Kacy

Hi Persie,

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's hard when they've been a part of your life for so long and now they are gone. Some people just seem to be able to pick up and go on with their lives, but for me, it always takes time. I'm the one who does most of the pet care, although my husband helps a little. So, when we lose one of the dogs, I think I feel it even more because a lot of my day is centered around caring for them - letting them in and out, feeding, making sure they have their meds, etc.

Do you have other dogs? Not that one replaces another, but I think it's sometimes easier if there is still one to take care of. Easier, but definitely not easy. Ever since we lost our little Allie a few weeks ago, our house just seems empty and we still have 4 dogs here. But it forces me to at least think about something else during the day because they all need my attention, too.

All you can do is take one day at a time, but believe me, there are many who understand and what you are going thru is what we are all going thru or have gone thru.

Mary

Maylissa,

I just wanted to say again that I'm so sorry for what you are going thru. I think you need to decide what is the right thing for you and go with it. Hopefully you will be able to determine soon if it is worth pursuing, but it seems that situations like this can drag on forever. It also seems so many take the easy way out with their jobs (in this case, the legal aspect of it), which makes things even harder. In our own experiences with lawyers over the years, they put more effort into getting your money than in doing the job they were hired to do. A few exceptions here and there, but very few.

Mary

Maylissa,

I'm so very sorry for all that you are going thru. Sending healing thoughts your way to help you deal with having to handle the arrangements for your brother. So sad that this news came to you on Mothers Day.

Mary

Kacy,

We are seeing the regular vet tomorrow - not the cardiologist. Our regular vet is very supportive (doesn't always show as much compassion as I would like, but I think she tries to be professional). I did receive a card from their office as well as one from the one internal med vet who did some testing on Allie. She is the one who only prescribed about 1/4 of the lowest dose of the lasix back in January, so wasn't of much help. Wonder how they got to be vets sometimes, and she has been around a long time.

Nothing at all from the cardiologist - no card, no phone call. She first saw Allie about 2 years ago for just baseline testing of her heart, something recommended as the Cavaliers get older. I would probably faint if she ever apologized or admitted to being wrong about Allie. Of course, she would be worried about a lawsuit, but even if she knew that was not an issue I think her ego would keep her from saying she was wrong. We still have 2 weeks to wait for the final autopsy report but I doubt it's going to change anything.

We are taking Molly, our other Cavalier with heart problems, to another cardiologist who is 2 hrs away on Thursday. I really can't see going back to this same one, but then if I switch, I put us in a position of having to drive 2 hrs in an emergency or trying another ER - and we already had a discussion about how bad some of them are. If it was during our regular vet's office hours, I think the new cardiologist would work with them. But after hours, we would be stuck - and my dogs always seem to have problems after hours.

So, please send some good thoughts on Thursday that all goes well with Molly's appt and that we like the new cardiologist and, most importantly, make the right decisions.

Mary

Maylissa,

I hope whatever you choose to do today, Mothers Day, that it brings some peace to your life - even if for just a few hours. I wish I had a magic wand for all of us who so desperately miss our babies that would take away these feelings, but, of course, I do not. Sometimes it feels as if we are just going thru the motions of living.

Mary

Today is two weeks that Allie died. It's like she was never here, and yet, I miss her terribly. She brought so much joy to my life that without her, there is just an emptiness. I feel like she was just yanked out of my life, just like Lucy, and it's hard to understand why.

My son brought her ashes home yesterday. He lives near where the autopsy was done and the funeral home that did the cremation. It was hard when he walked in with the bag containing the box with her ashes. It's like there is no denying it now. I haven't been able to look at any of her pictures. I guess that's my way of dealing with her loss - just avoid thinking about her.

We have to take one of our setters for a checkup tomorrow. This is the one I'm thinking of asking the rescue group to find another home for. Have not made a decision yet. I had been putting off her vaccine just because I feel they are unnecessary, but it will have to be done before the rescue group would place her somewhere else. It's going to be hard not to talk to the vet about Allie. This is our regular vet, who is very caring but at the same time, will not dare saying anything about Allie not receiving proper treatment from the specialist. So, I'm thinking for now I will just try to not say anything at all.

I'm hoping to hear back from the veterinary pathologist next week as to whether it is possible to get answers to my questions. If it works out, I will get her opinion plus the opinion of another vet I had consulted with by phone as far as the final autopsy report when we receive it. If they agree that Allie's medication should have been adjusted, then I will meet with my regular vet at that time. I want to have something more than just my gut feeling that Allie was going into congestive heart failure. Not that it's going to matter.

Maylissa, I agree - the specialist has gone on to the next patient and probably hasn't given Allie a second thought, unless she's worried about a lawsuit since she knows we had the autopsy done. Also agree, that people will talk about the "live & learn" notion but as you mentioned, and not many seem to understand, this was Allie's LIFE we are talking about. How do you get past that?

Mary

I had the same questions after watching the video. I didn't see where the vet was negligent. Not that they weren't, but it sure wasn't clear in the video. It seemed to be a rather weak case, and I'm sure they could have found something more convincing.

I don't know about anyone else, but if I felt that a vet was truly trying to help my dog and somehow overlooked something or made a wrong diagnosis, I could at least try to accept that. But when I feel like they are only there for the money and their ego, it's impossible for me to overlook it and/or forgive them.

Mary

Kay,

I truly believe that the pansy taking root on its own was surely a sign from your husband. I don't know why but the pansies and violets always make me think of times past. I think they are somewhat related in the flower family, if I'm correct.

I have a spot in the yard I'm going to plant some this year. After Lucy died, I thought of doing it, but just couldn't bring myself to. So, hopefully this year I will. I did find a beautiful picture of a Cavalier on Etsy, with her head resting on a row of bricks and pansies here and there. Thinking about buying it.

You had asked about a picture of Allie, and I'm going to post one as soon as my husband moves all of my pictures from my old computer to the new. Hopefully soon.

Mary

Marty,

I will check out the links. Thank you. Years ago, I contacted several ACs and have to say that none were even remotely close with anything relating to my dogs. I have thought recently about trying again, but hate to waste the money right now with all of the vet bills if it ends up the same as in the past.

I had one other incident happen about six months after Lucy died. I was driving home one afternoon and all of a sudden, for no reason I could think of, I started to cry about Lucy. When I got home a few minutes later, I decided to check the FB page of the rescue group where we got her. It's not a a very active FB page and no one had posted for a while, so I don't even know why I looked. But there was a post from the adoption coordinator that she was reposting pictures from a previous yearly fund raiser that had been held about 8 months prior. We had taken Lucy to the event. It was the only time we went. I had seen the pictures she posted right after the event and knew that Lucy was in some of them, but when I opened the pictures there she was - in the very first one of probably 40 to 50 pictures. It was so ironic.

Anyway, I will definitely think about trying again.

Mary

Just wanted to add one other thing that I have never mentioned to anyone. After we lost Lucy in February, I started looking for some type of memorial to put together for her. I never followed thru because I guess I was just too heartbroken to do anything. But one of the things I came across was a website about different flowers representing different things. For Lucy's personality, it was violets. I can't seem to find the website again (bookmarked it somewhere), so I don't know why that was the one, but it was.

Last Mothers Day, I was so upset - we had lost Lucy unexpectedly a few months prior, my one son lives out of state and would not be home, and the other son, who lives a few hours away, hadn't gotten home yet. It was early in the morning, and I decided to just walk around the backyard. As I walked along our privacy fence, I happened to look down and there in the corner by one of the fenceposts was one lone violet. Years and years ago, my neighbor had planted violets and I thought they were still there, but none had ever grown under the fence. I felt like it was a sign from Lucy.

On the Sunday that Allie died, when we came home from the ER, I wanted to be outside. The sun was shining and the weather was so nice - a somewhat rare occasion here and certainly not fitting with the events of day. I walked out into the yard, and looked down and there were all of these violets scattered here and there in the yard. Now, they may have been there before and I just didn't notice (and that is probably the case), but they just seemed to jump out at me. Since that day, I've noticed that they have spread almost across our whole backyard.

Yesterday, I was outside walking around again. I have some hydrangeas planted on the other side of the yard - about 100 ft away - from where I saw that violet last year. There was a lone violet of another variety (a lighter color, mixed white white, as opposed to the solid, dark violets in the yard). It was so strange to see it there. Maybe a sign from Allie? I would like to think so, but have to admit that I really struggly with those kinds of things.

Anyway, Maylissa, I hope on this Mothers Day there is some comfort in some way for you. I am not really looking forward to the day either as neither son will be in town and, of course, it will not be the same without my two girls.

Mary

Maylissa,

I totally understand everything you are saying. I sometimes worry too about what would happen to my dogs if something happened to me. I know my husband would try, but I worry that he would forget to give Molly her medicine or not notice when someone needed to go out and then have to deal with messes here and there that eventually would overwhelm him. Sorry to say, but I think some men just aren't good caretakers. Now, if I'm sick, he is with me, but with the dogs, he seems to need to be told what to do. Sometimes, he remembers Molly needs her medicine and other times not. Maybe it's because he knows I will do it, I don't know.

Since 3 of our 4 dogs are from rescue groups, he could give the dogs back to them. I know that Molly's foster mom would take her back as she was crazy about Molly, and I know Molly would get good care there. I don't think he could give her up, though, but with CHF you just can't remember meds one time and then forget them the next.

I do worry about my one setter, as he came from a shelter (and as shelters go, one of the better ones). He has a frew quirks that some may not tolerate and I worry what would happen to him. He's only 5 years old so could be around a long time.

After losing Allie, I seriously considered asking the rescue group where I got Sandy (our other setter) from to find another home for her. I actually contacted them and told them I was considering it. I told them if I decided, I would keep her her until they found another home and actually as somewhat being in the position of being her foster, I would be the one to decide where she went. I just feel like my heart is not into this after losing Allie so suddenly and in such a horrible way. I know time may change that, but I just feel that it will never be the same.

Didn't mean to sidetrack things here. Just making my point that maybe as we get older, we start to worry about things that we would never even have considered years ago. And as for friends understanding - that doesn't happen much here either. Most think we are crazy for adopting these dogs anyway and for spending the amount of money we have for their care (not that they really have any idea of what we have spent). They are more into having a dog as long as it's not too inconvenient or expensive for them. They don't seem to have the "save the world" attitude that I feel about animals. Not judging them, it's just not their way.

A friend who used to groom my dogs (one of the few who understands) once said it is a curse we have - caring so much for our animals that we grieve so when they are gone, and I think she is right.

Mary

Marty,

How very kind of you to check with your friend about Allie's treatment. I truly don't feel it would do any good to pursue filing a complaint. I already am pretty sure my regular vet, who was not involved much in Allie's care after she was being treated by the specialist, will say that congestive heart failure can come on very quickly. I know that is true, but I also know that I tried to tell them she was going into CHF because of the overnight change in her respirations. They always made sure to say that if things got worse, to bring her back in. So, it almost gets the monkey off their back and puts it back on mine. Of course, I keep thinking I should have taken her back in, but with no cardioloigst there, what good would it have done? They seemed stuck on the idea that it was her lung disease causing her problem.

When our other dog died suddenly, I did contact another cardiologist clear across the country to get his opinion of her treatment. Unfortunately, I was so distraught, I faxed the records I had on Lucy that included the cardiologist's name. That cardiologist then stated that Dr. So-and-so was a good doctor and he was sure she did the right thing. He did not want to be involved in any lawsuit, although I told them several times I was not looking for a lawsuit.

In Allie's case, they kept saying the xray was not showing more fluid in her lungs. I don't know if it is possible for a dog to have widespread congestion and not have it show up on xray. I have contacted a company that does animal autopsies and asked if they would be able to answer my questions if I hired them to read the final report when we get it. The person who emailed me back said the vet was out of town until early next week, but he was going to pass along my questions, and he would let me know if she felt they could give me the information I am looking for.

I just don't know why I didn't just give her more of the lasix. Our other dog is her size, and she is getting much more. I guess I just wasn't thinking straight. They had me believing it wasn't the congestion.

Marty, thank you again for your kind words. I know you truly understand, and I'm so sorry about the loss of your own heart dog.

Mary

Maylissa,

How sad that your Sabin's death was due to an incompetent vet with outdated equipment - and then to for her to admit their equipment was faulty is unbelievable. We trust these people to care for these animals that we love and bring to them to help. Don't they understand that? I think that some do, but I'm starting to think they are the rare ones. I used to be so naive to think that they actually are there because of their love of animals and truly care for each and every one of them, but I'm starting to think they only see $$$$ when they see us coming.

Maylissa, you don't have to worry that you will offend me. We are all here to help each other, and I know that whatever is said is for that reason. It's hard with my other dogs - I love them dearly, but it's not the same as I felt for Allie. It just isn't. I do feel that, in time, I will be able to focus more on them, especially Molly who is also dealing with the chf. Who knows how long she will be with us. She is doing great for now, but I've noticed her cough might be getting slightly worse.

BTW, you have not lost your way with words! "Stranger in a strange land"? Maybe many of us posting here feel the same way about ourselves. I honestly would rather spend time with my dogs than with most people I know.

Mary

Mary

Yes, I do. I have 4 - love them all, but Allie and I just had a special bond. They each have their own personality and while all sweet dogs, 2 are just as happy to be outside as to be with me. The other two are sweet and loving, but they are just as happy to be on the couch as to be with me. Of course, all like attention, treats and petting, too.

Allie was the one who was always at my feet when I was on the computer, in the kitchen when I was in there, even had to be in the bathroom with me. She had a way about her that took your heart.

Mary

Kay,

I do believe there is a major problem with most of the veterinary ER clinics. They just are not staffed with drs with enough experience, in many cases. Of course, why would a vet who feels he/she has paid their dues want to work weekends and night in an ER? So, what you are left with is young, inexperienced vets, who even though they may have specialists on call (as in the case of the ER hospital we used), it's not the same as the experienced vet actually being able to examine the dog themselves. Plus, one some cases, these are not just dogs with broken bones or ear infections. They are dogs in life threatening situations.

Twice now, within less than a year, we have been in situations where neither the specialist nor the resident specialist has been in town when our dogs had a health crisis. In both cases, I asked for an ultrasound because I felt like something drastic had happened to my dog (and, unfortunately, I was correct), but there was no one there to perform one. In one case, the dog pulled thru, but waited 2 days for that ultrasound to show that there had been major damage to her heart. In the other case, my sweet Allie, she was not as lucky.

Mary

Maylissa,

I can only agree what Marty stated so well. Maybe you would consider fostering a kitty? I know you must have your reasons for not bringing another cat into your home, and I truly respect that. Only you know what is best for you. But I do agree with Marty - it would be a very lucky kitty to be the one to receive the love and care from you, and we all know that, unfortunately, there are so many waiting.

But again, this would be a decision only you could make. I totally understand if you don't feel it is the right thing for you to do.

Mary

Maylissa,

I'm so sorry for what you are going thru. These animals make such a big impact in our lives and when they leave, it just creates a vacuum that can't be filled. It's such a shame that your neighbor chooses to ignore your feelings after you did so much for her cats. But apparently, she feels that there is nothing more to owning an animal than feeding it, so probably does not understand your feelings at all. And now the daughter wants a dog, when it doesn't sound like anyone even pays attention to the cats. Hopefully, that will never happen.

As for Mothers Day, I know that trying to stay busy when you don't feel like doing a thing is very, very difficult. That's what I've been doing here for days. I can relate to the yardwork, etc. and no desire to do anything. I wish I had an answer or suggestion. Would visiting a local shelter be out of the question? Maybe an hour spent with a kitty or two would brighten their day as well as yours.

Hope you are able to find some peace with all of this. It's hard.

Mary

Thank you so much. I can't tell you how much it means to know that there are people who truly understand, and I know that you do. I feel like I want to scream at people - "don't you understand? I lost my Allie!" My life has changed. People don't understand that. They think you "just" lost your dog or cat. No, I lost my best friend, Allie. She died in my arms. How would you feel if your lost your best friend suddenly?

I keep going over and over it in my mind and telling Allie how sorry I am that I didn't help her. What will make this all worse is when the final report comes back on the necropsy, and my vet will try to convince me that it wouldn't have mattered about increasing the lasix. I don't believe that. Dogs do recover from CHF. They are not cured, but at least their care can be managed. I saw it with my other Cavalier, Molly.

I would like to find a cardiologist who would look a the report and answer my questions, but I don't think any will be willing to do that because they aren't going to want to say anything against another vet. Plus, they automatically think you're going to sue, which I'm not.

Maylissa, I'm sorry to hear there has not been a resolution in your situation. I don't now why, when people are willing to care for and love the animals, they have to be taken away from them - in one way or another.

Thank you again.

Mary

Thank you. I agree there are compassionate vets. My own regular vet is one who has always been there for us. But even with her, I don't feel that I would get an honest answer about Allie's autopsy report because she will not want to go against anything the other vet did. While I understand that, I guess I'm to the point with vets that I'm tired of it. I just want someone to put the welfare of my dogs first.

I feel like I need honest answers to my questions, and I'm not sure where I will be able to get them.

I'm sorry for the loss of Kylie. It's so hard.

Hi Kay,

Thank you for your kind words and understanding. I just miss Allie so much. I love my other dogs but as long as they get a certain amount of my time during the day, they are okay to go off on their own to lay on the couch or run around outside. Not Allie. She was always right there with me, wherever I was.

As for the vets, I truly wonder if there are any good ones anywhere. If it doesn't fit the picture exactly, they seem to be clueless. What's even worse is that so many just seem to be more interested in your money than your dog. There doesn't seem to be much compassion or concern for your dog. When Molly, our other Cavalier, was in ICU in oxygen for 6 days, they never even called when she came home to see how she was doing or if there were any problems. I guess they figured I would call them if there were. While she was in there, the resident vet did call with updates, but then the receptionist would call with a daily update on our bill and asking when we would be able to pay more on it. Every time I would see their # come up on caller id after the vet had already called, I would think something must have happened to Molly and answered the phone, expecting bad news - only to find they just wanted more money. I realize they are running a business and people sometimes try not to pay, but couldn't there be some kind of compassion there also?

That's wonderful that you have your heart dog now. I think they only come along every so often, if you're lucky. In my case, I truly believe there will never be another Allie.

Mary

Last Sunday, about this time, my little Cavalier, Allie, went into a seizure and died in my arms before we could get her to the ER. It was not a peaceful death.

Allie was a rescue that we adopted 5 years ago. She was truly my favorite of all of the many dogs I have owned over the years. We had a very special bond. She was 100% sweetness and joy. I truly love dogs - all dogs. But my feelings for Allie were over and above that.

Cavaliers are prone to heart disease and all 4 of my Cavaliers had heart murmurs when we adopted them. It's almost a given. Allie also was diagnosed a few months back with lung disease. They generally go into congestive heart failure before age 10. Allie was 9. She had some labored breathing in January so we took her to the cardiologist, thinking she was going into CHF, even though her respirations were normal. According to the xray, she was not in chf. They told us it was her lungs. There aren't really a lot of things that help the lungs in a dog. At least with CHF, they can try to keep it under control with medication.

A few weeks later, we took Allie to the internal med dr in the same hospital as the cardiologist to see if she could treat the lung issues. After running many tests, she saw that Allie had a slight bit of fluid in her lungs. She consulted with the cardiologist and then told us to start her on 5 mg of lasix. I questioned that as that is not nearly as much as our other dog had been started on when she went into chf and not the normal starting dose. They assured me it was correct. Allie continued with the labored breathing but otherwise was acting perfectly normal and eating well.

Back to the cardiologist a few days after that, where she promptly changed Allie's meds to the dose I expected in the beginning. Right there, I'm upset. These two vets work right next to each other and yet this vet allowed Allie's dose to be incorrect, even though she knew better. I don't think she was happy that we had gone to the other vet for Allie's lung issues as she felt she could handle them herself.

Allie continued on - no better and no worse. I checked her respirations daily. They are the 1st sign of a dog going into CHF that you will see at home. Her respirations were good, and she was eating well and acting normal. The labored breathing continued though. I decided to try a inhaler treatment that the vet had mentioned, even though they said it may or may not help. They kept saying it was her lungs, and I felt like we should at least try something to help.

After a few days of the treatments, I felt like Allie was getting worse. Last Monday, her respirations went up to 48. They had been 24 the day before. I thought she was going into chf. So, we took Allie to ER that night. I expected them to keep her in oxyen overnight or at least give her a lasix injection. They took an xray and said the fluid was no worse and there was no point in adjusting her diuretics. They offered an inhaler treatment, which I refused. I tried to tell them she seemed worse after the other inhaler medication and that I thought she was going into chf. But they said the xray did not show that. They had called the cardiologist and she had only said to give the inhaler medication.

We took Allie home. The next day, I spoke with the very rude vet tech from the cardiologist's office. She said to continue the inhaler treatments, even though I told her Allie seemed worse after getting them. She said it takes 2 weeks for them to kick in. Saturday night, I was up half the night with Allie. She was restless and having trouble breathing. I didn't know what to do for her because I kept thinking it was her lungs and there really wasn't much to do.

Sunday morning, I felt like she was going to die if we didn't get her somewhere. Going back to the same ER and spending more money did not seem a good option. We have never had a good outcome there no matter what we went for. I wanted to take her to another ER where many people take their dogs with heart diseaes but it is 2 hrs away. That was my plan.

But Allie went into a seizure and before we could even get her to this close ER, she died in my arms. it was absolutely terrible. I can't get the picture of her out of my mind. I know she is at peace now, but she did not deserve to die that way. In my mind, she should not have died at all.

I actually joined this list last year when I lost my other Cavalier, Lucy, very suddenly to heart disease also. She was being treated by another cardiologist and her respirations were actually very good the morning that she died. She literally went out the door to go do her business, seemingly fine as we had just taken her respirations, and walked back in a few minutes later and collapsed and died in my husband's arms. We were devastated. Our regular vet asked about an autopsy, but we refused. I later regretted that decision as we never really knew why Lucy died and I was still struggling with that. She was only 6 1/2 years old.

The ER was holding Allie's body for us until we could arrange cremation since she died on Sunday. Monday morning, when I was thinking a bit clearer, I knew that I wanted an autopsy done. It is not a pleasant thought, but I felt since Allie's symptoms did not seem to make much sense, let alone her death, I wanted to know just what this lung disease was (there are several different causes). We made the arrangements and took her on Tuesday.

A few days later, we got the preliminary results back. Allie died of congestive heart failure. I was not expecting that. The report said she had widespread pulmonary congestion. I was devastated. I have diuretics here that I could have given her had I known. Not only could we have increased the one she was on because she was on the minimal dose, but I had another one that I give my other dog that is even stronger. I don't understand how they could have missed this and kept insisting it was some type of lung disease.

We will not be getting the full autospy report back for a few weeks, but I doubt that will change anything. I have not heard anything at all from the cardiologist - not even a sympathy card. Maybe that will happen next week, but I am not expecting it. They are aware we took Allie's body for an autopsy.

I am so lost without her. She was the light of my life. I have no idea how I will ever accept this. As I said, I was still having a hard time dealing with the sudden loss of our other Cavalier, Lucy.

I am thankful to this group for having a place to pour out my heart. I'm sorry this is so long.

Mary

I read your post earlier this morning and honestly did not even know what to say. I'm not sure I do now - maybe others will have a better response. But I at least wanted to say how sorry I am that you are going thru this. You were trying to do the right thing and obviously had no way of knowing how things would work out.

I have to say that I think I would personally want to speak to this person's vet to understand exactly what effect having FIV could have. I'm not a cat person so might be wrong, but I also thought they could live with the condition, although would need to be an only cat. Again, I'm not sure about that and not sure if this is something that would affect their longevity or not. But I think it would be good to have those answers. As far as your friend, I think I would want to know exactly what the vet told him that caused him to make that decision. I hate to say it, but I feel like one or the other acted very irresponsibly. You DID NOT! You left open the possibility of keeping the cat yourself and did what you thought was right. IMO, your friend should have contacted you before making any decisions about the cat. I guess the only justification might have been if the vet scared him half to death with saying that his other cat would immediately be infected by this cat so he was afraid to even take the cat back home. I realize this won't change anything and possibly you are the type of person who accepts things better than I do, but I always try to at least sort things out - even after the fact.

i know it's hard but please try to remember that you went out of your way to care for this cat - probably something most people would not do. Whatever kindness this cat felt in his life was due to your care and concern. So many people feel that stray cats are fine on their own, but I personally feel that they have a terrible life - some ending up losing their life due to other animals or being hit by a car, or even starving to death. You made a difference in this cat's life, and I hope you will remember that. I do understand where you are coming from, but I hope that you will try to focus on the good you have done - not just for this cat but for the others you have cared for.

Again, so sorry for your loss...

Kacy

Thank you, Kim, for your kind words as well. I had one other thought I forgot to mention. At least for me, I find that as I've gotten older and my life has slowed down a lot, that I seem to focus much more on my dogs than in the past when we always seemed to be rushing here or there. So, I find not only am I more attached to these dogs, but I seem to maybe miss them even more when they are gone because of the fact that my life just is not as busy as it used to be. Plus, I honestly feel like I'm realizing how important they are to me and how big a part of my life they are.

We just need to remember that however we feel is okay. We don't need someone's permission to mourn for an animal that we loved, and if they don't understand that, then too bad!

Kacy

Hi Kim,

I can relate to your experience with grief suddenly hitting again. I think that there will always be things that trigger memories of Lilly - something like a change of season or situation where you might remember something that you hadn't thought of before. I lost one of my dogs in November of 2011. The following Spring when the snow had melted and I was outside cleaning up the flower gardens, I found an old tennis ball that belonged to Cody. It just broke my heart to think of how he would be so excited and happy just to have someone spend some time throwing that old tennis ball, and he would play that game forever. It reminded me of how active and friendly a dog he was and made me miss him all over again. I hated that he got old and sick and his body just gave out. So many people seem to be able to think of memories of their animals with such a good feeling (there's that "normal" thinking again!) and I just don't seem to be able to do that. I only seem to have sad feelings when I think about them.

Today is the 4th anniversary of another dog of mine's death. She had kidney disease and had a really rough couple of months. Then, she seemed to be doing much better - almost back to normal. I remember one day in October before she died - the leaves had changed colors and the sun was shining. She was outside in the yard and I called her to come in. She looked at me when I called her name and just stood there a minute. For some reason, I thought to myself "you need to keep this picture in your mind because you will never see this again" - just her standing by a big oak tree with orange and yellow leaves and the sun shining down. It wasn't long after that she started going downhill and we ended up losing her on this date - March 13, 2010. There are times when I look out in the yard and that memory just hits me again and I just feel so sad that she is gone.

And just one other thought. I, too, can't seem to accept that my little Lucy, who we lost last month, is gone. I am angry and sad and feel like you do - I just want my little girl back. Now, I'm a few years older than you and also feel like a child who wants her own way, but that's how I feel. I have other dogs who I love dearly, and probably equally as well, but I want Lucy back - and I'm frustrated that I can't have her back. I'm kind of mad at the world actually. My husband has basically accepted that Lucy is gone and my kids and everyone feel like I should be "over it" by now, but I'm not.

I don't know how many it takes to make a "normal", but at least there are two of us - so maybe that's enough! I'm so sorry for your loss. I truly feel that losing a pet can be worse than losing a relative or friend because they are more like our children.

Kacy

rebbyreb99,

No, I didn't take it that you thought I was being critical on shelter. I just wanted to explain that Lucy was never in a shelter. She was with a breed specific, national rescue that actually raised money on their website specifically for her treatment. They are a wonderful group and I'm not trying to find fault with them, but I do feel that the vet should not have vaccinated Lucy when she was already dealing with the mange issue. Vaccines are not for sick animals. They are only to be given to healthy animals - but most vets overlook that and give them anyway.

My own regular vet probably would have done the same thing in that same situation. The only difference would have been that I would have told her I didn't want all the vaccinations at that time and the lepto vaccine, I would never give at any time. Most people just let the vets give whatever is standard or whatever they've decided to add to the standard set of vaccines. But I know with my vet, if I had a puppy or a dog that had never had the vaccines and I took them for their shots, I would just say I will bring the dog back in a few weeks or a month or so, so we can divide these shots up and not given them all at once. My vet would not charge an office visit for the second appt because there would be no examination involved. So, while it's inconvenient to have to go back to the vet again, to me it's worth it.

Mary, I think maybe we've met in another life! Everything you and Marty write about are things that are near and dear to me. I actually started getting Dogs Naturally magazine a year ago - the real, old fashion paper magazine that comes in the mail! It was on my Christmas list two years in a row, and my son bought it for me. I have had dogs titered in the past - sending the bloodwork to Dr. Dodds in California (who is running the rabies challenge). My husband and I actually met her several years back when she gave a talk at the boarding facility we sometimes use for our dogs. She is not only a vet but also a human immunologist - so is slightly on the brilliant side!

I also get emails from Dogs Naturally and see the one this time was on rabies miasm. Apparently, I have a special talent for finding dogs with problems that other people never encounter. We adopted an English Setter almost 3 years ago from a local shelter. He was only a year old. We really debated because he was much younger than I really wanted, but was afraid some idiot would adopt him and only use him for hunting (there actually was someone there looking at him when we were there). So, we adopted him. We have had other ES and know they are an active breed. He got his rabies the day before we picked him up. Right from the start, he seemed kind of extra goofy - chasing his shadow or leaves falling off of trees, etc. But he was young, so I just overlooked it. A year later, it was time for the 3 yr rabies shot (which I've been told is exactly the same as the 1 yr shot but that's the way they do things here). Had the vet give the shot during his checkup.

Within a few days (can't remember exactly because it wasn't anything we were watching for), he started acting REALLY goofy. He would act like he was seeing things on the wall. My husband and I would be sitting on the couch and he would literally run from one end of the couch to the other, looking at the wall behind the couch like there was something there - but there wasn't. Then, he started noticing any light reflections - the ceiling fan, light reflecting onto the ceiling off of the chrome on my dishwasher, someone's cellphone reflecting light. It was crazy. I still didn't put two and two together. I tried using a trainer to teach him to settle down, but she suggested a veterinary behaviorist when she saw his behavior. So, off we went - only to be told he probably needed Prozac. Didn't want to do that so tried various herbs. Finally found one that helped a little. Started searching online - still not thinking of the rabies shot until I happened to email someone for information and described his symptoms, and they said rabies miasm. Again, no way to prove but when I read up on rabies miasm, including the email about it from Dogs Naturally, I was seeing many of Connor's symptoms. We also took him to two holistic vets and kept him on two different supplements (with an okay from both that it was okay to use together) up until a few months ago. One of the vets gave him a homeopathic remedy specifically for rabies miasm also. I still will see crazy behaviors in him, but we have just learned to live with them.

I know we are getting off the path here, but I wanted to at least make those comments. At this point for my dogs, I only give rabies and that's because it's the law. I don't board my dogs (except occassionally Connor) and my groomer knows my dogs and doesn't care that they aren't up to date on their vaccines. So. there is no reason for me to have them vaccinated. I doubt they are going to get distemper or parvo since they've already been vaccinated several times for both. My vet's office does not pester me about the vaccine, but generally mention when we're there that they are due and I just say "I don't do those anymore".

Kacy