Leann

Lori:

This is truly beautiful....I feel honored that you shared it with us. Your Mom sounds absolutely wonderful!

Hugs,

Leann

Hi, everybody...

One thing that has comforted me so far is reading. However, I encountered something in my reading this evening which has upset me so much that I'm crying and shaking all at the same time. I'm reading a book this evening that talks about coming to terms with the death of a parent. The author calls the death of a parent as "the end of a part of the bereaved's identity." She also talks about the idea that the adult child has "lost the role of a son or daughter." I just can't get my brain around that idea! I feel I will always be my father's daughter no mattr what! After all, if it weren't for him and my mother, I wouldn't be here! I'm so upset.....can someone help me with this????

Hugs to all,

Leann

Hi, Martha: Going through a loved ones personal belongings is so very hard. Now that it's done, though, perhaps you can relax a bit.

I know what you mean about not being able to go back to your Mom's old neighborhood, the nursing home, etc. I don't think I'll ever be able to go into the hospital where my Dad was treated for his stroke and where he died. I can't even go for their bereavement activities, so I've gotten my counseling other places. It just hurts too much to go back there.

Take care.

Hugs,

Leann

I'm so glad things worked out, magdalyn!

Hugs,

Leann

Hi, Vero: Please take your time. My bereavement counselor advised me to avoid making any major decisions or changes for the first year, as others here have been advised as well. I know I would love to change jobs and relocate closer to my Mom and brother. However, I've been in my current teaching job 14 years and have tenure and seniority. It would be quite a change. So I'm seeking guidance from God; I'm sure he will have an answer for me.

Wishing you comfort and peace,

Leann

Hi, Curlyredheads:

Boy, when it rains it pours! I'm glad to read that your furry friend is doing better. As for your guests, I'm with Shell. Just do what you feel you can do and they'll deal. I'll be praying for your daughter.

Wishing you comfort and peace,

Leann

Hi, Martha: My Dad died in June, so this is my first holiday season without him. From the time he died until about a month ago, I had a backache, right in the small of my back. I visited a massage therapist and she helped somewhat (visiting her was something gentle I did for myself), but that ache was always there. It is just now easing up at 5 months. At three months, I was totally exhausted (still am), yet I couldn't sleep. I was worried, anxious, and keyed up at the same time. My doctor put me on Nivaram and that seems to help me rest better. Dear friends, bereavement counseling, and church have been my lifelines. As you go along, you will find the lifelines that work for you....it's just hard getting through all of these "firsts."

Wishing you comfort and peace,

Leann

Hi, Magdalyn:

This is the first time I've logged on this weekend...my thoughts and prayers are with you that things went ok for you and your family. I truly think the death of parent changes the family dynamic no matter what. My brother and I are closer than ever and we talk several times a week. Even so, it's just not the same. We're both adults, each with busy lives of our own. I still feel disconnected from him and my Mom. Dad and I talked everyday. He kept me in the loop. I guess I'm just going to have to work harder at staying in the family loop now.

Take good care.

Love,

Leann

Hi there: My Dad left is affairs very much in order....even so, there was beaucoup paperwork. He was employed by the state of Illinois and you know how that state can be....plus there was the farm stuff. It is unbelieveable! My brother was Dad's power of attorney, so he had a load to do. But I tried to help him wherever I could. He had to return to work right away and I was off (I'm a teacher). So I ran errands for him, picking up paperwork, dropping them off, making phone calls, going to meetings, etc. I hope that helped him some. I feel for you....this is just a hard thing to do. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs,

Leann

Hi, Shelley: I hope today was a better day for you. I think everything you're feeling is very normal. I thought I was doing pretty well for a while, but have backslid the past couple of weeks. I had a really bad panic attack the other day.....I'm just so fearful and worried about everything and everyone. I guess my biggest fear right now is losing my Mom, too (and my rational mind knows that I will someday), but right now the thought of having to face this kind of pain yet again is about too much. My medication is helping me rest a bit at night, though, so that's been good. I think of you often everyday and wonder how you're doing.

Take care.

Leann

Hi, Shelley: I think it's probably a number of things. When my Dad first passed away, I didn't care who I was around when I cried. I was hurting and I just had to let it out. As time has passed, however, I'm more selective about the people I "let my hair down" around. I guess I just feel some will be more understanding than others.

Hugs,

Leann

Thanks for the encouragement, Shell! I appreciate it!

Hugs,

Leann

Hi, everybody: The monument company contacted Doug and me on Saturday to let us know that Dad's monument is in place. They completed the work on Oct. 30th. So I went over to the cemetery to see it (knew I would have to get over that first time hump eventually....I guess better sooner than later). It is beautiful...the company did wonderful work. I started to cry and couldn't breathe. It's like seeing the monument in place made things real. Now I can work on decorating it for Christmas...I think that will help me.

Hugs,

Leann

P.S. Say a prayer for that Aunt too as she has swollen ankles which is indicative of congestive heart failure (which is what my Mom had) . She is going to the dr tomorrow.

Hi, whiteswan: I'm praying for your Aunt this evening. Let us know how things go.

Hugs,

Leann

Hi, Martha....and welcome. I'm very sorry for your loss. I felt (and still feel) pretty exhausted after my Dad passed away. He had a stroke last December and had been in the nursing home in rehab before he passed away. My Mom came to live with me during that time until we saw which way things were going to go with Dad. In April, he decided he was going to stay at the nursing home and we moved Mom in with him. When Mom left, I was pretty wiped out. She has numerous ailments as well....she wasn't demanding at all (in fact, she worried about being a bother). It's just that her needs are greater than I am. But I would do it again in a heartbeat. It was something I could do to help out (my brother was going to visit our Dad daily and observe his therapies) and my Dad stressed less knowing she was safe here with me. I think what you're feeling is normal....just take super good care of yourself. And don't worry too much about what other people think....go through things at your own pace.

Wishing you comfort and peace,

Leann

Hi, everybody:

I had another crying spell today....several of them in fact. This coming week is my birthday and I got to crying when I began thinking about Dad not being here for that. In fact, it seems like I'm more upset about that than I was for his birthday last week and that was bad enough. I didn't see this one coming.....what's up with that????? Why would my birthday be bothering me?

Hugs,

Leann

Hi, Shelley:

I'm feeling so anxious and on edge myself. I was once so sure of where my life was going and no everything seems so unclear and dark and topsy-turvey. I'm worried about everything these days. I have an appointment to see a counselor next week. My brother and I got together this weekend and he commented on how anxious I am. So, bless your heart, we all seem to be in the same boat right now! I'd rather not be in this boat, but since I am, I'm so glad to have you all with me. I'm wondering if it's anticipating the holidays that has us all out of balance?

Take good care, Shelley. I'm praying for you.

Hugs,

Leann

Hi, Natalie: Things seem to come in bunches, that's for sure. This year, I've lost my uncle, my Dad, and my Aunt (my uncle's wife). It's just a rough thing to go through. I've had lots of crying jags the past couple of days (had one at my Weight Watchers meeting this evening). I've gained some of my weight back since my Dad died, and that upset me. The others in the group were talking about battling the food thing and getting through the upcoming holidays from that standpoint. I'm sitting there thinking, "Geez, not only am I going to have to battle the food/weight thing, I'm also going to have to get through this first holiday season without my Dad and try to control my eating on top of it. Battles, battles, and more battles!" That's when I started to cry and had to leave the meeting. It was just too much right then. Sometimes, you just have to let stuff out (and it's eventually going to come out whether you want it to or not) and it might come out in the strangest places. That feels unsettling, but you'll be better off for it. Take good care and keep talking with us. We understand, believe me. Just give yourself time. You've had quite a jolt.

Wishing you comfort and peace,

Leann

Hi,everybody: I know some of our wonderful parents suffered from a stroke and it's complications before they left us, so I thought I'd put this post here (wasn't sure where else to post). When my Dad became ill, I subscribed to Stroke Connection magazine (published by the American Stroke Association). I received the November/December 2006 issue in the mail the other day. There is an article about the Stroke Treatment and Ongoing Prevention (STOP) Stroke Act. This act is supposed to increase public awareness so that it's more widely recognized as well as ensure more effective treatment of it by those in the healthcare field. The ER doctor didn't take my Dad's symptoms too seriously at first and that cost us some precious time. At the moment, the bill is stuck in committee and the Stroke Association would like to see it passed before Congress adjourns this year. I would, too. It's too late for my Dad, but maybe I can help someone else. I've emailed all my congressmen, telling them my Dad's story and asking them to please pass this bill. If anyone else is interested in learning more about this bill, the article says you may do one of two things. One is to go to the Stroke Association website and type in STOP Stroke Act in the search box. Or, you may type in the following URL: http://www.americanheart.org/presenter.jht...ntifier=3010937

Take care.

Hugs,

Leann

Hi, LAgirl: From the bottom of my heart, I'm so sorry for your loss. My Dad suffered a stroke last December 14th. Up until the very day he had his stroke, he was an active, vital man. He was a farmer; he still helped my brother with the farming, worked with his animals and so on. His stroke left him with paralysis on his left side. The nurses and therapists had to use a lift to get him in and out of bed in order to use the commode. He was so embarrassed that he couldn't wipe his own behind. He kept apologizing to the nurses that they had to do that. He couldn't use his left hand and arm, so I had to cut up his food and feed him. He got angry about his loss of independence and would holler at me (I think because I was the one with him at the hospital and was the one that was handy). Then he would cry because he hollered at me. It was hard, but I tried my best not to take it personally. That just wasn't my Dad; he was hurting. And I was hurting for him because I couldn't make it better for him. Even though your relationship with your Dad was different, perhaps he was angry just like my Dad was (perhaps not at you as much as his situation). I don't blame you at all for feeling upset with your sister; that would have really hurt my feelings, too. It's too bad she made the choice not to keep you in the loop. I'm so glad you found us.

Wishing you comfort and peace,

Leann

Hi, Shelley: Thanks so much for your encouragement. I just miss him so much. It's been a blue week.

Hugs,

Leann

Hi there, Jennie: I am so sorry for your loss. You're just beginning your journey; I felt (and still have my days) similarly to you. My Dad died suddenly and for that first month, I was numb. I would just sit in his rocking chair and rock all day long. After that first month, though, I started having feelings of anger. What you're feeling is normal....it just feels horrible, though.

Chrstal and Shell both made a good point about bereavement counseling. I have been going to bereavement counseling and I attend a support group in my area for adult children who have lost a parent. The counseling was very helpful to me. At the very least, I was given the "tools" for healthy grieving; it was helpful for me to know what to expect. It was also comforting to know that what I was/am feeling is completely normal and I'm not going crazy. You still have to do the grief work yourself, but having this information is empowering. I always knew that I would have a hard time when my Dad's time came. When he died, though, I wasn't prepared for the breadth and depth of what I was feeling; it was bewildering. But with my counselor's help and the support of my counterparts in group, I'm slowly regaining my equilibrium. I encourage anyone to seek this assistance out, especially if it's offered free of charge in your area. It's not a sign of weakness to seek this help; it's a sign of courage.

Wishing you comfort and peace,

Leann

Hi All,

Today seemed a little brighter, I think now that I have been here in the new house for a year I am beginning to feel a little more comfortable... I still miss my old house and of course my mom and dad... But I seem to have a little better of a day.... Take care All and Good night Shelley

Hi, Shelley: I'm so glad to hear you're feeling better today! Here in Illinois, the sun was shining today after three solid days of rain. It was so good to see the sun; it helped my spirits somewhat. Take good care.

Hugs,

Leann

Hi, Bee: My maternal grandmother passed away when I was nine years old and my Mom took it very hard (I understand this feeling all too well now). Anyhow, my Grandpa decided to remarry about a year after Grandma died. My Mom and he had many, many disagreements about this; I can remember our family not going to see him for quite a while on account of this. Mom never accepted his decision to remarry (still hasn't to this very day), but she eventually came to have a peaceful coexistence with her step-mother. They gave each other space to feel as they each did. Now that I've lost my Dad, I can understand how she felt. It would be so hard to see another man "taking his place." Your feelings are yours; you don't have to like his decision. But on the other hand, your Dad seems to have made his decision and he feels as he feels, too. Perhaps a peaceful coexistence is the best anyone can do, at least for the moment. I'll continue to pray that things work out between you and your Dad.

Wishing you comfort and peace,

Leann

Hi, everybody:

Today is my Dad's birthday; he would have been 76 years old. A friend of mine gave me a throw the other day with a beautiful verse on it called "What Makes a Dad." I have looked for the author, but have been unable to find it as of yet. Perhaps somebody might recognize this piece and let me know; I am grateful for the comforting words. I offer it now in hopes that others may find it as comforting as I did.

Hugs,

Leann

"What Makes A Dad"

God took the strength of a mountain,

The majesty of a tree,

The warmth of a summer sun,

The calm of a quiet sea,

The generous soul of nature,

The comforting arm of night,

The wisdom of the ages,

The power of the eagles' flight,

The joy of a morning in spring,

The faith of a mustard seed,

The patience of eternity,

The depth of a family need,

Then God combined these qualities,

When there was nothing more to add,

He knew His masterpiece complete,

And so He called it Dad.

*Author: unknown