R.Everit55 Posted August 28, 2017 Report Share Posted August 28, 2017 I've suffered many losses- some before and some after losing my wife. Time is something I don't feel I have to grief. I try to find time and my heart gets overwhelmed even in therapy. I have some close friends but they don't "get it". I've been weeping a lot lately and I shouldn't be. My latest grandson just came home. how can I be weeping with this face around. I feel lost. 😪💔 Butch 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted August 28, 2017 Report Share Posted August 28, 2017 Butch, my dear, I hope that your therapist has explained to you that we human beings are capable of holding two (or more) completely opposite feelings at the same time: love and hate, happiness and sorrow, pleasure and pain, etc. It is perfectly NORMAL for you to feel joy in the presence of this miracle baby grandson, while at the same time deep sorrow that your beloved Mary is not here physically to share in this miracle with you and your family. Please, please allow yourself to feel whatever you may be feeling in the moment, in whatever way you need to feel it. Weeping is fine. Laughing is fine. This is all part of being human. And you are not lost, and you are not alone. You are right here, with us, and we are with you, in your pain and in your joy. ♥ 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted August 28, 2017 Author Report Share Posted August 28, 2017 Thanks for your validation Marty. I get that both joy and grief can happen at once. I guess I just am overwhelmed and tired maybe is the word from coping with two different emotions. I hold to look at all of my grandchildren including Noah's pictures and it gives me joy but makes me question how the Lord took away Noah and Lily and Lila. I would have given my life if they could have survived. Please forgive my ramblings. Thank you for listening. ❤️ 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted August 29, 2017 Author Report Share Posted August 29, 2017 I feel like since it's been 31 months since my bride passed I shouldn't be complaining. I know people think I shouldn't feel like so but I do. And it's hard to stop. I tell Gracie about her Grammy and point out photos of her and she said Grammy for the first time today. ❤️ 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted August 29, 2017 Report Share Posted August 29, 2017 Butch, It's okay to be overcome with emotion, both good and bad, at the same time. And questioning "why?" to God is normal. In my first year I did that a lot, I guess I quit when there were no resounding answers and I learned (here) to turn my question to a "what now?" instead. I don't know any answers to "why", I've never gotten one, I finally just accepted what is. I guess I'm luckier than some in that in my belief system I don't think God acts as puppetmaster and makes everything happen, he can do that, but doesn't always. I feel like George's death "just happened", I don't feel the need to blame anyone for it, I know life is unfair and bad things happen to good people. I don't look unduly for a reason why. But questioning your faith in grief is normal and I think a good share of us have done that. I figure God has broad shoulders, he can take it and he understands our hearts and how hard this is for all of us. It could be hitting you right now because you are enjoying your little grandson so much and wish Mary could be here to share in it...feel she SHOULD be here to share in it. It's another one of those secondary losses, the realization that we can't share in the good events we want to with them. I felt that when my children got married, when my son graduated from college, with honors, was the commencement speaker, I knew George would burst his buttons! But I drove there alone. When my grandbabies were born...it's hard having these wonderful things happen and that person is no longer there to share in it with. I tell George about it anyway, and who knows, maybe he had a front row seat! Your feelings are very normal and to be expected. Friends can't get it because they've never been through it. Lord knows I don't want them to. I know they will, I hope it's a long ways off. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted August 29, 2017 Report Share Posted August 29, 2017 11 hours ago, R.Everit55 said: I shouldn't be complaining. I know people think I shouldn't feel like so but I do. And it's hard to stop. Actively mourning our significant losses is not the same as complaining. It does not matter what other people think. We cannot control how we feel ~ only how we behave and how we act in response to what we are feeling. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted August 29, 2017 Author Report Share Posted August 29, 2017 I have to start listening to you wise ladies. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted August 29, 2017 Report Share Posted August 29, 2017 No argument here 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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