Rochel

Good Evening Di, Please tell us about your Glenn....My husband of 37 years marriage died 17 mos ago and my daughter and friends will let me talk about him...you need to tell all of us how wonderful your Glenn was for 34 years...Did he make your coffee in the morning...kiss you goodnight...I find an empty kingsize bed is still so hard...I have changed my house quite a bit but still need to let the bedroom set go...I had a flood in my livingroom and that is when I let his favorite chair go...I do not think there is a set time that we will all stop screaming silently or aloud...I go to the Lord when I can't see above ground...especially when I'm deep in the pit...Another gal here said that she doesn't feel like starting anything new...well, neither do I...In fact, I got off this forum because I thought I would get better and would quit spinning in my wheels...Now, it is healing for me to read once again all the posts of lovely spouses who lost their Sweethearts....Was Glenn's eyes blue or brown...tell us about his smile....Common Di let us hear from your heart...we are all here for the same reason...Bless you...Rochel

In reading your "This can't be normal"....there is no normal when it comes to grieving...everybody goes thru it differently...When I first lost my "Bob" l.5 mos ago, I hung out on this site all the time...it helps to read all the posts because you will find out "normal is not it "grief"....it just is....It is very difficult to look at photos without feeling angry, sad, regret, remorse, loneliness and all the other ugly feelings that come with grieving....I will pray for you Dear Melina...It is a very very difficult transition and I am reading as many books on bereavement as I can get my hands on plus attending church and a small Bible Study....find a safe place to cry, vent and "FEEL" everything that you can feel....Bless you...Rochel

Hi Redwind30....I can relate so well to your misery in losing a husband....my husband died 1.5mos ago and I still can't pull myself out of the hole and the hole in the heart that the loss created...yes, God is your strength but sometimes you need to talk it out with a dear trusting friend...and especially someone that has gone thru your same pain...I just started readintg a book entitled "Mars & Venus Starting Over" John Gray, Phd....he talks about his own personal loss of a dad and dear brother...anyway...He says that in order to heal that you must process out anger, sorrow, fear, sadness....to really be honest with yourself...I read that you have many fears...I also had to put my Cocker Spaniel down about 3 mos ago...killed me...the last bond to my deceased husband (Bob)...If you can write out your feelings it can really help...I will be praying for you...so sorry for your huge loss....Blessings, Rochel

Hi Kat, I too had a very difficult time with my Anniversary 3/15....Some friends came over and took me to lunch and a mall and I spent money on myself...then I came home and drank some wine and painted my wall red (faux-turned out great) stay close to people you love and tell them to get your little butt out of the house...don't be alone..I will pray for you my Dear Kat...All these dates are extremely hard but the Lord will see you through...Stay close to Him...Blessings, Rochel

Dear Nats, On the 24th of this month it will be 6 months since I lost my husband Bob to Prostate Cancer...I have asked myself if it gets any easier and the answer is the pain and loneliness comes and goes....Yesterday we would have celebrated 35 years together, instead of having a husband to wine and dine me last night, I stayed home drank some wine and painted my wall in the livingroom (Red) the red is because it is a shouting, screaming, and why did you have to leave me color... Nats, try and be around the right people such as the great people on this site...people that will love on you, people that care or just people that will stay silent in your pain....talk to widowers that will be on the same page as you...Try to find the right group for you and keep looking and do one on one counseling with a Hospice counselor...they are very devoted and have had much experience pulling us griefy people out of our caves of loneliness and despair...The Lord is the only one we can turn to that will always be there and take the heavy burden off of us...Keep praying and talking to him and take it one day at a time...Bless you, Rochel

Dear Sweet Korina, You are always so good with encouraging the rest of us...now it looks like you have issues at hand...I will pray for you to clean Scott's office..I know that this will be difficult to do with lots of memories and work to be done...It sounds like you are going to have to gather much energy to do this major task...I tried to get rid of Bob's desk...I even took a picture of it all ready for Craigslist and I came out of the ether and realized that it would have been a big mistake...This move sounds like it will help out financially which will alleviate some stress from your oh so responsible shoulders...hand in there my friend...Bless you...Rochel

Dear Susan, On the 24th of this month I will be approaching 6 months and the grief still comes on me like a ton of bricks...Don't let anyone tell you to move on or that they would know "how you feel"...If they have not lost a loved one...they do not have a clue...Sometimes it is terribly painful and other times it is just painful...It helps to give the burden of your grief, sorrow and pain to God..and he will take it and make it lighter...You can only handle this time of your life one day at a time...this is all you can do..sometimes one minute at a time...Please stay on this Forum you will be comforted because we are all walking in the same shoes...different people but same pain of loss....Bless you Susan...Rochel

Hi Angie, This is God at work providing and watching out for widows..what a blessing..Believe me, this wonderful lady is truly blessed too because she was able to help you...Gestures of love doesn't happen unless God is in it...Thank you for sharing this story, it truly is a good one....Rochel

Hi Linda, This was something I was dreading in January and my daughter and her husband took me out for dinner and gave me a special gift...I prayed for myself very intently on the days leading up to my bday because I knew that it would be rough...On that day, I talked to my Bob (deceased spouse) and felt close to him and God...God will comfort you at this time, just ask Him to and I will also pray for you this week...Our Anniversary is coming up this month and I will have to do the same thing again...Find some good friends that understand and go out and celebrate...Bless you Linda, Rochel

I also would like to say that we are deeply in sorrow over our deceased loved ones and although you can get good feedback here for your loss, you may not be able to relate to ours....May the Lord bless you in maturing thru this new situation in your life...Rochel

Hi My Family, Well, the other day I finally made the decision to let go and get all of my Bob's things out of the house...This is almost as tough as the memorial, ashes and all the other heart wrenching things that we all have to do...When you look at the shirts with the printed flowers or other prints that you are so used to admiring on them, it tears your heart out and the punch to the stomach comes back full force...I had a really hard time with his boots and jackets and I kept his robe...When I think of all the times he looked good in his clothes, it makes me weep...Then, you take many ugly black plastic bags and drop them off on cold indifferent concrete at a Good Will waiting for somebody to make a profit on your spouses belongings...I had a very good friend that helped me and we all need good friends to help us over the griefy humps we all have to face each and every day one day at a time....I turn to my Lord when it gets too heavy for me to carry...I'm slowly getting aclimated back into my home but the triggers are here all over the place....I heard a wonderful message at church and here is some wisdom from that message: The experiences that we have is God working out His foreordained and prearranged plan. He is directing every turn and facet of my life, if I will only look to Him for guidance. Sometimes, because I do not understand the difficulty I am facing I must look through the eyes of faith. And through faith I realize that all things are working for good. But then as I look back, I can see that the hand of God was leading me and directing me into various things. It is so beautiful to trace His hand in my life even though sometimes He was directing me into a move that was not an easy or comfortable situation. He simply needed to teach me some lessons. Sometimes when I moved, God was teaching me not to move without being directed. And so, He let me make that move to show me the danger of going ahead without His direction. But even then I could see the hand of God as He was working out His perfect plan in my life. He knew what it would take to bring me to a complete commitment of myself to Him. And then He knew what it would take to bring me to the end of myself, where I would give up totally and completely, reckoning my old self to be dead. God knew exactly what it would take, circumstantially, to bring this transition about in my life. So my friends, there you have it..."He is for us not against us and He is cheering us on in this difficult trial and battle" He wants to see us win this race....Bless you today...Rochel

Thanks Korina for sending a photo of your darling daughter...It does my heart good to see such a wonderful mom and holding up in the grief process...Bless you Dear Korina...Rochel

Hi Ted, Sorry it took me so long to answer you...yes, I did have a great time on my birthday...As a matter of fact it looks like we live in the same beautiful state if AZ...Could we meet for coffee someday...just a grief sharing session, nothing more than that...I know that we both have this in common and it would be great to see you in person rather than just this site...Does anybody else feel like meeting a person that would be on the same page as you??? Still grieving and it is my 4th month of all the triggers back now that I'm home again....bummer for all of us when this happens...I wish this would all go away but it is not God's way so the process needs to continue...just rambling on because of loneliness and grief...Bless you Ted and this whole family of fellow grievers....Rochel (pronounced "Roc-Kell").....

Hi Mel, Sorry for your loss...It is most difficult when faced with a series of losses, we are all here for you and I'm glad that you posted with us....We will all keep you in prayer thru this time of grief that you are facing...As everybody says here, take baby steps....The Lord is with you and will see you thru one day at a time...Bless you, Rochel