Helena_d9

Haha hmmm ish positive but not great odds x

P.s i stupidly went on Facebook and unblocked him for a whole 48 hours and it seems as though him and his ex-fiancee have slipped back into their old ways on there...it's lovely to know it's a case of out with me and back in with her...i wonder if they deserve each other the sad, sad people?! I know it's an overreaction but it just makes me mad that was there something to be worried about at the time? It's only liking every single thing that he posts but my gut told me that she wasn't happy about him having his first serious relationship with me after her and i'm sure she wanted to be there for him during everything but she must be a very good doormat to put up with him if he has ever been like this with her, how he is with me. They lost a baby together a few years ago and she cheated on him etc so if he was anything like he is with me then they deserve each other...even though she left the island, but no doubt doormats have no problem in dropping everything and moving back x

Hello All....how much have i missed?! KayC your dog is adorable and sorry to hear about your accident! and i agree with Pollara..go younger, and if you've gone younger before, go even more younger Pollara i found the post so sad from the other side and it fuels the feelings of wanting hang around but he really was selfish to think she'd still be waiting for him after 7 months or so! How can he have done up the house for her without a mention to her? Is she a mind reader? It's things like that which makes me wonder what the hell we are supposed to do. I'm very much a 'what if' person and that's part of the reason i'm still in limbo, because i'm thinking 'what if' he does come back. I think though if he does it won't be for a very long time and if he keeps up the same behaviour he'll have hurt me too much and it'll be too late. How's the holiday planning going Plum? I'm so glad you two are still on good terms to skype and talk, the more my x behaves like this, the more i don't want or open up to him or try contacting him. His mum died in December so it's been nearly 5 months before it all started going pear shaped with us. Hope everyone is well! x

Hello again...sorry for the quietness but it's been a particularly hard weekend! Nothing much has happened except a few text off him on Friday. He text around 5pm to say he'd received the keys but he had said no rush and called me 'huni' - our affectionate term for each other which hasn't been said in a while. He then text me a couple of hours later saying that the keyring i sent back to him of us was a lovely thought. I replied a couple of hours later saying that i'm a lovely girl...what can i say . He replied saying i was and an amazing one too. i was so confused and annoyed so i didn't respond. Last week i said about taking things slow and if we care about each other it's a good start, 8 hours later he replied without acknowledging what i said, i then didn't hear from him for 4 days without an apology or explanation and all i get is a message messing with my head calling me huni?! It's now Tuesday and i've heard nothing from him again. I'm not sure if he remembers i was supposed to have a date on yesterday (it was cancelled due his dad going in hospital - you can't make this stuff up!) but he didn't bother to text or say anything about. I suppose that shows where i am on the list of priorities. The mood i'm in i am not even slightly feeling sympathetic. Millions of people lose their parents or someone they love...does that mean you have the right to treat people like this? That all manners and consideration go out the window? I can guarantee he will probably bending over backwards for his friends but not me. I stood by him and i supported him and i earned the right for him to stick by me. I am so hurt right now and i can't believe he doesn't know what he is doing to me and not care. He is so selfish!!!!!!! I feel low and sad most of the time but sometimes it's easier to deal with but the sick feeling in my stomach goes away. How can he do this to me? I wish i had never met him, i wish i had never supported him and i wish i had never fallen for him. Who does he think he is to treat me like this and get on with his merry life? Sorry...rant over x

That is so true Pollara....it's hard to pretend to do all this but as soon as you aren't interested it all come naturally and they all come back in the end! I've started thinking that certain men like independent, strong women at first and then get annoyed at you for being strong and independant throughout the relationship and not bending to them all the time. I know that the right guy will love you for being that person no matter what but amazes me how sometimes the thing that attracts them to you is the thing some try to change. x

I'm so glad you seem to be feeling more positive Plum and i hope that everything works out ok. I think the worst part is not knowing what is going on or what is going on in their head, which makes it so much harder to be understanding. I'm glad though that he is talking things through with you and i think all your history together will be a positive factor in him not just throwing everything you had away. Thank you for your kind words to all of us earlier KayC, no one as caring as you could possibly end up alone and if everything happens for a reason please know that you and your advice has been a huge help to a lot of people. I wish i was more prepared about grief etc but i was so out of my comfort zone in knowing what to do when it all started with him mum etc i just focused on him and what i could do to help rather than thinking about the after effects. He acted as though everything was fine and living a plane's ride away from his mum made me think that maybe he was ok and that because it was inevitable that he wouldn't hit him this hard....how wrong was i! Whatever happens for all of us i think we've now been given insight into something most people don't know about or have to deal with which surely can only be a good thing? x

Hello so day three of no contact. Every time i think about what is going and how he is currently acting i'm just flabbergasted...it's just so ridiculous! I know i just seem to be writing the same old stuff over and over so thank you for the patience. This is the only place i feel like i can say exactly what i'm feeling to people who actually understand so thank you so much for your continuing advice! Pollara, i was in the same situation in that i was unsure about long distance and he persuaded me to give it a go, he chased me and he was the one talking about marriage (he proposed a few times after his mum's death) and moving and our future and i knew to take everything with a pinch of salt but then as soon as i came around to his way of thinking he backed the hell off. I have to believe he hasn't meant to toy with my feelings but unfortunately he has. I seem to have been searching for answers or some way of making a decision and i know that the 2 options you all mentioned are the ones i have but somehow i can't bring myself decide. I'm not able to say i'm done and it's a case of even though i've now seen him at his worst in terms of behaviour towards me, i still love him. I know the only answer is to carry on with my life and whatever will be, will be but somehow that doesn't seem to make things easier at my lowest points. I'm the same as you Plum, i like the fact he was a man's man but maybe this is what it really means to be a man's man when it comes to feelings and grief. I promise you all i really do believe in the whole what is meant to be will be and if we are supposed to end up together then we will etc but like i said, i'm just having a hard time believing that for myself right now and keep feeling scared over the fact that we may not end up together. He really is an idiot. I feel resentful at the thought of if it was the other way around, would he still be hanging around or would he like to feel like this? How he thinks it's ok to go from I miss you to a phone call to silence but i guess only time will tell what will happen next. I'm so grateful for your help....thank you so much! x

I feel i should print this off just in case x

I realise Google is not my friend right now but i came across another forum about someone in our situation in 2009 (it's almost comforting to know that this happens/has happened before) but some people were saying that grief and death makes you reevaluate your life and choices and instead of letting this eat me up i'd thought i'd post on here.... Does this mean i should face facts that he just doesn't love me enough? That the death made him reevaluate his life and that he doesn't want me in it? That if i meant enough i wouldn't get pushed away? But then why the doubt whether he does or doesn't want to be, why the prolonging of it and not just ending it....why miss me 'loads' after not speaking for 2 weeks? God this is exhausting x

Hello, i have no idea why but it always seems at this time just after i've had lunch at work it just seems to become overwhelming and i feel so low. I'm trying to understand I'm trying to think about the fact that this is so consuming for me and that maybe this is what it is like for him with grief but the trouble is he won't acknowledge if he's grieving or if it's affecting him which leads me back to the question...is it grief or is this him? He still hasn't got in touch so i think the space is happening without me having to decide. How can he go from 'i miss you loads' to a phone conversation a few hours later and him pulling back to now this, back to nothing. I keep getting so mad (i think like you did Plum) when i think about what i've done for him and that if i was in the same situation, how i would never, ever treat someone i care about like this. It's just a complete mind f**k. I think i keep making things so much worse by thinking of the future, about what happens if he doesn't come back, what happens if he's done and moves on to someone else. He hasn't been a very good boyfriend for the past few months and it made it hard when he said it wasn't grief but my fault. I literally have no idea what the hell i'm doing. Do i get on with my life and see if he gets in touch? If it's just friendly chat, how do i respond? My pride feels a little stung about the idea of just responding to him when he feels like getting in touch but is it grief? I wish i just had a crystal ball to see how things turned out but obviously that will never happen It's like i want to shake him and make him see sense. We were so happy and we would make each other so happy together, make him see how good we are together and that he is throwing away the best thing that will happen to him. I don't want him to realise when it's too late. x

Hello Plum, I'm so sorry you were having a conversation with yourself...i was busy wallowing last night in bed watching Sex and the City trying not to look at my phone! How are you feeling about things now? Have you decided to finish it like you said earlier or are you still seeing what may happen? I think if you would have sent that message straight away it may have done more harm than good so well done for sleeping on it. I completely, 100% understand how you felt and why you wanted to say that to him but i think it may have come out of the blue for him and just have read really angry. I'm glad that you were able to talk about things and get stuff off your chest..it would have driven you crazy otherwise! How have you guys left things? Hope you're ok! x

I think you are so right Plum...thank god for the space. Knowing they were only a few miles away or the chance of bumping into them would be horrible. How tempting would it be to give in to the impulses of trying to fix everything if they lived so close. x

Controlling was perhaps too strong to use but this is all part of the doubt of whether i ever really knew him. He can be stubborn to the point of ridiculous and he does want things his own way and that's what worries about whether this is what it's all about now and whether it's worth the wait...i don't know if those first few months were amazing because it was honeymoon period and it would have ended like this anyway and me not liking who is he is or whether this is grief. There's no way i can do another relationship at the minute so there's no harm in that but i just feel at a loss with everything. I'm sick of him constantly being on my mind and being so pathetic but i haven't got the energy to say 'enough now'. Right now i don't even have the energy to face him and say the things you suggested Plum. I just feel at a loss of what to do or think or say and this is what makes me angry at him. He says i'll never know what to him for me being there but i won't if this is how he can be treated. It all just feels too big and huge to deal with. Can't there just be a magic pill for me to get over this and him?! The dream is he can return to the person i knew or i at least see a glimmer of it and i can't. And then the added pressure of future and one of us moving and knowing him he'll expect me to move to the small island that is Jersey without anything and anyone, whereas if he moved back to Manchester and i eventually moved there, he has a life there too but he won't. I just feel like giving up on everything. I'm so sick of flip flopping from one thought and feeling to another. I've been through about 5 different emotions already today and it sucks. x

I think that's advice i just need to stick to! Just get on with my life and be in touch and see what happens. But it's easier said than done. The guy i knew before everything was amazing but i'm starting to wonder whether he really is just a dick or not or if it is grief catching up? My only worry is that a few of my friends were concerned about his controlling nature with me (mainly the age difference) and things being his way. He's stubborn and childish sometimes and i'm worried that he is wanting everything his own way at the minute because of that, rather than the grief. I had a choice of walking away when his mum first became ill and i didn't, i was there throughout it all helping him as much as i could so i doubt i'll walk away from this now but there's only so long a girl can wait and i don't know if it's doormat like of me to do so? Plus do i date do i not? There are so many if, buts and maybes running through my mind. I don't know if i'm going to hear from him today and i don't want to push him so do i maybe text him tomorrow saying something along the lines of him not knowing what he wants at the minute, we need to take a step back and take things slow, that we can be in touch and it's be nice to talk on the phone sometimes etc and see what happens? I just want to get some control back, i feel like i need to say something to him so he doesn't just think i'm waiting around like an idiot? Aaargh...what to do?! x

Hello, thank you all so much for your response! It really does mean so much! I think you're right about not pushing it and being friends for now but i'm resentful towards him for not being being sure about me and us. On the one hand i don't know whether i should be thinking that he loves me and wants to be with me otherwise there would be no doubt and it would be over, but on the other hand if he loves me wouldn't he just want to be with me full stop? I texted him back saying: Ok, hope you get some sleep. Do you want me to post your keys? x He said: No rush with the keys. How was your day? Not falling asleep at your desk i hope x I said: My days been ok, i'm a bit tired now but made it through the day fine! How was your day? Not sure what you mean by no rush? x He said: Day was looooonng!! Tea n bed for me! What i said, no rush x I didn't think there was any point responding so i didn't. This is so confusing! Do i wait? Do i not? Is it grief or does he just not love me enough. I feel exhausted and have no idea what to think or feel. I want to say 'enough' and walk away but i can't....i'm still so sure he's my one even though he's acting like this. It's like i had hope on Sunday, then less so Sunday night and now none. I think even if i got an answer i would be scared he would change his mind so there's no point in hoping for a yes or no about us at the minute/ I just don't want to be another ex in his friendship group. He keeps in touch with his ex-fiancee and i don't just want to be another friend. I feel like he doesn't know what he wants but he's keeping me on a string just in case. I really don't know if it's grief or if he's just messing with my feelings (intentionally or not) Amazing how two weeks no contact (although all with hopefulness) felt easier than what it is now. x

So he responded and now I feel as low and in hopeful as ever. He said: Hey, Yeah, pretty tired. It's gonna be tea n crash tonight! Jet lag has caught up with me!!! I'm glad we spoke last night too. It's given us both a lot to think about x And then he text again saying: I've asked - I'm needed to work on Saturday. And after Vegas I can't afford a flight over either x So no response to what I've said and no seeing him on Saturday. This hurts. X

Hello Plum, Are you super-human or just incredible strong?! I'm so glad you are doing well and that this is your thought process now. I hope you can continue to feel like that and get stronger every day...you are an inspiration I'm still in limbo and made worse by the fact me and my ex are now in touch but i hope that if it comes to an end i can feel just a little bit like you seem to. One day you'll look back and realise that this was all worth it because whatever happens and whoever you end up with, you'll be happier than you ever thought you could be. I hope you'll keep posting and keep us updated on how you are and how things are? x

So quite a bit has happened over the weekend.... Starting with the text i got on Friday about how was i and had i got the keys i got another message on Saturday asking me to acknowledge him. I wasn't sure what to do and sent a polite text back just saying Hello and that i had received the keys and thank you. We texted for a little while and wasn't giving much away and then i snapped and sent two full on messages that had been a build of 2 weeks of no contact from my end. He replied but only to say if it was going/gotta be like this then can he ask about his keys and stuff. I met up with some friends yesterday and handed over my phone and they made me see that i just full on blew up on him and that he was maybe feeling me out and after i had responded it wasn't likely he'd be calling me anytime soon so last night i went down the honesty route and told him that for the last two weeks i had been missing him and that i had been hurt and angry and upset and confused and i may have gone slightly on the attack last night and can we have a phone conversation later that day. He responded an hour later and said that of course we can, that he had missing me loads but i had told him i wanted nothing to do with him (i never said it like that by the way) and after i had blocked him on facebook he was giving me space because he thought that was what i needed. He said asked if it was the wrong thing to do that he knew i wasn't there to pick up when he wanted (part of my rant the night before) and that he hadn't heard from me. That he wanted me to get in touch but i hadn't. We texted a bit more and he asked how i wanted him to support me (present tense) He said he has tried to be there for me and that he would be there for me (present tense) if i had to go through the same as him - i've said i was worried he wouldn't because of earlier issues in our relationship but i think this is me being unfair and maybe because i hadn't realised he was grieving. He rang me last night and we talked for a couple of hours. Basically he loves me and he cares about and he misses me but he doesn't know if he can do long distance again, whether he has the energy and 'commitment' and doesn't know if he wants to move anymore. That where would be in a year or the future and that one of us would have to give. I've thought it through and i think this may just be doubts over the relationship (that obviously i wish he didn't have) rather than grief or not wanting to be with me. He got a little upset throughout the call and got off the phone at around 1am with him saying he'll text me today once he's looked at flights etc about coming to see me this weekend. He even text me saying 'Night x' after we got off the phone like he used to. I thought about things and filled in a couple of friends of what happened and i text him earlier today saying: Morning, hope you're not too tired huni. I'm glad we spoke last night and it's made me think neither of us has the answers about the future or about where we'll be in a years time and i don't think we are secure enough to be able to talk about it properly. But we do love each other and we do miss each other and i think that's a good starting point to see what could happen. We both need to take it slow but i'm willing to try if you are. I do love you after all x I sent that at about 9.40am, it's now 3pm and i haven't heard anything back. I know he had to get a flight this morning from London to Jersey and then was straight back to work as soon as he landed so i'm trying to not think the worse. It almost feels like these 2 weeks has landed me back at square 1, i have no more answers and i'm trying not to worry. It seems like he does want to be with me but i don't want to have to persuade him to be? What do you guys think? x

I think that yes his main focus will be on what he is going through and it will be consuming him but i think if you had a happy relationship then you are there in his thoughts, especially when he feels he can open up. Don't put yourself down too much Pollara. I know you probably don't think you are but it is reading like you are. He is going through a horrible thing that i can't imagine dealing with but you turn to the people who care about you and you ask for their help, you don't shut them out. He is allowed to be selfish for a little while but overall he is being selfish. You deserve to be someone's everything and to be the person they turn to...basically their number one. x

Trouble is that's not the worst thing that could happen because i still don't believe it's really over so the worst thing is that i start to realise or it starts to feels like it is. I love him and i miss him but i can't be with him when he's like how he is. I think i'm going to stick to no contact until he can talk to me about the stuff that matters and hope to god he sees sense. x

Pollara you are making me sound horrible I feel the word 'tactics' might be a little strong and callous but if you think about it i guess i am just playing games, but only in the sense that for me i'm trying something new, trying not to be available to him and to make him realise all the things i've ever done for him and how much i've been there for him. The saying 'don't know what you've got until it's gone' is repeated enough for reasons In my case i became the emotional punching bag. He was angry and would blow up at the slightest thing but only at me. He was fine with everyone else. I remember a couple of weeks before we broke up i was getting ready in his room and he had an argument with me and left to go into the living room where i could hear him laughing with his friends and being all fine when moments before he was shouting at me. He said hurtful things and i took it (trust me i'm no angel myself) so i know that i have done everything and been there. I know that he gets that i'm still here for him otherwise he wouldn't have said anything about waiting in the card. I have a back bone and i can be fiery and stubborn but i had to bite my tongue for weeks and be the calm one otherwise arguments would have just got worse and worse. Then if i would snap and say something childish for a split second and apologise straight away he would still blow up so no contact is my way of regaining control and forcing him to take stock. I got a text of him this morning, the first time i've heard from him since i got my keys back and received the card and didn't respond. It said: Hi, how are you? Hope you're ok Sent you your keys last week - you get them? x I haven't replied and i still won't until he has a conversation with me about something other than keys! a few things went through my mind after reading it. Is he trying to stay friends even though i've said being friends isn't an option and how the hell does he think i'm doing after he finished things and then jetted off to Vegas?! Is he actually just asking about the keys but couldn't that wait until he flies back and is home? Or is he trying to open up communication again and lay the groundwork to come see me tomorrow as we originally planned before we broke up? I think Vegas is about 5 hours behind the UK so that means he text at about 3am. I'd be very surprised if it was a drunk text as that's not his style at all but it does make me wonder why he's texting me on his last day in Vegas? Is the excitement of the holiday gone so now he's getting in touch or has he been thinking about me the whole time? I think that if he misses me and wants to talk about our relationship he can grow some balls and say that, not talk about keys. I think that i love him and i miss him but i also think that he needs to learn he can't treat people like he has and push them away. If he can show some willing then i'll be there but he can't do what he has done and still expect me to be the eager puppy waiting to hear from him and responding when and how he wants. I really think you are better off KayC and i hope you realise how much help you are to people. I read posts from a few years ago that you advised and helped on before i wrote my own. I hope you find someone to make you happy and who can treat you how you deserve! x

Hello, I don't know if this is going to help Plum but i'm slowly realising you can have hope whilst facing the facts. I know with common sense that whatever happens i will be happy again and i will find my way back to being normal and i think you need to remind yourself of that Plum. I know you are so much more invested in your relationship but you will be ok one day whatever happens. I'm finding it amazing how now people know about my situation, people have lots of stories to tell about others going through the same. I understand what you mean Kayc about if you're married there is less temptation to just call it quits because you are tied together so to speak but i know someone who has been married for 30 years now has their husband telling them they don't know if they want to be married anymore because of losing a parent...can you imagine after 30 years that happening to you? It may sound mean but it makes me grateful for the horrible position i am in because usually there is someone worse off. I'm not sure what to say to help because of the situations being different but staying strong and not contacting him is helping me. Whether something has clicked mentally i don't know but the people and the reasons we are on here know how much we care, how much we are there for them so we don't have to remind them by getting in touch. They have to come to a decision about themselves and about us on their own. A text or email here and there is not going to be the only reason things do or don't work out so take some time for yourself, use this to work out what you want and become happy in your own life. We can't predict what will happen but we can help ourselves. I don't think a quick text on a birthday or special occasion is bad but i do think turning it into a conversation is unless they initiate it. Maybe i'm really wrong but i think space is the key to let them sort out their thoughts and feelings and gives them room to come back and fix things if they have the common sense to not ruin the best thing that probably will and has ever happened to them...stupid men folk x

Hello All, sorry for the quietness but i've been trying to just put one foot in front of the other and work through the limbo we all seem to find ourselves in. I know i keep saying this but in my gut it is not over for me and him. I don't know know if i was pushing the thoughts of getting back together to one side before the card but now i just feel like it's backed up my feeling of hope. In my mind it is so unbelievable that he can be so stupid to throw what we had and me away. This week has been hard knowing he's in Vegas but i've been going to the gym and seeing friends and he flies back on Saturday. Am i stupid to think he'll get in touch or even come and see me? Is it possible he's had a lightbulb moment and realised he will never find anyone like me again? I am putting all my faith in 'what will be, will be'. I see no other way of making a person realise than to disappear from their life so they are forced to take stock. We all know that when we go to bed the thoughts we've been pushing away all day come back. I've decided on what i'm going to do in response to the card at any rate. I said once i got my keys back i would send him his mum's flat keys back too and i am going to but i'm sending them on Monday so they reach him the week after he is back from Vegas. I'm not doing it in a callous way but maybe it might do him some good having to wait and check the post like i did for a while because he'll be expecting a response to his card because i usually would. I think once he's over his jet lag and no longer has a holiday to focus on and is back to real life that it might finally hit him that he may have lost me and by sending the keys then it will have the most impact. I'm also going to send the keyring of us back with a tag attached saying 'this belongs to you, love always h'. I cannot bring myself to respond to the card like an eager puppy, he needs to be able to fight for me and us and want to work through this, so this is the only way i know how. What do you think? I'm not sure what i'll do if he doesn't but i think if he's going to get in touch it will be this weekend or the week after once he has his keys but who knows! To make matters worse i've had guys coming out of the woodwork since the split and it infuriates me. I want to be a child and let him know so he can see people are after me and what he's thrown away, i want the guys to go away because they aren't who i want. It's so hard when a relationship hasn't come to a natural end and that's why i still have hope and certainty that this isn't it. It can't be it! Thank you so much for your replies! How are things with you Plum? Kayc, thank you for your advice, i've read a million times over your posts and advice how supportive you've been and how you've come through this and Pollara i'm so sorry you've joined our ranks but at least you're not alone in this! Hopefully hear from you all soon! x

Hello Plum, thank you for your response! I think you are the best person to be helping and i'm sorry that you are going through a similiar thing..i wouldn't wish this on anyone! The only conclusion i can come to is that we are the closest to them, so are the ones that get pushed away. No rhyme or reason to it, it just happens. I don't understand how you can push the closest to you away in your time of need but you can't control someone's thoughts or feelings, and if it is their way of dealing with then more fool then for not using the person who would willingly be there no matter what. We were still in the honeymoon period was his mum was diagnosed and he said he's understand if i'd walked away but i'm not that person, and he was a guy i'd fallen head over heels so i would never abandon him. He has a brother that he doesn't get on with and the rest of the family are scattered so i gave up 3 months to stand by him and be his rock, to go out and get the precribed drugs so he could stay with his mum. The first time i ever met her, she was in hospital and it was hard. I remember staying with him at her flat and hearing her in pain in the next room and feeling shocked and upset but it was nothing compared to what he was going through so i stayed strong.....and this is where it has got me! While ever you don't know there is no way of making a decision. I'm a big believer in relying on your gut and being clear (or at least the majority clear) of what you want to do before you make a decision. Maybe the fact you are unsure means you aren't ready to get out just yet? I don't know, only you know what your limits are and what is going on in your gut and head. I do know that if a person wants space you have to give it to them. They have to come to you if they want your help, they have to make their own decision as hard as that is. They know you are there for them and i think on your personal post on here that he was testing your commitment when he said he would understand if you walk away this time. I think he probabnle is unsure becasue of last time. It's so scary how you can be on one path with someone and then suddenly it changes, they are no longer on the path with you. I think we both have at least accepted that it is out of our hands. I recieved the card 5 days after he said he would send me my keys. I truly believe what he wrote was because of my silence. He had time to reflect and by saying he needs time to focus on him and space to deal with it, he has finally realised that it has had an effect - nice to not be blamed anymore! It's confusing becasue he says he loves me and cares and thinks i'm amazing and that he may live to regret it. If you know breaking up is the right thing to do then why would you think about maybe regretting it in the future? And i hate the the 'maybe one day we can talk'. I'm aware i'm probably over analysing but talk about what? Our relationship? Giving it another go? If he meant friends he would have said friends. And despite what he says i know he is asking me to wait for him. All i know is that i won't be getting in touch with him first. He needs to figure this out and he needs to initiate a conversation about getting back together. i can't do that for him. I was independant and confident and secure, then my focus was on him for his mother and i think it never really stopped being. Previous times when i've tried to get myself back and cooled off he's always been very quick to wonder where i've gone so i guess why should this time be any different! I feel the card is a start to him getting back to himself. He could have just sent the keys after i didn't respond to his text but he didn't, he went and bought a card (we used to send each other cards as we were long distance with pictures etc) and wrote more postitive things than bad. I think i will always have hope until there isn't any. I will just have to live my life as i have been one day at a time but hoping. He gets back from Vegas on 27/4 and the orginal plan was for him to come up and i know i'll be wondering if he will, even if it's just for the rest of his things. If he doesn't i will then be worrying about the week after, after he's over jet leg and has no holiday to focus on anymore, will that be when he comes crawling back? Who knows? I do not want to be with the person he is but if it's grief and he can come back to me then i do want to be with him. I know i'm young but i've had relationships that were bad and this is the first time it has clicked that i could get married and have a family with someone. I love him so dearly but i can't be a doormat. I still have hopes of a future....stupid, silly hope! It's funny how you think a 33 year old man is the one to settle down with and will be mature, but he turns out to be the most immature of all ym realtionships! The Vegas trip has been booked for a little bit but i know in my gut that he should have wanted to go on holiday with me but this is just one of the many things that have changed recently. He won't have considered my feelings for a second but if he has he's doing a good job of hiding it by not finding out for himself. I obviously hope he is having a crap time! Every situation i know is different but for me i say give them space, let them come to decisions on your future alone and deal with what happens. If they ask for your help or to be there then do so and if they don't then live your life. I know that things will work out how they are supposed to for everyone and if you truly can't do it then make sure you are certain and leave but until then, stick it out and know that you've done everything you can. I really thought/think he was my one and i hope to god that he comes back. I'll get on with my days and maybe sometime soon i won't want him back but until then i'll be missing him. I do wonder whether he feels the same. Whether little things remind him of me or whether he wants to tell me something and realises he can't. As my wise Mum said, we were good together and i was good for him...he just seems to have turned into a bit of a dick at the moment! x

Hello pmack, i think i was in your situation a few weeks ago in the sense that i could see a break up coming because of my ex (still hard to write that). I'm sorry to read your last post and how upset you were. How are you doing now? I've found this site so helpful knowing i am not the only one is this situation of grief breaking up a relationship when you have supported and given the person so much and you have just been abandoned. I've only just had the courage to post and respond. it is so hard to take a step back and allow yourself to be pushed away knowing that if they talked to you and if they turned to you, you could help them through it again. How are things going with you Brokency? It was interesting to see that your relationship, against the odds, came back together. x