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I can really relate to how you feel. My issue is diabetes. When I was first diagnosed 9 months ago I was determined to take care of myself, so I could take care of him. I radically changed my diet began to exercise, took my meds. I just have no reason now. I don't care anymore. He was my rock and my biggest supporter. Now everything seems just pointless. The holidays are not going to be the same. Nothing is going to be the same ever again. I am lost and confused. How do I gain the will to take care of myself when I don't even want to get out of bed.

Thank you LindaKoz, it was my 1 month of Harold's passing yesterday. I understand why it was such an awful day. My daughter in law sent me a message about Christmas. I haven't even thought past today, everyone else goes on around me. They have children and need to show them how to live. I'm just marking time until it doesn't hurt when I breathe. I hope the grief support group helps. I'm glad mine is this evening. I really need it. Be Well, Amy

LindaKoz and Stuart, I am glad you are thinking of and going to a grief support group. I can say from my heart that it has helped me. I am looking forward to group tomorrow. I so want the best for you both. It has been the hardest day of my life today. I truly want peace for all of us. Be Well, Amy

Well, it's here and I kind of let it sneak up on me. I don't have any plans, nothing to do but sit here and remember. I don't know what to do. How can this hurt so badly?

It will be a month tomorrow since my husband passed. I'm still waiting for him to walk in the door from a trip or visit to his kids. I had to get some paperwork from the storage shed today. I opened the door and there was all of his stored winter clothing. Clothing he will never wear again, clothes that remind me of how much I've lost. Clothes that make me hurt so badly I can't breathe. When I married him it was terrible, he had no idea how to dress. He always said I was the best thing that ever happened to him because I knew how to choose clothes that made him look good. It was true. I took great pride in the fact that when we went out, my husband looked good. It seems silly now. He could wear whatever he wanted, if I could have him back. I am lost. I'm glad I have group on Monday night. I just have to hold on until then. I know it will help. This pain is going to consume me.

Linda, if I can tell you one thing, find a grief support counseling group. A grief counselor is good but when you sit down with women and men who know your pain it makes all the difference in the world. It is the only way I have held on. I was terrified of doing that myself but you will not believe how much it helps to be with others who understand what this feels like. Honestly, it probably saved my life. I'm so sorry this happened to you and I understand exactly where you are coming from, I feel so lost. It hurts so much. I have no concept of the word "normal". Nothing in my world will ever be "normal" again, whatever "normal" means. Thank you for sharing with me, know that I understand and my heart goes out to you. Be Well, Amy

Stuart, Your post was the first one I read here and my heart just broke for you. I tried to reply but I was too new. Your grief was so heartbreaking, I couldn't help but ache and cry for you. Of course, it was for myself as well. That anyone should have to bear this pain is too much. Thank you for reaching out to me, I appreciate it more than you can know. My thoughts often come back to you, know that you aren't alone. We are all here and whether you realized it or not, there was a person praying for you to be comforted and have peace. Be Well, Amy

I'm so sorry for your loss. I am newly widowed myself and the pain is very new. My husband died in a similar way, he had a brain aneurism. It was so sudden and unexpected, I sometimes can't believe it happened. I don't know what to say except you are not alone.

I'm glad this is helping you. I also started going to a grief counseling group. It was scary at first but in the end I really felt better. I am looking forward to the next meeting. Hang in there with it, I think it will help.

My husband taught me how to work with wood. We built so many things together, the deck, adirondack chairs, hope chests for the grandkids, storage shelves, we remodeled this house together. I'm so grateful for being able to work with him side by side. He taught me that love can change a man. He taught me that I could love. He taught me that I was worth love and being loved. I am so grateful that he was given to me, even though it wasn't nearly long enough.

Sadly with the recent death of my husband, all of my family updated their wills and made arrangements. It was a hard lesson to learn. My husband was an organ donor and would have had to die, not just be brain dead for them to harvest his organs. I chose to donate his body to science so he too, could help other people. He was so giving in life and again, in death. I know I made the right decision. When I pass I will be donated to the same facility. It feels right to me.

Thank you, I was 25 years younger than my husband. It didn't matter though, a brain aneurism can get anyone, anytime. I certainly never expected to be a widow at 41. I have really enjoyed this site because everyone is so supportive and kind. I know I'm not alone. Along with my grief counseling group, I think I am going to make it. Not that it doesn't hurt and will for a long time but I'm going to be ok.

I went to counseling tonight and it was alright. I felt safe and I could talk about Harold, the pain and sorrow, the loss of my reason for living. He and I made a circle of One. I think this will help me. I seemed to be able to help others as well and that is a good feeling. It's going to hurt for a long time. I am still going to feel pain and grief but I know that between here and my group, I am going to make it. Thank you all for your words of support, your advice, your thoughts and prayers. You will never know how those words kept me sane, when I could've lost my mind.

My heart aches for all of you and your losses. It is so unfair for them to be taken. I'm trying hard to come up with coherent thoughts and sentences. I have to get help, it hurts so badly and it's going to hurt worse. I never dreamed it would be like this. I don't sleep, I eat when I have to eat, being diabetic. I'm not taking care of myself, it seems so pointless. I don't want to go on without him. Thank you all for sharing your stories with me. I know it must be terribly painful to relive. I do appreciate it more than you can know. Tonight is my first counseling session and I hope with all my heart that it will begin to help me know what to do.

I am sorry for your loss. It's been three weeks yesterday and it hurts to breathe, move, think. I sometimes think I will never move on from this place of pain and loss. Reading this forum has been very helpful and a bit overwhelming but I have to try to deal with this and move forward. I am sending you good thoughts and prayers.

Three weeks ago yesterday I lost my husband. He died of a massive brain aneurism. We had been married 12 years. He was 25 years older than myself and I always thought that he would pass first but never in this way. One moment he was sitting in his chair and the next he was dead. This is so much harder than I thought. Telling you about his life and death, is so hard. I feel like a ghost in this house. I wander from room to room, lost in my own house. I don't know what to do, alone afraid. I start a grief counseling group this afternoon. I am lost.