Gracie4ever

4 hours ago, kayc said:

 But gee, with people like that, why wouldn't I prefer dogs! 

 

He has clearly not allowed an animal to grace his life with their presence and is losing out on a beautiful relationship. He cannot fathom it. Truly his loss. Here, you are with people who understand, yes, we get you!

3 hours ago, Archie11 said:

Hi hope everyone is doing ok, nearly bedtime here which I dread as another day over without seeing Archie (8 weeks tomorrow since he passed) . A good friend who lost her dog just before Christmas is very understanding, she has kindly sewed together Archie’s 2 favourite blankets and made 3 blankets out of them for myself and my 2 daughters, I have mine on my bed and it is such a comfort and still smells of him! Wishing you all peace

What a precious friend you have and what a special blanket for you and your girls! It brings tears to my eyes, so beautiful.

19 hours ago, MartyT said:

Finding Support for Pet Loss

Pet Loss Counseling

Seeing A Specialist in Grief Counseling: Does It Matter?

Thank you, Marty! I wish you offered one-on-one counseling. 😄

13 hours ago, kayc said:

It's good if you can see a grief counselor or even get help with the anxiety, between all this and the pandemic too, it a bit much!  Hoping all goes well as you proceed.

Any tips for finding a good grief counselor for one on one? I suppose since everyone is doing it online, I could pretty much hire anyone anywhere. 

4 minutes ago, kayc said:

It's good if you can see a grief counselor or even get help with the anxiety, between all this and the pandemic too, it a bit much!  Hoping all goes well as you proceed.

Thank you, Kay. You’re so right...there are plenty of reasons to get counseling!

2 hours ago, MartyT said:

Somehow we humans confuse holding onto pain with holding onto the one we have lost. If we no longer feel the pain, maybe that means we've let go of our beloved, and everything in us is railing against that letting go. We also on some level feel a sense of disloyalty to the one who has died, as if no longer being in pain means that our love was shallow and short-lived. None of this is rational or accurate ~ but then, feelings aren't always rational. That is why we need to examine them and expose them and evaluate them in the light of day. Feelings that are expressed will dissipate. It's when we hold onto them or work overtime to suppress them that we get into trouble. What you are doing is what you need to do, and when you are ready, you'll be willing to let this go. I always say that, when we feel guilty about whatever part we think we played in this momentous euthanasia decision, it's not until we feel as if we've punished ourselves enough that we feel ready to let go of that guilt.

Marty, what you just wrote really struck a chord with me. In just reading your first sentence I started to cry already. I don't think I had cried in the past two days, just trying not to think about it and trying to keep the negative thoughts away.  It's like when my friend asked if I wanted a kitten and I said, "no, I'm still deep into grieving"...so yes I associate my level of grieving with my love for my girl! Very insightful and will help me cope from now on. Thank you, Marty.

3 hours ago, MartyT said:

I think of counseling (with a qualified professional) as a gift you can give yourself. It can change your life, and for the better. Good for you for recognizing your need for support, and for loving yourself enough to go after it. You are worth it, and you deserve it. We are pulling for you! ❤️

Aww, Marty, you're the best!! You are right, it can change my life for the better. I know I tend to get stuck in my own way of thinking and just dig myself deeper and deeper into emotional pain. The last time I met with her, she introduced other ways of thinking and I thought to myself, wow, that actually makes sense! She was looking out for me and I wasn't looking out for myself! I really think I will do it. Thank you so much for your continued support.

2 hours ago, kayc said:

This place is a lifesaver for many of us!  I'm glad it brings you comfort.

Marty and you are lifesavers, dear! I wanted to update you. I had a "virtual visit" with my doctor a month or two ago, and I had mentioned that I was having panic attacks. She offered a few medications and told me to think about it. I have decided to ask her to fill a prescription. I asked her about taking it temporarily and not long term, just to see if it might help. The fact that this happened during Covid definitely made it more stressful.

Also, three years ago I met with a counselor a few times. Now she has her own practice and costs a lot more money so I don't know if I can see her, but I might try just going once, or perhaps twice, after saving up more money. I thought she doesn't specialize in this, but I was viewing her website and she does specialize in my personality trait plus "trauma"...this was definitely trauma for me!! I like what she says on her website, that she helps "identify negative thought patterns that impact behavior...and learning to be more compassionate, understanding in the present rather than judgmental, shameful, or critical".

When I saw her before, it was the first time I'd ever sought out counseling and it helped me so much. I feel I am at that place again in life. I need all the help I can get. Please pray for me in this continued road to finding some measure of peace. I keep seeing my girl sleeping on the couch and reliving her last 20 minutes, and what I feel I didn't do. I know the Vet didn't see anything wrong with it, my friend that came with me told me, "you pet her as soon as you could and you pet her until she was unconscious"...but my mind is just stuck....stuck....stuck.....she is not suffering now, so I need to let it go. She is not suffering now...I need any advice on how to make the bad thoughts and doubts FADE....please please fade....ugh...

1 hour ago, kayc said:

I think it was the kindest thing you could do.  Kitty had only been on one car ride in her life so I was greatly concerned that taking her to the vet would stress her.  I prayed for her before and during the whole thing and it couldn't have gone better.  My GF drove us in, I cried and cried but she didn't feel upset, she was calm and purred clear until she was gone.  It was a true answer to prayer.  Home vet wouldn't of helped as she'd run and hide behind the washer if someone came over she didn't know.  The same reason I didn't choose that for Arlie, he'd have felt he had to be guard dog on duty and it would have been more stressing, whereas he loved going for rides, even though we barely got him into the back end of the Baja.  He understood going to vets was to help you even if uncomfortable or sometimes painful as was always real good about it.

I'm sure you handled everything just right for her, we know our own animals best.

Yes, I keep telling myself the main reason I didn't choose home vet was because we already had this appointment with the Vet and I worried if I tried to book with home vet they could not as quickly and she would suffer longer. And I really trusted my vet. What really gets me is that either way she is not suffering now, no more suffering for her of any kind, no more anxiety...so why am I not able to let this go?

5 minutes ago, MartyT said:

Back at ya, my friend!!

1 hour ago, MartyT said:

What a kind and thoughtful message you received from your vet, my dear, and I thank you for sharing it with us. It warms my heart to know that there ARE some wonderful vets out there, and I'm so pleased to know that this one was there for you and your beloved Gracie. I hope you will take her wise words to heart.

As for being stuck in the bargaining phase, please know that your friend is basing her comment on the commonly held (but thoroughly debunked) belief that grief happens in linear stages (that include denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance, based on Kubler-Ross's ground breaking work On Death and Dying, published in 1969) ~ but in the last 50 years we have learned so much more about the normal grief process! More recent research demonstrates that healthy mourners tend to move back and forth between focusing on the loss (that is, thoughts, feelings, actions and events that make us focus on our grief and pain) and engaging in activities that distract us from it (doing things that let us get on with daily life and distract us from our grief for a while). This is known as the Dual-Process Model of grief, and it's based on valid and reliable research. 

I don't see you as being stuck in bargaining. Rather, I see you as someone working hard to come to terms with what is for you a very significant loss, and you are doing that in a way that fits your own unique personality ~ in your own way, and in your own time. This is a process, and it takes time and effort to find your way through it. Give yourself permission to do it YOUR way, as you discover it for yourself. ❤️

Now you see why I decided that instead of having a stranger come to the house, I felt more secure in asking this Vet to bring Gracie, rest. It's a small Clinic with three Vets. They are all nice, and all had met Gracie at one time or another. But this one...she was hands down the best for me and Gracie. I felt so secure with her and she was always very patient to answer all my questions, either with phone calls or very detailed emails. We had just met her in the last year and I am so glad we did. I am trying to take her wise words to heart. Right now it makes me cry to read her letter, but I did print a copy and place it with Gracie's bag of belongings. After Covid, I wish to bring her some kind of gift or perhaps a gift certificate.

You know, I had recalled reading something about the "stages of grief" on your site and that it was somehow incorrect but I couldn't remember exactly how. Thank you for this explanation. I know that for me, I really do vacillate from one thought to the next...sometimes I will stick with a thought, like right now regretting that I wasn't more affectionate towards the end...just one more hug or one more kiss...that's the thought that is plaguing me the most now but I do also go back and forth on the other issues, too soon, too early, etc...so that whole thought that we have stages, didn't really make sense.

I will do it MY way as you suggest. I have a temperament which is known to be very sensitive to loss...I feel and think things very, very deeply. Maybe this is the only way I can grapple with my grief...all the overthinking...Thank you Marty, words cannot express!!

On 9/1/2020 at 1:49 PM, FurMama82 said:

Congrats, Gregg! So happy to hear that you have adopted Leon and that he has settled well into your home. I can totally appreciate the emotional roller coaster aspect of adopting while still grieving.  I started looking at local shelters too and had guilt.  But, then I reminded myself that Savannah J would want me happy - and for me that means having a furry creature to love.  I imagine that your beloved Mango would want you to be happy as well.  Cheers to your very happy addition! 

How are you doing, dear? Just checking in...

9 hours ago, kayc said:

We need to remember this!  We did our best.  So hard when they can't tell us explicitly and we're reading cues from them, they often try to hide their pain, part of their survival instinct to not appear weak (and thus prey) but they were most comfortable with us and more likely to let down their guard with us than anywhere.  
We did our best.

We did our best. I am expecting myself to be not only perfect, but able to read animals' thoughts, their feelings when they may be hiding whatever is wrong, assuming that my cat would've cared if I had pet her before the first shot...which might not be further from the truth. She was suffering and perhaps it would not even have mattered to her if I had pet her before the shot. And if I had held her before we left home, perhaps I would've been hurting her, since she had intestinal things going on. Perhaps what I thought was showing affection might've been felt by her as pain. If I had done it, I'd be regretting that now!! So yes...just gotta keep telling myself I did the best I could. I did the best I could. You did the best you could, Kay!

I signed up for two Zoom support groups but they both took place this week and won't happen again for a month. I wasn't able to attend, but hopefully for the next sessions. I think that hearing other people expressing the same concerns and issues I have been expressing...at any time in my grief journey, that will be consoling. This group has been so consoling...just having a safe place to put all my thoughts out loud has been so helpful. Even at times when I'm typing and crying - it has been therapeutic.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!! Marty, Kay and all....this is the first place I check in the morning when I wake up. This is my place of comfort. A place where we are all hurting but finding comfort in each other!

2 hours ago, GMS said:

Thank you both for your words. I know it's going to take quite a bit of time.

On a brighter note my 12 yr old cat Marble loves Leon and I'm so happy for him. My Mango was never a huge fan of playing with him, but they did wrestle around occasionally. The last few months though he had a very low tolerance when Marble came over to him and I know towards the end he didn't try to bother Mango at all.

This morning Marble and Leon were running all around and over the couch. I was so happy to see them getting along and Marble is thrilled.

That's soooooooo beautiful!!!! It does my heart so good to hear about your babies getting along so well!! Thank you for sharing your story. This is a place to share our grief and also our joys, and your story encourages me to think that perhaps, just perhaps after I have grieved for a long time - I know I will never stop grieving Gracie, she will always be precious to me...but maybe at some point will come the time I can welcome someone else into my life and honor her in that way. As you are doing. Please feel free to keep sharing these stories. They give me hope.

When I wake up in the morning, this is the first thing I do - check this group for any new messages. I've been waking up at odd hours, like 5 a.m. and yes, this is what I check. Blessings to all of you.

6 hours ago, kayc said:

Oh wow, try to get some help with this asap...I'm sure you've already tried calming tea, soothing music, lavender scent, counting sheep, praying, etc...

Yes, I'm trying to listen to calming music and this morning I have put a "calming blend" on my wrist to keep smelling as I type. One of my friends was listening to my concerns and said that's the "bargaining" phase and then she said she had her cat put to rest at home because he didn't like car rides. Then it made me feel bad again, for not having in-home Vet visit...my girl didn't care for car rides, either. But the thing is, she already had this appointment set up at the Vet office for lab tests. I wanted her to rest as soon as possible and stop suffering. Had I waited to set up an appointment with in-home Vet she probably would've had to wait longer. So I have to keep telling myself not to regret this! I ended her suffering sooner, plus I really trusted her Vet.

I gave her anxiety meds two hours before we left, also sprayed the carrier with that stuff for anxiety, and found a homeopathic remedy for stress too, gave her all of it. So at least I did think of that. But I can't get out of my mind how I took her from sleeping and placed her right in the carrier and we left, for my friend was there to get us. That picture won't leave my mind. BUT....had I pet her and held her, and done it slowly, I still would feel guilty now for somehow having "fooled" her. And due to Covid protocol my friend washed her hands and I washed mine, and the Vet came in right after that. So I hadn't had time to pet her again and I placed her on the table. They asked were we ready to proceed and I said yes because my main idea, "end her suffering as soon as possible"...and also, end her stress from being at the Vet. As soon as they gave the first shot, I pet her until her head lay down. So I was there in the last moments.

And so again I try to reason (or is it bargain)..."If I had pet her before the shot and heard her purr, I would now feel bad thinking that was stress purring. If I had pet her and she looked around anxiously, that would now be a bad memory for me, too"...so in other words, as was said before, "there are no perfect options"... and realistically, petting her never gave her comfort at the Vet. One of my friends said I'm stuck in the bargaining phase. Not that I feel I could've somehow prolonged her life, but just that I wished I had done things differently.

Kay, I know for you, there are memories towards the end that trouble us. We gave our pets the best lives ever, we loved them and nurtured them. They are not suffering now. They are not suffering now. They would not want us to be suffering either...easier said than done.

I wanted to share the email I got from the Vet. She did all she could to comfort me, and thus why I felt that having her help me with Gracie at the end, was a good choice. I'm not sure why it's showing up in pink.

First of all, thank you so much for your kind words. They truly mean more than you know. Please let me reassure you that everything that you are feeling is completely normal and expected after the loss of Gracie. She was an important and valued family member, and you were deeply involved in her care for such a long time. It is very normal to run through some of the 'what-if' scenarios in your head, and it is not uncommon to struggle with feelings of guilt in these cases. If it helps you any, I also struggled with some of those same thoughts and feelings after my cat Edgar passed away. However, as much as it is normal and expected to have those thoughts and feelings, please let me reassure you that you provided an excellent level of care and I don't believe that Gracie was suffering. You are absolutely right that cats do hide their pain well, and while I think that Gracie was declining toward the end, you were very conscientious and provided pain medication and anti-nausea support to help her feel the best that she could. You knew her best and you always kept me informed about her condition at home, and there were no updates that were overly concerning. Gracie was an elderly cat with chronic illnesses, but I do NOT believe that you waited too long to let her go. I do think that it is common in cats with chronic disease (especially multiple chronic diseases) that their body has a 'steady state' where everything seems to balance out and they are doing okay - until one thing worsens to the point where it is no longer in balance and we see a more sharp decline. I think that is why you noticed that it seemed to happen quickly - because that more serious decline did happen quickly - and that's normal. Gracie was lucky to have you, and I have no doubt that she knew that you loved her. You provided her love, wonderful care, and a peaceful passing.

13 hours ago, kayc said:

Do some research on it before letting your doctor prescribe just anything, some are highly addictive, some over-reaching.  The doctor I had years ago put me on Valium and I took myself off of it after two days, it wiped me out, didn't help me, and that's when I researched and came up with Buspirone (Buspar).  I'm very thankful I found out about it.  I don't want something strong.  It does sound like you could benefit, it stopped my anxiety attacks, I haven't had one since I got settled in with this, I think that was in 2008.  I eventually had to get a sleeping pill too, 50 mg Trazodone.  It gives me 4 hours sleep but usually I get back to sleep within a few minutes so long as I take this once before bedtime.  Good luck with it!

Keep with it, one of the most important things I've learned in my old age!  

Thank you for the advice. I will do research first on medications. Help with sleep would help, too. Last night I slept only from around 3am until 5am. 

11 hours ago, kayc said:

I don't struggle with the guilt with Kitty that I first did with Arlie, as it was obvious it was time, although I wonder I should have done it sooner perhaps, it was over the holidays and she at first seemed better then worse, then it was a weekend and I planned to on Monday morning, which I did.  It seemed to go so fast!  She was always in great health before, an amazing cat, even at 25 she could jump ten feet up in the air to the patio from a crouched position!  She was a great hunter, even to her latter days.  Very opinionated and vocal.  I miss her, I miss giving her Easy Cheese, which she regularly demanded. 

With Arlie I wondered/debated, when is the right time, he had terminal cancer, too late at point of diagnosis, all I could do was care for him until it was time.  I had him on hemp oil, strongest dose, SAM-e, Milk Thistle (his liver shut down) I tried to keep his liver functioning even partially, he slept a lot, he still went on short walks with me every day, twice a day, but I realize he did it to please me.  He didn't feel good.  But he had some unfinished business, he wanted to go visit his best friend, Sammy (she was a lab about a block away) before he went, which he managed to muster two days before he died.  After that he was ready and at peace to go.  I think I had him put to sleep at just the right time for him, although I wish he hadn't suffered so much, cancer is insidious.  And I wish the vets had done a better job of it and not botched it, he shouldn't have gone out in such pain.  I just went and saw his grave this morning.

The euthanasia grief that makes me go back and forth about "too soon" or "too late"...I feel it was just the right time because she seemed to show me signs of still being happy before the last two days, purring, stretching happily. So right when she seemed to be going downhill fast from renal failure, she was put to rest. However, I think of how for at least a week or two, I noticed she would lay down very slowly, as if she was having pain either from inside or from arthritis. It seemed like once she lay down she felt fine, so it never occurred to me that maybe the pain at that point, needed to be relieved. In other words I'm not sure I had her put to rest soon enough, maybe she should've been put to rest sooner. This euthanasia guilt is so bad, I really need to readjust my thinking and work on that chart you provided in another comment. If she was having pain, she is not having pain now. She is not having pain now. Maybe I need to keep telling myself that. I know you understand me when I say I wish there were specific memories that I could just have removed from my memories completely. The thing is, I never would've thought to put her to rest for having arthritis. Oh, this guilt thing stinks!!

11 hours ago, kayc said:

They sure do!  I have the signs everywhere, where Kitty clawed my bed and the picnic table benches, where Arlie chewed my dining room chairs, rocking chair, corner of the sofa, Miss Mocha clawed up my newer loveseat, now Kodie has left his chew marks on the rocking chair also.  Memories...

You really do have the signs everywhere, too, Kay! I realized also that years ago, she used to jump up on a window ledge and hang out there. I see lots of marks from where her claws dug into the wood frame, too. As painful as all of these things are, I don't think I will ever remove them. The marks in the bathroom where she rubbed her scent, I look at them every single day. Yet, I don't think I will ever remove them...even though they hurt.

9 hours ago, GMS said:

Thanks. He's a very nice cat and am happy to have him, but it's been a hard couple of days. I think the hardest part by far is letting go which I am so scared to do. I do not want to forget. Every day I've been looking at pictures and videos of him and it is so hard to believe I'll never get to hold him again. Today in particular my stomach has been in knots.

I think back to my other pets and realize I almost never think about them except on a rare occasion... which makes me feel guilty... but Mango was by far the most special pet I've ever had.. and even though I know he's gone I feel like if I stop thinking about him and looking at pictures somehow keeps him alive. Sigh.... I hate this.

Gregg, that is one of the hardest things for me is realizing I will never see my Gracie again or hold her. I still remember what it was like to rub my nose on her soft furry head. I miss her so much. I feel your pain. 

3 hours ago, kayc said:

I'm glad your friend has you to "be there" for her, we need our love/grief validated so we don't feel so alone in what we're going through.  This pandemic increases our feelings of being alone, my internet usage has maxed out every month now!  You are doing her a service.  One of my favorite verses in the Bible is He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. 2 Corinthians 1:4  

I find purpose in what I go through in life, Dr. Phil says this is so important!  Like Jon Walsh founding a missing child organization when his own son went missing.  MY purpose is helping others through grief.  I've lost so many, I know what it feels like.  Over the years I've read countless articles and books, @MartyThas been like a beacon in this learning, for 15 years!  I hope she realizes her efforts keep on giving...

When I reached out to the new friend in Africa, she didn't know me and I didn't know her. I had only been told about her grieving her dog. Her reply was, "OH MY GOD!!!!! This means the Universe to me! You have no idea!!"...we do need our love/grief validated, it is SO important!! I even told my friends if they ever find others who are in pain, send them my way. I feel their pain. I do believe that God comforted me so that I could comfort others.

One thing I haven't mentioned yet is that the Vet had set aside an appointment for Gracie and I on Wednesday, and on Monday, I started to notice it seemed like Gracie was getting worse. I prayed that God show me on Tuesday if she was really suffering, and I saw her falter on her back legs several times. By Wednesday morning, she seemed to be walking a bit better and I had doubts so I called the Vet. I hoped this meant she was fine, but in reality I know they have good and bad days.

That's when she said Gracie has been declining for a while and better a day early than a day late. I now believe she was in renal failure and she was ready to rest. Once I realized that, then instead of thinking I had made the decision too early, I feared I had made it too late. But the night before, she had really shown me she wasn't well. She kept laying in odd places in the house that were unusual for her and she didn't meow in the morning to be fed, even after P went and pet her, she didn't get up for food until quite a bit later.  She had lived a long life and was tired. It just breaks our hearts that they can't keep on living with us, that they have to ever leave. Obviously I'm still living with the euthanasia guilt, but I am reassured by you and Marty that it will lessen, with time.

2 hours ago, kayc said:

Like where Lucky rubbed the paint right off my K2 heating system.  She used to lay right on it, her butt up against it, she was a Whippet and could never gain weight, always cold!  I pictured her laying there for the longest time.

Yes, just like that! They leave their marks on your home just as in your heart. I picture my girl everywhere, too. It's so hard.

1 hour ago, kayc said:

Everything you said here is so spot on!  You are doing it, you're providing yourself the self-talk you need for countering the negative thoughts, you're learning to treat yourself with the same kindness you would afford a friend.  I too have had to learn that.  We are raised to be nurturers to others, care for our children, our parents, but somehow we always seemed to come in last...now finally I've learned (another benefit of having learned through grief!) to be kind, understanding, patient with myself, to be my own best friend.  And that's important, especially as I live alone.

Yep!  Me too!  It's why I had to go on anti-anxiety meds years ago, I couldn't shut my brain off and it was harmful to my sleep!  We need sleep to function.  I went on lowest dose of Buspirone as it doesn't leave me robotic or unfeeling, it just barely takes the edge off so I can cope, it doesn't alter my brain either, it's in a class of it's own, safer than the others I read about.  I'll probably be on it for life as I've ALWAYS had anxiety, even as a child.

I live alone, too. Gracie had a bad episode back in March and I hoped her health would be ok until the end of the pandemic, but I had no idea how long it was going to last. Thankfully when she started to crash, they were willing to allow me into the building and into the room with her, and for a friend to come, too. Now I am completely alone, and as you imagine, it is very difficult.  Friends want to be there for you but they have their own lives and the silence is deafening, and all of the reminders. I hear a noise and think for a split second maybe it's her, or think I see something out of the corner of my eye.

I've thought perhaps about anxiety medication. I'm glad you mentioned it. Last night I was talking to a friend with online video and she wanted to keep talking but once it started to become night, I started feeling more anxiety and almost panic attack. I didn't want to be on the phone with her. I wanted to be ready for bed and reading more about grieving, checking this site for comfort, etc. Days and nights are both hard, all the time is hard, but somehow at the arrival of night, I have a really hard time. I might look into medication and ask my Doctor about it.

I'm a nurturer, too. I take care of everyone else but don't know how to afford myself the same. I'm working on it, I need to, or I won't survive this.

33 minutes ago, GMS said:

Here are a couple of pictures. He's 5 months old.

Awww.....Gregg, thank you for sharing him with us. Leon is beautiful and likes to play. I'm so happy to see him! I'm so happy for you, thank you for giving Leon a family! Mango will always, always be a part of your heart and your family. 

5 minutes ago, GMS said:

Hi all,

Hope everyone is hanging in there. So on Sunday I ended up going to a local animal rescue and adopted another cat. It was both easy and hard at the same time and has been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster.

I still have a friendly 12 year old cat in the house who loves to play and I could tell he missed having his brother around. And of course I missed having my Mango around.

Last week I started looking at rescues online and of course had a lot of guilt. I knew I would eventually want another cat but thought it would take me a long time to get another one. But some of them had bios and seemed really sweet and ironically one of them was named Mango. I don't believe in fate, but it was pretty weird. Anyway I visited the rescure on Sunday and played with a handful of kitties in one room but I could see Mango had no fear. He liked to play and I picked him up and he didn't yell. So I took him home (I've since renamed him to Leon... calling him Mango did not seem right).

I still have some bad times during the day. I look at pictures of Mango and I don't think I could have a bond with anyone like I did that cat. We were tied to the hip and he only wanted me.

But Leon is a very sweet cat and has made himself at home quite fast. He sleeps in the bed, loves to play, and the two cats are warming up to each other pretty quickly.

I hope all of you find the right time to adopt another cat... don't rush though. You'll know when the time is right.

Regards,

Gregg

Gregg, I’m really happy for you and Leon and your other cat. I’m so happy they already get along! I think perhaps he was named Mango just to get your attention and bring him home. You have so much love to give, thank you for rescuing Leon, and sharing your story with us. If it’s possible, could you post a pic?

12 hours ago, MartyT said:

This is precisely why a pet loss support group can be so helpful, as it offers you the feedback you need to counter-balance all the negative thinking, self-blaming and second-guessing that you describe. It exposes your internal, hidden, guilt-laden self-talk to the light of day, and challenges you to see things from a different, more objective perspective. If an in-person support group is not available, an online support group such as this one is the next best thing. In fact, many people find it to be preferable ❤️

I think support groups like this one are great because you can read the comforting words of others, over and over again. I’m very forgetful so it would be harder for me to recall words said to me verbally. Also, for me, words I can see, make more of an impression to my heart. I’m an expert at negative, self-blaming and second-guessing. Just now the thought occurred to me that at some point she stopped jumping onto the bed and I thought she just wasn’t interested but now I think maybe it was her arthritis. But she was still able to jump onto the couch and sleep and I didn’t see her finding that difficult until towards the end. 
 
Why do I keep reanalyzing everything? I wish I could turn that off.