missing him

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAY! Sorry to hear that you are sick and that your mom thinks you are your sister. That illness has to be difficult to understand. I had a nice visit w/my dad. I managed to cry there too talking about things. Don't over due anything since you are fighting something. Hope you feel better. Missing Him

Mary - I have been thinking about a support group through Hospice. My only concern is the hours. They are either in the morning (I would have to miss work) or in the evening and I hate being gone all day leaving our dogs alone for 11 hours and coming home and turning right back out the door for another couple of hours. Our dogs had their "daddy" home with them all day as he was too sick to work. They are adjusting better. I don't belong to a church. I went to check out one last Sunday. I loved the music. I was a crying mess. The service wasn't that great and the minister spoke a lot about needing money for the church - I don't believe that is the reason to go to church. The Quaker service sounds nice and what a sad story about her losing husband and then son I don't know how you can deal with the cold weather. I couldn't. I love the warmth. I do like when it cools off a bit. It can get to 120 degrees here in Arizona. Hope you have a nice day. Missing Him

Hi Mary - I had a nice visit w/my dad this morning. I don' have much face to face support. My good friend lives an hour away from me. If we lived closer, she would be the one I turn too. I'm just not up to drive an hour each way. Too much for me. I love the attachment you shared with Jan about climbing the mountain. Thanks for sharing that. I hope one day I can be where you are at in this journey. I know you still have sad days and it's been 2 1/2 years. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm concerned that I'm crying just as much as I did when I got the phone call 5 months ago. I don't work weekends and my weekends are spent just sitting on the couch where he would always sit. I have our wedding pictures and others all around the house. I know I should be cleaning the house and I just don't feel like it. I'm fighting a bad migraine or sinus headache today. I get them often and it brings me down even more. I manged to take an 1 1/2 nap. I must sound like I'm rambling on and on...sorry. I imagine the funeral brought back memories of your Bill. I hope you got through it and are able to rest tonight and have a restful Sunday. Missing Him

Mary - we do seem to make it through the sad days and I still don't know how we do it most days. You are one busy lady. I wish I had your energy and wanted to make plans, etc. I went through all of the cards from the memorial as well. Those are precious too. How sad tha Buffy was thrown from a truck but he ended up having a wonderful home and life with you and Bill. Great idea to bury his ashes with Bill. I wish I could sleep like I used to. I cried so much last night and cried hard and outloud He broke my heart leaving me. He was my life. I do kind of feel as though I'm not progressing in the grief process. It requires a lot of effort and I just don't see to have a lot of that. I am forcing myself to take my dad out to breakfast for his birthday tomorrow. I'm sure Bently can't wait for that hamburger. I will be thinking of you tomorrow when you go to Bill's grave. Wishing you all the best. Missing Him

Thanks - I work banker hours. I got through the day and unfortunatly my job requires me to go to the office (I work for 5 attorneys). I fed the dogs and will go through the poems, letters and cards I saved over the years. This does hurt so much and the tears come every day. I hope Betley enjoyed his birthday treat Take care of. Missing Him

I understand. We were together for a total of 11 years and married for 4 years. February of next year would have been our 5th year wedding anniversary and my family was going to plan something as a surprise for us I found out. Breaks my heart. Stay strong and know Arthur would want you to live life and be happy. (I'm still struggling with this myself). Missing Him

Lina - so sorry and I know exactly how you are feeling. You are NOT going insane. I too feel like I'm going backwards but I think I'm just "stuck" in this process. I haven't slept good for 5 months. (Tomorrow will be 5 months for me) Acknowledge the things you are doing. Taking care of your daughter and pets, etc. That is huge! I can't even imagine doing this if I had kids. It is so hard. I love the picture Thank you for sharring it. Missing Him

What great pictures Mary. Bentley is adorable and Bill was so handsome. Thank you for sharring and thinking of us all that are so "new" to this journey. Sorry about the roller coaster ride. I don't think those will ever stop completely. Tomorrow will be 5 months and I'm crying so much. I am dreading going to work. It is still so difficult to get up and go in. I wish I could stay home forever. Our pets are like family. Enjoy Bentley devouring his birthday treat Missing Him

I will be thinking of you and I hope you and Bentley can do the drive Memories will always be there...

I'm so happy for you and everyone else that have dreams of their loved ones. I so desperatley want to dream about my hubbie too. I had a couple soon after he passed. The last dream I had, he was standing behind me with his arms around me. (I was paying for our dinner). God I miss him terribly Missing Him

Ann - of course you still love your ex. It is unfortunate that there will always be people that just don't get it. I'm so sorry to hear about your brother. Thank you for sharring what your niece read at the Memorial. Good stuff.

Mary - this is breath taking. How lucky you are I would find comfort in this sight as well. Thank you for sharring. Missing Him

Anthony - our loved ones were too young to leave us. What you said brought tears to my eyes. I feel the same. I have no idea what direction to go and you are right, the other problems seem so little. Take care.

Marty - thank you for providing this information. It came at the perfect time for me. Missing Him

Mary, I agree. I need to stop expecting things as sad as it is. I haven't gone to a support group through Hospice yet. I'm thinking about it more. I did give family articles of what to say and not to say, etc. I know they just want the best for me and like you, I can't share too much of my journey...

I have not seen this yet. I will check it out. Thank you.

You are so right. It is just sad that I'm told by my grief counselor not to go through this all alone yet it doesn't seem as though I have the support system (outside of coming here). Missing him, Try not to pay any attention to your boss, he is just out of his element when it comes to empathy. We AREN'T supposed to "just get over them" and can't. We all deal with it differently and have to go our own pace. No one at my job gets it either and I don't discuss it with them. They are all young and have never been through anything like this. My sisters seem to understand, even though they haven't experienced it either, but they're more caring. Just remember you can always come here to be understood and we're always listening...

I thank you too Kay. I agree with Jan. You have wise words. I feel as though I will be alone too. I can't imagine anyone that could take the place of my beloved husband. Take care. Missing Him

I feel they are with us. More than we realize and our grieving "blocks" us knowing it sometimes. I don't know if you got the book Mary posted, "Ask George Anderson, What Souls in the Hereafter can Teach Us About Life". Such a good book. I suggest you getting it. It brings me comfor and of course brings me to tears. I know more so now that my husband is always with me. Hope things get a little better for you. Take Care. Missing Him

It seems that I'm expected to get over my husband dying. I have a boss that is "military background" and if he can't fix it he doesn't know how to deal with it. He doesn't "feel". My parents seem to think I need to get in the "right mind frame" and say I have another 40 years at least and can't continue like this. This is hard enough to go through and dealing with these kind of expectations that I am not able to do... I love autumn weather. Glad you are taking it all in. Bentley did good it sounds like. I went for a walk yesterday. I cried the entire time, looking up to the blue sky talking outloud to Jeff. Hope you have a nice day. Missing Him

Sorry for your loss Jan. Like your Pete, my husband was my everyhing. He truly was my only friend. Loved how he made me laugh even when he was at his worse with his illness. You said it perfectly. I am half the person I was. It is so hard to go on and I don't know how to do it either. I know they wouldn't want us to hurt this much. Nothing will ever fix the heartache we have. I'm 39 years old and never thought I would be expierencing the death of my husband at this point in my life. I'd give anything to have him back! Take care and know Pete would want you to live life to the fullest and would want you happy.

Thank you Mary. I don't want to spend the rest of my life grieving but I think that is how it will be. You share feelings that I have and you are 2.5 years in to this process. Ths is the worse thing to go through for sure and I hate every minute of it.

Yesterday I met with my grief therapist. I have been going a little over 3 months and I just don't feel like anything is helping me. It is almost 5 months since I lost my husband and I sill cry as much as I did when it happened. My therapist told me to spend 1 hour a day going through pictures, poems, letters,etc. and then "distract" myself in to doing something else. This is a difficult exercise to do. He was my life and I always think of him which always brings me to tears. I go through his poems, letters & pictures on the annivarsary of his dealth, birthdays, wedding anniversaary, etc. My therapit suggested that I look in to medications to help take the edge off. I haven't been able to sleep since this happened. My issue is I'm not one for medications. I think it does more damage in the long run. I'm just doing what I have to: Work, taking care of the dogs & groceries. I'm not even cleaning the house like I should be. I just sit here. No desire to go out. I'm reading books on grieving. I was always a homebody and have become even more so now that I lost the love of my life. I just don't know how to go on w/o him. I don't have a lot of support. People's lives go on and people just don't want to deal with my sorrow nor do they know what to say. I don't want to burden anyone. Maybe I am getting "stuck" in the grieving process. Missing Him

Mary - what a day yesterday was for you. I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend. I'm amazed at how you look at things and remain positive through everything. I wish I was at that place in my life. Good luck with those hearing aids. Awwhhh...the joys of getting old Take Care, Missing Him

I too can not put this book down. I am finding comfort in it and it also brings me to tears. Missing Him