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I'm a 28-year old granddaughter unable to travel to see my grandmother in what seem like the last moments of her life. My grandma is a 83-year old person who was on her feet until 10 days ago when she had to be rushed to the hospital. She complained of stomach pain and breathlessness. She was diagnosed with gall bladder stones, which caused other complications. Although she has undergone surgery two days ago, her condition remains critical. During surgery, the doctors discovered that her liver is severely damaged. If she were younger, they'd recommend a transplant. This does not sound good at all. It does not give me much hope for her recovery. I'm also terribly sorry for the physical and emotional trauma that she might be going through right now. My grandma is terrified of doctors and hospitals and this is also the first time that she's faced a such a health emergency. I wish I could be by her side. I wish I could travel to see her but I am afraid that I'd be putting her and the rest of my family at risk of COVID-19 if I were to travel. My grandma and I have also shared a bitter-sweet relationship. This is in fact the case with everyone in the family. So for the last week or so, I've also been working through a lot of difficult feelings. I wish I could take back some of the things I've said to her but that in itself is a lesson. I realise now why my mum always told me that words once spoken cannot be taken back. And, that I would like to forgive myself and her for not knowing better. The last one week brought back a lot of fond memories of her too -- of us watering plants together, of us hanging out with grandfather when he was around, of her cooking for me, of us laughing and goofing around together, of her telling me her life stories in vivid details. I can hear her laughter, her voice. I am extremely sad though that she is going through this and that I can't go meet her. I'm afraid that I'll never get a chance to say goodbye to her. I'm sad that I may never get to see her again. Thinking of her death also makes me feel guilty. Because shouldn't I be hopeful? But hope is hard to hold on to given the extent of her liver damage. I'm grateful to the folks to who run and make this community. It means a lot to me to have found this forum at this time in my life.

Yesterday was a busy day for me. It was my day off and I had a whole house to clean. I have 3 children under the age of 5 and my brain is in shatters all the time. I was cleaning my bathroom and i needed to do the laundry in there. I opened up my dryer, threw the few items in there on top of it, and went to get the clothes from the bathroom. I put the dirty clothes on the floor and then threw the clothes from the washer into the dryer. I left the door open and went to grab a few more items i could fit and started the washer. Then i started the dryer. A few towels i threw on top were dangling down so i opened the dryer up again and fixed it then went about cleaning. 20 minutes later i started sweeping my living room (about 15 feet from my dryer) and i thought i heard a meow. I have 5 cats so i always think i hear meowing. I stopped for a second and listened. I didnt hear anything and started cleaning again. Then my mom went to pull towles out of the dryer to help and she started screaming for me. I rushed over and she couldnt speak but on the door of the dryer i saw blood. I checked all around and my 3 kids were fine and i could not figure out where the blood was coming from. Finally she said "cat" and i knew. I looked inside and found my Ghost who i rescued from the pound 3 years ago dead and wrapped in the laundry. I pulled him out and he was stiff and i lost it. After a while of me sobbing and saying im so sorry to my baby my husband came home and took him. I watched my mom take out the laundry and there was blood all over it. She tried to clean it but i cant use it. I cant get the site of my baby out of my mind. I didnt hear any thuds in the dryer and when i opened it he didnt crawl out. I saw him a few minutes before i threw the clothes in playing with my other cat near the dryer. I feel so guilty. I know it was an accident but i did this. I was so careless and scatter brained and i should have paid more attention. I killed my baby and i never even knew he was missing. I dont know what to do or where to go from here. How can i move on when i killed him? He was my baby. I thought i saved him from the pound but i just brought him here to be murdered. I saw a few other posts with similar stories. Please someone tell me where to go and what i can do. Im so lost. Im so so sorry Ghost. I never wanted to hurt you. You are the best cat i could ever ask for. I will miss you so, so much. Please forgive me.