Gin

Gwen,

So very sorry about all the health problems you are having....on top of the grief.  Hope you find your way through the maze of medical decisions!  Gin

I went to the health club today and overheard a conversation that really upset me.  A woman was relating to another woman how hard it was dealing with her husband, who had an eye problem.  She had to drive him everywhere, do a lot for him, etc.. All I could think was how much I would give to be able to do all those things for Al again.  He was not a complainer and tried to do as much as possible right to the end.  I never felt it was a burden helping him.  Sure wish I could be with him again.

Gwen. So sorry that you are still sick.  Did they do or give you something to help?  I  can imagine that you are really tired of all these ER trips.  Hope you find a little respite.  Gin

Ana, I feel much the same.  So empty and not seeing any change in the future for the better.  Unlike you, I am old and having a hard time dealing with everything alone.  Thinking about you and hoping you are coping.  Gin

Gwen,. So sorry you are going thru all this pain alone.  It is so very hard without our special one by our side.  Hope you feel better soon.  Gin

Katie,. How could it NOT be?  I know it doesn't help much but we are all pulling for you.  Gin

Thanks everyone.  Grandson evidently had several seizures before anyone found him.  He is 26 and lives in his own condo.  His friend found him.  His parents came and called ambulance.  ER gave him a drug for his terrible headache and tried to do an MRI on brain.  He reacted very badly to the headache drug and could not lie still.  He is back home and we are all checking on him.  He has appt. with new neurologist, but not until Jan.  He says he feels better.  The epilepsy medicine he is on makes him very depressed.  Hope they can find a good alternative.  He was diagnosed only about 3 years ago.

Polly,. This is my 4th one without Al, also.  I will set the manger up and that will probably be it.  I am sure my daughter will want me to set up the little fiberoptic tree, but I do not feel like it.  Just got word that my grandson had to go to ER because he had another epileptic seizure last night.  He s 26 and I feel so bad for him.

So very sorry.  We all know here how very hard it is to lose the one most prescious to you.  When you are up to sharing, feel free to come here.  We have all been there and understand.  Gin

Chicago had a bad snow storm last night.  Lots of wind, rain and then a lot of snow.  My neighbor called me early to tell me that a branch from my tree fell on her electric wire.  She called Com Ed and so did I.  They are so busy with folks who have no power.  We still do.  Then I called the tree people to trim my big evergreen.  Or take it down, if necessary.  They were so busy also and never returned my 3 calls.  A lot of branches scattered all over our yards.  I tried to shovel my back stairs, but it was all ice.  Then the front  stairs and again I could  only do a little.  Went back out two more times and ended up falling. Called someone to shovel, and he said maybe tomorrow.  So,.  Forget shoveling!  Cancel a doc appointment.  Do not go to Bible study.   It is going to br VERY cold tonight.  Wait until Friday and it will rain.   This just intensified the grief.  Miss Al so much.  We used to do this stuff together as best we could.  He would shovel one sidewalk square and me the next.   I probably should leave the house, but I really do not want to.   I just have to calm dow

Gwen,

Hope your birthday is relatively pain free.  Sending you hugs and good wishes.   Gin

So sorry, Amy.   it is a very hard road we all have to travel.  My Al has been gone 3 years and I am still miserable.  The horrible raw pain subsides but is always near the surface.  I hope you have family and friends to support you.  Please come here as often as you need to.  Everyone here has been thru this and are very supportive.     Gin

I had lunch with a professional counselor (not grief) dthat I know.  Her first question was, "Well, how do you like the single life?"     I said,  "What do you think?"   She replied, " I guess you do not".   Understatement!  Even she had no clue.

Tom,. It sure is hard.  I absolutely can not do some things that Al and I used to do.  Like going to plays.  We used to go at least once or twice a week.  Never been to another since Al is not with me.  

Yes, Mitch.  It is hard enough to have to be alone so much.  Bad weather compounds it.

Thanks everyone.  I looked at our wedding pics today...bittersweet.  I have a video but I could not bear to look at that.  Too much to see him moving and smiling and alive.

Today marks our 18th wedding anniversary.  What a great day that was!  What a contrast to today.  Al and I wrote and read short poems for all our guests.  Everyone had a good time.  Wish he were here to reminisce.  Just wish he were here for so many reasons!  These anniversaries can be so very hard.

So sorry, Gwen that you are hurting so bad (physically and mentally).   I agree that loneliness is the worst torture.  Keeping busy is good, but it does not take away the pain!  Hope things settle down for you.

gin

Hi Mitch, glad you are back.   My life is so empty and pointless without Al.  It is really tough without them!

Just talked to a friend and she told me about the cruise they are planning in May.  We went with them on 3 trips.  I do not want to be be unkind, but I really do not want to listen.  Most people just do not realize how we feel.  How empty and lonely we are.

Marg,

I feel totally useless, also!  Nothing I do is of any importance to anyone, myself included.  I tried to volunteer, but they did not seem to want anyone at the nursing home.  I am 79 and maybe that turns them off.  They probably think I should live there!  I have considerable pain in knees and back, so it is hard to do too much.  Everything I see or do reminds me of how much I miss Al.  Maybe I should go out and buy some ice cream!

Gwen and Tom,

Me, too.  People telling me about how wonderful the memories are.  No consolation there.   All it says is, "You do not have the good times anymore and never will".  

Hi Marita,. Thinking about you during this hard time.  Mine is 37 months.  In one way it seems like it just happened and then it seems like forever since I saw him.   Gin

Good to see you back.  We missed you.

Joyce,

I know how very hard thes days are.  The 4th anniversary without Al is coming very soon for me and I am dreading it.  We were married for   15 years and I miss him so very much.  I do not think there is an easy way to get thru it.  Remembering things makes it harder for me because I do not have that love and closeness any more.  No one can come close to filling that place in my heart.  Joyce, I hope you can have some peace on this special day.  Know we are thinking of you.      Gin