mkroberts16

Thank you, Mary....I am very hard on myself....always...so always questioning, etc........ I will try more to "let go"....\ I cna't relax right now......always have to have a plan!! a path..etc...and my path right now feels so uncertain

Well it is now 4 weeks and I feel very confused as to how I am supposed to be doing..... grieving and thinking of a new pup is difficult maybe bcause I have to wait another 5 weeks..... I almost talked myself out of a new pup last night.....'too old""" not ready........have not raised a pup in over 15 years......etc..... I am afraid..I guess..................I hate this feeling I feel like a ship w/o a rudder....and I should know better at my age!!!! I do know I terribly miss cuddling, holding, kissing, even talking to my sweet Bailey...worrying about her....seeing her when I come home..taking her w/ me in the car....etc......................... I'm sorry but I feel so aimless.....................someone have some thoughts to share w/ me???? I feel awful

I can't put this in "order" in my mind or heart I hate coming home

I think my biggest problem is I gave Bailey human qualities and treated her as such..so this is like losing a human. When my husband died suddenly..I could not even think of dating another man for over 5 years...because i did not want to hurt my husbands feelings.....so this is the same to me...... I am looking at pictures of the new BT boy baby, while still grieving heavily.......feeling some happy anticipation..while still being sad every time I walk into the apt.....??? yes I am confused......and all over the place................................

Came home today from being away...I will say it was just as awful opening the door to apt as it has been Even tho' I will be getting a new pup in about 6 weeks...tonite was awful coming home.... I still have so much guilt and emptiness it's just like it was 4 weeks ago yesterday I have so many mixed feelings about not wanting to hurt Bailey my mind is everywhere...I miss her so and I feel so bad thinkiing about a new pup...... I know this sounds mixed up..but I guess I can;t accept Bailey is really gone...yet I need another furry friend to love and care for. OMG..I am an intelligent human being and I can't wrap around this......... I am sorry..I just feel so mixed up......I hate feeling so helpless

It is Sat 9/27 I will be out of town to visit friends until Tuesday 9/30. Won't have access to computer Please don't think I have left the site..... I will post on Tuesday Thank you for your on-going support & compassion.....I feel so "all-over" the place......no peace Marcia, Bailey's mom

I have made a deposit on a new little boy he is 3 weeks old..I saw his picture yesterday he will come "home" ina bout 7 weeks so givng me some time to "adjust"???? Yes..getting my head around this is not happening right now........but I know I can't go w/o another furbabay to love..I'm too alone I'm a little excited but deeply grieving at the same time?????? Thnk you for your support it is so very soothing

Well, I have very mixed emotions over my choice to get a new pup.....it makes me feel better in a way then worse in others.....when I think of Bailey....I don't know what else to do??? I know I hate my apt w/o her here....I feel so sad and depressed w/o her......I just can't wrap my head around what has happened in the last 3 1/2 weeks.......OMG was I wearing rose-colored glasses??? not dealing w/ reality???? when it came to her??? I simply can't get this all in prespective accept,,,it......

Mary what a cuite patoootie a giant love!!! so cuddly!!!!

Oh....great sentiments thank you....I am just having so many mixed emotions about my decision..you know...too soon,.....hurt Bailey...what others will say...you know the stuff....I am hard on myself, anyway, in case you have not noticed! You are right don't think male vs female...just lovin!! and caring!! This boy comes from a distant line (16 yrs) of Bailey's family and the same breeder...same farm!!! I hope that makes her feel better.... I could have gone to N.H. to another breeder to get a female,,but wanted to "keep it in the family"....and the breeder has been so wonderful.................. Thank you all...you ROCK!!!!!

Oh...I hope this is right....but I think it is the ONLY way for ME to go at this time...... yes..my long time vet had said the same thing: That Bailey & I were very important to each other my life centered on HER...especially lately....... Yes, I am little concerned about a BOY pup....but the breeder says I can train him not to pee on everything from the very start....she is going to start him going on flat ground at all time...so lifting his leg will not be as strong a behavior.... OMG......mixed feelings keep churning in my brain...even tho' my heart say's "yes"...???????? thoughts????? Thank you, all.

Oh Mary...so nicely said..thank you so much Yes...get ready for a new furbaby WHILE grieving too very well said This pup is really from a long line of family....cousins, 1/2 siblings etc..and the same breeder so a natural choice for another Border Terrier to love who is Bailey's family, really You are so right.....I am worried about my feelings of guilt and wondering and not hers........she knows only LOVE My friend said tonight that Bailey is wagging her tail for me.....OMG......... I am still all over the place w/ feelings, thoughts, and tears................................

This is Bailey's mom, Marcia I am going to be a "new mom" in about 7 weeks...(Oh, Bailey sweetheart, dont' be HURT) Bailey's breeder had a litter 5 days after Bailey left me, and there is one little boy available..so he will be mine in about 7 weeks Bailey's breeder is a sweet, compassionate breeder..whom I have stayed in touch w/ all through Bailey's life (photo Xmas cards every year, etc) Oh, Bailey, please understand why I am doing this, I loved you so darn much I have to have someone from a long line in your family tree to love again......because I miss you so terribly... Oh, I hope this is good I am TOO alone My emotions are all over the place. over this.......

Thank you for thinking of me... I will re-read it over and over.......I appreciate your kindness and compassion

No..she has only a boy..not a girl..but I will have to re consider..cuz I ahd my heart set on another girl had my 3rd session w/ grief counselor tonight..she is so good! of course after all the loss in my life..I should be "used" to this awful feeling but NOT It's been 3 weeks and she says....it is so early in the process........ this past weekend was the worst...in 3 weeks..I think because the shock has worn off and reality it trying to set in I can't get my head around this...... I am all over the place.....went to work today..but very difficult "I was not really there"

Yes she is being very understanding and compassionate My breeder sent me a message this morning that no little girls are available anywhere closeby and asked me to consider a little boy. I told her i just can't wrap my head and heart around this..... I think because it is bringing out just how alone I really am now compared to just a few years ago and now it is really highlighted.

This is Marcia, Bailey's mom. Today is 3 weeks.....I did not go to work today, I feel so awful. I just can't do anything..its an effort to move today...I don't know what more to do to cope. being in the apt is just not comfortable at all...I just want to keep going away from here.

Thank you all.....3 weeks tomorrow...OMG.......I still get my breathe when I walk into the kitchen..and yet I can look at her lovely 2 portraits in the living room, or my screen saver on my laptop...does this make sense??? I am trying to spent more loving time w/ my cat...(who came into Bailey's and my life 1 year ago)...but as we all know cats are different. She's a cutie I have never had a cat in my life......she kind of found Bailey and I one very cold snowy night up here in CT, as I was walking Bailey...she came out of the dark shadows and followed us for a couple of nights I finally saw she was living under the stairs of a nearby building.....so She became part of our family....... But Bailey was w/ me me over 16 years....thru a lot of life experiences........she was always there!!!!! I am so thankful for finding this site...you have all been wonderful.................

This is going to sound trite and weird but tonight coming home to the empty apt I made a HUGE realization: No matter what kind of day or night I had...work...or anything else..fight w/ the ex-boyfriend, Bailey was ALWAYS there for me when I opened the door if it was a bad day at work, etc...or if I was crying over something ugly boyfriend said, Ms. Bailey was always there and we would sleep together, she would lick my tears whatever until I feel asleep....OMG

Hi This is Bailey's MOM, my first name is Marcia. Thank you Mary & Marty. What helps me when I come into the apt...I start up my computer and look for replies from you! You have no idea how much they help! I feel like I am walking on "sacred" ground being in the kitchen where Bailey spent most of her last several weeks. i know that sounds way out there....but I feel like I should leave everything just as she left it. I am going to sleep w/ one of her little hoodie sweatshirts tonight. I shudder when I think about the reality of what has taken place. Going to the rescue / adoption event was difficult.....I cried.......I did pet some of the dogs for a bit

I thank you for your thoughts..I know there is no "magic" action...I wish there was! I am hard on myself and this makes it harder! When My husband died I could not live alone in our house afterward..I had to move to a new apt. I guess it's my fear of loss...etc...... I really think a new little companion will help in some ways. I may hear from my breeder tomorrow or Monday about any possibiities. Some of my friends told me to a rescue event today, I did...but all dogs were large and I really think my heart wants another Border Terrier,,,,,,,Oh my this is so difficult.......... Thank you again for listening!

Can anyone suggest how to deal w/ coming into the apt w/o Bailey??? I Hate it so....she spent alot of time recently iin the kitchen and when I come home my eyes to where she was...same thing in the morning..she was the first activity I did after waking up feeding her and taking her outside only then could I deal with the rest of my morning routine.... any suggestions to help me thru' this??????

Its so great that they take such a wonderful part of our lives...making it all the worse when they are called away from us. No, I will never replace Bailey, just like she never replace my girl before her, Parsley, The one thing I am having trouble with today is this weekend will be going into 3 weeks and you know, it DOES NOT seem it at all. There are been no time parameters for the most part....just long hours of hurting all running together...... I know I have gone to work, brushed my teeth, etc......but in a huge timeless window. I am so grateful to have found this site and "met" some of you who understand, who "get it" and most of all who CARE about this topic. I am not doing well and you have all been the most understanding. Thank you. Bailey's mom.

Kay..thank you for your concern & help. Hard to think only of myself right now...it's still so RAW handing her over to the ER vet technician walking to teh car,,,etc.... It does help to be here and to read other articles. I have had 2 grief sessions...she is very good.....also very compassionate ans in sightful I feel good when I am speaking w/ her. You know we have all grieved before but you never "get used" to it,,but I do remember how much I hate the feelings each time...... I guess I was kidding myself that Bailey would be w/ me forever.....it just felt so good to be w/ her...I never thought about a time when I would not be w/ her Thank you for your words & thoughts......

Its Bailey's Mom again.OK its been about 2&1/2 weeks. People expect that it's enough time to "be better" "over it"...etc.... Well, let me say...I still have not removed her bed, carpet, etc where she last was in my kitchen I haven't even washed her bowls. I still get sick to my stomach when coming home to the apt...and can't see her there when I open the door. I feel so alone.....I have been filling my time w/ work and constantly being on line: looking at Border Terrier photos, reading articles about pet loss, seeking to find a breeder w/ a little girl, and more......... I have even been reading articles on "end of life" for pets, etc..... I still can't accept she is gone...I can't even say the words.... I am seeing a grief counselor...( 2X now)..... But I feel awful........................