Kevin13

Well, here I am again.

Life sometimes can be really cruel. 2 months ago I lost, totally out of nowhere, my dad. He just decided to first go walk his dog, then take a nap and never wake up again. Im devastated and it's only 2 months passed. I don't see any light out of this tunnel that actually started last year. I just feel numb. My family is 700km away and this also makes everything even harder. I can't go visit him, I can just cry over a photo of him. I will go back visit my family in 2 weeks. I've never been so sad in my life.

Only "good" here is that my ex and I are writing again, on daily basis. We decided to meet up for a dinner and some cardboard games. We understand totally right now as we are going trough basically the same stuff, I can help her and she can help me. But I won't go back togheter with her, we will stay friends and actually try to cheer up ourselves in this dark time.

16 hours ago, kayc said:

60 threads???

Yes, I think I read around 50+ topics here. It helped seeing stuff from other perspective.

6 hours ago, aleck1998 said:

It’s true. The show does go on. I’ve been going back and forth between anger and “depression” and acceptance. I think I’m slowly getting to where I need to be.

Feel you. Soon its my ex's birthday, just god knows how much I miss her and how much I'd like to be there with her but it wasn't just meant to be.

We need to be strong and take our time. Soon we will be much better.

Keep going

I think I read like 60 threads on here and in other websites. No one did it.

I lost hope recently, after 4 months

Pretty simple: this stuff CHANGES you. The person you were used to date/love is not the same anymore and she/he will be never like before.

But hey, remember, me, you, everyone on here did OUR VERY BEST, the endcome is not on us. We did nothing, NOTHING wrong. We could have never did something else in order to keep our partner. Again, death of a parent/sibling/someone so close is devastating and it may drastically change you as a person.

I know it's hard.

But the show must go on.

We will find our path.

Thank you so much.

Today is the first day of my new life and I won't let anyone to break me down.

My healing process starts now and I am sure I will be good again. Not soon, not in a month, maybe not even in two, but I will be ok. I won't try to speed up the process, I will just try to trust this process.

Well, today after basically 3 months I feel that everything is over. I feel like there is no more hope, no more getting back togheter, I got finally hit by the truth and this hurts like never before but I hope that as today I can start my healing process. I guess better late than never. I will keep going on with my life as I ever did, but with no hope in my heart that that lovely, caring, intelligent and extremely beautiful girl could be again on my side.

She told me to go on. She told me that she feels another person, she has another needs and she wants to focus just on herself. She told me even if she wanted, our relationship could never be the same as it used to be. She also entered therapy lately. She told me I am still a very important person in her life because I basically saw her going down and shared such a terrible experience with her, but she can't to anything else than being a friend of mine, no relationship, nothing. She told me that she didnt wanted anything of this happens, she was expecting our relationship to go on but she just can't.

Now I have a big question, how the f* someone can move on after something like that?

How can someone move on knowing that they both didn't anything wrong, but this relationship ended because of something "external"?

How can someone move on knowing that if this terrible thing never happened they could be still with the same partner and be happy?

How can someone move on knowing that "something external" took away your wife-to-be and mother-of-your-childrens-to-be?

I need help.

I wish so hard I could go back in time and bring her Dad back. Oh gosh, I wish this like I never wished anything before.

I feel I am empty, done. That I have nothing left.

Sup guys.

Lately I've been doing bit better. I noticed that since I've stopped texting her..she basically comes to me.

She replies to my stories or she textes me via whatsapp. Still dont get why.

Most of the time I don't reply but she comes and write me again, and again.

20 hours ago, kayc said:

Yes, not surprising.  She's on edge for sure.  Nothing you did, this is her not you.  Yes so important to value yourself foremost especially as she is putting herself first.

 

It's just really so hard stop thinking about her.

Really, really hard

On 6/27/2021 at 3:50 PM, kayc said:

I literally FEEL your hoping for something!  You can kid yourself but it's all over the place.  Even while you acted chill.    That's okay, part of the process, ups/downs, hope/hopes dashed.  My advice remains the same (no contact) as I've read every single thread in here and seen the outcomes.  Being a numbers/statistics person, they tell a story, they don't lie.  Even the couple of threads that showed promise turned out not to be.  (Not reflected in thread but in PM to me).  I tend to doubt being the great exception.  Possible, just highly unlikely.  Funny how we grab the possibility and run with it, not the hundreds who tell a different story.  What no contact does is allow you to heal and see with clarity, breaking contact clouds judgment/emotions lead.

Ahahah yea you were so right, of course I hoped.

After "meeting" that day, we basically talked every day for a good week. Either was me starting the conversation or her, easy topics, chilling stuff. Nothing too personal, nothing too "hurtful" for her.

Then couple days ago I had the brilliant idea to wish her a good day after talking a bit but I wanted to put there something like "Hope to see you soon", thinking and hoping that she would reply "hey, yea, same". Guess I putted bit of stress on her or simply she doesnt give a f* about seeing me again, despite admitting that seeing me that day was cool.

She didnt replied to that last message of mine.

Was kind of an eye opener.

I need to start to value myself way more than I did in this 2 months. 

Well, big update. Kind of.

We saw eachoter today, wasnt a date, we partecipated at race togheter with other people, friends in common and blabla, much people tho, basically around 4hours long. So if she wanted she could hang out with her friends and not close to me like the 70% of the time.

We basically talked the whole time, she was constantly looking at me (my friend says) when we were not togheter and yea. Talking like nothing happened, still maintaning a chill and cool conversation, not talking about the past. Was really cool, I saw in her eyes the attraction towards me, otherwise she would have not talked to me or hang around me that much.

I decided then to text her a little after we said bye, we both said was really cool to see eachother again, then we texted a bit more about normal stuff. Wished her good evening and she wished back. Now I think I will go in "no contact" again, not sure. I need help. I kinda want a "date" with her but at the same time I don't want to put any stress on her shoulders.

Should I do a step back now and let her make the "move" now? (That she always have done btw till now)

Should I keep texting her? Or asking her out for a real date?

BTW: Cool how I changed my mind in couple of days, but I think this could change something, even tho I am not expecting her to come back or anything at all. BUT its for sure better than being there and just be 2 complete strangers to eachother or even worse doesnt even look at eachother

And again, reply and reacting to stories of mine.

Heh.

I decided to block her and focus on myself, as I was doing anyway before, but that constantly "getting in the way" from her was disturbing my process

On 6/13/2021 at 3:16 PM, kayc said:

Exactly...let it go.  It might be good to cut all avenues of contact so she doesn't have room to send you hurtling...my ex gave me mixed messages, confusing me, caused me emotional turmoil until I learned to turn it off and pay no heed to it.

Good, this is best!

Another little, probably nonsense, update.

She probably muted my Insta stories, I think. Or she just avoid them, dont know.

Today then, out of nowhere (again, lol) she react to a story of mine, totally randomly. I then did nothing, ignored her reaction.

Why she's acting like this? She's testing me? She wants, somehow, to reconnect but shes unsure? I mean, this doesnt make any sense and, to be honest, its making my healing process more difficult. Taking in consideration to block her so she won't be able to reach out and "disturb" me.

Hope you guys are all good

Hey guys, quick update:

She, really randomly and out of the blue, texted me. She didnt want to ask anything (or neither asking how am I doing). We had a discussion (well, discussion, we just had 2 different opinions back in the days when we were still a couple) and she get somehow back to that topic reading it somewhere. She was like "hey, you should read this, maybe you could understand it better or change your mind"

I was like "wtf"? How should I reply to something that leaves nothing open for a reply? I just replied back "Ok then, I might give it a read, who knows", then her again "Do it :)" 

And again, she just write stuff really "closed" or damn difficult to reply. Why that? This make totally no sense to me. I don't even want to find it out a reason to all this because it probably doesnt have any. 

But yea, she told me she needs time for her, that she want to focus on herself and then she waste her time to write random stuff to me. Its not even that she wants to talk to me. She's just writing stuff but, again, close without giving me any chance to start a conversation

Again, I am not pretending to understand her mind. She probably doesnt understand it either

Anyway day by day is going better. I am focusing on myself (and working a lot, lol)

And, as she requested I am leaving her all her space and I am NOT going to write her again first.

7 hours ago, CommanderCody said:

I cant avoid not seeing myself 6 months ago in you right now. I felt like I was the one writing this down lol 

Keep in mind that whenever you initiate contact with her, you only hold yourself back from healing and keeping in touch with her wont do you any good. Trust me, I've been there (you could read my forum to get some perspective). I know how desperate we are into keep them in our lives but thats something we cant control.  

One thing to consider if you're going to continue talking to her, walking on egg shells aint an easy thing to do. You will constantly feel stressed of carefully thinking of everything you're gonna say to her; as you have already mentioned that you're " lowkey making it an easy conversation" that's already the start and it's hard, trust me. I know the feeling you're going through, I wish you strength if you proceed with this. 

I would most likely stop contacting her simply because I don't have anything to ask her or to tell her, as I said yesterday, everything I need to tell her I already told her so based on that, I am ok with myself.

Bad timing.

Wrong person.

Bad combination. That's life. The show must go on.

3 hours ago, kayc said:

Very true.  And I'm sorry for your heartbreak as well.  This is hard to get through but can be done, I've been there.

My best to Kevin, drink won't help your healing any, can complicate things, it's amazing you had enough control even so to delete the messages (thankfully).  No contact is best while healing, it will help you see things clearer in the long run but best to keep busy and try not to fixate on her.

As a sportive, I never drink. This was probably the fist time in years and years, but we were partying.

After a full year of Corona, emotions got strong, I was really happy until I broke down in tears. But till then, it was really an amazing day and I really enjoyed.

Thanks god I have 2 amazing friends who helped me out and took me home safely. 

Then of course, alcohol made his job makin me cry. But better crying it out than keep it inside.

Now I am training a lot (2-3h a day) and working the rest hours (9-12h a day). Not much time to think actually. 

What hurts me is just Sundays, because I have then really a lot of time to think. If I find a way to fill up my Sundays, I would then be much better.

Thanks for your reply again.

I will keep you posted. I will try to do my best till then.

Take care.

5 hours ago, Da808Dude said:

1. The relationship you once had is gone. It's not your fault, and it honestly isn't hers either - it just is, a symptom of her grief. I promise you, she still cares about you. But the truth is grief and the loss of someone so close, like a father, just fucks people over, no matter how they respond. It's a really, really traumatic event. 
2. I guess what I'm trying to say is this: She viewed the relationship as a stressor, and feels like you deserve more that she is able to give you, and feels guilty she can't give anything to you, so she just cuts contact. This is a very common response to some people who deal with grief, as I've come to know thanks to my experiences, all these threads, and people's experiences in them.
3.  If he didn't die, you two would still be together. 

I really ask of you to just go through all these threads and just read them all, as so many people have been in your shoes and the insight you will get will be so beneficial. 

       4.  My advice to you is this (it's so hard converting thoughts into words, so forgive me if this comes out mean); your goal should be to move on and get over her. Regardless of the reason, she doesn't want to be with you anymore. Period. Try and forget the reason WHY she broke up with you, because now it's irrelevant. Focus on the fact that she DID break up with you, and move on accordingly. It doesn't help us to think, "oh gee, it wasn't my fault or hers, so we should hold on hope." I've been there. I think all of us here have. But really try to move on, and eventually you will! Go out with friends, accept the fact that she doesn't want, or can't handle you in her life anymore(it took me so long to realize this but just try and understand this), go hook up with different people (or if that's not your thing or if you are too old for that, just meet new people of the opposite gender), focus on work and bettering yourself, and do all the s*** you do when you go through a normal breakup, because at the end of the day, a breakup is a breakup. 

        5.  Just remember that we deserve people that will stick with us through thick and thin, and that wasn't them, and that should be enough of a reason to get over them. I wish you the best Kevin, I promise you'll get over it. And try to forgive her and forgive yourself. 

 

 

Update for everyone @kayc@CommanderCody@BaxterBurg Yesterday we talked a bit via Whatsapp. I texter her normally asking how was going packaging her stuff (she moves in a week in a town close to the one we live both now) and at the end I had to tell her how I was feeling about the whole situation because I never really told her my feelings in 3 weeks of breakup. 

She said she's sorry that I am feeling this way, but also that me opening up hurts her and put her under stress. She asked me kindly to avoid opening up in this way because its really an another stressor for her at the moment. Of course I am going to listen to her and stop sending her huge text where I say what I feel like and what I feel towards her. She thanked me (with a ❤️ smiley, tho, ahah). She also said me she don't want me to fight for her anymore, as again this is a stressor for her. Basically everything I do seems to be a sort of stress for her. 

She always reply back really fast and thats a good sign, she still want to talk sometimes. Even tho she made a statement pretty clear telling me "don't make yourself wrong hopes, its not because Im texting you back that I want also our relationship back". But if I am going to text her again, I will keep it lowkey easy conversation and never talk anymore about the relationship or about anything I feel (or how bad I want her back). Again, yesterday she said: I am sorry if this is hard for you and if you don't feel me, but I can't look up to anyone at the moment. Just myself. And that was pretty clear. And understandable. But I feel a bit better. I told her everything I had inside and I took away a stone I had on my heart and on my chest. Now I could finally start my healing process and I can let her go, even if it hurts like nothing I've ever felt before.

@Da808Dudethanks for your post. I am going to reply to the points I think they fit with my story:

1. Yes, but not even the relationship I once had is gone, the girl I used to date is also gone. She told me that nothing can be like it used to be. Our relationship can't be anymore like it used to be and she, as a person, she can't be as she used to be when her father was still alive. She's another person. And that cracked my heart when she told me this. I hope she can get back somehow to the amazing person she used to be.

2. Nailed it, thats true. I felt it in her actions. Also yes, it seems pretty common response to grief.

3. That hit me hard. And thats why I can't stand it. Its was not my fault or her fault that our relationship went to hell.

She was my dream girl, I "fight" so hard to finally start to date her, was everything so amazing with her, that was really my dream coming true. Since the first moment I saw her I tought she was the one for me and then because something like that, terribly, happened, is all gone. It might sound selfish but..I can't really accept it, yet. My head is full of "how beautiful could have been my life with her" and toughts like that. How the f*** can I avoid such toughts? Theyre killing me.

But also, if its really meant to be, we'll find eachother again, I suppose. I don't know if anything like that ever happen, but if we are really meant to be togheter, we will be. Somehow. If not, then it wasn't meant to be.

4. I am trying it. Since the breakup I still kept doing all the stuff I was doing before. Training, studying, working. Meeting up with friends. Trying to keep my head away from her. Its difficult tho.

5. Also true, yes. But I don't really blame her, or myself (well, maybe I blame myself for I don't know which reason ahaha) but I already forgive her. I know this wasnt an easy solution for her, at all. Breaking up sometimes is harder than being dumped and we can't compare the feelings I am going trough with the feeling shes going trough. I lost her, but she's still alive and if we want we can see eachother again. She lost someone she can't ever have back. And thats heartbreaking. I wish her strenght.

I also wish myself strenght to try to overcome this mountain. This aint a small one for me, looks like a damn Everest at the moment.

What doesnt kill you make your stronger.  Right?

I feel like I am going crazy today.

Yesterday I went to a small party with 2 of my best friends. Eventually I had a couple of Gin Tonic more then I should have and at the end of the party I just broke out in tears. They drived me home, fall asleep for a couple of hours, woke up again and broke out in tears again, for a good hour. 

I picked up the phone. I tried to sent her 4 or 5 voice messages, but then I always cancelled them and didnt sent them. 

After that, I ended up writing a huge message to her. Never sended, I deleted it just right after I was done writing. So yea, my self-control was pretty strong even tho I was drunk, lol. I could have make huge damage honestly, happy that I didn't sent anything.

But now, I am in bed since basically the whole day trying to rest a bit and get back on my legs..I miss her again so incredibly much.

I feel that she was the one, she's the most beautiful girl I've ever seen and I am still sure that she is the one for me.

Even tho I know its totally normal feeling in this way..I don't know what to do.

I am so close to just pick the phone now and try to message her a bit. Everytime we talked via phone (in 23 days, happened twice) she reply right away, with smileys and with a normal attitude. I desperately want her back. I never felt like this before in my life, that's really weird.

Why she's not contacting me at all? She even muted my stories on Insta..why? (Since like 2 days after breakup)

Its painful for her to see my daily life? Shes already moved on and she doesn't give a damn about me?

She was so unsure about the breakup but it seems, as she act, that she was definitely sure about what she was doing.

I feel like everyday is an opportunity wasted to trying to get back togheter with my ex

I need help to stop me from doing something stupid. 

I know this is a terrible idea but I need someone external to remind me that.

She's moving out of the city in a week (shes going nowhere far, like 15min with car) and she always loved chocolate.

So I tought to buy her a little varaiety of chocolate (really small, 200gr or so, nothing fancy) and put it in her mailbox, with a small letter wishing her strenght for the future.

Why? I don't know. I feel somehow guilty that I have might not supported her enough while her father passed away (even tho it was really difficult for me to understand how to act, what do to and so on, I just was there for her..don't know if that was enough) and I would like to do something nice for her one more time. I really don't want to accomplish anything if not just make her smile a bit and think of me like a nice and caring guy (that she always told me, by the way)

I know this is probably a terrible idea, could you please confirm that in order to stopping me doing that? 
Many thanks again

23 hours ago, kayc said:

I would venture to say "no" but she may not realize that fully yet, she is stumbling through this as grief does to us, winging it.

Try not to give place to hope for the relationship, it can hold you back healing and moving forward with your life, I know, easier said than done.  I'm glad you have your things back and that is behind you now.

Yea. I tought a lot yesterday. Was a really sad day for me. Cried a lot in the evening, but I guess better crying it out that keep those feelings inside. 

I guess even if I ask her, she would not have any clue about the answer herself. So I think this would be a really shitty question from me.

Even if she says "yes", then, how long should I wait before she will be able to be in a normal relationship? I don't want to wait forever.

If she says no, then its over forreal. In either ways, both of them aren't really the answer I am searching.

Thanks.

17 hours ago, BaxterBurg said:

I can only speak from experience here, and I don't want to cause you anxiety, but my ex and I agreed to have a meeting to talk about the relationship too, but she just ended up finding someone else and brushing me off.

Unfortunately the hope you are feeling will probably last a while, but:

The hope really hurt me and really delayed my healing. There were days I was totally convinced we would be back together and it only left me devastated when I saw this new guy was in the picture. 

Do your best to stay away, and read the Ovid quotes in my profile description if you like--it's ancient knowledge. 

Take care!

Oh, damn. So sorry to hear that. That must have been really painful.

I don't think she is a girl capable of that, after telling me that shes not able to be in a relationship at the moment. But hey, nobody knows. 

But anyway she never uses social media so even if, I won't find it out (better so, I think).

By the way she's the most caring and loving person I have ever met and losing her father just killed her.

I hope (again, always hoping) that we could be, at least, friends, in the future. I don't want to loose a person like her

But I am also aware that if she will ever come back, she won't be the girl I used to know. This thing changes you forever.

I honestly and from the deepest part of my heart wish her so much strenght to overcome this situation. Sadly without me on her side. But I understand the choice.

Thanks again for your help guys. 

I will keep you posted if we will have, sooner or later, a talk. Till then, take care.

@kayc @BaxterBurg

Hello guys, quick update.

Yesterday I saw her. I went there with a friend because the furniture are kinda heavy to move alone, and even for a bit of emotional support (that I happily didn't needed).

She's beautiful as always, clearly not in a Sunday outfit tho, she put something really nice on, but she was clearly kinda nervous, never really looking in to my eyes or any kind of contact. She packed also my stuff (couple of tshirts and underwear) in a furniture, I discovered that once I was home, kinda sad tho. I had to re-wash the stuff, was smelling like her and I was just driving crazy.

At the end she was like "Hey, enjoy the furniture. Send me a photo" She then was basically closing the door, I was kinda leaving then I asked her for a hug. We hugged, I told her that if she needed anything I would have been there, she thanked me. We said bye.

Then after less than an hour we chatted a bit on Whatsapp. Showed her the photos, then I asked couple of things. She told me that I did nothing wrong in the relationship, she also told me that I can't imagine how sadly deep she is and beacuse of that I can't really understand what she is really going trough.

Also asked her to talk a little about our relationship, because during the breakup we didnt talk basically. 

She agreed, but "I will contact you when I feel ready for a conversation like that. I don't know when, probably will be when I will have tidied up my life a little bit".

But yea. Now I'll go again in no contact.

Giving her the space she needs and giving myself time to proper heal now. 

Even tho, my hope is still there and I would like to ask her something like "Would us two have a chance again to be togheter when you will have your life in your hands again?"
If its no the answer, I will immediately leave any hope and just then I could start healing. Now I feel like I'm just postponing it

Thanks for the help

@BaxterBurg@kayc

Yes, hope is hurting me, I know.

I have another question since me and her really never discussed about the breakup.

Will make sense, sooner or later, having again a discussion with her? If it was her loss the main reason of breakup

I just have so many question without answers and this is driving me crazy, I'd like to know those answers so I finally start my healing process and stop overthinking the whole damn time.

Something kinda a closure

I replied. We talked a bit. Was really nice.

We are going to see eachother next Sunday and I will take up the furniture.

I miss her so much.

@kayc

Little update. She broke no contact couple of hours ago. When I saw her name on my phone I had my heart goin up till my throat. Unreal feeling. Of course I'm not over her at all, but that's normal.

She wrote something like "Hey. I hope you are ok. Listen, can you with your flatmate reserve a day maybe in the weekend to come here and take the furniture you need or want to have home? I wish you a good day :)"

This means anything or means basically nothing at all?

I would of course like to see her again but..alone. Without my flatmate there (but heck, of course I need my flatmate there, can't transport a sofa and a gardrobe on my own lol, even tho im pretty strong :P)

Any advice? Didn't replied yet.

Also, sorry if I add something:

A week before the breakup she came to my apartment and she left some stuff in my wardrobe, she made basically her little spot where she can bring her own stuff to use when she's at my place (before me moving in a bigger room with bigger bed she wasnt coming much to my place, I was the only one going to her). Plus she was always "Now that I am moving, I will come so often to you! I'm really excited to see you more". She introduced me also to her family, shortly after the father died. And I mean, her WHOLE family (mother, brothers, aunts..uncles..basically all the relatives). I felt really part of her family and then boom. All gone. 

This always planning the short future with me...uff. Hard.

Does this change anything? Or..I don't know. 

I know I'm trying to find everything to have a bit of hope.

14 hours ago, kayc said:

I am so sorry.  I have read (and responded to) each and every post in Loss of Love Relationship section, almost unilaterally all the same thing, and I don't recall any that made it, thought one did, but no, they came back later and said not.  This is classic.  I lost my fiance of a year due to the same thing.  He actually jumped the gun, broke off with me when his mom was dying, by Fed Ex, so I didn't get the benefit of a conversation about it.

The common thread is they can't do a relationship.  Or they feel guilty for each moment spent with us that could have been spent with their parent/loved one.  They feel stressed.  They are void of feelings/emotions other than grief.  

I hate to see you hope because they really leave nothing to hope FOR.  My best advice is to go no contact to give yourself a chance to heal.  That said, no one seems to heed that at first, still hoping/wishing...and I get that.  THIS IS A PROCESS.  And it seems we all have to learn it ourselves, when we are ready.  But going no contact not only aids your healing, but it could potentially preserve what was, I know that seems an incongruity, but the more you have the door slammed in your face the harder it is to love the person slamming it.  No matter how understanding we are.  We're human too and now YOU are grieving.  I'm so sorry, I wish this never happened.  Not everyone responds this way in grief, but enough do that it can be considered a classic response.  It is not your fault, nothing you said or did differently would have made a different outcome.  It is how SHE responds...and frankly, I would want my partner to go through thick and thin with, not dump me when things were hard...because guaranteed in life, it's not "if" but "when" things get hard, we lose someone we love, or other hard place.

I truly wish you the best going forward, no matter how you choose to handle it, you sound like someone that did not deserve this in the least, I'm also sorry she is going through this, none of us truly know how we'll respond until we're there.  I have been through a LOT of grief in my life, including losing my soulmate and best friend, my husband nearly 16 years ago...yet I never pushed anyone away in my grief, the opposite happened, our friends all disappeared overnight.  No one asks for this yet it seems to come unbidden.  My best wishes and prayers to both of you.

Many thanks for your reply.

I started no contact the same day she broke up. After her (really little) discussion to get to the breaking up point, I just texted her a sms after couple of hours with "If you will need anything, or just talk, I am here" she thanked me, wished me the really best and apologized for her decision, but again, she told me she could not do anything different. And I respect that and I also understand it. She just can't be in a relationship right now. That's as hard as it is, one can just accept this and just do a step back.

After that I went totally no contact. No more stories on Insta, no more Facebook activity, nothing. I vanished to heal myself and to respect her decision to leave her space and time to heal too. 

I am hoping? Yes of course, as I said. But again, thats totally normal I guess. Time will heal my wounds. She still, as I said (I think) my stuff at her place. Nothing that I really need right now, but in 4 weeks she will move away (to a nearby city), she was so so so happy to show me her new apartment, she even tought many times to starting living togheter in that apartment. We also (back then, like 2 months ago) agreed that I'd pick up many furnitures from his apartment, to take in mine where I am living now.

I'm just extremely sad and destroyed for her. Least person in this world to deserve all this.

Sometimes I ask myself "what have our relationship could be" if this horrible thing never happend. 

I will never know. I feel like someone took her away from me without letting me experience everything with her. That's sad.

But I know. I will be better.

Working on myself.

But yes, now I have my last question regarding my stuff + forniture: should I reach out, in maybe 3 weeks and break no contact or I should wait for her? I mean, she will need to let me know if she wants to give me furniture and my stuff back. Again, I'm kinda lost and I don't know what to do. I am just focusing on no contact at the moment but I also need to plan this thing. Many thanks if you could help me out here.

Thanks again.

Hello guys,

I am going trough a terrible time. Meet this wonderful girl couple of years ago, started dating not much time after and we were togheter since a year.

Then everything went slowly to hell. 

31 January 2021, her father was diagnosted with cancer.  Her father was her everything. She loved him so so so much, incredibly much. She felt destroyed, and me with her. I gave her support and space. Two weeks after he got operated. Then, sadly, a month after the first operation, he passed away. Again, I supported her with all my heart and with every single ounce of energy I had left in my body. Seeing her devastated at the funeral was the most brutal thing I have ever experienced in my life. Just brutal, I cried nonstop, seeing her like that ripped my heart apart.

Now, after 2 months, she left me. She told me she feels empty, with no emotions. She told me "You are amazing, but I can't go on, I can't live a relationship. You deserve more and I can't give you anything at the moment, and this causes me even a more stress. And I have already an enormous amount of stress. I can feel that you are not happy at the moment and you just deserve more. I wish you the best. But at the moment, I can't. I need space for myself, just respect that. I also don't even know if this is the right decision to do, I'm just listening my gut". Even tho, at the moment I DON'T NEED ANYTHING FROM HER! And I told her, but she just don't want to listen. I told her I will just be here. Waiting. Giving support.

I have the feeling that she is just running away from the situation because of (of course) this incredible amount of stress. I also feel that this is not a ractional choice, but everybody react differently. 

I am destroyed. Still going on in my life, but destroyed. I am also super worried about her, she lives alone and I am just terrified about what she could do.

She still has my stuff at her place, I hope she will reach out and maybe she would talk a bit.

I am hoping. Maybe I am wrong hoping that she will be back. I don't know what to think about this.

Will she ever come back? I am so scared.

I just need help.