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Scared For My Mom

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Tonight is the first night that my mom is going to spend alone in the house that she's shared with my dad, for 37 years, since his death.

I'm really scared of how she is going to do, especially given the circumstances surrounding my dad's death. It was a sunday evening, and just them at home. He had over-exerted himself that day, and was feeling some chest pressure. He did a couple of strange things that lead me to believe that he knew much more than he was letting on to my mom. Anyway, he finally came in, and asked my mom to help give him some of his "take if you feel as if you're maybe having a heart attack" type of medicine. She tried to convince him to let her take him to the hospital, but he sat down on a stool, after taking the medicine, and said, "I'm just going to sit here for a bit, until the medicine kicks in". Maybe a minute later he said, "I don't want to go back to the hospital", and then immediately fell over onto the floor, right in front of my mom.

She immediately called 911, and they tried to talk her through performing CPR on him, but he was too heavy, and she was not able to turn him over. She feels confident that he was already gone, at that point, but EMS came, and did everything that they could before saying that there was no hope left. Of course EMS couldn't take the body, so we had to wait for the mortuary to show up. I showed up during that time. Fortunately she was not alone, long time, close neighbors were there, with her, in the time it took for me to get there.

I stayed there the first two nights (my brother was there the second night I stayed), and then the majority of the family came in the next day, so I came home, to give them the bed space that they needed. Everyone but my one brother (the one who arrived first), left after a week, so he's been there with her since then, until today. He should be arriving at the airport, right now, for his 8PM flight back to Colorado. My mom is already alone.

My husband will swing back by, to switch cars, after dropping him off, but after that, it's just her, for the first time in nearly 2 1/2 weeks. I can't spend the night with her as my husband has to work, tommorow, and all three of my kids are here (I share joint custody of my oldest two, who were with their dad when this all happened, and my husband stayed home the first week, to help with our son, while I helped my mom/family make arrangements, etc) right now, and I have to get them to school, and their own doctor's appointments.

I'm going to try and swing over there, tomorrow, as well as talk to her many times on the phone, starting first thing in the morning, and then I have to take her for some bloodwork, on friday, but I can't be there, all the time, and I'm so worried about how being alone in that house, all of a sudden, when she's still in a state of shock, and severe grief is going to affect her.IPB Image

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my condolecenses on your loss. for everyone. :-( how is she with being back? i imagine it must be rough. any chance of her staying with you as an option?

loss of a spouse is considered THE number one life stresso you can fact, at any age. that complicated by just the normal aspects of living, things like the house, upkeep, and whatnot, can be incredibly difficult. at the very least a strong social network for support is a necessity. i can attest to that. thats the one thing my life has been lacking, even back then. and led to some pretty dumb moves on my part. hopefully your mom has those things. God bless, and hope all goes well the night she is home on her own.

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