Lucia Abeytia

PK lst let me express my deepest sympathy on the loss of your husband....This is a good place to come because everyone here is going thru the same thing and they offer you good advice and just someone that understands you...this is the hardest thing i have ever had to go thru i lost my Ben in Feb..I have no regrets about the care that he recieved he had been sick for 6yrs. I thougt i was prepared but nothing prepares you for the loss of your best freiend...they say the 1st yr is the worst i don't know but i do know that it has been HeLL!! this month has been the hardest our annivary is tomorrow and i don't know how it is going to be but i know that when i start to feel depressed or lost all i have to do is come here and vent and everyone understands...So please come often even if just to read the post because it all helps we are all travaling on this journey together!!! Cry when you need to but remember to take care of yourself....

Well today is another day...my daughter left this morning I cried i know that i will see her for Thanksgiving but it is still sad when she leaves...my sister-in-law is doing better today she should be going home tomorrow or the next day if she continues to do the same....I have been spending the day with my son Pete which has helped but i am missing Ben so much today the tears just keep coming and all the memories of our life together...It is never going to be the same...Thanks for all your prayers and comments

Today was the Funeral for Ben's Uncle our daughter Eleanor flew in from Savanah Ga. she got her last night...all the kids came over to see her so it was nice to have most of the kids under one roof we all spent the night at my son Pablo's house...the grandkids were all happy because we were having a sleep over in the middle of the week!!!. My sister in law had her surgery and they said she came out just fine we are not sure yet if it was cancer it will be 3-5 days before the results come back...so we are just praying that it is not cancer...The funeral was real nice but it was so sad...It brought back alot of old feelings..when i saw the coffin i didn't see Uncle Albert i saw Ben and i burst into tears..everyone keeped asking me if i was ok of course i said yes but i wasn't ...my sister-in-law Sylvia took us and we did have a nice time me and my daughter are the only ones in the family that went my kids said they couldn't go ...thanks for listing.

It has been 8months today since Ben left us...His uncle passed away on Thursday and the service is Tues...My baby daughter that lives in Georgia (she is 25 but still my baby) is coming in for the funeral so i called my sister in law to see if she could take us to the funeral and found out that one of my other sister-in-laws is having surgery on Tues morning...They are going to remove 2 groths from her neck they think she has cancer...I am so upset since Ben left us his sister in Tenesee has had a stroke to of our nephews have had strokes, I have been very sick on Fri i will be having surgery to see how bad my kidney failure is, and than i am having a procedure on my throat to see if i have a tumor in my troat...I just don't know how much more bad news i can handle!!!!I am very close to my sister in laws all 8 of them they are my sisters and we do everything together!!!We always make sure we have lunch together at least once a month sometimes more often than that....We plan trips together and everthing so this news just makes me sadder and the fact that Ben isn't here to talk to and tell him how scared i am!!! Thank you for letting be babble !!!

Korina, I know how you feel today is the 8th month annivarsy for my Ben, and it is also my son Relles, 30th Brithday I have been up all night crying and remembering the day that our Relles was born it was a sad time in our life as i had just lost my stepfather on Oct 13, and Ben had just lost his Uncle Relles Sept 30th but we were so happy to welcome our baby boy, I don't know why but all night i have been reliving that day a day i had not thought of in 30 yrs....I can see the smile on Ben's face when he saw our baby and I can hear his voice telling me what he and my uncle decided to name him....I think of we remember all the little things like favorite songs....it's there way of letting us know they are all right....I still miss him like crazy and i still cry everyday....Hopefully some day we will all have a day without tears!!!! Have fun as you celebrate the day with your daughter!!!!

It will be 9months this Sat since i lost Ben...I will also be my son Relles 30th birthday....But i miss Ben more now than i did when he first left...His birthday was this month and maybe thats why i am missing him more...my health seems to be going down hill i went to the cadilogist yesterday and she said that he thinks i may have emphazima i have smoked for so many years now i am down to 2 cig. a day i am trying really hard but some days are easier than others....I just cry for no reason at all sometimes the kids just mention Ben's name and i start to cry...i feel bad because they are at the point where they are afraid to mention his name for fear i will cry and that makes me sad because i want them to remember there dad...So many things remind us of him...When we get together which is often we always remember little things about him like the foods he liked or how he loved to play with the grandchildren!!!When will i be able to think of him without crying?

Well Yesterday turned out wonderful!!! My mother-in-law, 8 sister-in-laws and 10 nieces and nephews all joined my Children and I at the Hospice Center... We took a bookshelf and books board games and a cake!!! My niece Stacy who shares a birthday with Ben gave the presentation she wrote a beatiful poem about Ben and it was real nice i will post it as soon as she emails it to me....I was very proud of the whole family we had alot of games and books both children and adult books...We cried as I expected we would but it was not as bad as i thought it would be...Now we are all trying to think of something to do for Christmas my sister-in-laws and i want to make a scrap book of his life with pictures and articules about him and give one to each of his children...Thank you all for all your kind words of encourgement...I was such a sad day for me but at the same time a beatiful day I know Ben would have been proud of all of us... we ended the morning by going to lunch as a family to a restruant that the family had discovered during our stay at the Center...Thank You to Hospice for all your support and kindness you showed to Ben and my family as we went thru our greatest loss and to all of you!!11

Today is the day!!!Ben's Birthday was Wednesday Oct 7th, today myself and my family will be meeting at the Hospice of The Valley Sun City, we will be donating Childrens books and board games in honor of his birthday...I thought this would be a great way to remember him because he gave so much of his time to children his own and his grandchildren and other children in the neighborhood..We spent 6 days at this center and i saw that there were no childrens books and there was really nothing to do to pass the time and thought that there are other families going threw what we went threw and board games would make the time go so much faster....In his honor i brought a game of checkers and the reason i did this was because he spent many of hours playing Checkers with his children and grandchildren!!! Today is going to be a very sad day but at the same time a very happy day because we will be remembering a very special person...I have been thinking of him all week he loved his birthday and loved all the attention he got on what he call his day...and this is his week!!!!I am worried about my children as this will be the 1st time we have been back since he passed on Feb. 18th...Please keep me and my family in your prayers today!!! I pray that God helps us threw this very difficult day!!!! I will let you guys know how it went latter today

Kay Happy Birthday!!! I know how you feel Sept 25th was my birthday and it was very hard Ben always made a big deal of my birthday too!!! And today would have been his 63rd birthday and all day long i have missed him It has been almost 8months and it is not getting easier...This morning i woke up and just started crying and i went shopping with my son and i saw all these older couples in the store and it just made me angry that we couldn't have that why did he have to go so early we had so many things left to do we were suppose to grow old together and now i am going to grow old alone!!!It is okay for you to be depressed Kay and your right you are always so up beat and so much help to me with all my depressed moods....Have a great evening!!!!

Well i made it back left Sunday Sept 20th and met my daughter in Atlanta and than off to Washington D.C. to meet my son Jaime...We got in to D.C. early on the 21st...We all had a wonderful time....When i left Sunday i had a cold so the whole time i was in D.C. I was sick but I didn't let that stop me from having a great tme....We did a twilight tour and went to Washington Monument,The Holcost muesum and many other sites...We left D.C. for Atlanta on Tuesday Morning made it alright but because of bad wheather i was not able to get a flight back to Phx so i took a flight with my daughter Eleanor to Savannah that is where she lives...spent the night and left early in the morning for Atlanta...couldn't land because of fog so i missed my flight finaly got on a flight at 8pm Atlanta time and arrived at 9:30 Az time....I was still sick so went to dr on Thursday turns out i have Phneomiona and the flu....so I have been in bed my birthday was yesterday Sept 25th I spent all day in bed and crying I miss Ben so much especially yesterday...my son Pablo he is my baby boy tried to make it a special day for me he had planned to take me out for dinner but i was to sick so he and his wife and kids got me a cake and ordered Chinese for me it was fun but i wish Ben were her and that i wasn't sick...It seems that since Ben left I have been sick alot...the dr says its because when he was alive all i did was care for him and i didn't think i had time for myself and did't pay attention to the symetons ...she said that it's normal for a someone like me that was the main caretaker to get ill after there loved one is gone...Nonthe less i still hate it and I hate been so alone!!!

Mandi sorry about you loss...I lost my Ben in Feb he was 62yrs old and we had been together 33 yrs...I know exactly how you feel...but do try to eat and take care of yourself and post here everyone here has gone thru the same thing and believe me it helps to post because everyone understands and helps so much....Lucia

Finally something positive in my life...My son Jaime is going to Washinton D.C. on bussiness and he invited me and my youngest daughter Eleanor to meet him there...This was something Ben and i always talked about but never got to do...I got permission from my dr to travel since it is only 3 days....So I will be leaving Sunday night and come back Tuesday night....I am so excited and since my birthday is the Following Fri...the 3 of us are going out to celebrate....I just hope i can keep the tears from coming but i bought a case of tissue paper so i will be prepared if it does happen....

I guess this is not my week!!! I was at my daughters yesterday and went to sit on a lawn chair and it colapsed and i fell...She took me to ER because the pain just would not go away....Thank god nothing was broken but i did bruse my tail bone and my back...I have been in bed most of the day and i just can't stop crying my mother in law called and her and my sister in law took me out to lunch which was nice...She was very upset because she could tell i had been crying....she asked what was wrong and i really couldn't tell her because i don't know why i am crying so much!!! I told her very much i miss Ben and she says she knows but no one can help me i guess.....I just wish i could stop crying!!!!

Well went to get the test and was there 3hrs.....the dr would not do it because i am allergic to iodine and said if he did it it could kill me...the last time I had a test that required iodine dye i went into cardic arrest lucky for me I had it at a Banner Hospitol and the records were still in there file....So the did a CAT SCAN which my dr sd i need another test because my kidneys are failing I will get that done first part of next week...And my daughter just happened to walk in the room when i told the worker that...

Thanks everyone....I didn't sleep at all just sat in my room and looked at old photes of Ben....I have to start getting ready to go...I'll let everyone know how things turned out as soon as i can!!!Thanks again

Tomorrow i will be having and IBP done this is a simple procedure mix between an xray and an ultrasound.....I am real nervous because they have to put the iodine dye for this test!!!! i am allergic to this dye the last time i had this i went to cardic arrest!!! Ben was there with me and i remember he told me he was so scared because he thought i was going to die!!!! They have given me some meds that are suppose to conter act this i have to start taking them tonight every few hrs....I am petrified i have not sleeped for the past 2 days.... In a way i kind of hope something happens than i will be with Ben for ever!!!! I told this to the Hospice bervement consulor today and my daughter heard me and she got so mad she said she couldn't believe she had just heard me say that!!! But sometimes i wish i could have gone with him i miss him so much...especially when something is happening they are checking my kidneys and i keep thinking why can't he be here with me...I will be alone all my kids have to work and i don't think they realize how scared i am!!!I know that Ben is going to be with me in spirit but God I wish he was still here to comfort me and tell me everything is going to be alright!! I hope God gives me strenghts to make it thru tommorrow!!!!

It has been 6 1/2 months since I lost Ben, As time goes on i seem to miss him more.. I think about him all the time, especially when i am not feeling well which lately is all the time!!! Our birthday's are coming up soon last wk of Sept is my and his would have been Oct 7th. He loved our birthdays he always made a big deal of my birthday when the kids were little they would plan all kinds of crazy things as the kids got older they got crazier...One year they put happy Birthday signs up from where i worked all the way home every mile there was a sign!!!! On his birthday we always had fun too!! Baked him cake, made his special meal or we would all go out to eat!!! I have been thinking about what we are going to do so we are still going to celebrate his birthday!!! My oldest daughter is having a real problem with this but like i told her she does not have to participate....I decided a few weeks ago so what i am planning is each of our family members will buy 1 boardgame and 1 childs book and we will be donating them to Hospice of the Valley in honor of his birthday!! Ben always gave his time to different causes and loved children...We were at hospice for about 7 days and we know what it is like so I thought this would help other familes like ours to pass the time and make it a little easier on them!!! But just doing this has helped me i have been organizing everything getting all the games together and trying to find the childrens books that i want to make sure are bought ....some times i think i'm crazy but this has made it a littles easier i still miss him and i still cry but at least i have found something to keep him alive... My mother-in-law,sister-in-laws also are very excited they all thought this was a great idea...All my kids and grandkids love the idea my 11 yr old grandson sd to me that his tata would be so proud of me for planning this because his tata was always helping people!! and then he said he was proud of me too!! That made my day!!! :

Valley, You are not a phoney, when i read your story i was reading how i feel. I lost my Ben 5mths ago and not a day goes by that i don't miss him..He was such a kind man and like your husband we always knew what the other one was thinking...he was my soulmate and after 35yrs together i feel lost he was my whole life and everyday i miss him more. Thanks for writing what all of us feel everyday and just don't know how to express it....Together we will make it thur this!!!!

That is definatly true i find them at some unusual places too!! They always make me feel like Ben is with me...I guess kids pick up on small things like that because my jay jay is just 3 yrs old and knows Tata was with us at her party yesterday...She has been so happy all day today and keeps telling us all that Tata went to her party....Kids are so special and so innocent its a shame that she can't have Tata there except in spirit i guess thats ok to ...just makes me so sad.

Yesterday was my grandbaby Isabela's 3rd birthday!!! We have had several birthdays since Ben died but i have chosen not to go to the parties, But jay jay as Ben called her is special lst because i live with her, and second because we almost lost her 2 times, whe she was born she was born addicted to drugs. this is not my daughter biological child she is one of my sons her biological mom was on drugs when she was born...the baby was very ill when she was born and still has problems, she made it but than the state came in and tried to take her my son was not in a postion to care for her so my daughter stepped in and fought for her...Ben at this point was to sick for me to even try to get custody so we were glad when my daughter got her because we did not want to lose her...She and Ben had a very special bond as Ben got sicker and she got older they would play silly games together, and jay jay always took care of Tata!!! So she had hit yet another BD and this one is without tata.....I spent the day helping my daughter prepare for the party and crying it was also another 1st for us...It was the 1st time we all have gathered togother for one event since the funeral...the past birthdays someone has been missing but yesterday we were all together...My kids are so wonderful they knew the day was hard on me as it was on them..Jay Jay found a penny on the ground and sd"penny from Heaven! " and than she screamed at me and told me "Tatas here he came"(2hrs after Ben died i found a penny on the ground picked it up and sd penny from Heaven and looked up and thanked Ben for letting me know he got there safe) I did not know that she had seen that or heard it....I guess she did...We all had a great time and just before we cut the cake we all held hands and remembered all the funny things ben would do when we were having bd parties for the kids... God i hope these sort of things get easier!!!! Our oldest son Jaime is having a Birthday on the 4th of July i think i will just sleep thru it...

Happy Birthday Kim, i know the days are bad it's only been 4 months for me and haven't gone thru birthdays yet... Yesterday was fathers day and that was awful, so just try to think of all the good times and have a great day..love Lucia

Today is Fathers Day and it has been the hardest day worst than when Ben died !!!!!!!!!!! My kids are all missing there dad and I don't know what to say to them....We went to the Fathers day rememberance at Hospice yesterday and that helped but I just don't know what to do i can't stop crying and my kids too!!!

Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am home now...I feel alot better and yes they did offer to move me to another room but it wouldn't have made a difference because he was in just about all the rooms in that hospitol....The nurses all remembered me and asked how he was doing that was hard to but they were so nice...Now i Just have to try to get healthier ....if i could just stop crying long enough to try to take care of myself.....I miss him more now and have no one to take care of me so i think i 'm just feeling sorry for myself

Just When i thought things were getting Better...This has been my worst wk since Ben Left i was in Atlanta visiting my daughter. got sick the night before thought it was a tooth ache....By the time i Landed in Phoenix on Tues i could barley walk i couldn't keep anything in my stomach and my chest was killing me... So my son took me strait to ER and spent the last 4 days there...my blood pressure threw the roof i'm diabetic and have bronchile asthma...Than i was put in the same room that Ben was in the last time he was in the hospitol...So i have been crying every since,,,I miss him more than every