Aquarius7

Hi Chai, I am so sorry for your loss of your Dad and Grandmother. A big hug! ((((((( )))))))) I can somewhat understand your anger and frustration. The older I get, the more impatient I get with stupidity. But you know what? We're all human. However, as I get older, I also tend to let things go more and realize that in the Big Picture a lot of things really do not matter. Also, I find that I am becoming more understanding with people, because lots of people out there are going through a lot. And we will all be gone someday. It is great that you are graduating! Go for it and finish! No matter how you are feeling, I feel it is important that you count your blessings. You still have your Mom here! Please enjoy and cherish every single second you have her. Tell her how much you love her and thank her for all she has done and does for you. In other words, count your blessings! You have a lot to be thankful for it sounds like. Keep posting. We are all here for you and for each other.

Hi Elizabeth, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of Harley. My deepest and sincerest condolences. I lost my Black Labrador Princess 3 years ago this August. I loved her and my Mom loved her and we still do. I too was in shock at how fast she went. We brought her to Gulf Coast Veterinary Services which is the best place in the country to bring dogs with cancer. My Princess had bone cancer. She was fighting and fighting it but was not responding to the treatment she was getting there. Then I received a phone call that they had lost her. I was overwhelemed with shock, grief and guilt. It just didn't seem right. I cried and cried and still cry about her. Not to "replace" her, but a little less than a year, we got another Black Labrador that we named Duchess. Not the same but many similar loving qualities that Black Labradors have. I decided that dogs need those of us who love and understand them. I think in some ways Princess sent us Duchess to help heal us and as if to say, "please take care of her the way you took care of me". It is exactly what we are doing with both of these dogs who were abandoned and to whom we gave our love. I know you are sad about Harley and I am so sorry. Please know that he is in a better place. We are here for you and are all here for each other.

Since the day I was born, my Mom has been my best friend of my entire life. Always there to help me, teach me, encourage me, help me out, cheer me up, take me places, lend me money when I needed it, buy me things, send me to the college where I wanted to go, done everything to help me try to make my dreams come true, encouraged me in all I want to do, cook for me, teach me to cook, sewn things for me (still don't know how to do that!), save things for me she knows I am interested in, make me birthday cakes, make me and hide so I can look for and find Easter baskets (even as an adult!), give me cards, call me, give me a place to live, travel together, cry together, laugh together, eat together,let me use her car whenever I need it and a million other things. She is simply the greatest Mom anyone could have. My best friend. After having some swallowing problems and what she said felt like gas problems for the past few months, we went to the emergency room last Thursday night. A chest x-ray showed a mass in her lung. She was later diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. I could barely function the next day out of shock and sadness. It was like that all weekend and I have cried and cried and cried. It has gotten so intense that I have literally collapsed on the ground and lost all muscular control. I could barely drive at times. She had a cat scan and and ultra sound in the hospital and was admitted to the hospital. She was released on Monday and had an MRI and another test on Tuesday and a PET scan before the appointment. The pulmonologist said it is in both lungs and that there are satellite tumors in the brain (which is causing short term memory loss; which I have noticed for months) and a spot in the liver. I pray this is not connected to the rest of it and can be treated. The pulmonologist will see a board of cancer specialists tomorrow who deal with cancer cases and tell us what they said and recommend. We will take it from there. Please keep her in your prayers. I have a difficult time doing anything and wanting to do anything. I have so much anxiety and fear like I have never had in my life about anything. Fortunately I have siblings who are helping her also. My Dad has been gone for 15 years and losing him was awful too. This is bringing up old emotions about him. I am also crying thinking about things I did and said that I never should have and apologizing for them. And thanking my Mom for all she has done for me. In fact, I have been doing this for a long time. Way before any of this happened. I just hope my siblings are doing the same. Lately, I have been feeling like such a jerk for all the phone calls, messages she left, etc. that I completely took for granted. And for my selfishness and selfish behavior at times. Knowing that she is going through this and knowing there is little that can be done is killing me. She is stronger than all of us and is being extremely brave (as my Dad was). I am trying to be strong and have cried a lot these past days. It is definitely anticipatory grief and mourning. I simply cannot imagine and cannot accept life without my best friend who has been in my life since day 1. Sorry this is so long. I just had to tell my story. Any and all input is welcome. No, I am not a "Mama's boy". She is simply my best friend and always has been and always will be.