KATPILOT

Maryann happy belated birthday from me too.  I hope you enjoyed your time off with the nice weather,

Butch I am so sorry to hear this. Yes we pray for your family and you. We're with you my friend.

1 hour ago, kayc said:

 please know we care and we're here for you.  (((hugs)))

We sure do Gin.

That is so cool Kay!

I wanted to mention Kay how nice it was to see your pieces that you contributed to the art auction in Patty's home. She had bought them at the auction and I remember packing them for travel back to Maui. Nice to see them again. Glad you have the eye surgery behind you!

As time passes we find a comfort growing between new love and grief. You are right about the "coin" and these two emotions can live along side each other but never shall they replace one or the other. We seem to slip into grief and sadness often together at the same time yet we allow that of each other. Then we bask in the joy that is our lives now. This is not easily explained but feels so natural.  I never imagined I would ever find myself in such a place but I am so very grateful to be here.

She sings when she cooks. That is when she is the happiest.

Alfredo sauce............to die for.  Trust me on that. I thought I died and went to heaven.

Wearing her sharks teeth for battle today. 

I know that what hurts the most is what this all represents. Ron, the dream, and his loss. But he's inside you this day Patty.  Feel his strength and love.  

We are all with you.

My dear Anne

As tomorrow comes I will be thinking of you and your dear Jim.  I know how special those birthdays are and always shall remain.  I celebrated Kathy's birthday just ten days ago and even in the celebration in one of her most special places on earth, the tears still came along with the joy. May we never forget how they chose to spend the rest of their lives with us.

No one dislikes this landlord or his wife more than I Marg but the fact is that the man who touched Patty's partner was a tow truck driver so legally that appears to be between that sorry son of a "b" and Patty's partner. There was a court date set for last Monday when I was there but changed to tomorrow instead. Patty did her homework extremely well and professionally impressing her attorney so it gave time to file a counter claim. Since that was served he made a counter offer but he can stick that where "the sun don't shine". Point is he is beginning to understand how he has a fight ahead of him. I know this woman. Tenacious would be an understatement.

My understanding of how things have developed over the last year and two months shows a woman widowed (quite quickly) trying to hold on to a business and dealing with an intense grief. The selfishness of this man is like nothing I have ever known before. It takes a certain kind of person to screw someone going through what Patty had to deal with and there is a special place in hell for him. I have seen justice prevail before and my prayer is that the good lady wins.

When Patty first became a member of our community I wrote that she could succeed as I had done with my business. I was scared for several months and worked hard to save it. but it pales in comparison to what she has been going through and in my opinion she has more courage and strength than any one I have ever known. Were I ever to be batting into a sticky wicket again I sure as hell would want her by my side.

So we shall all say a prayer for her tomorrow.

My money's on you girl.

So I write this on my last day here in Paradise where I have been helping Patty in the kitchen. Yes I have learned more in four days than I have ever known before. To watch this lady work is so freakin cool.

I am jumping on this thread because I have experienced the most intense combination of simultanious grief and love. A few nights ago Patty and I went to the top of Haleakala crater here on Maui to watch the sunset and look at the stars. We listened to Kathy and Ron's playlists and it hit us both at the same time. To mourn a loss of someone we have both loved so dearly and still do and yet we love each other. We can cry together and look into each  others eyes and realize how lucky we are to have found our way to where we are now. I wish I could explain it better but words can't do this justice. How we can find joy amidst the sorrow is still out of my ability to understand. I just know I am exactly where I am supposed to be in this love affair and I will never leave. 

Yes Kay I will be done in less than two years. It has certainly been a terrific ride since my first solo in 1967 but you have to know when the time is right before circumstances show you. I will however take Patty on a few trips before I quit.

George I am really excited to hear that you are moving forward with your desire to fly. I regret my life has become so hectic that I overlooked this discussion. Have you done the flight physical yet. I just took and passed my very last one.  Happy to have passed it but sad it will come to an end.

I used to pull banners around the sky in 172's. Good airplane.

Do the simulator enough and it makes the real thing seem like a cake walk.

Kay I am so sorry to read about your daughter and her tragic loss.  How very hard for her and you too.  You're in my thoughts.

My grief counselor gave me a tool quite  early on my journey which was a circle of intimacy. in the center was me. in the next circle were my two sons, followed by my grandchildren and so on. The  people  who gave me the most emotional  trouble were  found in the outer orbits around me. I realized  how unimportant  those people  were in my life and it helped me treat them as so. It amazed me how that helped me distance myself from the crap they would lay on me.

I still adjust that circle when somebody changes their behavior. 

Maryann  I believe that people closest  inside  our  circle of intimacy are there because we want them to be and they are worthy of being there. Too much contact may be keeping you from your own grief yet you take it for what it's worth. If you need the space then you take it. Fewer phone calls  might be the best way to start without hurting her feelings and allow you your space. I had to do that from time to time myself.  We take care of ourselves first.  we are the center of the  circle and there is room for only one person there.

The  thought of becoming Jewish made me smile because my partner of whom I was a pilot for was Jewish so on layovers I was part of the family. I did holidays with them and when she died I helped pray her into heaven with her family. She became my Jewish mother which would have made my very Catholic mom roll over un her grave I suppose.  But damn do I miss all that.

It's never the religion but the worth of the people who practice it.

Mahalo

Making lavosh this morning and learning new skills. Yup, she put me to work and I love it.

This morning as I sit in the airport ready to fly to Maui I am thinking about Kathy and today which Is the seventh birthday for her since her death. I know I will be celebrating it in Hawaii where she loved to be. This time for the first time I won't be celebrating it alone. This time I will be with the lady I am so in love with. I know she is going through hell right now and all I can do is support her and it is my privilege to do so.

I wish I had the answers but I am certain we will pull through this landlord fiasco. Once you have had a loss so severe as Patty and I have had everything else seems easier to take. She just has grief so fresh that the struggle is magnified.

I love two women. I serve them both. I see the light at the end of the tunnel. Some have a harder time seeing it through the tears.

So Happy Birthday Kathy. We will toast you tonight.

That is so true Maryann how we still have fight left in us even when all seems lost.  We fall down and get up. We will never do things the way they would have done yet we find a way and no matter how bleak a situation, the sun will still rise the next day. All is not lost when we hold their love inside us.

Patty always remember a dream never dies and new dreams come into our lives when we least expect them.   Sometimes it takes one dream to lead us to the next one.

We will get through this. We were always going to.

"But then my brain got used to hard work and running away"

Boy was that me Marty. I wish I had  this article to read six years ago. I think it would have helped my journey be softer.

Thanks for sharing it.

"The truth is, being happy now does not negate the pain of his death. They don’t cancel each other out. I carry both of them. Those two realities share the same space, side by side. They most likely always will."
 

I so believe this to be true. My life now is not my life before.  The pain of Kathy's loss will never end and I cry still today yet I live on because she would want that for me. I know I would want that for her in the worst way.  So when we think about being happy again, let's know right now that it will never be without some sorrow. I haven't been as happy as I am today for years but I will always have grief. I just can't see it any other way. Still I will take this path and embrace the happy. Life is too short to waste.

I keep hearing her say that.

55 minutes ago, Gin said:

Had a major meltdown last night!  Watched Andrea Bocelli on TV.  Al and I went to many, many musicals.  Andrea sang many show songs that Al and I had heard together.   It did not bring comfort, but rather yearning and tears. 

Those moments still hit me too Gin but someday I hope for you that like I have evolved, the music sometimes brings tears of joy and even some sweet comfort thrown in as well.

I don't want to lose the music forever. It was Kathy's music. It was mine too.

How wonderful Kay. Grandma is so happy.

Gwen you are so right about who we were. We can never have the old "us" back. We were people who moved around with someone else who affected how we saw and enjoyed life.  Their input was pretty powerful wasn't it? I have said before that I am not the same any longer but I am still me. Me is the person who re-invents himself constantly as I go through life. I am still influenced by Kathy because I see things a bit through her eyes. I like to think that I take the best of her and apply it to my decisions but with those decisions I am forced to make them on my own. I may be influenced but they are still a new me's decision.. I am now in a new relationship that also influences me. I cannot however deny who I have become over these last six years. What it does do though is allow me to explore new adventures and even though I would be having those new adventures alone had that been the case, I still would be living a different life. Now with that life I honor Kathy by not giving up. That would be the last thing she would want for me.

The hardest part of grieving is to find the desire to continue living but life is short and we never will have this time again. If I am an average male I figure I have maybe fifteen years left on this planet. Those years go fast so I say seize the day. There will be something waiting on the other side but I intend to use this body while I still have it.

I believe that Kathy can see things through my eyes. If that is true then the last three years have been better for her as well as I.

10 hours ago, iPraiseHim said:

 Rose Anne loved and accepted me as I was and loved me in spite of my own faults. She saw the best in me in areas that I did not see.  I miss her; I miss us.  At this point I can not wrap my mind around loving someone else while still morning her loss....

Yet I now have this passion to Fly that has rekindled a hope and lifetime dream of mine.  I can not understand it logically.  But Grief and Joy does co-exist in my life that I never imagined.  So I don't know what the future holds.  KATEPILOT and Patty65 are living examples of New Love and Grief co-existing. Although my mind doesn't comprehend it, my heart does.

I will take all of this one day at a time and hope everyone will do the same.  - Shalom 

The beauty of being loved is to be accepted your faults. Sometimes we see the beauty in certain faults and flaws in another human being. I think George that that is what attracts us to just the right person. Since non of us are perfect the beauty of who we are is made partly because of those very flaws. Of course Rose Anne loved you in spite of them. Kathy loved me the same way. That is what makes it so special.

George let me tell you and everyone else who can't wrap their mind around loving someone else while still mourning your loss. If it ever does happen it will just happen and wrapping your mind around it won't even be a factor. I watched my dad find new love quite soon after my mom died. For him I knew it was to escape loneliness. I watched him hide my mother away and move from his house. I never heard him speak of my mom to any of us children or to my step mother although it probably did occur at some point. For me however, the last thing I ever wanted was another love. Was I lonely for six years?  Oh yes I was and sometimes severely but to replace Kathy? No way. The only reason this relationship I am now in can exist is because I don't replace Kathy. I embrace her in my life with a love that never will end. So that window of co-existence happened to open unwanted, unsolicited, but so strongly embraced. Kathy taught me how to love. Now she is taking me to another level.

However we find joy amidst our sorrow I hope we can embrace it. The last thing any of our lost spouses would want would be to see us lose faith in life and suffer only for the loss. If we find joy in flying or involvement with anything else even traveling without them and seeing new things, we must live on. It is how we honor them best It is how we love them best.

Steve

8 hours ago, kayc said:

Ana, English may not be your first language but you do an amazing job speaking it and understanding it!  

No kidding!

Brad maybe Deedo will se it through your eyes as you go to Europe. I know sometimes Kathy travels with me.

Keep in mind too that grief never really ends but rather it softens  and when you are in a certain frame of mind, you will allow those emotions to come back in. It happens to me from time to time. It hit me just last weekend and I know that if you truly love someone, that feeling never dies.  I remind myself that having been divorced from someone I was in love with, it is truly quite a different thing. I was married then for twenty years but six years after my divorce I had lost all feelings of love and that just isn't the case with Kathy and that has been six years as well. Now as I find myself quite deeply in love with Patty I recognize that my love for Kathy goes on and that is allowed to me.

I had to leave my thinking mind at the door on this one and just follow my heart. I can't think my way in and out of love or grief. I'd be bouncing off the walls on this one.