Sad_Widower

I’m curious how many of you feel that your loved one is “watching“ you? My wife and I both believed in the concept of souls, and soulmates. We often talked about how we would communicate should one of us pass first. In fact she used to always tease me and say “I’m going to haunt you” (as in if I did anything she did not approve of) and to a degree I feel there are times she has in her own way. So yes, I absolutely have no doubt in my mind my wife is able to some how “tune in” to things that are transpiring (to what degree I obviously have no idea) so I have worked diligently to ensure I try and make her proud. When she was alive I was one of those husbands who really wanted to make her proud of me, and I feel I still need to so. While I feel we both strived to live righteous lives, I have no problem saying she was much more morally intact than I…and from that I learned a lot from her. I light candles for her often, and I pray her spirit is attracted to the flame which was lit via the purest love imaginable, and that it will aid her in knowing she is always remembered and loved. I dunno. Perhaps it is easier for me to focus on the love I have for her (which I truly do) instead of the intense pain of missing her.

I would love to hear what you each have done with your loved one possessions and how it affected you ;if at all). I remember when my grandmother passed, we went to their home and removed most of her personal items (clothes, pictures etc) so my grandfather would not be tortured with reminders when he was alone. Unfortunately we did not of that when my wife passed. ALL of her possessions are still here…literally untouched. Her dirty clothes are still in our hamper. All her cosmetics are in our bathroom, shower, down to her night stand and items she was reading the day she passed literally untouched. While her items have been torturous to go through, I am not ashamed to admit there are I find myself in our closet, smelling certain items with her scent still on it like her jackets and coats, and it literally makes spirit lift and feel like we are hugging one another. I will be moving out of the county in the next year, so have decided to donate most of her items and keep just a few personal ones. FINALLY - my wife and I would always hide written love notes for one another that we would randomly find. As an example when I traveled on business she would put a note in one of my pockets of clothes she packed etc. A few months ago I found one, and it affected me so much I didn’t know how to feel. I cried for hours, unsure if it was tears of joy or sadness or a combination of both. So I would love to hear your stories on your loved one possessions and what—if anything—you may have come across that touched your spirit. Thanks!

First, I want to thank each and every one of you who replied to me. I read all of the responses in detail and cannot express what your feedback means to me. To help put it in perspective, this is the first and only dialogue I have had with others who have experienced this devastation and I sincerely mean it when I say yours is the only feedback I respect and take to heart. I will post separately about this, but this has broken me to the point I have r lost relationships with other family members. As an example, my parents…whom I am their only child and have had an incredibly close relationship with them my entire life, saw such a change in home (which I cannot help), the literally told me to “get over it.” , which hurt me as much as anythint in my entire life. Consequently when I say I have been isolation, the past 30 holidays we hosted at our house with large family gatherings, expressing our love to one another and basing bonding as a family. However the pad two Thanksgivings. Christmas’, etc, I have literally sat at home alone while the rest of my family celebrated together. It is surreal to me and I cannot believe it’s happening. To the point, I have made an extreme decision that is beyond life-changing. Again I will conduct a separate post as to what my plans are, but feel it’s safe you say you will all find it extremely interesting. The good news is, after my wife passed, I truly had an epiphany that showed me the reason I even exist and consequently have to decided to live out my remaining days under this plan (and personally feel I am blessed to understand my true meaning). More to come and I really appreciate you all allowing me to share my story as I have no one else.

Thank you Boho-Soul for your reply. I am sorry for your loss as well. Definitely the hardest part for me has been the isolation. I’ve spent my life in very active and social environments and since my loss (19 months ago as well) I have been in total isolation. i was an executive at Bank of America and I was so wrecked I never went back to work. I just recently obtained a new position but work from home. The other part—I have no plans to “start over”. While I am just 52, I realize I could meet someone, start a new life etc, but that is not for me. in my mind I was blessed to find my true soulmate, and consequently I await the time she and I are together again (which I sincerely believe). To that end, I do miss a “woman’s touch”. I would love to meet a woman for a platonic relationship (almost a sibling like) as I am the type who needs a woman in his life…unsure it that even makes sense. I will definitely check out Grief Share. We have a local “Widows Cliub” but it’s not for me. I am in that odd demographic where I Iost a long-time spouse at a young age. My life has been hell ever since but I am slowly working out of it. The only thing that keeps me going is my firm belief I will be with her again. thanks so much!

Hello. I am new to this forum (i tried to register a few times before but this time was finally “validated”). As many of you, my story is kind of sad. I lost my wife of nearly 30 years and my entire universe has since changed. She was only 46. I met her when she was 17. We became engaged when she was 18 and subsequently lived our lives together. She was my best friend. She died on a Thursday, both our kids were headed to college that Monday. So I went from a house full of people (my wife and I excited about becoming empty nesters) to being completely alone in a matter of days. One of the WORST parts…I have not been able to meet any other widowers or widows. I look forward to dialogue with you all, as this is something only those who have experienced can understand. I respect each of your feedback. Thanks.