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I do understand your pain, I married my husband when I was eighteen and he was twenty-one. This was in the seventies. We started our family right away and were best friends, lovers and everything in between for 34 years. I never dreamed that we would not grow old together and spoil our grandchildren together. I guess I'm just trying to tell you I have no advice and wouldn't give it if I did. It feels like you just need to talk and we're here whenever you feel the need to say whatever you want without judgement being cast. Hope you find some peace today. Love, Pam

Dave, I know that took a lot of courage to go to the funeral. I'm sure your presence and your words meant so much to Chris and his dad. I understand what you said about death. Before my dad and my Harv passed over, I was very afraid of dying, now, not so much. It's weird, because I have so many questions that can not be answered about what really happens when we die. But, I do feel that whatever happens, my Harv will be there to help me as he always helped me in this life also. Anyway, I hope you are able to rest tonight and have a peaceful weekend. Love, Pam

So glad to hear you found someone to talk to and that you have such good friends. My counselor told me that my grieving was necessary as it is "therapeutic" pain. It's only been a little over 3 months since I lost my husband of 34 years and I don't think one hour goes by that I don't think of him and miss him with every cell in my body. Keep in touch with us as we all lean on each other. Love, Pam

Beautiful!

Dear Debbie, I so hope you took Harry's advice. You have that phone number, right? This group has been a life line for me. You will find everyone here to be compassionate, empathetic and sincere. Please let us know how you're doing. Love, Pam

I, too, hope you were able to have a good day. Love, Pam

So happy to hear of your success! Yes, as Harry said, please let us know when it will air! I know exactly what you mean about missing your confidante. I can't tell you how many times a day, I think, I have to tell Harv that! And then it slaps me upside the head that I can't. Though I do tell him things, but it's just not the same. Here's hoping you continue to find success in whatever you do! Love, Pam

Hearing about Steve Job's passing somehow ( I know this sounds cold) gave me comfort. That it doesn't matter how much wealth a person has, they can not buy good health and immortality. I send thoughts of comfort and peace to his wife. Love to all, Pam

Well, oops, I see where your dad did have an uneventful surgery, that's wonderful!

So happy that your dad is doing better! Hope his surgery is uneventful! Love, Pam

It always astounds me how you guys write about so much that I can relate to. Harry, I understand so well about reading your notes and the grief and heartache that you must have felt in reliving that time. I am trying to believe that I can handle most anything, but really-can I? My Harv truly was a jack of all trades, plumbing, electrical, mechanical, you name it. He always said he could fix anything but the break of dawn. I try not to put him on a pedestal, neither of us were perfect. But, just as we were getting older and instead of having heated disagreements like we had when we were younger, we had settled into a tender, appreciative relationship. Then- BOOM, he's gone. Seems kind of unfair. I remember hearing somewhere when our son was very young and we were learning how severe his disabilities were, I would cry and say "it's not fair! I did everything I was supposed to do while pregnant and other girls smoked, drank alcohol or worse and their babies were "fine." But somewhere I heard that we were never promised everything would be "fair."

I tried to listen to a country music station on the way to work and the song that was on was about a woman with breast cancer and her husband comforting her and promising to be by her side all the way and I couldn't stop the tears- who will comfort me if I become I'll? My Harv would have and that's who I want. Sorry, this is all over the place.

Love, Pam

Dear All, I would like to change the topic name to "Irrational" instead of unrational. I just re-read it and I don't think that's a word,is it? Love, Pam

Oh Dave, I'm so sorry to hear that. Sending love and hugs your way. Love, Pam

I'm so sorry for your unmeasurable loss. I lost my husband of 34 years this past July so I'm not really able to offer anything other than support and understanding. You'll find a great group of caring, compassionate people here. Sending hugs of friendship your way. Peace and love, Pam

So, tonight is the first time I've cooked myself a meal since Harv died. I'm grilling a steak and why do I feel guilty? My Harv considered himself a grillmeister and loved grilling for people. I guess I'm just having a bad evening. I miss him so much and just want to sit on the porch with him and have a cold beer and talk about anything and everything.

Love, Pam

My husband and I had promised to quit smoking before our grandson was born, we had started the process of quitting right before Harv passed away. Now, I find I have no desire to quit. When I'm home alone, it seems my smokes keep me "company." Stupid, I know. I'm like Dave, I hate the smell and everything related to the stinky habit. I feel so guilty that I have broken my promise to our son that I would quit, he's very understanding, and never preaches to me about it but I know he's concerned about the health risks that come along with this addiction. To Stacyine, my husband and I had quit last year for a month and he brought some ecigarettes home and all that did was make me want a real cig and I started smoking again. Hope everyone had a peaceful weekend. Love, Pam

Dave, that's the same thing I thought, only 20 years old, but a wise soul. Stacyines, my Harv and I have 2 sons much older than you and it does break my heart that you have experienced such a loss at a very young age. You have much to share with a "jaded" soul as myself. Thank you. Love, Pam

Marty, thank you so much for the links for urns and memorial jewelry. Since my Harv was a cowboy and he wore his cowboy hats with pride, I found a beautiful cowboy hat pendant that I can put a tiny amount of his ashes in and keep close to me at all times. I have not filled the pendant yet as I'm a little worried how that will affect me. Maybe after a few coronas with lime, I'll be able to do that. I have been reading all the posts lately and saddened that so many have joined us. Not saddened they found this forum, but sad they have experienced their losses. Sometimes I think if I listen really hard, I can hear the collective shattering of hearts and dreams. Love you all, Pam

My heart is so happy for you and your positive attitude! You with your strong, abiding faith are an inspiration to me and I'm sure to others as well. Will be sending positive thoughts and I'm working on that prayer stuff. I'm still a little ticked off at Him, but He and I are working it out. Love, Pam

I too talk to Harv's ashes all the time, I keep them in my bedroom and see them every night before I go to bed and every morning when I wake up. I really like the idea of having something small to put some of his ashes in and keep with me at all times. Peace and love to all, Pam

I so understand, I wish we were closer to give those hugs to each other. I'll be thinking of you today and hope you find some peace in little measures. Consider yourself hugged. Love, Pam

Dear friends, thank you all so much for your wise words, I know you all wish you were anything but wise regarding this subject. But, know that after reading them, I felt like everyone's arms were around me and I slept soundly. Love you all, Pam

Dear friends, the last 3 days have been an unending time of unbearable sadness. I can't seem to get out of this mood. I went and saw a friend in the hospital Tuesday and then I received a statement from Medicare itemizing some of the charges, so maybe these two things set it off. My sister came and sat with me awhile, I finally told her to go home. I just can't stop crying and feel so lost. Thanks for listening. Love, Pam

Dwayne, glad to hear you're feeling better. I'm thinking of you on your anniversary, hope you have a peaceful night. Love, Pam

I'm just thinking of us all tonite and worrying about us all. How many of is are crying ourselves to sleep tonight, how many of us are feeling so many emotions, some we can't even put a name to what we're feeling. Some of us are feeling hopeless, helpless and worthless in our grieving lives. I just want him to whisper in my ear as he used to, "You're my darlin." I keep telling to just try really hard to break thru and let me hear him just one time, but I guess it's just too hard. I gave our grandson a bath tonight and sometimes I think I see the mischievous glint in his eyes that Harv had so much of the time. Sorry guys, just a bad night. Love and peace to all, Pam