Kacy

Kay,

What a beautiful sign of the two deer in your yard that Arlie alerted you to. Glad that your puppy dog is there with you today. I think the animals are more intuned to us, in many cases, than our families.

I'm sure this day has been hard and wanted to send a hug your way.

Mary

Marj,

I can relate to what you are saying. Everything in our house is geared towards the dogs also - dog beds everywhere, steps so that the smaller dogs can get on the couch, etc. I never thought that much about it because it just seems that the way it should be. But when I think about other people's houses that have dogs (of course, most of them only have 1), it's not really that way.

And Gb sounds a lot like Allie - she did not act old either. I keep thinking how she would run full speed to the back door from being outside - just to get one little Cheerio. So, not only was her death sudden, but she was too young (at least in her mind and my mind) to die. So, I just can't rationalize it. Sounds like it is the same for you.

I hope today is a "softer" day for you (to borrow your friend's words). We are having gloomy days here with some thunderstorms. So, it's hard not to be down.

(Just wanted to add that you might have missed a post by Nancy right before my one yesterday)

Mary

Marj,

It's so difficult when they leave us quickly - not that there is such a thing as being prepared to let them go. I feel the same way - like someone just reached into my life and my heart and just ripped Allie away. I keep questioning if it really happened, then obviously have to face the fact that it did.

I hope that you are able to get some rest. Sometimes hard to do when the memories keep coming back. It's hard to think of even the good memories, because it just makes you realize even more how much you miss them.

Mary

Kay,

It's hard when they have a sensitive stomach - had one years ago that did. If you ever decide to try to switch, you might want to check out dogfoodadvisor.com. They rate the various foods for quality. You can even look up various foods - low fat, etc. The good thing is that many of the companies are starting to put the # of calories on the bag, so you might want to compare that with what you are feeding. Science Diet really isn't a very good food - unless they've made major changes to it that I'm not aware of - and anything from the vet is generally terrible also. Hard to believe, but true. They do make a ton of money off of it though, and it is not cheap, that's for sure!

Marj was the one having trouble getting her vet to call her back. My regular vet is pretty good about it and I have not talked to the specialist since Allie died and don't care to. The pathologist I had contacted online did get back to me to say that he received the xray I sent (his suggestion) but hadn't tried to open it yet (would have been helpful if he did because I wasn't sure it would open and display properly when he got it). He said he would get back to me. That was about a week and a half ago. So, here we go again! Like Marj, I'm growing very tired of fighting to find out what happened to Allie. Just want the truth - whatever it is.

Thank you, Marj. I know what you mean about not having enough energy to question what exactly happened to our babies. Your vet has not responded at all, and my vet did respond, but I felt like it was more in defense of the specialist than anything. I also talked to a holistic vet that I had consulted with by phone about Allie and didn't feel much better after than conversation. I know dogs die of heart disease and know that it probably would have eventually taken Allie's life, but I don't feel it should have happened when it did. I truly feel that no matter what I said happened, they were going to stick together and not say anything to the effect that Allie should have been admitted to the hospital when we took her to ER a few days before she died instead of being sent home or that she should have been on more medication rather than the very low dose she was on.

I did finally get out of the holistic vet that the 5 mg dose that the one specialist prescribed for Allie was way too low. My regular vet defended that dose when I questioned it several months ago, and then I brought it up again when I talked to her about Allie's autopsy - trying to get her to understand that I did not feel Allie's treatment was what it should have been. It's amazing to me because another vet in her OWN office actually prescribed 25 mg a day for Allie when this all started - but then the specialist said there was no fluid in her lungs and took her off of it after only a couple of days! That is a much more common dose than 5 mg for a dog Allie's size. I've gotten so frustrated that I just don't want to deal with vets anymore. Which leaves me undecided about pursuing (and having to pay more money for) the veterinary pathologist's opinion that I had originally contacted online about interpreting Allie's autopsy report. So, I am weary also.

As for the xray, I would have to wonder if Gb also was in congestive heart failure and possibly had fluid in his lung. Of course, that's just my guess. I don't know if cats get pneumonia. You could ask for a copy of the xray (that's what I did so that I could send it to this veterinary pathologist) and get another opinion from another vet - but my guess is, if you explain the whole situation, they will agree with whatever the ER vets told you. I do feel that your vet at least owes you a phone call and explanation.

Glad you reposted the links above. I need to go thru and reread them. I don't feel that I have gotten any signs from Allie other than the possible blue flowers in the yard the day she died. Do you feel like you have gotten any signs from Gb?

Mary

Beautiful picture of your boys - almost look like twins! Did you ever have trouble telling them apart? Maybe not, since you could probably see differences between them.

Good that Hamish is eating okay and that he seems comforted by sleeping where Gb had slept. It's a big change for them also. Sometimes it's hard to know what to do to help them - sometimes it's hard to know what to do to help ourselves, for that matter.

I find that some moments are better than others - mostly when I'm busy and trying not to think about Allie. But it always hits home at some point.

Mary

Marj,

Your words have hit home with me, and I'm sure others here. It's so hard to understand why they had to leave us. When Lucy, the Cavalier we lost last year, died, I would just sit and cry and tell my husband over and over that I just did not understand why she was taken from us. I feel the same way - don't feel like we were asking for much just to be able to enjoy spending time with our babies. We are not fancy people either. Would much rather spend an evening at home with the dogs rather than be out doing just about anything else. And now, Allie, was taken too. I guess we are supposed to accept rather than question, but I'm having a hard time doing that.

I'm glad that Hamish had a good meal. I'm sure it's harder for him since the kitties were so close and enjoyed each others company. From the pictures you have posted of them, they definitely were two peas in a pod. So lucky for them that you adopted them together, and they were able to spend almost 15 years together.

Enjoy seeing the pictures - hope you will post more.

Mary

Mary,

First off, I have to say you have a true friend in Kathy - anyone who would cook tripe for you is a true friend, IMO! I occasionally feed raw, frozen tripe and it definitely does stink, but the dogs love it.

So nice that Kathy is able to guide you along. It can be overwhelming at first, but I think worth all of the work. I'm sure Bentley will appreciate his new diet. I don't know any dogs that prefer dry food over home cooked - cats maybe, but not dogs.

Keep us posted.

Mary

Marj,

I have sons also, and they don't understand either. I think they try though. In my case, one never even met our last two dogs that we lost because he lives out of state. The other son was living here part of the time, but the dogs were kind of shy, and he wasn't really close to them. I think it's harder for them to understand when the dog or cat is not part of THEIR daily life. Plus, being males they don't really like to talk about loss. At least IMO. The one who lived with these dogs says he will never have dogs because it's too hard to lose them. He talks about 2 that we lost that he was closer to. I hate to say I'm starting to agree with him. Can't go thru this again, although I know I will have to.

Again, not many understand, but we do here. Hope today is a bit better, although I find that even the better days can quickly change to sad days if I don't fight it. Hard not to go back over things and wish they could have been prevented or that we could have done something differently. It's a terrible feeling that I'm not sure how we will live with. Just have to keep hoping that they are in a better place.

Mary

Kay, that must be so difficult. Maybe it is our brains way of protecting our heart. If we could easily visualize them here with us and then have to force ourselves to realize they are gone, it would be like reliving their death again. You can tell by your picture that you two were very happy together.

Mary

I can hardly look at the few pictures I have of Allie. Most of the pictures of her were on our old computer, and we are in the process of having someone get them onto a thumb drive because we were having problems with the computer. Hopefully, we will be able to do that.

Her ashes are in a small box on my nightstand. But somehow when I look at it, I just doesn't sink in - or I don't let it sink in.

One thing I did several years ago after we lost 2 of our dogs that we had had for years was to buy a battery operated candle that has a timer on it. I have it in a really pretty candle holder with a glass cover. It's on the fireplace hearth in the family room. It comes on every night about 6:00 and stays on until after we go to bed. When I look at it after it comes on, it almost makes me feel like the dogs are here with us.

I do think that things like reading a poem or the candle are ways to help us cope with losing our babies.

Mary

Maylissa,

I must be among the very few who feel like once their dog or cat has left them, that it's almost like they were never here. With Lucy, I had those couple of incidents that seemed to come from her, and with Allie, it was the violets and little blue flowers that I spotted in the yard right after we came home from the ER when we lost her. But since then, I don't feel their presence at all - it's like they were never here. It makes me really sad because at the same time, I miss them so much. Doesn't make sense, but that's how I feel.

Mary

Marj,

As we have said on here many times before, most people don't really understand what you go thru when you lose a pet. Even some people who have lost a dog or cat don't understand because their animal just wasn't that important in their lives. With my husband and I, our dogs are very important to us. So, when they leave us, it is hard to deal with. The hurt is always there it seems, just below the surface. With Lucy, our Cavalier, we lost last year, something will trigger a memory and one or the other of us will tear up (and my husband is not one to cry). With Allie, I feel like I just can't totally grasp that she is gone, and it's been over a month. I've decided that I don't care who understands and who doesn't. Allie and I were very, very close and to just go on as if nothing happened would, to me, mean that she didn't mean very much to me.

I am trying to force myself to do things again, even if it's just going thru the motions. I bought some flowers and am going to plant them in a little spot just for Allie and Lucy. Also, found some stone markers online for each of them plus a stepping stone with the saying "Those we have held for a little while in our arms we now hold forever in our hearts". That's my little girls.

It sounds like your kitties are very important part of your life, too, so people should not expect for you to just carry on as if nothing happened. You can always come here where you know people understand.

Mary

Thank you, Carrie. Allie was just as beautiful inside as out. I can't even describe her - she was one in a million.

Mary

Marj,

I agree with Kay - I don't think the pain ever goes away, maybe our brain just becomes numb to it or maybe we just try to put it out of our mind to protect ourselves from it.

The picture of your kitties is so sweet. I'm sure Hamish is missing his buddy. You wonder what they are thinking and if they understand at all. It's hard for them, too, I'm sure.

It's hard sometimes to even think of the good times because then the sadness hits again.

Mary

He's really a beautiful dog. Looks pretty active, too. I've had a few that were overweight and it was definitely the thyroid. Once they were on meds, the weight dropped off.

Are you feeding a higher protein dog food? Do you feed dry? A lot of them are really high in carbs, which really packs the weight on. My 50 lb dog used to get 1 cup of dry twice a day. Now, I have a 32 lb dog (same breed, English Setter), who eats the same amount, and I have a hard time keeping weight on her. She's very active, but he was also very active.

Since this subject has been brought up on this forum, I'm assuming it's okay to post with a few questions about others experiences with an A/C.

I have tried several times over the years to work with an A/C to connect with dogs that have passed away. I would say I have tried probably 5 or 6 different ones. Of those, none said ANYTHING that remotely seemed to relate to my dogs. I would truly like to believe in this and I'm thinking if it's going to work, it should work with Allie, who I had a special bond with.

I just wondered if anyone could share any experiences they have had as far as what made them feel that they, or the A/C, was truly communicating with their dog as opposed to just hearing general things from the a/c ("She is so happy to see you. She is so happy now - she's running around, etc.") I guess maybe I'm looking for something that would instantly tell me it is truly Allie - not something so vague that it could apply to ANY dog.

Any feedback appreciated.

Mary

Huskies are such beautiful dogs. How old is he? Hard to get them to lose weight sometimes. Allie had put on a few pounds over the winter and I had to start cutting back on her food a little, which didn't make her too happy. Had to start measuring everything.

Yes, when you lose one, then it brings back all the memories of all the other ones you've lost over the years. It's sad.

Thank you, Kay. We had always had bigger dogs, except for a little shih tzu that was a stray my son brought home. When we lost her, we decided to get a Cavalier, and then another, and another, and another. They have been the best dogs for us - except for their terrible heart issues. Allie was a joy. She had a mind of her own, but in the sweetest way ever.

Mary

It's obvious the love you had for each other. Sometimes even people who have pets don't understand that love, but we certainly do here. The length of time she was with you doesn't matter - it was the love you shared that is important. You can see in the pictures that she knew she was loved.

Mary

Thank you, Kay. Not the best picture of Allie, but the only one I have right now. She actually looks bigger in the picture than she was. She was only 15 lbs.

Maylissa, you have to wonder why the pictures were damaged instead of those things that you meant to throw out but never did! Doesn't it always seem to work that way? I hope at some point you are able to find someone to restore the pictures. Just never know until you check into it what can be done.

Kacy, I'm not too tech savvy either - explains why I can't figure out how to post Allie's picture. Just learning this new Mac, which may have been a mistake to buy. It was supposed to be my retirement gift to myself, but sometimes is very frustrating. Believe me, the old computer is not going anywhere. I already told my husband that we will pay someone to get those pictures.

I had never been good about taking pictures of my dogs and having them developed back in the old days, but at least took some pics of them when we got a digital camera years ago. Also, convinced my husband and son to take our 4 dogs to a photographer to have pictures taken. Fortunately, it was in her home because it was like a zoo with my dogs. Got some decent pictures - at least decent enough to make me happy. That was right before we got Lucy though, so she wasn't in any of them.

Okay, I'm going to be optimistic that I will hear from the pathologist soon. Maybe you're right, maybe he's just been busy - or out of town. Everyone seems to be out of town in the veterinary world.

As for the autopsy itself, it was done at a veterinary university so the reason it is affordable is because they are learning from it also. I'm guessing the reason they do not want to deal with the public is that they don't want to have to explain things on our level - so it is sent to the owner and to the owner's vet. Also, IMO, the vet, who would have more knowledge of the pet and the whole situation, can then put whatever spin on it they want. As luck would have it, both the vet and the specialist went to this particular university.

I agree that the forums are a form of journaling, but I think of it as more "talking" other people rather than writing things to myself.

Kay, I'm not sure what to do. I just would like them to let me know if there are interested in helping me or not. The weird thing was this pathologist wrote a really nice reply when if first emailed him about how hard it is to lose a pet and how sorry he was. Kind of surprised me actually. He had been out of town and so apologized that I had to wait for a reply. I had originally contacted his pathology business and had been in touch with whomever it is that handles their emails, and then that person referred me to him. Like I said, when I first sent the final report to him, he replied within about 10 minutes time. Then, he mentioned about the xray taken in the ER a few days before Allie died possibly helping to answer some questions and so I got that and sent it along. Don't know if he received it or not or, if he did, was he able to read it okay, as my regular vets office wasn't sure if it could be sent from my computer to his.

I waited a couple of days after sending it to ask if he received it and could read it okay and have not heard anything. So, I guess I'll just wait and see what happens. I don't know but I'm thinking this guy could probably read the report (which isn't very long - only 2 pages) and look at the xray and tell me what I wanted to know - or at least explain what it all means - without too much effort on his part. Of course, I was going to pay him.

As for the journaling, I didn't mind the suggestion but after I explained I'm not really interested in doing that, I felt like the person was insisting I do it anyway. Like you said, everyone is different, and we are all comfortable doing certain things and not doing others. My husband and my sons would much rather do like your son rather than journaling also. I am planning on a little memorial garden for both Allie and Lucy and have already bought a few things. Hoping to get them planted today or tomorrow, depending on the weather.

Also, just found that all of my pictures of Allie that were on my old computer are somehow screwed up and my husband is not able to transfer them to the new computer. So, that is really upsetting. Don't even want to think that I will lose all of them - not only of Allie but my other dogs as well. I did find one still on the camera so will try to post it here, if I figure out how.

Thank you, Maylissa. I do think it is different "here". It's not that I am offended by various suggestions of books or ideas to cope with all of this, but I don't like feeling like I "have" to do something. In this case, it was journaling. Some people are great with journaling and some aren't crazy about the idea. I'm not saying it wouldn't help, but at this point in time, I'm not interested in doing it.

Hoping to hear back from this veterinary pathologist today, but for some reason will be surprised if I do. Have been emailing back and forth for several weeks now and don't know why I have not gotten an answer as to if he is willing to go over the autopsy report or not. When I first sent the final copy to him about a week and a half ago, he replied within a few minutes, asking about what it was exactly that I wanted to know. I sent some questions and then added that I just wanted to get an explanation of what the report actually said, and I wanted it from someone not associated with Allie's care. I told him that we were not able to speak to the pathologist where the autopsy was done. It was done at a very reasonable cost with the idea that you would speak to your own vet to interpret it. He said to contact him after I spoke to my regular vet and we would go from there. I sent the xray, which he said would be helpful, and asked if he would let me know that he got it okay and was able to read it otherwise I would put a copy in the mail to him. No response to that.

For some reason, it seems to be very difficult (at least it has been for me) to find a veterinary pathologist willing to just read the report, tell me what it says and answer a few questions. I realize he did not perform the autopsy so maybe his own findings would be different, but this is all I have and all I will ever have. I had even contacted some veterinary pathologist association asking for help to find a veterinary pathologist, and they stated they do not give out their membership information. So hopefully, I will hear from the one I contacted.

Mary