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About mittam99

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  • Birthday May 10

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  • Your relationship to the individual who died
  • Date of Death
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:

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  • Location (city, state)
    Reisterstown, MD

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  1. They are OEM Honda alloys. I'm with you Kay. This 10th generation Civic is an amazing car. It's as roomy as the older Accords, handles and accelerates well, gets great gas mileage and holds it's value well. Fantastic car. My favorite feature: Brake Hold. After a long day of standing on my feet at work, how cool is it that I can stretch my (long) legs at a stoplight and not worry about pressing the brake pedal. I also think the light bar on the dash indicating whether you're driving economically is a sweet feature. IMHO, this Civic is the best car (for the money) on the market.
  2. Honestly that's a real key for survival and sanity. Nothing in life feels like it did before, and without something to look forward to, the misery level is astronomical. Even something as basic as the start of a new season of a show you enjoy can give a small spark of anticipation. Anything that breaks up the monotony is a plus. I especially look forward to the UPS guy delivering an Amazon box. 😀
  3. Cosmic Blue Metallic with grey leather interior. Here's a couple pics of the car when I first got it. I've since added some appearance and performance modifications and this car is very quick now. Car modding and detailing has always been "my thing".
  4. Thank you Johnny. What I've learned since my Tammy died is that every day is a true challenge. Nothing is the same. Everything has changed. The anniversaries, holidays and birthdays are even tougher because what once was something special, now blends into the other 364 days of emptiness, yearning and sadness. That's our grief in a nutshell.
  5. I've got a '17 EX-L with the turbo. But, I'm pretty much a Civic guru. That 2.0 engine in your car is super reliable and plenty peppy. I'm sort of the Kay of the CivicX.com forum (top poster). 😎
  6. Kay glad you're on the mend and congrats on the new Civic. Great choice. With only 8,000+ miles on the clock you literally are still breaking that motor in. Amazing find. That Aegean Blue is a really sharp color too. If you have any questions regarding the car let me know.
  7. I think Robin used to go by another name here, Gwen. "rdownes", maybe? Robin, glad things are better in your life. You're welcome to post more than once a year. 😉
  8. When Tammy came into my life, a new tradition started. You didn't just have a birth "day"; she introduced me to the concept of a birth "week". Oh how I miss that! And oh how I miss being with my Tammy for a week, a day, or for that matter, a single moment.
  9. Marita, my heart goes out to you. Actually my birthday is today and I decided to take the day off from work. I'll just try to "enjoy it" the best I can in my own way on my own terms. That's a very poignant comment you made about the death of happiness. How do we ever feel happy again when our happiness was based on sharing love with our beloved? Now alone, with that love as just a memory, life feels painful and the sweetness seems to be gone. Early on in my grief I was sort of "appalled" by those who quickly found happiness or met a new love soon after losing their partner. It seemed so wrong. But, in hindsight, I realize they were able to find a measure of happiness by doing so. They were just doing what felt best to them. In my case, I know that Tammy was my one and only true love. Now, I just need to figure out how to find that elusive sense of happiness and contentment on my own. Mitch
  10. Gwen, you're absolutely right about outsiders. They'd rather this whole "grief thing" was swept under the rug as quickly as possible. What I'm trying to understand is that other grievers have lost their spouse/partner and are able to move forward, find purpose or even find new loves. For those of us who regularly post here, that isn't the case. Is it because our love was deeper?
  11. Thanks so much. Sorry I missed this earlier.
  12. May 10th is my birthday and more than ever, it's just another day. Another day of sorrow, loneliness and yearning. Yearning for a life I can't get back. Yearning for the love I once had. Yearning for a life with more meaning than the drudgery of today. Without people who care and love you sharing in the day, a birthday is far from a celebration. It's just a blip on the calendar; a day to shrug your shoulders and say "whatever". I miss my Tammy so much. I miss her smile and her hugs and her kisses and her unending love. I miss being her knight in shining armor and giving her every ounce of love I had to give. I'm trying my best to find my place in this world. But, I'm stuck in my new role as the lonely widower who doesn't have a clue how to find happiness or purpose. "Happy" Birthday to me.
  13. Kay, you're in my thoughts. Hoping for only the best outcome.
  14. You could ask your neighbors to help. Might be a unique way to find a new friend. 😋 Can you imagine this pick up line at a bar... "Hey, how would you like to go back to my place and bandage me?". 😀
  15. Johnny, it's now been four years since Tammy died and I'm still in the "functioning, but not living life to it's fullest" mode. I just don't know what to do or how to take the next step. Living life where love is only a memory is difficult to say the least. For a long time, I felt like if I enjoyed myself I was somehow diminishing the love I had with Tammy. In some ways I know that's sort of absurd, yet, in my mind, I believed it. I know Tammy would never want me to hurt or be wasting my life away. But here I am, a man alone with no joy, no real passion and little to look forward to. I guess what's holding me back is... me. Maybe I'm afraid to take new steps in a new direction. Maybe this life I live, as dull and monotonous as it is, is simply easier and safer than trying something out of my comfort zone. It's pretty bad when your only contact with other people is basically at work. I come home and it's Groundhog day over and over and over. You get used to it but it's anything but satisfying. I mean, how much Netflix can you binge watch before you say, "no mas!"? In my case, I apparently have a high tolerance for mind-numbing boredom.😏 I haven't given up hope though. Hope that I can find some purpose and meaning. Hope that I can break out of these chains I seem to be wearing. Hope that I can find my way to a better, and more than just functional mindset. Mitch
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