redwind30

I think we all are suffering and what ever we can do to find the least bit of comfort or relief is what we do. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Those who have been through the grief understand the pain and emptiness. Do whatever makes you feel better.

It has been twenty four weeks ago today that I lost my husband. He was only 56; I am only 51. What am I going to do with the rest of my life? Every day is painful. I miss him so much. I work full time, but even when I am work the pain is still there. I feel lonely and lost. No family within 500 miles. Friends are all busy with their own lives; because they are all in their 40's and 50's none can relate to what I am going through. Nothing brings even the smallest bit of joy or happiness any more. I constantly feel like I am between a rock and a hard place. I want to sleep; when I sleep there is no pain, but if I sleep too much it seems to cause me to feel depressed. I look forward to the weekend because I will have a couple of days off; but at the same time I dread the weekend because it is a huge reminder of what my life is now. I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone; but I can't imagine being with anyone other than my husband. I don't fit in anywhere anymore. I don't have the energy, strength or desire to make a new life for myself. I don't WANT a new life! People tell me I need to get involved in something; sometimes I feel like that is jus another way to say "don't bother me, I don't have time for you". I don't know what to get involved with. I don't feel like I can volunteer to help anyone else when I am so drained. I just hurt so bad. I guess I am a really weak person. I just don't know what to do get away from this pain. I am so lonely and so empty.

Melina, I feel the same way. The worse has already happened. The lonliness and emptiness I feel is horrible. My husband has been gone only five months and I understand the pain and anger that you feel. I really related to one of your earlier posts; I don't know why God took my husband. He was a wonderful man who loved God with all of his heart. He always put my needs and the needs of others ahead of his own needs. People tell me "God has a reason". I ask "what could possibly be the reason" and I just get blank stares. I think people sometimes think they just have to say something; and really don't know how to respond to others who are grieving. During the past five months I have learned there is a huge difference between losing a spouse and losing a spouse who was a soul-mate. Like myself you lost a spouse who was also a soul-mate. I am sorry for your pain. I wish I could tell you how to make it go away; but I don't have any answers. Take Care of yourself

Melina, The first night that my husband passed away it stormed. It was not a bad storm, just a thunderstorm. I laid in bed and cried because I was so afraid. I live in Fl and have gone through hurrcanes, that did not make me that afraid. I had family membes in the house that night, but I was too ashamed to let them know how scared I was. I really think it was just the realiziaton that I was going to have to deal with so many things on my own. We have always had an alarm system and that provides some comfort. I have nightlights all over the house. I also leave the TV or radio on until I am so sleepy that I can't keep my eyes open. It has been five months for me and I still hate coming home to an empty house. I pray that you will sleep well tonight.

It has been a little over five month since I lost my husband. Yesterday was our 12th wedding anniversary. I have had a very painful week. Yesterday and today were really bad. I went out to dinner with my best friend last night; but was on the verge of tears the entire time. I am so glad I was able to spend tme with someone, but she has never lost a loved one and really cannot relate to what I am going through. It has been such a painful day, I have not gotten anything accomplished. I feel so lonely and I miss him so much. I just don't know what I am suppose to do to make the pain go away. I want to sleep; but I know if I let myself sleep too much it will only make matters worse. Does it ever get any better? Will this pain ever end?

It has been five months since I lost my husband. It is so hard to do anything; everywhere I go the emptiness is still with me. I try to get out and do things, but sometimes it just doesn't seem to be worth the effort. I too hate going out and seeing couples and happy families, then I feel guilty that I am so jealous. You are so right; it doesnt seem to be getting better...it just keeps getting worse. I thought I would be farther along in the grief process after five months. But, in many ways it seems like I am just beginning. I can say I do know how you are feeling; I know how incredible the pain is. I hope things will get better for both of us soon.

Melina, It has been five months since I lost my husband. I had my first dream about him last week. I have heard some people say the dreams start right away; others say they don't have dreams for a long time. But, as I think back over our eleven years together I had very few dreams about him. I guess I am just one of those people who either doesn't dream or I don't remember my dreams.

Thanks so much for the kind words. Yes,seeing the pain that the other woman was going through when she had to pick up the ashes really did set off a trigger. I know you are both right about living in the present. And you are definately right that I have more than enough to handle just getting through the present. Thanks for listening and understanding. RW

I am having a horrible day. I have cried and cried. I feel so lonely I can't stand it. My birthday was last week; the first without my husband and our 12 wedding anniversary will be next week. Again, the first without him. I dread all of the upcoming firsts that will happen over the next few months. I know I should not look ahead and I try not to, but sometimes I just can't help it. I took our little dog in to be groomed this AM (new groomer so I was very nervous) my husband adored our dog, as do I. We did not have children our any famly in town, so our little dog was our family. My husbad used to always refer to us as "my little family". I am terrified of making a mistake when it comes to Bear, what if he gets sick and I don't know what to do? What if he gets sick and I don't recognize it? The worries go on and on. It seems like I am terrified of everything since I lost my husband. While my dog was at the groomer I went to the Vet's office to buy some food. As I was there another lady came in to pick up her dog's ashes. NOT what I needed to see. It really pushed me over the edge. Sorry to ramble on and on. But, it seems this is one of the few places where people truly understand and I feel free to "vent". Thanks for listening.

Melina, My husband was diagnoised with lung cancer on March 26 and I lost him on April 24. No time at all to prepare. We were hopeful that he had much more time. You are right the grief and pain don't go away. I feel like this pain will never end. Some days, like today the pain is so intense I don't think I can handle another second of it. But, I have no choice. There is no way to get away from it. Over the past five months I have felt like if I had family close by it might be a lttle better; but I don't have anyone. I don't want to be a stronger person. I just want the pain to stop. Like you I feel like that well of strength is running dry; I don't have anything left.

Kath, you are so right. People don't know how blessed they are to have loved ones in their lives. I miss my husband so much that some days I just don't think I can stand it for another minute. It was five months ago today that I lost him and I would give anything I have to just spend five minutes with him.

I am not a guy; but, I agree weekends are pretty bad. It was five months ago today that I lost my husband. I still feel like everyday I am just barely surviving. I have not idea what to do to have "fun"; or if I am even ready to have fun. We were homebodies; but it did not matter becaue we were together. I hate Fridays because everyone is so excited about the weekend; they talk about what they will do with their spouses and families and I don't have anyone. I keep hoping things will get better...

My friends say the same thing to me. They have not lost a spouse and they just don't get it. I am coming up on the 5 month anniversary of losing my husband. Last week was my birthday and it was extremely hard. October will be our Wedding Anniversary; I guess I should say it WOULD have been our anniversary. I dread ThanksGiving, Christmas, his birthday and the list goes on. I don't have any family close by and I know friends are getting tired of hearing about it. Soemtimes I think, my pain is just a reminder to them of what they may have to go through some day. I don't know how I will get through those days, but like everyone else I don't have any other choice. I just wish I had SOMEONE close by that understood my pain. Take care

April 24 was the day my world ended. I know all of us are dealing with the same issues. The lonliness, the fear, frustration and pain that seems like it will cut me in half. I am just wondering; for those of you who like myself don't have any family close by, do you think the pain is worse? I am constantly afraid that I will get sick (I am only 50, but as we all know so well being young is no protection) and I won't have anyone to take care of me. As a matter of fact, shortly after I lost him, one of my cousins said "if you get sick or you have to have surgery, you will probably end up in a nursing home until you get better". Now, I can't get that thought out of my head. Having surgery or being in the hospital and not having and advocate. Not having anyone to help me through it. Even everyday life seems like it would be better if I had family close by; stupid stuff like "do I need an electrician or just a handyman" "should I take the dog to the vet or not" "do I really need all of that maintenance work done on my car". Just being able to show up at somebody's house for supper unannounced. And one of the most important things of all just having someone put their arms around me and saying "I love you, I am here for you" Just need to know if anyone else without family feels the same as me???? Thanks!

I can certainly relate. Eveyone at work was excited about the long weekend. I am glad to not have to go in. But, it sure has been a tough day tody. Weekends are just another reminder of what I have lost. My husband and I were both "homebodies" and did not do alot on weenends. But, just being together was enough. I am afraind that I am going to become one of those people who just stays locked in the house all of the time. I don't want to do anything, but cry. It was 19 weeks ago today that I lost him, so Saturdays are paticulary painful. I just don't feel like I fit in anywhere any more. Closest family member is over 500 miles away. There are not many people who are widowed at the age of 50, at least not where I live. I just feel so empty and alone. I take care of my precious little dog, go to work, come home, take care of the pup, go to bed and get up the next day and do it all over again. I can't even THINK of anything fun to do. I just feel so lost. I don't think the pain will ever end.

It is 18 weeks ago today that I lost my wonderful husband. In a way it seems as if it has been years, yet it also seems like it was just yesterday. I can honestly say that I have not had a single “good” day. I haven’t even had an “okay” day. I miss him so much. I am so lonely (I don’t have any family that is close). Sometimes I feel like I am literally going to suffocate from the pain and the grief. I don’t look forward to anything anymore. Yesterday everyone at work was glad it was Friday, all I could think was “that used to be me”. I used to get excited about the weekend. Even when we didn’t have plans (which was most of the time) Just being at home with him was enough. I also drive myself crazy with worry. I worry about everything. Some of the things I worry about have not even happened. It is just the anticipation of what MIGHT happen. Other things I over react to; for example my little dog started limping last night and my mind immediately jumped to all sorts of horrible things. It just seems like everything is so overwhelming. I was just wondering if anyone else had similar feelings?

Darl, I am so sorry. I understand your pain. Yesterday was four months ago that I lost my husband, the love of my life. He was diagnoised with lung cancer on March 26, three weeks later I lost him. I have found that there are many people who don't understand my pain. Some of those have lost spouses; but there is a huge difference between losing a spouse and losing a soul mate. It sounds like you have lost a soulmate. It was unkind and selfish for your friend to make that comment to you. I understand how those sort of comments can make the pain even worse. I wish I had some sort of answer for you; heck, I wish I had some sort of answer for myself. But as of yet, I have not found any answers. Again, I am so sorry for your pain. Take it one hour at a time. Try to take care of yourself.

Thanks so much for all of the kind and understanding words. If I could find something that would make me feel a little better, it would help so much. Many days (and today has been one of them) I don't know how I am going to survive this pain. As I said my brother and his family are about 400 miles away. He and his wife have adult children and grand children with which they are very involved. I teach so I was off this summer, and I was so hoping that his wife who does not work would come and spned a few days with me this summer. I have had so much to do with clearing out my husband's stuff and taking care of paper work; I just really needed someone to come hold my hand for a little while. I did not ask them/her to come; I just really needed them to offer to come. I needed to know that someone loved me enough to come without being asked or put on the spot. You may be saying that I should have made the trip to see them, but I have had so much to do with paperwork etc and just getting used to being without him, I did not feel like I could make a trip. I just did not have the energy for the trip. Every time I leave home, even if it is just to take a short walk it is torture walking back into the house knowing that my husband is not here. I just could not handle being gone for several days knowing that I would have to come back to an empty house. I know it sounds strange; but opening that door and coming into an empty house is just so hard to do. I also have a cousin who I am very close to and she lives about the same distance. She does not work, her children are grown. Again, I was so hoping that she would just show up and say "I am here". I have never felt so alone in all of my life. I know that God is near, even tho I don't feel His presence. But, it sure would have been nice if He would have moved on someone's heart to come be with me during this diffiult time. Both my brother, sister in law and cousin are about 15 years older than me and I guess I just always hoped they would be here for me when I needed them. Well, it doesn't get much worse than this and they are not here. They call to check on me, but it just isn't the same thing as being here. I just feel so alone and scared. I worry about what I would do if I got sick or lost my job or any number of other things. I don't feel that I would have anyone to depend on. I have good friends; but it would be nice to have a family member that has known me all of my life here. Again, I don't really know why I am writing this post. There is nothing anyone can do to chagne my situation. I just don' understand why God is allowing this to happen to me. I am so afraid of what will happen next. Thanks for listening.

I hate cooking for only one person. Really does not seem worth the bother. However, I am tired of frozen dinners and I can't affort to eat out very often. How are the rest of you dealing with this problem. Any suggestions for healthy, quick easy meals for one person? thanks

After my husband got the diagnosis of lung cancer we never discussed the possibility of him not making it. In retrospect it was pretty stupid. We were both trying to belive and trust God that He was going to give us more time. Neither of us wanted to say anything negative. I wish we would have taken the opportunity to say "goodbye". The regrets are eatting away at me. It sounds like no matter how good our releationships were, we alll have regrets.

Eleven Weeks ago today I lost my husband. The pain seems to be getting worse. I am still trying to take care of paperwork issues that crop up. I have gotten some of this things cleared out and donated as he would have wanted and I am trying to take care of things around the house. I don't have any family here so I am completely on my own. Not where I dreamed I would be at age 50. I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life; but then again I can't even think of being with anyone other than my precious husband, the joy of my life. Everything is so hard. I hate not having anyone to depend on. I think the worse thing is coming home to an empty house. He was not able to work and could not get out much. So, he was always here when I got home. This pain is unbearable. I know you all feel the same, I also know there is not really anyting anyone can do to make anything better. People keep saying it will take time...but,somehow I don't think "time" is going to change what I am feeling. I depended on him so much. No one, not even my wonderful parents have ever understood me the way he did. I just dont know how I am going to survive.

Sunstreet, I have no words for you other than I am sorry you have to face this alone. I can completely understand how afraid you must be. Again, I am sincerely sorry for your loss. RW

Deb, I know exactly what you mean. I lost my soul mate on April 24. I have had no one to help me with the paper work and it is overwhelming. I feels like such an invasion of privacy when I have to tell total strangers that I have lost him. A couple of things that I did that helped: I started a notebook that I keep next to the phone anytime I talk to anyone I write down a description of what was said, who I spoke to, date and time of call. It helps me keep everything straight, also comes in helpful when they try to play dumb and say I never called. The second thing is I started folders for the paperwork. Insurance folder, employer folder, to do folder etc. It has given me some sort of a sense of control and has helped ease the strss a little. I honestly think that everyone who is going throgh this ordeal should be given a personal secretary for six months. I know that is the impossible dream. But, we don't need to deal with paperwork when we are dealing with such horrible grief. Hang in there, and hope this helps a little.

I feel the same way. Friends insisted I go with them to see fireworks tonight. All I could think about was my husband and how much he would have enjoyed getting to see them. I was with three other couples. Just reminded me of how alone I am. He had ongoing health problems and we did not get to do much. But, it did not matter. I would rather sit with him and the couch and stare and blank walls than be with other people doing things without him. I miss him so much, I feel like I am going to break into a million pieces. Nothing matters any more.

Joe, I lost my Prince 10 weeks ago today. I think it is getting worse instead of better. Some friends invited me to go to a baseball game and see firworks tomorrow. I agreed to go. I don't want to go, but then again I don't want to do ANYTHING. I feel like I have to force myself to go out. If I don't make myself go I would never leave home except to go to work. Don't have any idea if I am doing the right thing or not. I miss him when I am at home, I miss him when I am at work....I miss him all of the time. I feel like I have a huge hole and I know it will never be filled. I hope tomorrow is not too painful for you rewind