Make Your Mind Up

[MartyT]

Shelley, I hope you will find a way to accept that your timing was just the way it was supposed to be, and this meeting with your family took place exactly when it was supposed to happen. The entire universe conspired so that your family members would be gathered together when you would be ready to do what you did exactly when you did it. You were not ready before. You did it when you felt willing, ready and able to do it, and when your family was willing, ready and able to listen to you. I hope you will find some peace in knowing that. ♥

[niamh]

Hi All, It is so hard for me right now, everyone is telling me to be proud of myself and feel good about what I have done... I do not know how to do this because i do not ever think I have felt proud of myself... I just know that I have had a much better week this week and if that is how it is after doing what I just did than I wish I had done it sooner.. Shelley

Shelley, I agree with Marty. And you know what it's always "easier" with hindsight now that you know the outcome and the fact that it's been such a good one and has helped you. But you didn't know that before so of course it's petrifying to do this.

I hope in time you will feel proud, tell yourself every day when you get up how great you are to have done all this and how great you are to still be in this world with all that you've been through, you get through it all every single day and that is a victory even if to you it doesn't feel like it. It's always easier too I think for others to see but we sometimes have a tendancy to knock ourselves a bit.

In the meantime we'll all keep the pride for you. Great to hear you've had a much better week,

((hugs)))

N

xox

[sunstreet]

Dear Shelley,

I agree and want to add my voice to Marty's and Niamh's. In time Shelley with more work you will see that the timing of your telling was exactly as it should have been. I validate how you are feeling and want you to know that it is OK and so normal. In time with more work you will be able to feel proud. In time you will see more clearly why everything happened exactly when it was mean't to happen and I as Marty hope you can find peace in just knowing that, without being able to see it yet. Healing is a process and our vision becomes more clear the more we heal.

Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann

[STARKISS]

Hi All, It is like always with the talk about the remains, sure they say they will come up with a date but I doubt they really mean it.. Let's face it I am going to have to do this on my own.. First of all I am going to have move the remains from my room and than maybe I can talk to one of them at a time to tell them I mean business when it comes to the remains.. Shelley

[Chai]

Dear Shelley,

I am sorry to hear that your family members are being so troublesome and argumentative about what to do with your parents ashes. That must be so hard! I can only imagine.

I think that you have to go with your heart. Your heart says that you want to keep part of them, so I think if there was some way you could talk to them about that and help them accept it...then the rest of the remains could be scattered, or buried, or whatever is decided. But I do not think it is right of them to demand them all, when you want to keep some of them.

I just recently scattered my father and grandmother's ashes in holy rivers in India, in November. It was an absolutely wonderful experience. Like you, I realized that God has them now and these ashes are only their remains. At the same time I really wanted to do it right, nicely and as they requested. We had a very beautiful ceremony at the banks of these two rivers, with music, friends, and some very beautiful sacred rituals. In the end, when I poured the ashes at the end, it felt very special, and not sad...I was thinking of my father and how happy he would be that I did this for him, and I prayed for all kind of blessings to be upon him and my grandmother...and after the main ceremony, there was a wonderful part where I offered incense to their pictures and sent out a silent prayer and thought of my love for them. It was very special.

I wanted to share that with you so that you can know that letting go of the ashes, whether all or some, whether through scattering at special place(s) or burying in an urn, all of it can be a very wonderful, beautiful experience, that gives you relief. I hope that whatever you do with your parents' ashes, that it can be a beautiful experience for you!!

(((((((HUGS)))))))),

Chai

[STARKISS]

Hi Chai, Thank you for your kindness and for all the nice things you do for people here... I just think that when we decide that what to do it will bring all the emotions back that were there when they first died... I just do not know if I can handle it a second time... Shelley

[STARKISS]

Hi All, Enough already I am at my ends with all of this, I need closure and I am stuck in this quick sand of dealing with the remains of my parents my siblings tell me that if I go and do something on my own they will disown me and I will be out on the streets so right now I am in quick sand and I am slowly sinking... I just do not know how much longer I can hang on like this ... Shelley

[STARKISS]

Sorry All, I had a major panic attack yesterday so I am still sort of coming back from it... I do wish I just could do something though.. Shelley

[STARKISS]

Hi All,

Just wanted you to all know that my family has decided finally to do something with the remains... August 25th of this year I have heard about dealing with the remains so often through the years so I am not getting my hopes up again... August 25th is my dad's death anniversary, the day I am seeing a psychiatrist for the first time and I am getting another hearing test done on that day too... I just hope the family can deal with the remains so that I can have closure finally... Shelley