Tom,
I had to post to you for 2 reasons/people. I came here today b/c my mom died unexpectedly 3 months ago. I'm heartbroken & stunned. She wasn't sick, & all of her 5 sisters are still alive, (despite being older). I am grief stricken. Even though this is the "natural order of things", it does not feel natural at all. But since you are here on this grief site, I know that you get what I mean & I won't belabor the point.
Anyhow, my dad died awhile back, after being diagnosed with cancer 57 days earlier. By the time I digested the fact that he was dying, he had died.
I had a bizarre but cool "visit" with my father that I need to share with you. Thanks to him, I now KNOW that "Something beautiful/amazing, happens to us, later". Ironically, my father probably did more for my faith posthumously, than he had in life.
Here's what happened...
Dad retired from his Federal job & became a chef in his "retirement." He taught "Cooking as an Art Form", (& he was good!). Anyhow, when he was diagnosed with terminal cancer, we spoke of an afterlife. I asked him to try and make contact with me, just to let me know he was alright. We semi joked about it (I'd say "don't haunt me!", "Send money!", etc).
A month after his death, I was listening to a cassette tape of him on the radio, talking about cooking fish. The quality of the tape was good, and it really sounded as if he was in the room with me. Two minutes into it, my metal colander fell off the wall in the kitchen. It made quite a clatter. I went to the kitchen & found it on the floor. I checked the hook on the wall AND on the colander itself, and there was no visible reason for it to fall off. ( It had never fallen off the wall before.) I carefully checked the wall and the colander for slipping or defective hooks, or for any reason for it to just drop to the floor. I could not find any cause for it to have fallen. So I placed it back on the wall with great care. (I admit I was a little bemused. I even thought "Geez, maybe that's Dad making contact with me!")
So I sat down & put the tape back on. Two minutes later the colander fell off, AGAIN! This time, I could almost hear my dad's voice telling me, with some frustration that "Of course it's me! That wasn't easy!"
The next day I made an appointment to see a shrink (b/c naturally I felt as if I must be going nuts). I knew I was depressed but now I wondered if I was "losing it". So I told the shrink everything I just said ^^ above.
The doctor told me what I want to say to YOU..which is this:--
"So let me get this straight. You & your dad discussed him making contact with you after his death. So he died & now you think maybe he did make contact. Now you are here seeing a doctor, to tell you if you're nuts, or 'getting too depressed to think straight'.
Why can't you just look at this as a Gift?"
This ^^^ was the Best "medical" advice I ever got...So I pass it on to you.
Your grand dad sent you a spiritual gift. It's clear to me he wants you to stick around & create a happy fulfilling life for yourself. As a parent, I can say that I DO embrace "immortality" by knowing my children will carry on after I'm gone. It would deeply grieve me to think of them considering ending their lives, let alone with my absence being the cause! That would be a bitter irony.
There's so much more to say and share, but for now, please know your grand dad wants you HERE, living life fully. It's okay to be happy. Somehow I know he wants that for you. More later.
J-