LindaKoz

Oh, Kat, I understand. Last Friday when we had some snow I went out to clean off my car (Brian would have done it). I started getting a panic attack and ended up calling in sick. There are so many things that Brian used to do which I guess in hindsight I just took for granted. He knew things that I just don't know. And he was big and strong. Right now the light bulb on the pole light out front is burned out. I guess I'll get around to replacing it one day but I'm not sure how to take the covering off. The garbage disposal is broken. My son is home from college so he's been taking out the trash but when he goes back I'll cry every trash night because that was never my chore. This new life is so much harder than my old life and I feel so unmotivated. I hope I'll feel better once winter is over and there is sunshine. Peace, love, and blessings, Linda

Debbie, As always, my thoughts and prayers are with you. I hope all goes well for you tonight. Peace, love, and blessings, Linda

Hi Babs, I'm currently a Seminary student. Planning to become either a Pastor or a Chaplain. I'll continue to follow God's lead. I have faith that there is an afterlife. It's God's promise to us and I believe God is a keeper of promises. I don't know what heaven is going to look or feel like but I believe we will be in God's presence and surrounded by peace and love always. What helped me after Brian passed away was exploring Romans 8:26-39. My professor directed me to this passage of hope. What I found is that even when we have no words to pray, the Holy Spirit sighs (or groans) and the heart-searching God knows exactly what we need to pray. And there is the promise that absolutely nothing can ever separate us from the love of God and Jesus Christ. I know that when Brian was dying I sat there not knowing what to say, do, think, or pray. I found comfort learning that God knew even though I had no words. I believe with all of my heart and soul that when I am called home by God Brian will be waiting for me and we will be reunited for eternity. But, until that day I have to choose life and I have to make this decision each and every day. It's hard to walk this grief journey but I know I am not alone. I am surrouned by God's love, I have family and friends to lean on, and I have everyone on this site. When we are willing to open ourselves to others, our burden becomes just a bit lighter. I'm holding you in my prayers and sending love your way. Remember that you are not alone. Peace, love, and blessings, Linda

I, too, have learned the only way to navigate through this great loss is by relying on God and some really good friends. Although I know that my family members all love me and want to be supportive, I feel like they don't know what to do or say around me. I guess we're working through it but it take a lot of my energy. My very best friends are comfortable talking about Brian, sharing my tears, and holding my hand. This is a great comfort and blessings. I am also blessed by each of you. The knowledge that you understand and the fact that we can share open and honestly is a gift for which I am extremely thankful. I pray that we are all able to find moments of peace and to know that we are wrapped in the loving arms of God. Peace, love, and blessings, Linda

I'm sending love and hugs to you all. Christmas was very difficult but somehow I made it through. I spent most of yesterday by myself which was actually much needed. I'm still working on a project for Seminary so I spent a lot of time creating Worship Services. It's somewhat comforting but also requires focus which comes and goes. I do want to thank you all for the continued love and support. The burden is lighter when shared with friends. You are all in my thoughts and prayers on this day and the days ahead. Peace, love, and blessings, Linda

Checking in as promised on this Christmas Eve. I'm sitting at home with my son -- could not find the strength to go to my friends' parties and church. It's been three months since I lost the love of my life. This Christmas Eve is so difficult. We should be getting everything ready for tomorrow morning's brunch (which won't be happening) and enjoying each other's company. I love him with all of my heart and I miss his presence. I keep praying for healing and for that spiritual connection. But, tonight I just feel lost. I continue to pray for each and everyone of you. We have held each other up through this ever-changing grief journey. Thanks, my friends, for all of the love and support. I hope we all find a way to navigate our way through the Christmas season. Hugs and love are being sent your way. Peace, love, and blessings, Linda

I want to add my prayers that we are all able to experience the true gifts of this Christmas seson -- hope, peace, love, and joy. It will be a very challenging Christmas this year but I hope we are all able to find comfort. Perhaps our memories will sustain us, perhaps our family and friends will lift us up . . . but know that God is carrying each of us and is the ultimate essence of light and love. You are all in my thoughts and prayers. Marty, I add my thanks for providing this site where we can gather to offer love and support for we truly understand. Peace, love, and blessings, Linda

Hi Rochel, I'm here, too. Been feeling kind of down but am still trying to find my way through this grief journey that I never wanted to experience. My son is home from college for about a month and it's really comforting to have him with me. The month of December has been very difficult -- two of Brian's daughter's had birthdays and my son's birthday was today. I try to stay as strong as I can but I miss Brian's presence. He was my rock and he always lifted me up when I was down. I'll be sure to check in sometime on Christmas Eve. I'm going to try to go to a friend's house for her annual "open house" and then to church. Thanks for checking on all of us. It has truly helped to have found such wonderful, caring people right here . . . people who understand. I continue to lift you all up in my prayers. I pray that we all find moments of peace and solace for our wounded souls. Peace, love, and blessings, Linda

Korina, I wish you safe travels and I hope you are able to find moments of peace during this Christmas season. I continue to hold you in my prayers. Peace, love, and blessings, Linda

I agree with all of you. Weekends used to be filled with joy and love. Now they are flat. Yesterday we had a snow storm and I stayed in my pajamas the entire day. Trying to write a paper which is due tomorrow but my mind just isn't there. I long for the times spent with Brian and it really didn't matter what we were doing. We just had fun being together. I'm keeping everyone in my prayers on this Sunday morning. I hope we all find a way to get through this day and that perhaps we find moments of peace and solace. Love and hugs to you all. Peace, love, and blessings, Linda

I agree that the greeting card aisle is very difficult. Two of Brian's daughters have December birthdays. I had to read a whole lot of cards until I found two which I thought would be appropriate. They should be gettng cards from their Dad, not just me. And then, as I was going through some stuff at home, I found two Christmas cards that Brian bought for me last year but forgot to give me. I saw the bag about a week after Christmas and reminded him about. We just laughed. I guess he was saving the cards for this year (but he probably would have forgotten and purchased new ones). I read the cards and tears came to my eyes. I know that he was very careful about wording and that he meant every word the cards said. December is just so hard. I'm praying that we are all able to find our way through this Christmas season with moments of hope, peace, love, and perhaps joy. Hugs and prayers to you all. Peace, love, and blessings, Linda

Well said, my friend. It is truly a gift that we are willing to open our souls to each other and to accept love, comfort and support. My prayer today is that we all find a way to forge our way through this difficult season. May we find moments of hope, peace, love, and perhaps even joy. These are the messages which the Advent season offers along with waiting for the birth of Christ. And during this time of waiting I am trying to open myself fully to God in order to experience healing. Peace, love, and blessings, Linda

Hi Ellen, Thanks for your kind words. Sorry for the delay in responding, for some reason I missed your post. The figurine sounds so beautiful and I am glad you have something so wonderful which you can cherish. And, I know that you wil find a way to choose to dance again. There have been many times in the past 11 weeks when I wanted to give up but I know that Brian wants me to choose life. So, I continue to face every day by drawing strength from Brian's spirit and from God. I find moments of peace which help me to go on. I'm a seminary student and Brian was my biggests supporter. He was the person who was able to recognize gifts in me that I didn't know existed. Giving up would be a dishonor to his memory. He passed away the week that classes started for this semester. Somehow I have been able to find the fortitude to continue my classes and actualy keep up with the work. Last night my professor told me that he was amazed that I was able to do this. I know that I have had a lot of help and support -- that's what keeps me going. I'm keeping you in my prayers with the hope that you are able to find moments of peace, that your memories will help sustain you during times of sadness, and that you do indeed choose to dance again. I'm sending lots of love and hugs your way. Peace, love, and blessings, Linda

((( Hugs Fredzgirl & JohnG ))) As I have many, many times before I wish I had some magical words or wisdom which would erase all of the pain we cotinue to experience as we walk this grief journey. I'm sending love and prayers your way, hoping it helps to know that you are not alone. December is a tough month. I, too, have been experiencing waves of sadness as my heart and soul longs to have Brian by my side. I never understood how hard this grief work can be. I never understood the depth of the pain and the anguish. Sometimes I experience pockets of peace and I think that healing is forthcoming. But then I hear a song, remember a conversation, or see a picture and the reality and finality of this loss again becomes almost more than I can bear. I hope that if we continue to lean on each other the burden that each of us carries will become just a bit lighter. I pray that we are all able to find those moments of peace and solace. And I pray that one day the memories will bring smiles rather than tears. Please know that I am keeping you in my prayers and that you are wrapped in the loving arms of God. Peace, love, and blessings, Linda

Hi Ted, I'm sorry that I missed your birthday. I hope that the day went as well as possible. I continue to hold you in my thoughts and prayers. Prayers for peace and healing. Peace, love, and blessings, Linda