Copperpot

Had a wake for my grandpa last night. We laughed & shared memories. I wish I could feel the same closure about Chester. I keep wondering if I will ever get over it. I go to bed every night still feeling like I failed him. ?

Prayers going out to you tonight ?

I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through Carrie, thank you for sharing your story with me. By the way, my name is Carrie too :-) I know you must be on an emotional rollercoaster with all that is going on. I cant imagine how you must be feeling. It is such a risk to love so deeply and such a terrible ache to know we will have to let them go. To be losing Callie this soon after Ashelys passing, it has to be nothing short of torment. I know how it feels to lose a dog that has been with you for many years like that. I had a poodle growing up that was with us for 16 years & when he passed I felt so lost for so long. I also know that you are making tough decisions & I am praying for you. What you said about Chester was very kind. We absolutely think he was a masterpiece we were so beyond blessed to have him. It all just feels so sudden & unfinished. thats what I am struggling to accept. My thoughts are with you Carrie. I know you will do what is best for your baby .. Thanks anne for your kind words as well. I may never get another big Chester hug, but I am thankful for my other two and I will try to find comfort in them.

Having a bit of a tough day. My grandfather passed away yesterday, so emotions have been very high. I had a dream about Chester, he was laying on me, breathing in my face. It was something he did often to wake me. When I woke up & realized it was just a dream I felt like someone punched me in the stomach. I cant shake that feeling. I have no place to express this. Its tough to talk about losing your dog when the ones around you are now grieving the loss of a person. This is just the time I could really use a big Chester hug

It was a tough night tonight. Made me remember when we first got Chester. We had a party to introduce him to everyone. All the noise & craziness made him lose his puppy mind. Im pretty sure everyone went home with at least 1 nasty scratch. Now, 2 years later, almost to the date, we have another party, but this time we are saying goodbye. This time noone went home with a visible wound, but there is sadness in their eyes. There is a quiet without him that is a terrible quiet. It feels more like the end now. Like every day that passes he is further & further away. Finding it harder to remember how it felt to hug him or feel his paws on my chest. I try to hold on but I cant. My journey continues & his has ended. I can only pray that we will all see them again someday, somehow.

I wish I wasnt but I still feeling some guilt. Sometimes its about wanting to have done things differently, maybe he could have lived..etc.. But I also think of his last days. I was so frantic to try & get him help. I disconnected somewhat. I Feel like I didnt spend enough tome with him, holding him, because I couldnt face the severity of it. I should have gone to see him before they put him under the anesthesia. I would have been able connect w/ him one last time. i want to tell people these things but noone around me really wants to hear. They all just want me to move on. i would love to be able to just move on. But I think everything deserves its due. Or maybe I am just dwelling..

Hamish & GB are so adorable! Im so sorry you had to say goodbye to your GB. I know exactly how you feel about wanting to find their smell. It sounds so strange but I have been searching for my dogs smell everywhere since he passed. I see his dirty paw prints on our ottoman & I cant bring myself to clean them. I came across his heartworm chews today & I broke down for a long time. The reminders are everywhere I turn. I wish I had something profound to say that could make you feel better. I really dont, but I thought I would share a poem my mom had shared with me just a week before our Chester got sick. I walked a mile with pleasure, he chatted all the way but left me none the wiser for all he had to say. I walked a mile with sorrow never a word said he but oh the things I learned when sorrow walked with me. I do believe we learn so much in these moments of darkness. Sending prayers & healing thoughts from a fellow grieving soul Carrie

He was a character. A serious goofball. He was so much fun.

I know how you feel about not being ready. My husband wants to get another dog right away, but as fun a distraction as i know that can be, im just not ready either. You will definitely know when its right

Awesome! One time I got these stamps made with my poodle daisy on them & used them with my christmas cards. People really seemed to love it. Sometimes it is fun to look back & just appreciate the fun they were having in that moment. Such a simple joy.

Had some fun thoughts about chester today. Like when he would fart almost every time he jumped on the bed! Or the time I dressed him up like Burt from mary poppins. I am really trying to focus on these things, so I can get over the memories of those last few horrible days.

Mary, your words deeply moved me. The way that you express through your paintings is magical. I have found painting to be quite helpful as well. I found this site very recently and have found it to be absolutely wonderful. Thank you for sharing so candidly. I am sure it has helped so many and hopefully it has been has been some small comfort for you in this long journey you are on. Prayers for you and your continued healing.

Happy chester

Im not sure if there is a thread for this, but I thought it was be nice to have a place we could share memories & stories about our lost pets. I thought I might start at the beginning w/ our Chester. I remember feeling quite uneasy about it. He was a "designer dog" and even I had many mixed feelings about that. He was pricey, he had to be shipped. What on earth was I thinking? He was the first dog Ive ever had that wasnt a full bred poodle. The moment I saw that little face poking through the travel crate I was in love. He had the most beautiful soft , curly red coat. He had the most endearing big brown eyes and long red eyelashes. He was like an angel. And then we brought him home. From the moment his paws hit the ground he was like a tornado of teeth, claws & raw energy. He tormented our toy poodles virtually every second of the day with his antics. there were many times I thought, there really might be something seriously wrong with him. Had we made the worlds worst decision?? More than once In the middle of the night I would awaken to the weirdest sound, only to find out that he was EATING THE WALL. What?! He would greet people that came to visit by launching his entire body into them. He would dig up pretty much everything in the yard. As crazy as it sounds, through all of this he was teaching me. Helping me to not sweat the small stuff and remember that zest for life I had forgotten about. I even used to call him "big baby" to remind that just because he was bigger than our poodles, he was still such a baby, and the world was still so new. He never lost that wild streak, but he did learn to obey his momma. In the short life he had, he filled every second with fun. thank you for all you taught me big baby. I miss you every second!

Im so sorry. What wonderful little dog. There are certain dogs that we bond to in a special way, for some reason. It is so difficult to let go of them. It sounds like she had a wonderful long life with you and she was very lucky to have you, just as you were lucky to have her. Prayers & hugs for you.

I am so sorry about what you and Greta went through. I lost my very young dog very suddenly & had this same experience with what seemed like incapable vets & even a clueless neurologist. I did what you did & trusted the professionals and we lost our boy. Why didnt they see what I was seeing, why didnt his bloodwork show any signs? Why did they tell me it "wasnt life threatening" over & over?? I am plagued by it. I have terrible memories of his episodes, which were like seizures that lasted for hours. I know, you are dealing with not only the loss, and the shock, but you are also dealing with a trauma. Seeing something you adore suffer like that takes a while to process, especially when there is a lack of closure. You need to give yourself as much time as you need & feel all of those feelings when they come. I do believe things happen for a reason. Try to just learn & grow from this & know that you did all you could. I will be praying for you to achieve peace with this someday very soon :-) might sound cheesy, but shes always in your heart!

I completely agree. We loved intensely, so the grieving is intense. And I wouldnt change that either. Chester was an extreme dog. Extremely ornary and extremely sweet, extremely handsome and extremely energetic. Extremely funny and extremely therapeutic. So I guess I shouldnt be surprised at his extreme exit. I will always miss my "cheddar beans".

I can really relate to this post. I know you must be feeling tremendous pain & questioning everything. We just lost our 2 yr old doodle yesterday & I have no peace about it. When they die so suddenly like that and so young, it feels impossible to accept. The only thing I can offer to reassure you is that the times you had & the life you provided filled Indys short life with joy & purpose. You were lucky to have each other. Prayers for peace & healing for you and your family.

Really struggling today. Just reliving every moment & every time I thought of saying something & didnt or doing something & didnt. I have this underlying anxiety as well. I wish I could offer more support on this site, but I have no insights as of yet.

He had encephalitis. An infection in the brain, caused most likely by an auto immune response. It is treatable. But his brain was I guess too stressed to make it through the anesthesia. This is where my guilt takes hold. If I would have responded quicker, if I would have not hesitated. The what ifs.

He was such a special dog. He brought out the best in us & even brought out wonderful qualities in our other two dogs. I felt like we won a prize having him. Like we were the luckiest people on earth. He was beautiful and sweet, silly, playful, boisterous, just filled with life. The void he has left seems infinite. We dont have children, so we pour that love and nurturing into our dogs. They are everything to us. I know the Lord weeps with us. I try to think of that when I feel the most alone. My heart is truly shattered. Thank you for your words. I know they will come to me in a time I need them.

Thank you guys. I have moments that I can forgive myself and moments that I just get overwhelmed by it. I dont know that I will ever feel right about how it was handled. That is something I will just have to learn to accept. I appreciate your responses. Its great to hear from people who know. Here is my favorite photo of Chester.

Hi everyone. Im new to the site, I just lost my dog today. He was a gorgeous mini goldendoodle named Chester. Started having symptoms a week ago. Just super tired, confused & he would get stuck. Just stand there. We took him in. X rays & bloodwork. All came back normal but he was getting worse. Getting stuck more often, drooling etc. we took into another vet and were told it might be seizures. Gave us pheno barbital. This did not help. After a couple days he could barely move. Took him to a nuerologist. For some reason he perked up & was fine during the appointment, maybe just a little sluggish. She said we could do an MRI. I was a bit worried about spending that much and she assured me she didnt think it was life threatening. When i took him home he crashed pretty hard, just basically layed there. Next day he couldnt move. I rushed him back & they hospitalized him & gave him steroids. This perked him up and he was able to eat & move around. They moved forward with the mri the next morning. But he never woke from anesthesia. I just keep thinking, what if I wouldnt have hesitated??? Maybe he would be alive if I had gotten the MRI that first day. I blame myself. He was so dire & I kept telling myself to trust them. I feel like I failed him. Does anyone know what I am going through? Everyone just keeps telling me I did all I could, but I know I may have waited too long.

I am so, so sorry for your loss. I just lost my dog today to encephalitis. Im inconsolable. He was only 2 yrs old. Started presenting with major nuero symptoms & everyone thought it was seizures. He went under anesthesia this morning to do an mri & never woke up. The guilt I have from not doing the mri sooner, not taking quicker action. Its overwhelming. I know you must feel the same, like you wanted to do more. I wont tell you to be happy for the time you had, it wont help. You have to move forward because you have no choice. You are not alone. The depths of the pain you feel, I know this pain. I will pray for you, that you will find some solice & perhaps someday you can have another baby to share your life with.