Lucia Abeytia

Well today has been 1 year I woke up at 5:30 crying and couldn't figure out why...than I fully woke up and realized that at exactly 5:30 1 year ago today I lost my best friend...I miss Ben so much but there is nothing I can do...It has been a long hard year with ups and downs mostly downs but for the most part I am dealing with everything....yesterday was a great day got to see old friends went to mass for ash wed...but through it all I kept thinking of Ben I am always thinking of him and everything reminds me of him...tonight my children and I will be hosting a rosary to remember him and praying that God is taking care of him for us...All his siblings will be here and my siblings as well it will be a time of sadness because we lost such an important person in our lifes but it will also be a time of happiness because together we will be remembering a very wonderful person that we all lost!!! My daughter was not able to come from Atlanta with all the bad wheather the flights were canceled earlier in the week and she could get here by 11 but have to leave in the morning as she has to be at work on Sat...so I am sad that she has to be thousands of miles from me during this time and I know that she is very sad...I just want to hold her and tell her how much I love her...I am hoping to go to visit her soon...Ben always told me that I should take a bad day and make it better because only I could control the kind of day that I would be having so today will be a sad day but a very good day because I will be remembering all the wonderful times we had toghether and I will be with our Children and grandchildren as we gather together today I hope that my children and grandchildren can feel there dad and tata holding them tight and telling them how very much he loves them...I feel his precense next to me and I know he is going to help me make it threw today....I love you Ben!!!

Thanks everyone for your comments..Well tommorrow is 1 yr and last night one of our dear friends called me as I have talked about here before Ben was very active the the Farmworkers Union and worked closly with Cesar Chavez, Ben used to help our Friend every year organize a rememberance program for Cesar's Birthday I think I have told you before that Ben wanted his services at Santa Rita Center in Az..which is where Cesar had his longest fast in 1972 and Ben was there for that,The Building is not in the best condition but thanks to my kids and God we were able to have the services there...so our friend Jose called and wanted myself and the kids to help with this years celebration so we went to the meeting and I thought that it would be difficult for me because i had not been thers since last year and it is the day before the annivarsary and amazingly I felt good a few of our very close friends were there and we started talking about things that we did as young adults and than we all started to talk about Ben and amazingly it gave me such peace...I felt so proud of my best friend Ben and my son was with me and I could tell that he too was very proud of his dad and on the way home he said to me that he never realized how involved that I had been in the Union and civil rigths movement until today because he always heard the stories his dad had told him and he said" I don't know where i thought you were at during this time and today I finally realized that you were right there next to dad with all of and I am so proud to have you as my mom and to have had the honor of being you and dads son" It made me so happy and now I know that I am going to be alright and I know Ben is with me...I also know that tommorrow will be very sad all this week has been sad but I had the honor of having the most wonderful husband that anyone could have asked for...

Well day after tommorrow will the Feb the 18 1 year since I lost Ben and I have been so sad since Sunday I keep crying and my baby girl was coming from Ga for the Annivarsary we are going to say a Rosary and have a pot luck to remember him it is a family tradition that we have done since I can remember for family memembers we have lost...But due to wheather my daughter has not been able to get home doesn''t look like she will be able to make it which makes me sadder...I can't believe it has been 1 year since I heard his voice since he held me in his arms and so many other little things I even miss him getting mad at me because he didn't want to take his meds....my granddaughter sent me a poem she had written about him and the tears started all over again just when I think i can do this something else reminds me of him

I still have Ben's medical records gave some of his clothes to the kids most of his hats were given to the boys, Ben loved hats and had many of them I keep 2 of them his favorite 2 hats there is still alot of his clothes in storage and I keep saying I'm going to go threw it and get rid of it but I can't I still have his aftershave and I keep it and every once in a while I smell it just to remember him...I have all his medical records, and appointment books It took me 9months to get rid of his medicine, I still have his dress shoes he loved them and wore them all the time they are all worn out but I just can't bring myself to throw them out...some day maybe I will be able to throw them out but not now....I still wear my wedding band I am just not ready to take them off maybe some day......

Phyliss and Sharon Thank you for your comments, It always helps me when I post here...maybe some day we will all be able to remember our loves without crying untill that day comes I thank God I have everyone here to talk to because even thou our family tries to understand they can't my children lost a father, my mother in law lost a son, my iin laws lost a brother but I lost my best friend and they don't know what that feels like but everyone here does!!! Thank you for listening

One week from today it will be 1 yr since I lost Ben, This has been a very hard year for me kind of like I have been on a rollcoaster ride and I can't get off...Nothing is the same anymore I lost my best friend...nights are the hardest i still can't get used to sleeping by myself....I sit and remember all the good times we had not one day goes by that I don't think of him...every little thing i do reminds me of the life we had and the life i no longer have...I thank God everyday for my family my kids,my brothers, my in laws but most of all my grandchie ldren because they are the ones that mak me get up every morning!!! some mornings I don't want to get up...This wk has been very hard and every day seems harder next Thursday Feb 18th will be one year...and i just realized last night how close to Valentines day he had died last year he was in Hospice and was the first year that i did not recieved a Valentine heart from him but I just didn't think of it than but today I have been thinking of it all day and remembering all the great Valentines days we had together....I hope that some day I can remember all the holidays and special days without crying...Thanks for letting me rant..

Hello Everyone, How I know how you guys feel I lost my love of my life almost a year ago Feb 18, and with Valentines coming and the annivarsary I am missing him more 33yrs married and 40 yrs together!!!! What I miss most too is just talking to him he was cremated and I get his ashes sometimes when things get rough and I just talk to him and that makes me feel better....I'm glad we have this site because I know we all have our families but sometimes they just don't understand everyone here has lost there best friend there soul mate and you all understand!!!!I have learned that it does get a little easier but I will always feel a hole in my heart because I lost a piece of it on Feb 18,2009!!!

I haven't been on for a while, Had a hard time with the Holidays and just didn't want to talk to anyone..Thank God for my Kids and all the the rest of my family they helped make the holidays bareable... Today is 11 months since I lost my Ben and it is also MLK Day...I have been thinking of him alot and have been missing him so much!!1 the tears still Keep coming i can't stop crying everyone says with time that will change but i don't think I will every be able to stop crying or remembering him...especially today in 1 month it will be 1 year..but today is more about just the 11 month mark..As I have told you before been was very involved with Civil Rights and he Marched with Cesar Chavez and also with Martin Luther King...He also was involved and making MLK a legal holiday in Arizona...He and I and the Children marched to the State Capitol and He spoke before the senate committee on behalf of the movement to make MLK a holiday, that is why I am missing him so much today I have been watching the movies about Martin Luther King and have listened to some news specials and I am sitting here with my granddaughter watching a movie about the bus boycotts, and remembering all the times he and I were on Marches and boycotts and all the danger that we were in but we were young and didn't think about that...I miss him so much today I cried myself to sleep last night because I was remembering him and all the fun we had together...Maybe some day I won't miss him as much as I do right now!!!1

Stuart,first i want to tell you how very sorry i am for your loss...hedi sounds like she was a wonderful women, and I know exactly how you feel I lost my Ben 9 months ago and not a day goes by that i don't miss him, some days i'm ok some days i cry all day long..but i come to this site and read what others have posted some days i post my feelings and I always feel better everyone here gives such good advice and everyone is going threw what we are going threw...we all feel the same loss and pain we have all lost our best friend..This month has been my hardest our annivarsary was this month and Thursday was thanksgiving so I have been crying almost non stop...but i know it's ok...as for your kids they understand they just are feeling the same loss that you are but don't know how to let you know...I just found out how my kids feel and how scared they are of losing me too!!! and this was after 9 months so give your boys time and just love them...and men do cry Ben cried often during our 40 yrs together it's ok to cry sometimes thats all you can do because you hurt so much but just remember what everyone here has said take care of yourself...I still can't sleep i get 3 to 4 hrs of sleep of night my berevement counsler said thats normal and that sleep will come...Please take care of yourself and come here often we are all here to help each other my prayers are with you may God Bless you threw this journey that we are all on together!!!remember you are not alone

Thank you all for all your kind words..Today is Thanksgiving and i am very sad the tears are still here...But yesterday i learned something that i didn't know or maybe I knew but didn't realize...and that is that my children love me so much..I spent the day with my daughter and to my surprise 2 of my sons were there our son Pete and our son Benny (stepson but I hate that term) and the 4 of us just sat there and talked we talked about Ben and the holidays it's funny the little things they remember that I had forgotten they are on this road of mourning with me but we have never really talked about it..They understand why I am so sad and wish they could do something, my daughter Margarita and I have never really been close she was a Daddy's girl from the min. she came into this world she was the 1st girl after 3 boys we only had 2 daughters and they are 5 1/2 years apart and there are 2 boys inbetween them..But yesterday she said she wanted to go get something to eat and wanted just the 2 of us to go by ourselves so off we went and we sat in McDonalds and just talked she told me for the 1st time in years how very much she loved me and how glad that her and her siblings and all the grandkids have me because they could not have gone threw all this without me...she told me that i was the glue that kept them together and seeing how strong I am made her strong and made her be able to make it threw the day...She said that she was so glad that I took such good care of her Dad especially the last few years, and realized how very much we loved each other and that has helped make her marriage stronger because she had a good role model to look up to....She knew that this has been very hard but never realized how much I hurt because none of them have really seen me cry because when I cry I stay away from everyone just stay in my room she also told me that when I am feeling alone to remember that i am not alone that i have her and all her siblings and wants me to call her and she will come and get me and we can just talk...that made my day to know how very much she loves me...I don't understand how all my kids think I am so strong because I am not I am falling apart and don't know what to do and I hate feeling so out of controll I have always been able to control my life but not this time!! So today I am Thankful for my family and my friends and all my friends here that listen to me and most of all I am Thankful for all my years with Ben...I know i will be very sad today because I miss him so much but I know I will be happy because I will be with my kids grandkids and great grandkids and as we sit down to eat we will all remember him and all the funny things he used to love about the holidays..I hope all Of you my family here have a very blessed Thanksgiving and that we all make it thru this year with all of our wonderful memories of our best friend our love Thanks for caring Love Lucia

I have been crying off and on since our annivarsary on Nov 14th but yesterday and today i have been crying uncontrollably...I am missing Ben so very much and Thanksgiving is tomorrow and I just don't want to celebrate..I keep thinking what am i celebrating? What do i have to be Thankful for? and yes I know i have my family who have been so supportive, I have his mom and sisters but I don't have him!!! I haven't slept in 3 days my whole body aches I take my sleeping pills, my pain pills and I still can't sleep!!! I hate crying so much my son went to work and took the baby with him she had a dr appointment so i have been home alone and the tears are worse my daughter called and she could tell I was crying so she is on her way over to take me to her house so that I am not alone...I feel so bad for her because she misses her dad and than has to deal with a mother that doesn't know why she is crying so much...I just wish I could sleep I haven't really slept for 2 years...The last 1 1/2 yrs of bens life was spent taking care of him and I was afriad to sleep because I was afraid if I fell asleep he would die and I would not be able to say goodbye to him..I thought when he was gone I would be able to sleep but I get maybe 3-4 hrs of sleep a night...and now this 2 days strait of crying i am so tired I just want to be with Ben,I hate my life without him...I miss him so much and this was his favorite time of year..He loved to help me cook thanksgiving dinner he always made the salad and the kids loved his salad he would cut celery sticks and carrot sticks and they had to be perfect or he would throw them away...and than the day after Thanksgiving we would go to all the sales and finish buying our Christmas presents because he always started Christmas shopping the day after Christmas for the next year we shopped all year long by Sept our Christmas shopping was done but he always like to go to the sales and get stuff that was on sale that the kids might like...I miss all those little things I have not done any shopping and don't plan on doing any this year i can't afford it I'm still paying his hospitol bills and his funeral service(had to take a loan out) so her i sit feeling sorry for myself and crying,,,Thank you for listing...

Tim the poem is beutiful thanks for sharing....Yes Ben was in patient in Avondale for 5 days and than we took him home per his wishes and the last week he was in Sun City and yes I do remember your beutiful wife and her dog...do you still have the dog? does the dog still visit patients? I hope so because I know when Ben was alert he really enjoyed the visit and the dog gave my kids and grandkids smiles something we saw very little of during our journe....Thank you

Went to the Hospice of the Valley lite up a life event tonight...my son and his family and sister inlaws all went with me...It was beutiful all the pictures set to music...the lights the speakers all of it was nice...but it was so sad i sat there and cried the whole time..i was thinking how this time last year I still had Ben and I thought he would still be here this year...I knew he was sick and dying but I didn't think he would be gone in a matter of months...I am so sad I don't want to be around anyone on Thanksgiving but I know i must...I hate my life without him I feel so alone no one that I can talk to when I am sad It was always he and I against the world..Our friends all seem to be afriaid to mention his name and I try not to go out with them because they are all couples and I am all by myself...then we have Christmas and new years and than just when I will be pulling myself together it will be Feb and that will mark the 1yr, I just wish I could go to sleep and wake up and find out this is just a bad dream, but I know that it isn't I know that he is gone for ever!!! Everyone tells me the same thing he is always with you and I know that but I want him with me so i can see him feel his arms around me his kisses and hear his voice...I want to hear him teasing me or getting mad because I came home from work late...I miss him so much...and tonight made me miss him more but it was so beutiful and the best part of it was that we were not alone...Everyone there knew our pain because they had all lost someone...THANK YOU HOSPICE OF THE VALLY, For everything that you did for my Ben and our family during the time that we all needed help threw our journey, and for continueing to be here for myself and my family...The berevement counsler that comes to my home helps me so much and everyone here helps me so much as I am going threw this awful journey...Nothing will every be the same but all of you guys make it easier...Thank you

rochel i don't know if you are going to the celebration on Sunday hope you do go..But I just wanted to let you know that i have submitted Ben's picture and my sons and grandsons and I will honor Ben by wearing his hats...He loved his hats so all of us will be wearing one of his hats that night...I am not sure how i am going to react but I know i have to do something to honor him during the holidays not just spend them crying I will be spending the holidays with family and i know that will help but that is not going to take the pain away.

Dianna, this is my 1st holiday season without Ben I lost him 9months ago and each day brings different feelings some days I am somewhat happy and some days I just cry..I am like you I don't know how i am going to make it threw the holidays without him we were married for 33 yrs but had been together for 40yrs...that is 40 yrs of holidays birthdays,annivarsary, and everything in between...But I know that when I need to talk I just come here and everyone is so understanding and we are all going threw this together....I don't know what state you live in but in Phx Az they are having a light up the life hoiday celebration on Sun Nov. 22,2009 and I will be attending this along with my children grandchildren and in laws maybe you can attend such a celebration and it will help you cope knowing that you are not the only one missing your partner...That is what I am hoping for...most of all try to take care of yourself,,,,I will pray for you that God gives you strenght to make it threw this difficult time of year..

Sometimes people ask some of the dumbest questions, Today marks 9months since I lost Ben, and it is also my granddaughters birthday, so I went to her school to take some cupcakes to her class so she could celebrate with her class, ran into another grandma that was there with her granddaughter, and she asked me how i was doing i said ok and she invited me for coffee of course I said yes it was a chance to be with someone my age but i so regretted it..She spend the whole time asking me questions that made me sad, wanted to know how I felt when Ben died how did I know the end was coming ECT.....Why do people feel the need to ask this type of questions? I am sad enough and do not wish to remember those days and hrs I chose to remember the good days.

Rochel, I know how you feel When my boys brought there dads ashes home I could look the the urns, Ben had made all his arrangements along with our sons before he left us...His wish was that each child would get a small urn and I would get the big one, When I pass away the ashes will be placed in a bag and put inside with me so we can be together, each child will each be able to keep there empty urn...I told him I did not wish to keep his ashes,so our son Relles has mine and will keep it until my death...Everytime I see one of the urns i cry to think this is what happens to our bodys, I miss him everyday and my kids all honor there dad by having an alter for him and they have him placed there and when they miss him they just hold his ashes and talk to him...I hope some day I will be able to do the same but right now I don't see that happening....I hope this helps you

This month has been the hardest one ever!!! We had our annivarsary on Sat, celebrated the kids birthday on Sunday, His mother turned 89 on Nov. the 6th and our son was released from prison on Thursday!!! Now Thanksgiving is upon is and i am dreading it I had planned on going to Atlanta to be with my daughter and her inlaws but my sons asked if i could please stay and spend it with them so I am staying here in Phx but will be leaving to Atlanta the 1st part of Dec to spend some time with my daughter...This Sunday is the Hospice holiday celebration and i got the invitations and was trying to ignore them but my mother in law wanted him included so i submitted his picture and will be attending it on Sunday I am not excited but know i have to face reality and that is that he will not be here to spend this holiday season with us!!! It makes me so sad but I am trying to stay positive...Thank you for listening

Dear Deborah, You have helped me alot by your post...i can't give you any good advice as it has only been 9months since I lost Ben, and each day is a struggle for me so i totally understand what you are going threw,our wedding annivarsary was Sat and I am still a basket case,Sat. was the worst and Sunday was a good day but i am still missing my life with him, i know i can't bring him back but i sure wish i could i pray that his birthday will be a peaceful time for you..I will lite a candle and say a rosary for you tonight...God Bless You

This afternoon turned out to be a good afternoon!! We had so much fun we went to South mountain Park...the grandkids and i went hiking and it was such beatutiful weather, my kids bar b cued and i was in charge of all the grandkids, it was so nice just to be out there Ben and I used to take our kids there we had alot of there birthday partys there and we were all talking about how much fun we had and it was so nice to be able to remember Ben without crying...as the grandkids and I were hiking I was telling them stories of when Ben and I would take there parents on that same mountain and I told them all the funny stories of there parents crying because they were to high up the mountain...and were afraid to come down ..... It was nice to just have fun for a change and not spend all day crying....I'm hoping i can have some more good days...

Thank you everyone for your kind words!!! And Boo I did tell Benito that he looked just like his dad and sounded just like him!!! I didn't want him to think i was not happy to see him because I was...but just looking at him made it harder on me...i tried to sleep last night but only sleep for a couple of hours I thought today would be a better day but it has not been better I still feel lost and sad i have been crying so much I am totally exhausted!!!! Thanks for listing..I am going to the park today to celebrate 2 of my grandchildrens birthday so i am hoping it can be better than yesterday...

Thank you Linda for your kind words...I have be thinking of all the wonderful years we had together and that makes me even sadder because I will never have another day with him our time together was to short we didn't have time to do everything we had planned to do together...God took him before I was ready to let him go

Hi Debbie, I know how you feel today has been a very sad day for me as well, maybe with Gods help tomorrow will be better for us...my prayer and thoughts are with you...

Today has been such a long day..I have tried to be happy for the kids sake but the tears just keep coming...I miss Ben so much today Its just like the day that i lost him...I feel so lonely I have hole in my heart and i don't think i will ever be the same...just when I think I can do this I find out I can't...my life will never be the same...His son for his 1st marriage got out of prison on Thursday his name is Benito as well and today was the 1st time I had seen him since he got out...Of all our sons he is the one that looks the most like him and he sounds like him to!!! It was so hard to look at him i had to have my daughter bring me home early because I couldn't take it...I feel bad because i couldn't even bare to look at him...Everyone says it gets easier but I don't think it will

34 years ago today I married the love of my life, my best friend, I have been up all night just thinking of him remembering how happy we both were...Our parents were both against us getting married it was the age thing...but that didn't matter we knew that we were going to spend the rest of our lifes together...on Nov 18 it will be 9mnts and I think today has been the worst day since he died in Feb...We were suppose to grow old together and after I retired we were going to travel and do the things that we always wanted to do but our kids always came 1st for both of us...I have been crying and just thinking of what we did last year on this day...He was very sick but when I came home from work with the help of our daughter he had cooked dinner for me and had brought me flowers carnations because he loved carnations and he made sure that the table was set with candles and everything...I thank my daughter for making sure she helped her dad because that was the last time we celebrated our annivarsary now I just have all the memories and that is the best memory of all because he was just like a little kid and knew that he was not up to going anywhere...I am so glad that God gave us 33 years together and 7 children...Today I will spend the day with my kids and maybe I can keep from crying my daughter wants all of us to celebrate this day so she is making Steaks for all of us because that is what they made last year Ben and I loved Steak and bake potatoes...I love him so much and miss him...I know that some day we will be together again!!!!