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Forgetting The Sound Of Your Loved One's Voice


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#1 keyboardplayer

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Posted 04 March 2011 - 06:05 PM

I have a fear that I will forget what my loved ones' voices sound like. I do not have vision, so I am unable to see their picture. Their voices are how I saw them. I'm so afraid I'll lose their voices inside my head, and then I won't have any connection to them.

The man who was my Dad in every way except DNA passed away on July 14, 2008, but I didn't find out until August 25, 2008. He had been out of my life for seven years before that because after he and my Mom separated, she did not allow me to see him anymore, and then he moved out of state, and I had no clue where he was or how to find him.

It's been so long since I've seen him that I'm afraid I'm going to lose the sound of his voice in my head. Sometimes I can hear it clearly when I remember something he said, but sometimes it is not as clear. Mom found some videos of my sister, Kristen, who passed away four months ago. She has seen them, but she won't let anyone borrow them. She says she'll make me a copy when she is ready. I don't want to be a jerk about it, but I really need to see the tape ASAP because Kristen and Dad are both on the tapes. I can't explain this to Mom because she trivialized the relationship I had with Dad. She expected me to get over him because she did and stop thinking of him as Dad after he'd been Dad for five years, but now that it was over, he was supposed to be KC. That was what people called him. When she found out he passed away, she actually said, and I'm not exagerating, "I know he was a close friend to you, but that's all he was." WTF? After she said something callous like that, how can I explain to her how bad I need that tape? Wow, sorry for the bitterness. I try not to think about it because I'm trying to put all the bullcrud behind me after the loss of my sister, but GRRRRRRRRR!

#2 Guest_Nicholas_*

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Posted 05 March 2011 - 01:22 AM

After my Mother died in 1979, I felt distraught that I would never hear her voice again and had never recorded it. So I made sure I recorded my son's voice, albeit on a low-grade cassette tape, and after he died I managed to find it. It is almost 20 years old but plays OK and I was delighted to have that, not that I can really bare to listen to it. I can imitate the way he spoke anyway, so his voice will always be with me.

Good luck

Nicholas

#3 keyboardplayer

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Posted 05 March 2011 - 10:37 AM

This is why I record my family obsessively. I have a braille notetaker, which is a PDA for braille readers. It had a digital recorder in it, but the audio doesn't work anymore. When I got it, every time I was with my family, I was always recording, but the stupid thing crashed and had to be reformatted, so I lost several recordings including the last Thanksgiving with my Papaw and my sister who have both passed away this year. I never got the blasted things saved in my computer. I feel really bad about that, but I thought I would have another opportunity to record them again. I never expected they would be gone, especially my sister who was just a few weeks shy of her 21st birthday.

#4 BellaRosa

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Posted 05 March 2011 - 08:25 PM

I'm terrified of forgetting my mom's voice. After she passed in November, I frantically checked my phone to see if I had a random saved voicemail message from her. I didn't. And she didn't use a personalized messag on her cell phone's voicemail or on her answering machine. We never had a video camera growing up, but I think my best friend may have one video we made together when we were younger and my mom may be on it.

I find that when I get upset about it and actively TRY to recall her voice, I can't. When I'm calm and just thinking about her, I can hear it almost perfectly.

#5 keyboardplayer

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Posted 05 March 2011 - 09:09 PM

I've noticed that too. It's like if I try deliberately to picture their voices, it's not as clear, but when I remember something I heard them say, their voice comes back clear. I say they because I've lost a whole bunch of people in a short period of time.

#6 Guest_Nicholas_*

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Posted 05 March 2011 - 11:58 PM

I guess I am "lucky" in that respect as my son grew up in Thailand, so his spoken English was very distinctive, and his pronunciation poor, thus even when I hear another Thai speaking English, I am reminded of Thanomsil's voice, such as always pronouncing "r" as "l" - "velly" instead of "very" - and omitting the ending of words, such as "hou" instead of "house". I think it was sheer laziness as he was perfectly capable of saying the word "house". Sad memories already.

#7 jwielg1017

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Posted 09 December 2011 - 10:51 AM

I totally understand how you feel. I lost my parents young, so growing up I forgot how they sounded. Their voice, or laugh. The only thing i Had was a family video tape that is so old. I would play it occasionally to hear them again.

Now with the loss of my fiance, I'm desperate to try not to forget his voice, or his laugh. I have a voicemail saved of his that he left to me when he was in the hospital. It's hard to listen to, but somewhat nice. It's like I hear him. I have videos of him i look at. I cherish these. I have them kept in a fire proof box, because if i lose them, i think i will lose my mind also! it's like this is all i have left now, pictures, and videos. That's all.
"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal"-Unknown

#8 widower

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Posted 21 February 2012 - 05:12 PM

Sorry for all your losses and hope you have had better luck lately with finding or getting recordings. I have precious few videos of my loved one but purposely made a few as she got worse for exactly the reasons you are saying. I kick myself for not making more and much sooner. I had to be careful later though because I didn't want her to fear I was doing it because I thought something bad was about to happen - which I didn't, but we both knew it was always possible. Unfortunately we were both bad about taking pics, videos etc.

#9 Cheryl

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Posted 07 March 2012 - 06:46 PM

If I hear his voice my heart might shatter. I don't dare listen to anything with him on it. Way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! too painful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




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