mkroberts16

I have sent you all a very recent picture of Bourbon, 8 weeks old!

Yes I need new friends, for sure and this opportunity my breeder is giving me will allow me to do that. She has aksed if she gives me her pick of the litter, will I allow her to show him! (she was going to keep him for herself) I said a loud YES! I have to get away from the negativity I am being shown by my so-called friends. His name is going to be BOURBON! (his sire's nickname is Whiskey!)

Today, Friday, Nov 7th would have been Bailey's 17th birthday. OMG....what a feeling in my heart I guess I still cannot accept what has happened in 2 months. Seems like a bad dream. A few friends saying what is the matter w/ you, Marcia?? You are all over the map w/ emotion / moods?? Well, that angers me....I am still grieving as well as trying to be happy for new pup coming on Thanksgiving....it's a double edged sword.......I wish someone would try to understand..some have even said they do not favore me getting another dog!!!! Oh what did I ever do wrong???

I have been trying to feel better..but it's a struggle..I pray about it daily coming into the apt is still awful..I look for Bailey automatically..... My breeder sent me a picture this mornng of the 5 boys in the litter getting their first bath it was soo darn cute they are now 8 weeks old some will be going to their home next week.. my boy will be coming home to me and Velvet over Thanksgiving weekend so I can spend time with all..for 5 days........I am nervious to say the least I just can't wait to cuddle the little guy......but this time it so different........ Oh Kay..I miss my hubby everyday and it has been since 1982....I still "smell " him, picture him and hear his voice My loss was sudden also...so I was raw for a long long time i think sometimes I would rather have been divorced then suddenly widowed as I was... I have to keep telling myself that getting this pup is all I have now that I can add to my life to "help" me I am TOO alone

Thank you Kay & Mary....You are correct......no "replacement" I remember when I lost my husband suddenly at the age of 31, I stuggled for over 5 years to allow myself some relief and No I can't change my hubby being gone or Bailey being gone, but somehow for me it's wrapping my brain around it. It took me over 5 years to go thru my husband's belongiings..and even then it was awful I have lost alot of people / pets, but husband , mother, grandmother and Bailey the MOST difficult...what does that say? it says they were , by far, the MOST cherished beings in my life.....and Kay, even now, I cry about my Mom and husband. When I lost my husband, my Mom was there for me thru' it all even tho' she was ill herself...until her time came to leave me. I know if my mom was here w/ me she would be all for me getting another pup to love and she would help me keep Bailey in my heart, etc.. So you are both correct, about coexistance. Thank you for your caring and concern..I am crying as I write this Mary, I ahve asked breeder if I may come for another visit between now and Thanksgiving. waiting for her answer.

Thank you, Mary, you are correct, that is my hangup; Surrendering & acceptance as an alternative to "black & white" You know I am weak about "letting go"...fear of allowing myself to be happy over this situation I find myself in. "comflicted".... (I guess some of it is still the guilt)....I have not allowed myself to be happy.

Thank you Kay..you "get" it and I appreciate it....yes you are correct on how I am feeling...all mixed up!! I always want black & white answers and that is not the case... and I am very emotional so right there is a double edged sword!!! I have about 4 weeks to get my act together on all of this. OMG

Thank you for the sweet picture of a BT...my boy will be lighter in color, less black more brown. They are really handsome.I will post picture as soon as I get a good shot of "MY BOY" from breeder I really liked the way I felt at the breeders home......it had everything I need and makes me feel better!!! I hope I will be able to transfer those feelings to my apt once I bring new pup home....that's how my home used to feel!!! It's sad my so called friends here do not share the warmth and compassion toward me in the situation. I really don't get it, because one of them is a HUGE cat lover..... Only one friend here is happy for me...wishes me well......sends me texts asking how I am doing!!! Grief counselor helping, too I bought a few little things for the new guy leashe, collar,etc.. Tomorrow is 8 weeks since losing Bailey and I can't believe the time that has passed it still feels like she is HERE. Thank you all for help, support, caring, and concern and reading materials.......It has made a HUGE difference from the remoteness I have been feeling!!!

That's exactly what the grief counselor told me last night,,,that Bailey loved me and would not want me so very sad.....and she would approve of my getting another furbaby to love and care for, especially since it is the same breeder and that one couple getting a baby from this litter had one of Bailey's siblings who just also passed away also... ! OMG so it's Bailey's family. 16 years later... I felt so good last week, when I was with the breeder meeting the new boys......she is so loving toward these dogs..and gets what I am feeling.Her home is full of Border Terriers..it felt so good!!!!!!!! I still have friends givng me negative comments about getting a new BT........they have not wished me well w/ this at all..I dpn't get it.....but I am staying away from them and we have been friends for many years........so another way I am really alone! I am going up and down daily......I will get new furbaby on Thanksgiving weekend but I have such mixed emotions....... I still have some of Bailey's things in kitchen I look for her whenever I enter the door to apt.....

Marty thanks for the link..I will go there and read....tonight.... I am having tons of mixed emotions my breeder sent me pictures of the "new boy" today..I can't wait to cuddle him, yet feel a traitor to Bailey.....

Kay, yes I have been going to a grief counselor, I think about 5 visits now......she is wonderful...we talk about other great losses in my life: husband, Mom, long time boyfriend, and best friend, Bailey. It helps alot to be w/ her for 1 hour. It's 7 weeks now..and I am all over the place.........Bailey was my BEST ever friend....especially when all others leaving me. I am still planning on new furbaby..but w/ mixed emotions.....

It It is 7 weeks today that I lost Ms. Bailey on Labor Day and you know what? it still has not sunk in....I still hate coming home...and waking in the morning when she most needed me....I was driving around over the weekend doing errands, and thought, OMG we used to go to all of these places together...... Yes..I am getting a new pup in a few weeks..but I am full of mixed emotions I realized that I put so many "human" qualities on Bailey, that I feel like I lost a person and with everything that has happened to me this year,,,she WAS a person in my singular life..therefore this is more devastating than last 3 dogs I have lost. When I lost those guys, I had plenty of supportive people in my life..now NONE I did not go to work today because I felt so depressed....

Yes. I hung a picture of a BT pup on my refrig today to help me ward off the negative sentiments from some "friends" Yes I am still grieving...but I can't stay in their negative atmosphere..its' too much for me to cope with It was so good being w/ breeder last Friday because dogs and Border Terriers are her life..they were everywhere in her house!!! She and her hubby love these guys!!! That's what I need more of....to them Border Terriers reign!!!!!!!! Yes it is 6 weeks now..and I still feel sick when I come home or wake up in the morning I can't believe Bailey is not here....I hate to even say that

Boy,, I am getting negative responses from the few people in my life right now majority of them NOT wishing me well w/ another dog Hardly anyone happy for me expecting a new pup OMG this is so disgusting why can't people wish me well and be happy for me Oh should I change my mind w/ another pup??? so much negativity...why can't they support me??? This is making me so sad.......

Yes it took me 5 years to go thru' my husbands clothes and to disperse his ashes. his family was so upset w/ me. they actually said to me that something was wrong w/ me.... I took a ton of criticism for that..... You know , I came home from work tonight and looked for Bailey....I almost called my cat Bailey..but I stopped myself.....Bailey was just the love of my life more so than the others I had....I was so in love w/ her........we would often fall asleep hugging each other on the floor in the living room....especially when the ex-boyfriend had been nasty to me....( we did not live together, thank God) Oh God, I miss her so

Thank you Marty I will try this evening!!! KayC, I meant get over feeling devastated even tho I am planning on a new pup..I miss her so much I still have not taken everythng away from kitchen where she was sleeping these last months DARN it

Hi..I wanted to post a picture of the "boys" eating breakfast yesterday morning..but can't seem to get it over??? Help??? Marcia

I met my new "man" tonight with my breeder same breeder as Bailey and guess what she told me about another couple getting a boy from this litter, who is a sibling of Bailey's from Bailey's litter 16 years ago who just lost him also, and they are getting a new boy along w/ me from this same litter, OMG I still have to get passed this guilt I have but what a small world.... I am still trying to cope w/ guilt. of "the decision"

Thank you Marty. I will most definitely read from your list. The guilt is very heavy in my heart. I have not been able to resolve it these past 5 weeks. It's like I took Bailey's life. I doubt I will comfortable w/ a new furbaby unless I have some peace over this before he comes into my life in a few weeks.

Thank you for your kind thoughts....and understanding compassion. I am still so "all over the place" about another loss in my life....and when a sudden accident takes a loved ones life, that's one horror, but to actually make the decision to take a life....that is a marked different horror. I guess I am tryng to clarify the two in my mind and not doing very well. I don't know but I have had to make such a decision 3 other times in my life and this one is by far the most horrific.....making me grieve the most , feeling the most remote....

yes....I am hard on myself.....but I am the one who made THE decision and that is what I am having trouble with I just don't feel: "putting a pet down" is a gift to them....????????????? how can killing be a gift??? Today is 5 weeks and I still look for her in the kitchen..esp upon awakening and coming home I still see her in the kitchen........where she was for the last few months of her time Job interview went very well if they call me back..it will be 3 more interviews

I have been in grief many times in my lifetime...(husband, Mom, best friend, and 5 very good doggie companions but this one is really stopping me....I guess because I am so much older..and have NO support group / close friends / significant other / family really shining the light on how alone I am now.....OMG scary.....talk about stark reality

Very good insight..thanks..I feel guilty when I think of new pup instead of Bailey, I guess...... buying new things for him whenever I shopped before, I was always bringing something home for Bailey. I think the whole "put down" "put to sleep", whatever one calls it is the most shocking for me ....it was horrible making that decision. I did not see it as helping Bailey feel better....or as the vet said: "giving her a gift"....I can't wrap my mind around that yet.......................... I have a job interview tomorrow for a much better job in the area that I worked for the last 10 years...(senior healthcare) as a marketing director....I applied 1 year ago and they called me Friday ......very unexpected! So again..my head / heart all over the place........................

Yes.....you are correct........not all are compassionate but she is a parent to 5 cats..so she should understand, don't you think? I am still going back & forth : grief / anticipation, guilt / worry, missing Bailey terribly and I have my doubts about if "I am up to this" new venture...but then again, I worry alot, anyway I did buy a new puppy chew toy, a tiny harness and leash yesterday to sort of solidifiy "new puppy coming"?/ Have a short list for possible names.....oh that really makes me feel guilty..................... Still waves of up & down

Yes..I am floundering and the few friends I have do not "get it" why after 4 weeks iIstill am grieving.... I just texted a good? friend that I am becoming a new mom in about 5 weeks ( the only way for me to feel better) and she did not reply! I want a new "love" yet I am missing a very dear companion...... people are mean...even those who say they are your friend...........................................