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olemisfit

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About olemisfit

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    Advanced Member

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  • Your gender
    Male
  • Location (city, state)
    Miami, Oklahoma USA

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    spouse
  • Date of Death
    1/1/2016
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    N/A

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  1. Shirley, it sounds like you and Stephen had a fun super bowl that year. I find that the smaller experiences we shared are where I get some of my best memories. I pretty well kept up with the football I'm interested in, but it definitely isn't the same without Cookie's excitement. Once I got her hooked in 2003 she looked forward to each season as much as I did. Even after she became pretty much bedridden we would watch the games in the bedroom, and she would still manage to dredge up her weaker level of excitement. She will be here with me in spirit this evening when it's game time. Thinking about all this has me really missing her today. But that's okay. If I'm missing her that means I'm thinking about her, and us together. And there is nothing else I would rather think about than her! One foot ion front of the other... Darrel
  2. With today being the day for the super bowl, it triggered me into remembering how much fun it was for Cookie and I to share a game together. Because I grew up in Norman Okla. I have always been a die-hard Okla Sooners fan. All sooners fanatics bleed crimson & cream. Everybody in Oklahoma knows not to plan a wedding or a funeral on a Saturday during football season because nobody will come. Everybody will be at the football game or glued to the TV set. But I digress. Cookie spent most of her life being the complete opposite of a football fan. She never understood the game so she thought it was silly. While I was a trucker, I was rarely home to watch a football game. But in 2003 I decided to try something different. By then we both had cellphones on an unlimited minutes plan. So on a Saturday when OU was going to play Alabama I talked her into narrating the game play by play via our phones. So on a Saturday while I drove from Albuquerque to Kingman Arizona we spent that entire time connected to each other with our phones. And by the time the 4th quarter OU football owned Cookie. And that started a tradition for us during football season. This silliness may be hard to understand but all those hours on the phones kept us connected. There is a very high divorce rate with truckdrivers, and Cookie and I both totally refused to become part of that statistic. So, if Cookie was still here with me we would both be glued to the TV this evening, and she would be whooping and hollering with the me. I miss those little things that we shared. Oh, well---- One foot ion front of the other... Darrel
  3. Good morning. And no problems on my end with you including my wife's and the other member's name as you did. And the answer is no to your question about children. It wasn't for lack of trying but in our case it just wasn't meant to be. So we just surrounded ourselves with fur babies over the years. I'm allergic to cats, so it was always dogs. My best count is 16 of them that graced our lives and all were rescue cases except for the first 2 we had. "My" Cookie and I had both outlived both of our families so I am all alone now. The Lord blessed me in so many ways, the best of which was giving me 41 years of bliss with my Cookie. But unto each life a little rain must fall. My life now isn't so blissful, but the life Cookie and I shared makes it all worth it. I noticed on your profile that you and I almost share the same birthday. Mine is Feb. 20th. So-Happy (early) Birthday. One foot in front of the other... Darrel
  4. I woke up this morning with this song from better days on my mind. I'm not smart enough to know whether it's mentally healthy or not, but my lifeline now seems to be living in the past and remembering the better happier times. I hope everyone is having some better days. One foot in front of the other... Darrel
  5. So very true Kieron. Cookie and I both l loved to do things for each other. She didn't have a selfish bone in her body. For at least 20 years she would make the german choc. cake as my birthday cake. It took a lot of work and time to make one entirely from scratch. That sucker would be as heavy as an anvil because of all the ingredient but geez were they ever good. I never was any good in a kitchen. I eventually figured out why. I just wasn't interested in indoor cooking. I'm okay with a bbq grill, but indoors I couldn't boil water without burning it. I would try anything on a grill. Give me some thick sliced bologna and some bbq sauce and I'm totally happy. Since Cookie passed I've learned how to cook indoors. But nothing I throw together can hold a candle to Cookie's version. But then I no longer eat for enjoyment anymore. I hope this finds you well, my friend.
  6. Kay, I hope this finds you well...and warm. The older I get the more I dislike cold weather. I got terribly spoiled by the mild winters down yonder in the Houston area (I never have been able to find where "yonder" is on my atlas!). Winters down there just called for a light jacket. We were supposed to get about 4 inches of snow here last Saturday, but we woke up to a VERY light dusting. That disn't disappoint me one bit. I check the forum here most days, but I find that I'm just a bit hesitant to make comments as freely as I used to. It's my own fault. I made a terrible (expletive deleted) out of myself a time or two here. I still regret it, but sometimes it's hard to mop up all that spilled milk. I keep myself occupied most days trying to get a book written. Hemingway I'm not! I've never done anything like it before, and it's a bit daunting. I'm wanting it to be a self-help sort of thing. How to deal with adversity and look for ways and reasons to get up each day and put one foot in front of the other. That sort of subject matter. I may never get it done. But even if I don't it's giving me a way to deal with my moods better. My 70th birthday is coming up next month. I sure wish Cookie was here to make me one of her homemade German choc. cakes. Everything was made from scratch. Even the icing. My mouth still waters just thinking about her cooking. The best ingredient was her love that she put into everything she touched. BE WELL EVERYONE! Try to find something to smile about today. One foot in front of the other... Darrel
  7. Karen, I'm sitting here today just going back through some old threads, and just read this post of yours. My wife and I lived in Holbrook operating a Comfort Inn for several years. Cookie started collecting kachinas while we lived there. They are so uniquely beautiful. And there is no such thing as 2 of a kind. Be well. Wish I had your sunshine and warm temps these days. One foot in front of the other... Darrel
  8. Thank you for sharing that CairnLady. I've never seen it before. Things like that do seem to lighten the load, even if only temporarily. Thanks very much! One foot in front of the other... Darrel Cookie left this for me in one of here journals. I like it also...
  9. Thanks for the kind words Shirley. I aim to please! lol I pray you started this new year with a good day today. Have you smiled today? It isn't to late-the day ain't over yet. I did manage to smile today---and my face didn't even crack. How bout them apples! Something to maybe brighten your day !
  10. Well folks, I hope and pray that 2019 is a better year for all of us. Lord knows, we deserve it! So today begins year #4 for me. The day that is supposed to be full of hope and promise for us turned into a day of sadness for me 3 years ago. I spent a big part of yesterday trying to think of ways to make 2019 a better year for myself. I am tired of these constant carpet burns on my chin. I don't like constantly being depressed and unhappy any more than anyone else does. It's not a fun place to be. There will always be those trigger events that will cause me to backslide, but my objective for this new year is to try harder to find something each day to smile about. I flipped through our picture album a while ago, and I got through it without my eyes leaking any. If I didn't have my memories I really would be out there wandering around in the proverbial ugly wilderness. I have no concrete way of knowing that Cookie and I actually will have our reunion in heaven. Heck, it could just be a pipe dream I have. But I choose to believe it will happen. Thank goodness that faith and hope are free. So long as it's free, I will always keep my bucket full of them both. HAPPY NEW YEAR, ONE AND ALL! One foot in front of the other... Darrel
  11. Those of us that weren't used to the severe winters there used to wonder if the pet stores there sold penguins to have as pets. lol I was there for 2 years and I remember 1 snow storm being so heavy that the chow hall was TOTALLY buried in snow. Survival food was kept in the barracks storeroom for these sorts of reasons. The chow hall was closed down for about a week and we couldn't get to our cars to go anywhere. All the stories we all used to hear about how bad c rations were all were pretty much true. UGH!!!!
  12. While I was in the Air Force I was stationed at a base in North Dakota. I had never experienced winters that severe before being there. The coldest temp I experienced was -70 degrees (with the chill factor). Yeah, you read that right. _70 (fahrenheit)! Is it even possible to put on enough layers for that kind of cold?! I finally volunteered to go back to southeast Asia for another year just to get away from North Dakota. BRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!
  13. Gwen, here's hoping you're feeling better today. It's easy for me to understand your life as it is now because mine so closely mirrors yours. No social life. I spend about $45/month just to have a cellphone that I rarely use. I keep it going for emergency kinds of needs, but it isn't uncommon at all for me to go entire months without making or receiving calls to or from anyone one. Just those infernal robo calls that I hang up on. If somebody wants my car insurance business they should have the common decency to call me in person. No matter how starved I may be for human contact I refuse to carry on a conversation with a "robot"! Because I retired early for caregiver reasons my income has really sucked since Cookie passed. I try not to complain about my lot in life as it is now. I walked into it voluntarily, and would do it the same way if there was a repeat button. I live in an income-based HUD apartment building. I don't allow anyone here see the "real" me. There are about 75 apartments in this bldg and counting myself there are less than a dozen males living here. Most everyone here are widows, and many have health issues. I try to limit my exposure to most of my neighbors here because they have such sour dispositions. Most of the conversations I hear when I walk thru the lobby center around 2 of them comparing their health problems. One would think it was a contest or something. I don't mean to be judgmental of them, but I do try hard to not dwell on my situation. I walked into it voluntarily. That doesn't mean I like it, but if it's the price I must pay for being able to have those 41 years of sheer bliss (and obviously it is!) then I'm okay. When bad thoughts get the best of me I come here and talk it out of my system. I feel safe being able to do that here because everyone here "gets it". I'm always grateful for the understanding and compassion that is always available here. I don't look forward to tomorrow at all. New Year's Day was the day I let Cookie go. I have wondered about myself every now and then. Is there something wrong with me because of the way I re-live all these unpleasant memories? I can still remember down to the smallest of details how hard it was to get the words out of my mouth and then sign the legal paperwork so that the nurse could turn the ventilator off, for example. I don't think about any of these things for masochistic reasons. Before Cookie and I met, there was always that empty hole in me that only she could fill. I got spoiled by her filling that void. But that void is empty again, and has been for 3 years. And it always will be. Oh, well. Such is life. My apologies for rambling on so much. One foot in front of the other... Darrel
  14. Good evening to my family here. I pray everyone is well. My full time pre-occupation this past week or so has been to reminisce over what I have experienced since Jan. 1st, 2016. That was the worst day of my life. I had to make the decision to tell Cookie's doctor to turn the ventilator off, and end her misery and suffering. I know I'm not the only person that has ever had to do that. But it is the only time I have ever had to. These past 3 years of being alone haven't been easy for me, and I honestly can't think of any way that they have been good. Without Cookie here with me I really don't see much of a reason for my still being "here". With Cookie I had a life. Without her here with me, all I have is an existence. It has been explained to me that God is keeping me alive because He isn't through using me yet. How exactly is He using me? I sure wish I knew! I've been told that I should find some kind of way to fill all these empty hours by doing something meaningful. Or at least try to develop some friendships. But I just don't feel like I'm ready for those things. I don't know if I ever will be, but I'm not there now. There's an old saying that goes something like this: "you're not really alone if you like the person you are alone with". I reckon it's a good thing that I like myself, huh? The day Cookie and I got married was the happiest and proudest day of my life. Not only was she good to me, but she was good for me. It was just by happenstance that she and I even met. Or maybe God putting 2 lost souls together. She was the front desk manager at a motel I had gone to, to apply for a job as their night auditor. When I walked through the lobby entrance and saw her standing behind the front desk it was (for me at least) love at first sight. I knew immediately that she was that special someone that I had been holding out for. That was in the fall of 1974. We had the proverbial whirlwind courtship. I asked her to marry me in Jan, 1975. We tied the knot on March 7, 1975. Nobody expected us to stay together very long. But I'm inclined to think we proved them all wrong. 41 years of bliss together. How I still miss her. Being able to give her a big ole hug, and suck face with her. Or just laying in bed together after her health started going downhill, just holding her hand while we watched TV together. Or being able to kiss her good night before going to sleep. I still miss her so very much. So, in another day or so I will begin year #4 without Cookie. I really have nothing to look forward to without her here with me. I do look forward to her and I re-uniting when I join her in heaven. She and all the wonderful 4-legged "kids" we had over the years (15 of them if I remember the count correctly) will be waiting for me at the rainbow bridge. What a happy reunion that will be. And for that reward I will gladly continue my "one foot in front of the other" ritual. Darrel
  15. Good morning Kay. I hope you are well. Yes to the being alone today, as I am every day. That isn't intended as whining about it. I've gotten to where I'm a little bit better about accepting it. It is what it is. This apartment building is going to be a bit empty today and tomorrow. Many of the people here will be with their family members that live nearby. But someone here is going to bring me a plate of their Christmas dinner tomorrow, so my tummy will be happy. Our weather tomorrow is supposed to be in the mid 50's. None of that white stuff here to wake up to on Christmas day. If I remember correctly you're in Oregon. I spent the entire week between Christmas and New Year's Day one year while I was "truckin" snowed in at a truckstop in Burns. Talk about having cabin fever by the time I was able to get away from there! lol Then when I was able to put Oregon behind me for that trip I had to climb cabbage hill with ice underneath the snow. That was a barrel of laughs also. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger! I hope you can somehow have a pleasant day tomorrow. I've got my little critter to keep my spirits up. One foot in front of the other... Darrel
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