Imadaddysgirl2

To say that I come from a dysfunctional family is putting it mildly! We have alcoholism, drug addiction, eating disorders, gambling, etc. affecting all of us in one way or another. My father has pancreatic cancer and was given 6 months to live this last march. My father is using laughter therapy as a way to cope, but I don't feel like laughing!!! I'm being branded as being too negative by crying or having 'sadness in my voice'. I've chosen to not run away from my eating disorder, but, now, I feel like running away from my family!!! I'm having alot of emotions right now including jealousy of my sibling and other family members who can seem to stuff their feelings. But I can't and don't want to!! I'm really grieving right now, and I don't want to delay my grief (I have other health issues and a child of my own and I must take care of us). The gossip machine is really bad right now as well. Is it wrong to want to run away from my family? I don't and won't stop seeing my father, but the rest of the family I think I would like to not see them as much, if not at all after Father dies. Thanks for listening.

Hi Kathy, I am so glad that you wrote what you did. My father has a terminal illness and was given approximately 6 mos. to live, which will wind up being in August of 2009. I am a nurse, and it is difficult for me to sometimes participate in his 'laughter therapy'. It has come to the point that we don't see anyone in our family crying or even being sad. Except for me!! So, I have been made the 'disposable' daughter by the rest of the family for not supporting my father. I do support my father, but he is going to be gone soon!!! The fact of the matter is, I don't feel like laughing, so I am only e-mailing my family, except for my dad, who I talk to on the phone (we live in different states). This is working so far, but I feel angry at everyone, and, now, I don't want to see any of my family, except Dad, and just kind of be in my own denial about them!!! I saw in a post that people reject people who are grieving (my family has been all about hiding their emotions and being very analytical about everything). But you really made an impact on me with thoughts about my stepmother. I gave her a mother's day card this year, and really and truly meant it. She loved it, and I loved her hug. What if she doesn't want a relationship with me after my Dad dies? My own mother is so jealous of her that she demands that I not give my time or love to my stepmom. One parent was raised in a DP camp in Germany during WWII, and the other was raised bringing his father (my grandfather) home from the bars. So, my family has issues!! I've also had alot of jealousy toward's my sibling who seems to always be accepted by my family. So the issues of the past I have with my family are hitting me like a frying pan! And the gossip in the family is horrible right now!!! I knew that I have a sick family long ago, but, now, I don't want to participate in their problems. But I still want to be part of my dad and stepmoms and mom's lives. How can I keep my family and still be me? Thanks for listening!!

Thank you both so much for your help and your listening. I think I am wearing out other people's ears, my friends more or less told me so, I think. My Dad lives 200 miles away, and I cannot see him until May. So, it's the phone for now. We've been text messaging each other and that has worked well. Hearing his voice break broke my heart. But today I called him and talked to him without crying. He was all ears. Imagine that!!! It was great. I still cry a lot, but now I know that not everyone understands or is willing to understand. My family is not fighting and we are trying to deal with our emotions and then support each other when we are together. I have a new understanding and appreciation for people who have lost family members, and I am very willing to listen. Thank you for your listening.

My father has just been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. It is a very, very wicked disease. I think that being a nurse just makes it so much harder. I anticipate his stages of dying so much more, I think, than the rest of the family. I also know that this is a very difficult time for any family. My father is not willing to talk about the cancer and wants to remain positive because he believes he will be around for another 10 years. He is extremely jaundiced, very thin, and has blood in his stool. There comes a time when I think that positive thinking can become magical thinking. I know he is not just battling this cancer but his acceptance of the cancer as well. I don't wish to rush him, and all of us are supporting him by not talking about it. I am not a professional in grief counseling, but I don't have anyone to cry to. I am very grateful for all of you who have been where I am now. I really don't know what to do, and I can't cry without talking to him on the phone. Any suggestions would be great. Thankyou.