missing him

Mary - You have been in my thoughts since I found out that tommorrw is your and Bill's wedding anniversary. I think that is wonderful that you have so many cards. It is obvious the love you and Bill shared for eachother. Missing Him

Sheryl, I'm so very sorry for your loss and I can relate with you still being in denial. I think I'm doing somewhat better than I go back to feeling horrible. The love of my life needed a vent. at one point and he didn't believe in having one so that was one of the worst nights at the hospital not knowing if he would make it or not. Luckily he made it through that night and I had a few months more with him. I understand the guilt you are feeling but know you and your family agreed on the decision and I'm certain Jim would not want to continue to live that way. My thoughts are with you. Missing Him

Kay - I agree with what you said. I think of the good times and it brings a smile to my face or makes me laugh, then I begin to cry again. I think you have come a long way and I hope I can acomplish healing like you and others here have someday too.

Thanks Mary - I wish none of us have to go through this. I will continue to take it one day at a time.

Kay - Thank you. It does seem like everything is bad and it sounds like so many people on this site are so ahead of me with how they are handling their own situation. I don't know how to enjoy life when he was my life. I feel cheated - we deserved to live a long happy life together - grow old together. I dread night time and the weekends most definately. I will keep trying even though I do not feel like I'm making much progress. Such wonderful people here... Missing Him

Hi Mary - Grief sure is exhausting. I think that is wonderful that Bill is still so alive in your heart and mind. That is how I feel too. I'm 39 years old and never thought this is where I would be. We deserved to have a long life together and grow old together. I don't feel as if I will ever understand "why". I enjoy reading your responses to the others - Thank you, Missing Him

AMW - thank you for taking the time out of your problems and taking a moment to hope things are bettre for me. I appreciate that. Unfortunately, I'm not doing any better. I don't know how to carry on w/o him. I have a constant "sick to my stomach" feeling that hasn't gone away. I cry and my body feels so weak. We were all we had and I miss everything about him. I want him back so badly. I know I should be trying to get out, walk, etc., but all I'm able to do is (and not easily) force myself out of bed to go to work. Difficult for me to concentrate at work. I wish I could lay in bed with the covers over me but I know I can't do that. I know my baby is without pain now but it's like I have all the pain and heartache now. I'm truly wondering if I will be able to ever accept his loss and live my life w/o him. Family/friends try to ask me to go do things and I have no desire to and I decline. Lost him 5/4 and it still feels like yesterday. Missing Him

AMW I'm so sorry to hear of these problems you are having. Losing Jim is difficult enough to try and carry on and now you have this struggle. Don't give up. I don't think Jim would want that. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Missing Him

Too cute. Such a wonderful man who loves you so much.

That is funy that you Arthur always claimed you were hogging the bed. My baby did too! I was like honey, i'm on the edge about to fall off... I miss watching him brush his teeth. He was so cute how he did that. Every day I look in the mirror when I'm brusing my teeth where he stood picturing him there brushing his teeth the way he did and when he was all done with his teeth, he would stick his tounge out, close his eyes and brush his tounge while placing one hand on the mirror for support because he was always so sick I too would give anything to have him back in my life but we know that will never happen. Grief is absolutely the most painful thing anyone will have to go through and it sucks!! Missing him

Liz - so sorry to hear of your loss and everyone here understands what you are going through. I understand when you say you don't want to burden your sons, etc. I feel the same way. I know my family is here for me and are worried about me, but I do not want to give them added stress. We are here for you and I hope you enjoyed your trip. Missing him

I just don't see myself ever being normal again. I woke up crying in bed. I miss him so much!!! He should still be with me. I'm devastated. I want to be in his arms so badly and hear his cute laugh & his boyish ways I adored.

Jan - so sorry to hear about your loss. I know this isn't easy. I'm going on a little over a month losing the love of my life. You are doing better than I and I commend you for it. I have not accepted that my love is gone. I know he wouldn't want me to be so sad - he always wanted me to be happy. We were all we had - best friends, soulmates, etc. He knew me better than anyone and I will never find that again. He was my true love. I just wanted to say I'm proud of you. You are doing better than you think.

I can soooo relate. I hate night time (not that any part of the day is better). My baby was always next to me at night. It's like I can't sleep because he is not there next to my and I get scared. I always knew he would be there to protect me... Who will now? I still wear his shirts and spray his cologne on it and his pillows - He cracked me up - always needed a pillow under each arm or couldn't fall asleep. So dang cute.

I actually had my 1st session with a new grief counselor today. I liked her. I'm so emotionaly tired. I've been taking care of my love for so long and now trying to deal with the emotional rollercoaster of him being gone. I have no energy to do anything except "the have-to's"...

Widower - I hate the "mask" too. When asked, i say "trying to hang in there". I don't know why people as that question, it is obvious that I'm not doing good.

It sure is a challenge trying to put a "mask" on. I love what your friend said. That is perfect. Thank you for the prayers. I need them.

Glad to hear that you didn't cry - there is still hope for me I think that is great that you do things that the two of you enjoyed and have others to share on those times with you.

It sure does seem that Celene was seeing ahead - how wonderful is that.

It turned out great! So happy for you and he will always be with you.

It has only been a month and 5 days since I lost the love of my life and all I do is cry. I cry on my hour commute to work, when I get to work, at my desk I fight back the tears, cry on the ride back home and I break down crying so hard when I get home. We were all we had. This hurts so much. This is the most difficult thing for me to go through and "try" to carry on. I just don't know how to go on. He was my life, heart and soul. Why are such wonderful people taken away from us? I don't know what to do anymore. All I want to do is cry...

Thank you so much for sharring that song. I like his music but never heard that song. It's perfect and I'm bawling listening to it. I miss him so much.

My love told me the exact same thing - he always wanted to go before me. He said he would not be able to go on w/o me if I was to go first. I now know what he meant. It is the worst feeling in the world. We were blessed to find our true loves. We will always be connected with them.

Not werid at all. I have voice messages of my love that I play over and over again. I only wish I had more.

Anthony - I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Brought me to tears. Sounds like you two shared at great love for eachother. She was too young and so way my love (40). I'm glad you found this discussion board. I'm new to it too and the people here are beyond supportative. You and Ciara are in my thoughts. -Missing Him