"I also feel very guilty because I didn't go to see my dad very much when he was in hospital, he had mental health problems and it upset me so much to see him that way. How I wish I could go and sit with him now, hold his hand, talk to him, but of course I can't." Wow thats exactly how i feel...my dad was only 32 when he was killed i was 11, i remmeber him laying in the hospital and going in there and just seeing him laying there just dying..i remember holding his hand and feeling like omg im standing here holding a deads persons hand..i wish i could go back to that day theres no much that i would have said to him befor he left us but i didnt i was to busy thinking about myself and holding a dead persons hand that i left the room and never got to say what i really felt...its been four years and ive went back to the grave once and that was cause my best friend dragged me and it was only like two months ago i went four years without going and seeing him i regret it... im also very sorry for your loss as well