GuiltHaunted

By the way here is another link that is worth keeping in mind. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/341720-realistic-tips-surviving-end-your-relationship Especially Rule 1 - Nothing is as it seems: "You build up ideas in your head based on your perceptions of others. People fake it, and your mind takes broad liberties when filling in the blanks." I keep telling myself that she is deeply in love with this guy, because I had a chance to look in her messages. But, in reality I still have no idea how she truly felt when she wrote them / how she feels at the moment.

Thanks for the link, fortunately I have been doing that all along. Except after a month when she wrote me a nasty set of messages. She blamed for moving on too quickly and accused me of already being with someone else (which couldn't be further from the truth). The reason was, I posted a new profile pic on Facebook, where I looked happy being on the beach. She jumped to conclusions that I must have been there with another woman. True I was - with my mother!! So I had to spill my guts, how terrible I was doing to have a chance to keep communication with her. A week after I was calling her and did everything you are not supposed to, except for begging. On the contrary I said the had to try this new love affair out and I hoped she would be thinking of me if it didn't work out (doormat). Since then I havn't discussed the relationship again. I picked up my furniture that I had stored at her place a good week ago. I wasn't sad when I was there and she must have got the impression that I was pretty much on top. Except for a moment when I took her hand and held it for a good 3 min (with out saying anything we sat there), no feelings were shared. Anyway, I can't keep this illusion she might come back in a few months. SHE IS WITH ANOTHER MAN NOW! No matter if she may have feelings for me still, will hold hands with me, and answer my messages and call politely (perhaps due to bad conscience?). I spent the day deleting every trace of her from my 2 laptops, my iPad and my iPhone - they were infested with her! All the pictures of her I put on an external hard disk where they will stay till I can look at them again with out getting sad. I deleted her phone number too Now it's up to her...

Hey KayC Thanks a million for taking the time to reply. I am moving on, albeit slowly. It doesn't help that I am not working at the moment and does have a normal everyday life. I DO have a job. Actually everything is going well on that front, just got a promotion and am unable to work due to paperwork that needs to be processed. I am a pilot and got promoted to Captain the day she broke up with me, talk about irony! It would have solved so many economical problems for her to stay with me. (She will have to take 2 jobs to keep the house of her father, and still she will struggle). In the 4 years we were together, I NEVER had any doubts that she was doing anything with someone else. And she would have had plenty of opportunity, as she is a long haul flight attendant (another company than mine). Her moral standards used to be extremely high, and she would criticize and condemn anyone having affairs. Especially colleagues, where as I used tell her to leave people to their own business. I am sure she is feeling very conflicted that she picked up with him that fast. In our last months, we became detached from each other as I mentioned in my first post. She withdrew from me and I didn't know how to handle it, so I withdrew as well. In that time she probably fell in love with the sister's ex. She always told me what a great guy he was and she couldn't understand why her sister broke up with him (2 years earlier). I only meet him once or twice, and never spoke more than "hello" with him. From the opportunity I had to look in her messages (last week when I picked up my furniture), I am 100% sure that she didn't start anything with him until she broke with me. Although I agree that it's pretty awkward that she drives to him the next day to confess her love. I am not trying to defend her, only to explain that she was faithful through out the relationship. Hence, I wouldn't be concerned that she would have affairs if we found together again. Can you give me I direction to the Don Ho quote? Thanks for your time again!

Hi om85, Are you still here... I am curious what your situation is like now, a year later. I have a similar story unfortunately: http://hovforum.ipbhost.com/index.php?/topic/8015-gf-broke-up-after-death-of-father-she-left-for-sisters-ex-boyfriend/

Hello all, I found this forum through a link on http://www.relationshiptalk.net Sadly the father of my GF through 4 years died in January. After 4 1/2 months she (27 yo) broke up with me (37 yo) and immediately (the day after), started a relationship with sisters ex-boyfriend (they broke up 2 years ago, but he remained a friend of the father). The story in detail is posted here: http://www.relationshiptalk.net/gf-broke-up-after-father-died-ran-of-with-sisters-ex-gf-38040331.html Some background info on her: She had a rough growing up due to the divorce of her parents. She had a hard time in school, and got bullied by her sister and brother for that reason, she had a lot of complexes and low self-esteem. She had a depression in her late teens and took anti-depressant medicine until she was 24 (1 year into our relationship). During our 4 year relationship I helped building her up, and she got a lot more independent and self-confident. I always supported her - like when she told me she wanted to go back to study (both siblings have an education, she doesn't), but she was afraid she wouldn't be able to cope. I never doubted that she would and supported her all the way. (Her father died before she started, so now that she dumped me too, she won't be able to financially - the sisters ex is studying too). That is just one example - getting her off the anti-depressant, another... and the list is long. She had a REALLY tight relationship with her father. She always said that her world would collapse when he died. He was having a lot of problems with his heart, so although his death was somehow expected, such an event comes a shock anyway. He could have lived for another 10 years too. Like I read on so many other post here, she distanced herself from me, and I let her - because I had no idea how else to react... We had less and less communication and when we did talk, it would usually be arguments. She didn't show many emotions and I felt useless. In the last month or so she did a lot of stuff with her sisters ex-boyfriend. He helped with some practical issues (getting rid of the fathers guns, as they were both competition shooters). Mid may she broke up with me and immediately started a relationship with him. I want her back, and I know the standard advice: Go no contact, work on yourself and move on and see if she returns by herself. I doesn't help me obtain my goal by itself. I am moving forward, I do a lot of exercise, I am getting settled in my own place and I sleep and eat well (now - not in the beginning). I keep in touch with her about one a week. She never mentions her new relationship, and she doesn't know that I know who he is. What I am interested to know is: 1) What phase of grief she is in? She lost her father 6 1/2 month ago. 2) What is the normal grief period for the described relationship between an insecure girl and her father that meant the world to her? She was/still lives in his house, and after 6 months it's pretty much unchanged (was there last week to pick up my furniture that was stored there). It looks like he could walk in the door anytime still. It took her 3 months before she was able to get rid of his toothbrush. 3) I got a chance to read her text messages (bad boy, I know), and from those it seems like she is really in love with her sisters ex. Their communication resembles how she wrote me when we started dating 4 years ago. At the same time, she wrote a friend she wished she was dead (she has a lot of problems keeping the fathers house financially). What can her new boyfriend expect at this point? (or rather, how long will it last). I figure I got the anger stage, and she broke up with me to escape reality with the feeling of being in love and at the same time find a refugee with someone who knew the father better that me? I know no one can give a definitive answer to any of the questions, but I would be interested in hearing your takes. Thanks for taking your time to read all this!