nirac

I took a nap today and when I woke up I felt him holding my hand,just like he use to when we would lay in bed. It felt so nice but yet made me cry because it reminded me of what I am missing and how much I miss him. Its very hard to grasp the fact that someone can be here one moment and then gone the next. He was sick for two months in the hospital and I never once let myself come to terms with the fact that he was dying. Only two days before he died did I realize and even then I couldnt face it. I look at the pictures on the wall and can go right back into that moment when the pictures were taken and so desperately want to go back to that moment in time.

Hi, I am there with u, my love passed away in May. I am lost without him.struggling to get thru the day, raising kids,helping them when all the while I am dying on the inside. I am new to this site as well and have already feel a sense of hope from those who have gone thru this and continue to go thru this pain. welcome to the site.

Thank u Cheryl, The thing is I do talk to the kids about grieving and tell them its ok to cry,feel sad and miss him, also to be mad if they want. We talk about their dad all the time and remember things,although it kills me I do it because I know it is healthy for them to think of him and remember,I am afraid to completley lose it in front of them especially my stepdaughter. I fear I will make them upset when they don't need to be. I want to thank everyone because comeing on here has helped me already, as I said before it is very hard for me to verbalize my feelings,it is easier for me to put them down on "paper". my sister suggested today that I send emails or text messages to his phone that it may help me, has anyone done this and has it helped?

Thank u to everyone who replied.It helps to hear from others going thru the same dreadful experience. I have the children in counceling,they seem to be doing a lot better than me. It is difficult for me to express my feeling verbally to anyone. Just yesterday I had a friend mad at me because I am a bad friend. I haven't spoken to her in a while just because I don't or really can't talk to anyone nor do I want to at this moment. I tried to explain that to her, that it wasn't her it was me. I am sick of people making me feel guilty because I can not be the person I was before he died! People have no idea what a constant battle it is every single day,I feel the pain crippling me,it physically hurts sometimes. I hide my pain from the kids, they need to have as normal of a life as possable and I feel I am doing that for them, but I do need to deal with this because I don't want it to boil up and come to a blow one day.

Hi everyone, I sit here and read everyones post and see how it helps some of u to express ur feelings on here so I thought I would give it a try. I recently lost my fiancee in May. It's been four months and I still have not properly dealt with my grief. He not only left behind myself but also two children ages 11 & 14. I have taken guardianship of them due to the fact that their mother is not stable enough to care for them. Life is so much harder than I thought it would be. Am I way in over my head here? I am only 29 and second guessing my every move. I miss him so much and don't know how to get thru this. I get up and take care of the kids and thats it, I am not sure how to take care of myself.