Happy late Birthday funnyface! Even in grieving I believe in sharing wishes of hope! I do not logged in daily...I will have my birthday on Sept 2nd and I know I will think of my mom a lot. When I was younger I used to travel on my birthday, Europe, USA, etc...when my mom got older, I tried to stay closer to home and sharing it with her. My mom being an unique child as I am, I started understanding the need to celebrate this day with her...received a card from her in snail mail, an email, a gift, a phone call...I was so lucky! My best cousin, is close to me, her too having loss her mom, it's been more than 3 years and she has a daughter. But this discussion group is closer to the time frame of lost that I am living presently. So reading from it really helps! I can see the joy you see in your son..without children, I am the only one carrying their arts, their writings, their thoughts and I think this is motivating me in cleaning the house and going through their personal stuff. They have probably a story to tell and I should be the one telling it. I unfortunately fell sometimes "cranky" (angry) and I know after reading different post, that it is normal. The garden is growing at the house of my parents, now my house. I hope my mom sees, wherever she is, the beautiful lilies, black/green eyes suzans,and the berries! It's a nice heritage, their long hours of work, giving me a peaceful place to stay on weekends and maybe one day to make it my own. N.B. As a gardener, (my mom was one too) lavender has always been a relaxing smell, a healing one. I have lavender in my garden, not much, just a bit, but the smell is so soothing.