks later...
  • 1 month later...

Tired and Sad!!

BIG HUGS TO YOU!! I lost my dad 3 weeks ago after complications from open heart surgery and I KNOW how difficult and stresful that one is...

My sympathies to you for losing two people you love so dearly so close together.. I agree with another poster hug her, kiss her, tell her you love her, touch her, you will remember all this later.. my dad had multiple complications after surgery JAN 23 and didn't pass until April.. in the meantime he was in and out of consciousness a lot.. that was the times I held his hand, rubbed lotion on his dry skin, trimmed his fingernails, washed his hair, shaved him etc.. anything the nurses would LET me do... I remember touching him over and over and that comforts me know.. just be as close to her as you physically can.. it will carry you through later.. Again



If there is anyway for you to see her over a weekend, for a day or two or whatever.. do it.. if it is anyway possible..

Hugs to you again

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