Hello all, My kitty Nina passed away yesterday morning. I'm having a very large amount of guilt because I feel I may have waited too long to put her down and feel it was my fault that she didn't die a peaceful death. At the beginning of August, I noticed that Nina's belly was very bloated. I took her into the vet and they took x-rays and did some testing on the fluid. They speculated that it was either cancer or F.I.P but the results came back inconclusive. They discovered from the x-rays that she not only had a large amount of fluid in her abdomen but also in her lungs. Since the diagnosis was terminal either way, I didn't feel the need to do any more testing and just decided to take her home and monitor her until it was time. About a week ago, I noticed she was breathing very shallow. The vet kept her overnight on oxygen and I had them remove some of the fluid from her lungs. They stated that they had only been at 40% capacity before the fluid removal. I took her home last Wednesday and they gave me some diuretics to hopefully ease the fluid build-up in her belly. Since then, she'd been acting more lethargic but was still up and moving around. I had contemplated bringing her in on Labor Day, but she seemed fine. Then she woke me up at 5:30 AM yesterday morning from rustling around under my bed. I pulled her out and she wasn't moving. She could not stand or support herself. At this point, I knew it was time to take her in. I contemplated bringing her to the emergency vet, but thought since the vet I take her to knew more about her condition, that perhaps it was better to wait until 7 AM and take her in then. I sat with, comforted her and waited for the hour to pass until I could put her in the crate and drive to the vet. Only, around 6:45 AM, right before I put her in the crate, she began to throw up and moan in pain. I called my mom immediately on speaker phone and told her as I was trying to comfort my dying kitty, "Mom, I don't think she's going to make it to the vet!" As I was walking down the stairs to the car with her in the crate, she passed before we even got halfway down. Her body apparently just shut down. I am feeling first, an incredible amount of shock. I've never seen an animal die in front of me before, let alone my sweet kitty of 14 years. And I am so distraught that she had to go through the pain and agony of a death like that. I never wanted it to be like that for her. I always thought I would know when it would be time, and I would have time to say goodbye before she slept. Second, I am feeling extremely guilty because I feel I should have known to take her in sooner so she wouldn't suffer. I have been so distraught the past two days, I feel like my face has been hit by a bus. My eyes are swollen and nose is red. My co-workers are worried about me. I tried to go into work yesterday afternoon to keep my mind off it, which didn't prove too well. I worked from home today, which proved to be even harder, since she's always cuddled up to me on the couch while I work next to the heat of my laptop. She wasn't there today. I knew it would be hard to lose a pet, but not this hard. It's proving more difficult than I ever imagined. It was an incredible amount of trauma for both Nina and I to experience her death the way it happened. And I fear it will take a long time to heal from the guilt of not knowing when it was the appropriate time to put her down peacefully. If anyone has any kind words or advice, I really would appreciate them. Even a virtual hug would help. Thank you for listening.
