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Thank you for this reply. If you don't mind me asking, what e-books did you find?

I feel like my post sounded selfish because I just talked about my loss and feelings. I wonder how you are doing and how you have been coping? Allow yourself to grieve and take care of yourself. This blog has been helpful to me knowing that others have gotten through the pain. My heart goes out to you.

I am so sad today. It has been almost 4 weeks since I put Rocky down and sometimes I feel like I am not getting better. Yesterday I was cleaning and I became so sad because I was looking at the scratching posts and mice that Rocky used to love and use so much. I have one scratching post that he used to love to lay on and now it mostly sits empty. And I have these scratching pads that he used to love to use and I had to replace them often, but now they aren't used as much. My other two cats use these things and enjoy them, but not as much it seems. Oh how I long for his presence and long to hold him one last time. I have so much guilt for not having given him the attention or love he deserved while he was here. So many wasted years I could have had with him, and I gave my time to my worthless ex trying to make my marriage work only to be let down. Makes me feel like a terrible cat mom. I just want this all to get better and for my sadness to go away. I fear my other two cats getting old or sick and I fear being alone. I'm trying, but sometimes I don't know what to do.

I have been reading your blog today because I woke up feeling so sad about my cat Rocky. In two days he will have been gone for a month now. I had him put down on a Tuesday almost 4 weeks ago and it has been awful. Every Tuesday that passes by brings me heartache. I long for him so much. The missing him and remembering him is so hard. I am so sorry for your loss and all of your feelings sound so familiar to me. I wish you all the best. Kayc has been responding to my post too, and she has been very helpful. Give yourself the love and care you so deserve. All the questions we have after they are gone is so difficult. And I long to know if Rocky misses me and loves me. I hope so.

The guilt I felt after losing Rocky was awful. I did so much research on pancreatitis and bought food and probiotics and supplements hoping to cure him. Gave him is meds around the clock and got test after test done. The cost was nothing to me. I just wanted to save him. He was only 12 and I still feel like I missed out on so much time that I could have had with him. Most of the time I had him I was in an awful marriage and my ex did not like cats, so they were not allowed in our room. Plus, he had a huge dog that ruled the house so Rocky and my other two cats mostly stayed upstairs or away from the dog and my ex. Plus, I went away for work a lot leaving him for two weeks at a time and then coming home. I know he was always fed and cared for while I was gone and I always made sure to give him attention when I was home. But it wasn't what it should have been. I'm so thankful my 3 cats had each other. He always loved me so much despite what I put him through. When I was going through my divorce I had nowhere to keep them and I could not stay at where they were with my ex so it was awful. I would go over everyday and make sure they were ok but I feel so guilty about them just staying upstairs hidden from a big dog and my ex. I really had only two good years with Rocky since my divorce, and it so wasn't enough. My feelings of guilt and sadness are overwhelming to me. I wish so bad I could take back those wasted years. I'm so sorry for your loss Janice. You did your best and Max knows this. He would want you to not feel bad at all. If you don't take care of yourself you can't take care of them. My heart goes out to you. It hurts.

Kayc. Thank you so much for tis reply. It helps me to know that you have been able to move on and love another dog, who looks very handsome and adorable. I long for Rocky so much it is awful. Nobody was like he was to me. I feel myself moving ahead slowly, but it is so HARD, like you said. I just don't want to feel this sad anymore. I don't want this ache in my heart. I know it will get better with time and I know others have endured so much worst. I think losing a dog and a husband would be much, much worst. I can't imagine what you have been through. I admire you.

Hi Danni f. I'm so sorry for the loss of your dog. I feel such pain over my cat that I think it would be even more difficult grieving over a dog. I hope I don't make you feel worst in any way. It is so, so HARD. I was so distraught that I found a therapist that specializes in grief and losing a pet. She has been helping me. I also downloaded about 4 books on grief and loss of a pet. I don't think I will ever get over losing Rocky. He was my best friend. Always there with unconditional love. And I did not want to give up on him but it hurt me to see him suffer. And it left me full of guilt. I know what you mean when you say you feel like you can't let go. I don't want to let go. I do not want to push Rocky aside or forget him, but I have learned that you never will really let go. I have read that there is always a sadness and emptiness over the place they had in your heart. It was so special. Nothing can replace them. When I am feeling overwhelmed with sadness I let myself cry and grieve and just tell myself that my feelings are ok. But I also tell myself that if others can move on and not be as sad over the death of a spouse or child or a dog, then I can also. I think you have to force yourself everyday to do something to take care of yourself. I don't think you have given yourself enough time. There is no timeline. Everyone grieves differently. And it is ok for you to miss him. The pain is like no other. But I was just trying to give you some hope. It helps to get a therapist and read about grief. Don't give up or tell yourself you are nutty. If you force yourself to get up everyday and go on with your life then you are moving on. It's baby steps. It is one day at a time. I've never felt so alone at times since I lost Rocky. You don't have to let go, but try and love yourself like he loved you.

Hi. I so hope you are doing ok and I sympathize with your loss. Losing my cat has been the worst, and it is so hard when others don't understand. I want to tell you that mine has been gone 3 weeks, and I am slowly getting better. I have never felt such sadness and emptiness, but allowing myself to grieve and cry and reading a bunch of articles on pet loss gave me some comfort. I wish you the best.

Thank you so much for these replies. I was afraid of not getting any replies or support. It is amazing how alone you feel after the love your life dies. Rocky was with me through so many changes in my life, including my divorce. I thought when I went through my divorce and my ex-husband left that I would never get over the lonliness, but this has been so much worse. Rocky was so perfect. He could do no wrong and I somehow thought he would just always be there. And then one day he was sick and not eating, while the day before he was playing and seemed fine. And then a month later he wasn't getting better and now he is gone. I have never missed anything so much. I long for him and cry over him daily. Last Tuesday it has been 3 weeks and I am slowly getting better, but then I feel guilty when I feel a bit better. I made him a box and sometimes I talk with him, but it just makes me so sad. If I didn't have my other two cats I would be even more distraught. I also fear them dying now too. Anyways, I could probably go on forever. I just so appreciate the support and responses. I am so sorry for anyone who has greived over an animal, and I can't imagine now what grieving over the loss of a person would feel like. I have not gone through that yet, except my divorce. It is not at all the same. I wish the best recovery for kayc and shellbell7. Kayc, you have responded to almost everyone on this blog and this means so much. You seem very strong. And shellbell7 I wish to hear from you. I really feel for your loss. Rocky will always be my best friend. I would love to continue emailing or messaging anyone to give/get support and friendship through this. Thank you also Marty T for this blog and your support and articles.

Thank you so much for this. Hearing any kind of comfort helps me with the pain. I appreciate your response. I'm hoping every day will bring a little more peace.

Hi. This is my first time using a blog. I am searching for anything to help me with my sadness over losing my 12 year old cat 3 weeks ago. I am particularly responding to the post from Shellbell7 because it sounds so much like what happened to my cat. His name was Rocky. I never felt so sad in my life over the loss of him. I am overwhelmed with thoughts of him and wanting to see him again and pet him again. I had him 12 years. He was black, long-haired, green eyes. He always came when I called him and always cuddled with me. He loved his belly being rubbed. He threw up a lot also. He got a lot of hairballs and I would take him to the vet to get check ups and he played and was happy. In December he got sick, stopped eating, and looked awful to me. He would hiss at my other cats who he previously was best friends with. I took him to the vet immediately when he wouldn't eat because he loved to eat. He was diagnosed with pancreatitis, but got a high fever and the vet said I should get him an ultrasound. This was over like a two week period. He got the ultrasound which showed that he had a large abcess or mass by his pancreas. I got a biopsy of it and they said it was not cancer. He started antibiotics and was acting more normal. He was better for like a week but in a lot of pain. I gave him pain meds and nausea meds and kept my hopes up. The vet said he would have to be on antibiotics for at least a month. We repeated the ultrasound two weeks later and although he was acting like he felt better the "mass" looked the same or larger. Then he started being in more pain and just lying around doing nothing. I felt so bad for him. It had been about 3 weeks now and I didn't know what to do. He was 12 and the vet told me surgery was not a good option because of where the mass was. He also said it could still be cancer, which was confusing to me. I thought we confirmed it wasn't?? I felt so bad for him. He was hiding a lot and just sleeping, not enjoying life. I didn't know what to do and I felt like he wasn't happy, and all he knew was that he was in pain and didn't feel well. I decided to put him down. He would probably still be alive if I hadn't. It kills me inside. I wonder constantly if he would have gotten better had I held on another week. I loved him so much and I miss him so much. I see his little black face in my mind constantly. I also feel like I didn't get enough time with him. I wasn't done sharing my life with him. It's so not fair.