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ErickaN

12 month old passed away unexpectedly and unexplainably

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Hello All,

My name is Ericka and my daughter passed away on August 21 2015 1 day after her 12 mo checkup two days after her 1st birthday and the night before her birthday party. My daughter was the perfect baby good checkups and she was already walking and just fine up until the day she passed. My daughter was at my moms house that Friday while I was at work and normally I would pick her up on Friday evenings but I didn't because I was preparing for her party at around 6:45pm I got the call that my daughter was unresponsive and that I needed to get to the ER asap. I wont go through all of the details but basically me and pretty much my whole family cousin, aunts, grandmothers arrived and got the news that my daughter had passed despite everything they tried to do to save her. Because it was so sudden and unexplained I was not allowed to see her because of "protocol" I still cant believe it they just sent us home. I didn't see her for another 4 days. She was perfect just looked like she was sleeping. So you can imagine how its all still a little hard to believe some days because I still don't have closure. Since then her death was ruled inconclusive and my mom was cleared of any wrongdoing or neglect that they suspected why I don't know :(. I really feel like somewhere someone really dropped the ball deeming that its appropriate to not allow a childs parents to see them when there was no cause to believe that she was harmed no bruises no wounds no anything. I've read how other parents discovered their children and were allowed to see them I don't understand why my situation was any different. Anyone who knew me or her knew she was loved and me nor anyone else would have harmed her so I'm battling now with grief anger and confusion.

 

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I am so sorry, that has to be a person's deepest heartbreak and worst nightmare.  She is beautiful and I can't imagine how much you are hurting.  When my husband was dying they threw me out of the ward and locked the door behind me (he was having a heart attack, I called their attention to it because they were busy gabbing at the nursing station).  I wouldn't have been in the way, I wanted to be with him when he was ushered into heaven, we were always there for each other, why when he needed me most was I denied that?  Because of that, it has haunted me and I understand what you mean about not having closure.  Being able to see her was important to you.  I would voice that to them, and if you can't talk to them, write them a letter.  I understand they don't want to mess up an investigation, but they could have told you what to do, what to avoid, they could have been present and oversaw it, to just cut you out like that seems the harshest thing in the world.

I hope you are seeing a grief counselor.  Some grief is just too deep to try to find your way around through it by yourself.

There will be others along shortly, my condolences in your loss.

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I am so sorry, that has to be a person's deepest heartbreak and worst nightmare.  She is beautiful and I can't imagine how much you are hurting.  When my husband was dying they threw me out of the ward and locked the door behind me (he was having a heart attack, I called their attention to it because they were busy gabbing at the nursing station).  I wouldn't have been in the way, I wanted to be with him when he was ushered into heaven, we were always there for each other, why when he needed me most was I denied that?  Because of that, it has haunted me and I understand what you mean about not having closure.  Being able to see her was important to you.  I would voice that to them, and if you can't talk to them, write them a letter.  I understand they don't want to mess up an investigation, but they could have told you what to do, what to avoid, they could have been present and oversaw it, to just cut you out like that seems the harshest thing in the world.

I hope you are seeing a grief counselor.  Some grief is just too deep to try to find your way around through it by yourself.

There will be others along shortly, my condolences in your loss.

thank you it was terrible. I'm sorry about what happened to you too. I plan on looking into who made that call and if it was the hospital or the police and go from there. I am seeing a grief counselor and it's the best thing I could have done. She also lost a child so I feel like she really understands me beyond the oh so often "I can't even imagine how you feel" comment I get from most people. I look forward to our weekly session and I know she saved my life. 

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I am so glad you have a good counselor that understands.  So important!

 

I am leaving for a few days, am not sure if I'll get to check in while I'm gone or not, just don't think I've deserted you,okay?  Let us know what you find out after you look into it.

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Erica,

I am very sorry about your loss, as I too lost my 18 months daughter recently in September.  There are many unexplained situations, but I am sure they should allow you to see her. Since it was from August, were you given any information from the medical examiner and your child was properly put to rest?  They took great care of us and my baby daughter. We had support from the hospital and the police dept, as well as the medical examiner.

Hopefully you have found a closure.  Keeping you and your family in my prayers.  

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Hi thank you for commenting and I am so sorry for your loss as well. The ME's cause of death came back inconclusive. So he really didn't have a lot of information besides they don't know what caused her death. He did tell me that it is similar to sids but they are moving away from that cause of death. No everyone was unsympathetic and cold they didn't know my daughter or me because they wouldn't be acting this way. I'm just so hurt. Even though they were no signs of abuse or neglect CPS is trying to say I was a neglectful mother for leaving her in my mothers care because she has a history of mental illness that is being controlled by Meds and she has a psychologist that she sees regularly. She's not violent and doesn't have any history of abuse. So I'll be meeting with a lawyer next week. Sigh.... I'll be glad when all of this is over and I can properly grieve her death. 

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I am so sorry.  CPS is hard to deal with at a time when you feel least able to and more vulnerable than you've ever felt in your life.  Your mom's medical records should assist your case that her mental illness was stabilized and under control and thus you were not neglectful.  I wonder how the accusers (CPS) would feel if it was them in your shoes!

I hope you will keep us apprised of how things are going and be able to express yourself here.  You're in my thoughts and prayers!

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Occes,

I am so sorry you lost your baby girl, that's very hard.  I don't think we ever fully get over loss, but just learn to cope with it and slowly adjust.  It's hard, once they've entered our lives it changes everything, and we can't go back to "before".  My heart goes out to you.

I hope you've been seeing a grief counselor, someone especially trained to help you through grief.  It can be very difficult to maneuver by yourself.

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