STOO

Anniversaries are so difficult... I am thinking of you and praying that today will bring you at least a few happy memories of your sweet husband. ~Stoo~

Chrissy, We all, here, understand the emptiness you feel. Every day is different - some better, some worse, but all lived with a void in our souls. Life does go on - even though most of us, at some point, have wished that it didn't have to. One of the only things that helps me is this site - I come here when I need to know that I am not alone, that there are others who understand my feelings of loss and grief, others who mourn also. Come here as often as yoiu need to, tell us whatever you wish to share. We will be here. ~Stoo

Derek, I'm so sorry that you are having so many doubts and such a terrible day. I have read many of your posts, and it is very apparent that you are a caring, loving, sharing person and a wonderful Dad. YOU have helped and consoled many people here in this forum - I can only hope that we can return some comfort to you. I'm sorry that Carson will not have Karen as he grows up - you are right that its not at all fair. You will have to share with him all of your loving memories of her, and of your lives together. But Carson *is* lucky in that he will have you raising him, teaching him how to be as caring and loving as you are. YOu are a wonderful example for him to emulate. May God take you inhis arms and comfort you at this time. I will keep you in my prayers. ~Stoo~

[Deb, I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband. It sounds like you and he had a long battle with his illness. Being a caregiver is not an easy task. Caregivers need to have a break, to recharge and reenergize so that they can continue to deal with the stresses of being a caregiver. It sounds like you intuitively knew that. Don't be so hard on yourself. It's part of grieving to look back and ask all the "What ifs" and "whys"; I think all of us have felt some sort of remorse for something in the past that we shared with our departed loved ones. Try talking to him now - in your heart. Tell him all that you want to tell him. Or write a letter to him telling him how you feel. These things may help you to sort out your feelings so that you can continue on with this process we call grieving. We all, here, are in various stages of our own personal grief and loss. While we can't know exactly how you feel, we are here to share our experiences and help you in whatever ways we can. Write and share whenever and whatever you wish.

Chrissy, Its great that you are aware of the possibility of postpartum depression, more mothers probably should have that knowlege. But don't worry about it. As has been pointed out, very few mothers ever have to deal with it. Just focus your attention on that perfect little son of yours. ~Stoo~

Chrissy, How totally WONDERFUL!! Congratulations on baby Jason's arrival. Along with everyone else - I'm hoping you'll find some time to write and tell us all about him. Stoo

Barb, I'm so sorry for everything you are going through right now. I lost the love of my life, unexpectedly, on July 1st. I do know some of what you are feeling. It has only been a few hours since you first posted, and this is your third reply. See - you have come to a good place, and we will listen and respond to you. I'm sorry that you have not met many friends in your new home as yet, but you will find you will make many here. I will think of and pray for you as the date for the funeral approaches. Come here and share any time you need to. ~Stoo~ [

Chrissy, This is such a difficult time for you - I'm so sorry that you have this new grief to deal with. Please don't be critical of yourself and think that you may have made a mistake. YOu made the decision to allow the autopsy only after considering the wishes of your husband and the good it could do for the medical community and other people. Especially - you considered that Jason had chosen cremation and how he felot about his body after death. YOu considered Jason's feelings before making the decision, It was not a decision that was made lightly, and it was a loving and selfless choice. I'm sorry that the autopsy results were sent to you - I think it may be unusual that you got a detailed report. I believe that usually the family gets only a summary of the findings, to spare the loved ones the feelings that you are going through now. JAson was and is so much more than a specimen number. He was and continues to be a part of you. Remember and grieve for all the things that he was - friend, lover, confidant and more. You are coping the best way that you can. Making a considered decision is not something that you should criticize yourself for. Everyone here understands the difficulties we face when we are grieving and our hearts are broken and we need to make decisions. I don't think Jason would fault you for a decision you made thoughtfully and with love and selflessness. Please don't be so hard on yourself. We're here to listen and support you. ~Stoo~

{{{{Sararhiannon}}}}} I'm sorry for your loss. You have come to a good place -- we will always listen when you need to share. Grief does not follow a schedule, and it is perfectly normal that you are still feeling sadness over the loss of your ex husband, the father of your children, and the man with whom you shared so very much. He was a very important part of your life for many years. Especially when there are unresolved issues with anger and guilt, grief will maniesf itself in unexpected ways and times. And 8 months is not a long time to allow healing, especially when much of that time has been spent focusing on your children and the move. Perhaps now that you are beginning to be settled in your new home, you are only now starting to be able to focus a bit on yourself, and therefore beginning to deal with yur feelings. With the information that you have shared here, it seems quite normal that you would feel anger. It's OK to feel that way. If you want to rant and scream we are here. If you want to cry we are here. And when you want to share anything we are here. Please come back as often as you want. You might find that the catharsis of writing helps you to deal with and sort out your feelings. You and your family will be in my prayers ~STOO~

Terry, I'm very sorry for the loss of your husband just three weeks ago. I lost my love, also unexpectedly, 2 1/2 months ago, so I can understand some of what you are feeling. We all experience the loss of our loved ones differently and we all here grieve deeply. I haven't posted very often, it is just so painful. I have, however, been reading here faithfully for six weeks. Everyone is very suportive and loving. No one is ever judged. You have come to the right place. Share with us whatever and whenever you feel the need, and we will be here. ~Stoo

[ Derek, Thank you for sharing with me. Three months without your Karen -- I"m very sorry. But hearing you have felt a big improvement in three months gives me some hope -- though I can't imagine that I will ever feel whole or happy ever again. We were together for nearly 10 years -- and the six days I have been without him have been so very long and full of pain. thank you for your response to me, and for your prayers. ~STOO~

WaltC - I'm new here so have just "met" your Jeannie for the first time. I enjoyed the heartfelt tribute to your beloved -- how much happiness you have shared - it warms my heart, even now. Thank you for the peek at the life you shared with Jeannie. ~STOO~

KayC - Thank you. I can't believe how much it hurts - and how much it helps - to have someone tell me they are sorry for my loss - to have my loss and my sorrow acknowleged. He demonstratd his love for me in many ways. Because our relationship needed to be very private - we developed many ways to communicate our love and devotion. Right now incorporation some of them into my life is giving me some comfort. When I leave a sweet token of our love somewhere for him, I imagine that he is watching and is smiling - because he knows that I love him so so so much, that he is forever part of me. I'm sorry that you have suffered similarly. I'm sure openin up to me caused a new hurt for you - please know how much your sharing means to me. ~STOO~

WOW <sob sob> thank you mzz Butterfly. this is the first time I have been told that someone is sorry for my loss, thank you stoo ann- thank you for the kind words. I don't know yet if sharing in this venue will help me - right now it feels like nothing will help me, I'm just collapsing inside. you said you pretended that everything was ok. That must have been difficult - or impossible. I'm trying very hard to not let my grief show. and right now when I do show tears in "public" it can be explained a bit by the very few days since the death, But what about a month from now - when i'm still grieving and feeling so much pain - people will surely wonder. And I havve to keep it private - but I don't know how long i can survive feeling like this. God bless you for sharing with me, and I hope you will find a way to cope. ~STOO~

Marty, Thank you for the reference to the article on disenfranchised grief. Yes -- i would say that it very closely describes my suffering. But I have no way to share my grief, no one to talk to and I am so alone. I live in a very small town - I fear that if people see the depths of my grief they will guess my relationship with the deceased. There are families to consider. There is no one i can talk to, no one to whom I can reveal the relationship. Perhaps this forum will help me; right now I don't know if there is anything that will help, and I wonder if I will feel this void for the rest of my life. ~STOO~

I just lost my best friend and lover days ago. I have never experienced such grief in my life. I have no one to support me in my grief, as no one knows or can know how close we were, that we loved eachother so deeply. He let a message on y cell phone just minutes before he died. He was being taken to the hospital for what he believed was relatively minor, and told me to "remember"- our code word for I love you. Our connection was so very strong, and our love deep. I don't know how I will get through this. Has anyone had to go through anything like this alone? I need to cry, to mourn, to be comforted in my grief - yet know onw can know of our relationship.