Michelle -
I am so sorry that you are having to deal with your husbands death, and isolation from his family. It is stressful for a family to go through the death of a loved one, especially when it is self-induced.
My husband Bob passed away last December. I have been struggling - emotionally and financially since that time. We have 2 daughters, 19 and 22, and they have been very supportive. He had 2 sons from a previous marriage, and they have just gone back to their lives. The only contact has been initiated by me. As a matter of fact, I recently found out the oldest (36 years old) deleted my phone number from his cell phone. I sent him a text, and he sent a text back asking who was texting him. Unbelievable, considering I have been in his life since he was 11 years old. I also just found out that the younger son is moving his family to Tucson. He didn't tell me - I heard about it from my Mother-in-law. I guess now that their Dad is gone they have no use for me or their step sisters.
Bob's family never really believed how bad he was until it was too late. I still talk to his Mom, but everyone else has run back to their own lives. It is amazing how you think your part of a family for over 22 years only to find out that you really are not. It hurts, and lately I find myself crying and wondering what I did wrong.
Even though it has been almost 7 months since he died, I feel like my grief is just starting to come out. When he first died I was angry. Angry that he did this to himself, and had done nothing to protect me or his daughters financially. Now I am having to look for a new place to live. I cannot afford our home anymore and I am scared and don't know where I will go. He also left me with huge credit card debt, which he used to fund his addiction. I thought I could bankrupt - I cannot. Although I don't have a lot of assets, I would have to liquidate my daughters college fund and give what little I have in insurance money to the court. His parents are very well off, and of course, have not even offered to help me (yes, they are aware of my situation). The whole thing just sickens me. My family is helping, but they are limited as to what they can do.
I have found myself crying alot over the last week. I feel bad that I was so angry with him at the end. He knew I was upset. I wish now that I would have put that aside, and just held him in my arms. I loved him, I know he knew that, but I'm sure I hurt him by being angry. I was so hell bent in letting him know how mad I was that he didn't listen to me, his daughters, the doctors.....everyone.
I'm sorry for rambling on..........just having a lot of regrets on how I handled things. I truly miss him!
Thanks for listening