redwind30

I have a "practical question" in which I greatly need some advice. I live in Florida and I am trying to put together a hurricane kit. I know the need for water, food, batteries etc. I need some suggestions as to how to protect and quickly be able to grab those things that I hold so dear now. I have no one left, so all of my memories are in photos, journals, books etc that belonged to those who I hold dear. My fear is that I will have to evacuate and I will forget to take some of these precious items. Obviously I won't be able to take all of them, but I need some advice as to how to select the items and then how to make the items available to myself when I want to look at them and how to keep them secure and able to grab them quickly in case of emergency. Hope this makes sense. I am having a terrible day. Just sat in the parking lot of the local grocery store and cried my eyes out. I miss my husband and my parents so much, I don't know what to do!! I am overwhelmed with grief and hurt

Abby, I know exactly how you feel. I wish I had some words of wisdom or hope to offer to you. But, I don't even have the words for myself. When I am out running errands and someone says "have a good day" my first thought is; "Cant you see this huge hole in my heart". Obviously strangers don't have any idea what I am feeling. I too look at others who are walking hand in hand, or I see a man put his arm around a lady and my heart breaks. I get so jealous. I don't understand why I had to lose my precious husband. It feels like the ache will never go away. I miss him so much on a daily basis. Take Care, Redwind

I also feel so alone. I don't think I will ever be happy again. I look around and it seems that the entire world revolves around "couples" and families. I lost my darling husband on April 24, and my closest family member is 500 miles away. I don't think I will ever stop missing him. I don't think my heart will ever heal.

Marty, Thanks for the response and the link to the article. I have never had a problem with "depression" and do feel that I am experiencing grief. I had an appointment with my Doctor today for yearly check up and he was very understanding. He recently lost his wife, so he can really identiy with my pain. He knows how unbearable the grief can be. He told me to be gentle with myself. We both know there are no quick fixes and it is just a journey that I must make one step at a time. Thanks again for the article, it was helpful. Redwind

Ron, Thanks for the reply. I know exactly what you mean about "riding this wave". A wave is cetainly what I feel like I have been on and I am trying my best to "hold on". Your comment about losing "productve time" really rang true with me. I always seem to have some sort of project going on and it frustrates me when I don't get things done or I don't meet goals which are sometimes unrealistic. I am listening to what everyone is saying. I am trying to be patient with myself and relax a little. My husband always told me I expected too much from myself and he was always encouraging me to give myself a break. I guess that is what I need to try to do. Redwind

Tomorrow will be nine weeks that I lost my wonderful husband. There are no words that bring any lasting comfort. At least we know there are other people who are going through the same thing and really do understand. I am so sorry for your hurt and loss. Redwind

It has only been two months since I lost my sweet husband, so of course the idea of dating is the last thing on my mind. I am only 50 and the ideal of spending the rest of my alone is very depressing. The only thing more depressing is thinking of being with someone else. Life stinks!

I lost my wonderful husband two months ago yesterday. It seems things are getting worse rather than better. I have spent the past two weeks trying to get some of his things cleared out and donated. I guess it really kept my mind busy. Yesterday was the first day that I did not have “something to do”. I ended up sleeping most of the day which I know is not good. I can’t sleep all day every day to avoid the pain. I feel like I have to be careful not to let myself get depressed on top of the grieving. Does that make sense to anyone else? There seems to be a difference at least for me between grief and depression. I don’t know how to explain it. Maybe I don’t even know what I am talking about. I know I have to face it and figure out a way to live with it. This is what my life looks like now. There is just so much pain; some days I feel like I cannot even breathe. I don’t want to go anywhere. I don’t really want to see anyone, yet I am so lonely I know it will be good for me to spend time with people. So many conflicting emotions. I feel so confused, empty and alone. Emptiness seems to be the best word to describe the way I feel most of the time. Thanks for listening and being here for me.

I have spent most of the past week sorting through my husnand's things. He would not want his clothes just hanging in the closet he would want them to go to someone who could use them. It has been so hard trying to decide what to keep and what to donate. He was a major pack rat...kept everything. He was very creative so he could fnd a use for things that most people just discard. It breaks my heart that he did not get to finish so many of the projects that he started. His life ended way too soon. He had alot of art mataerials that I donated to an abuse shelter. Maybe a child or someone can find some comfort in creating something...he would be pleased with that. I just feel like I am in a daze. I have put alot of his things away, maybe the day will come when I no longer need to keep them, but I doubt it. I just feel so lost without him. All of you have been so good to listen and reply to me. I feel badly that I have not been able to encourage anyone yet. I know we are all in the same boat, I just don’t seem to be able to find anything in myself to give to anyone. I know it is a selfish attitude and I apologize to all of you…I am just empty, nothing is in there.

Thanks so much for making me feel so welcome. It is good to know that I now I have people who truly understand what I am going through. I think people try to understand, but it is impossible. As if the grief isn’t more than enough I find just dealing with daily life is an extreme stretch now. I have had problems with health insurance messing things up. I notified the health insurance company of his passing and coverage was suppose to end May 1 ( I have a copy of the form that was completed) However, when someone keyed it in they keyed it in as APRIL 1. (I lost him on April 24) which means all of those HUGE ICU claims are now being denied. The agent has assured me it was just a “typo” and everything will be fine. And I am sure it will be fine, but just one more thing with which to deal. In addition I have had problems with credit card companies, my vacuum cleaner broke, my sprinkler system needed to be repaired, wasps got into the walls of my house and now I am going to have to buy a new refrigerator. All of these things are a big deal in and of themselves. But, if he were here it would be SO much easier. I can’t think clearly because of all of the grief and emptiness I am experiencing, so it is hard to trust myself to make a good decision about ANYTHING. Well, enough for now. Again, thanks for listening.

On April 24 I lost my soul-mate, my Knight, my Hero, my everything...my Precious husband. We were only married for 11 years. He had just turned 56, I am 50. Much too young to have to go through this. On March 26 my husband was diagnoised with stage 3 lung cancer. He immediately started chemo and radiation. He ended up in the ER on April 20 due to complications from IBS. On April 22 he was moved to the ICU and I lost him on the morning of April 24. Everything was such a whirlwind, we did not even have enough time to adjust to the idea of having lung cancer. We were both ready to fight it. And even though we never spoke of it I think we both knew we did not have long...maybe a couple of years or at the very least until Christmas. We did not talk about it because neither of us wanted to be negative. We were trying so hard to have faith and believe that God would Heal him. We were watching one enemy and got overcome by another. Everyday has been a nightmare. We do not have any children and my brother and is family is over 500 miles away, but it might as well be 5000 because he really does not seem to care very much. I scream, I cry, I feel so empty. It does not matter where I go or what I do, I miss him. I feel like I am an empty shell. I have been trying to sort through his things, which is a nightmare. But, I feel like the longer I wait the harder it will be for me. I don’t want to do anything but cry. He was not able to work due to the IBS so every morning when I left for work he was here, everyday when I got home from work he was here. We never go to do very much because of the IBS and osteoarthritis but, we were together more than most couples. I am tired of people telling me that “God has a purpose in everything” , “Time will heal” “At least he is not suffering any more”. This pain that I feel is incredible. I feel as if I am shattered. I miss him so much I can’t stand it. Thanks for listening!