caroline623

my mom had almost the same thing happen to her. she was our house alone about 3 weeks after my brother died, and she was drinking her morning coffee. all of a sudden the phone rang and she picked it up. she said hello and no one answer, then this heavenly music started playing like just instrumentals. she thought that maybe there would be a promo or something but she listened for 3 minutes and there was no one there.

Dear Hannah, Your story is one that I can truely understand. My brother died in February of 2009 in a car accident at the age of 18. I was 16 and he was my only sibling. Your relationship with your brother Chad was just like the one I had with my brother and can be described as a beautiful and special friendship. A relationship that can never be replaced, not my friends or even other siblings. It is so hard to see your world come crashing down before your eyes. It is the most painful and scary thing in the world, and only people who have been through it can truely understand. My brother Jimmy was my favorite person in the whole world. Though we fought at times, the special times we spent together could never be replaced. Jimmy used to rap to me in his car too. In the beginning it's all such a blur. So many people are there saying they will be there for you and want to help you, even though all you want is to be left alone. At least thats how I felt. Then when I finally wanted to open up and talk about my loss, it was hard to find anyone to listen or who could comfort me. The person who I had gone to for advice and comfort was the one person who couldn't be there for me, my brother. Everyone was telling me to "be strong", what does that even mean? People would also say, "I could never be as strong as you are, I don't know how you do it", I was being strong because I had no other choice. I'm sure you can relate in ways. Everyone was also comforting my brother's girlfriend and parents yet no one was there for me. Why is it that the siblings are overlooked? Your loss is so terrible and my heart goes out to you. You were way too young to go through losing your brother and your brother was way too young to lose his life. You deserved to have that special bond throughout your entire life. I don't understand why God takes the best souls and leaves behind kids who are going nowhere in life. I guess it's because God has much bigger plans for people as special as Chad and Jimmy. Who knows, maybe they even met each other in heaven. It is so hard to find comfort in anything, especially when you think about the idea of life without your big brother. It scares me everyday. Be open to the little signs that your brother may give you though, when you least expect it some song may come on the radio or you will see something that reminds them of you. I get these signs every once in a while, I think they are the little ways that my brother is trying to tell me that he's in heaven and he's missing me too. In a way I think that dreams are the way they get to communicate with us and they are the best because it is the closest you can get to seeing and talking to your brother. About the kids in your grade, ignore their ignorance. I can tell by the way you write that you are so incredibly mature. The ignorance will follow you wherever you go, because no matter what age people are, they can't understand the immense pain of losing a loved one so they say stupid things. Though nothing good can ever come of a situation like this, it will change you into a person who can see past life's little frustrations and see what truely matters in life. It's gonna save you from a lot of stupid high school drama. Make sure you can find a friend or someone to talk to about this. Someone who you can talk to whenever you are sad, because its a roller coaster of emotions. Most of all though, memories are painful, but dont ever try to push them in the back of your mind or forget about them. They may make you sad, but if you push them away, you may lose some of the best memories and that would be a terrible thing. Hold on to Chad's memory and hold him in your heart forever, he's your guardian angel now and will help you in little ways in the future. I'm sorry I wrote such a long message, I don't mean to be a creeper. I just believe that after all you have been through you deserve to know that there is someone out there who truely wants to help you. Sincerely, Caroline

February 28, 2009 will forever be the worst day of my life. It was on this very morning that I was woken up by my dad saying, wake up and get dressed, your brother has been in a car accident. At first I thought he was kidding then I thought my brother had just gotten in a little crash. On my way to the hospital, my dad and I stopped by the accident scene. It was there that I saw the inside of the car and realized it was no little accident. When I reached the hospital, I was told by doctors that my 18 year old brother, Jimmy, had died. It felt like someone had punched me in the stomach as hard as they possibly could. I thought, What do you mean he died?! To this day I still dont think I fully understand the idea of it. I didnt understand how it was possible I would never see or speak to my wonderful big brother again. It has been almost a year and I still feel like hes at college and will come home any day now. Jimmy was the most charismatic and outgoing person I knew. His smile could light up a room and the relationship we had was one that few people are lucky enough to ever experience. He was so special to me and I felt so lucky to be his sister. Some people dont know what they had until they have lost it, not me; I always counted my blessings for having my brother and was always afraid I would somehow lose him. He was my only sibling and we were a year and a half apart, I was 16 when he died. We would have so much fun together, driving around in his mustang or even just watching TV together. We had always been close growing up and anyone who knew us could tell. He was so handsome, by far the better looking child, and had all the girls swooning over him due to his amazing charm. There was only one woman for him though, his girlfriend of a year, Care, whom he loved with all of his heart. He lived his life to the absolute fullest, and I struggle everyday with the idea that someone so full of life could just be gone in the blink of an eye. He was cheated out of the full life he deserved. The days that followed after his death were such a blur; so many people were creating rumors and stories about how he died. Jimmy was incredibly popular at our school so his death was a huge shock and heartbreak to many students. Almost a thousand people came to his viewing and hundreds came to his funeral. I was so overwhelmed with everything that was happening. I had never even been to a funeral before. The hardest part of all was seeing him before the funeral and knowing that it would be the last time I would ever see him and it was the last hug I would ever give him. He looked so beautiful and I just rubbed his hand with tears rolling down my face knowing this was the end of my wonderful childhood and our amazing relationship. I could have sat there all day. It was by far the hardest and most painful moment of my entire life. All I had left was a long and painful future without him in it. Everyone at school treated my differently. I still dont know if thats a good or bad thing. Even though it has almost been a year I still feel as though I havent grasped the idea of him really being gone. I try to push away the emotions and not show or talk about them but it doesnt help because he is all I ever think about. Im so sad most of the time and beyond confused in this tangled web of grief. I go through periods of time where I feel like I can laugh and then days where I feel horrible. Anytime I see a silver mustang, I feel like Ive been punched in the stomach. I cant understand the depth of my parents grief which frustrates me. I get so annoyed when people are always asking about how my parents are doing yet never ask about how I am. Yet I know that if they did ask I would lie and say Im okay. I dont understand why I cant open up to people, but I catch myself constantly bringing up little memories of him in conversations. I have an incredibly hard time letting him go. It took me a long time to realize I can no longer carry this pain of mine without help from others. I know I can no longer handle this by myself and hold it all inside of me. I would appreciate any type of advice or help anyone has to offer. I miss my brother so much and love him dearly with all of my heart. -Caroline (I dont know if the picture got uploaded properly or not but below is a picture of my brother and I)