Margm

My granddaddy and his brother had it (Parkinson's disease) at the same time.  I worked a few years in neurology when I worked at the teaching hospital.  One of my doc friends said they had probably had a mild case of meningitis or some other neurological communicative disease at the same time when they were very young (big family, naturally).  They said it was not inherited.  Then in 1997, the year I retired, they found a couple of genes that were discussed in a language I could type, but in no way could i understand, and of course it would be prevalent in one parent.  This tremor/shaking they used to call "familial" as passed around in the family, and it was.  This was my dad's dad, he passed away at 56.  I have my dad's Bible and his little shaky notes could still be read in his 60's.  He passed away at 65.  I can write a grocery list, and unless I use each character to make the list, I cannot read my writing.  I do not have the characteristics of Parkinson's, except the tremor, no real whole body shaking.  I do not like to eat out, or around people.  Just another bother, no pain. 

Karen, I inherited what they now call an essential tremor.  Inderal helps it a lot but unfortunately aggravates my ruptured colon to a terrible end.  No pun intended.  I have had it a tiny  bit since I was in 6th grade.  My dad, two aunts, and other relatives had it.  My aunt just quit eating, gave up on life period at age 84.  It was too bad for her to put on makeup and she was a beautiful woman all her life.  Her sister took the Inderal and lived to be 91.  It sometimes, if you live that long, goes into Parkinson's disease, and we all know I'm no spring chicken.  Certain conditions make it worse.  

Was not visiting hours when I made it to hospital but they let me in anyhow..  I think they are probably afraid they will have to  make me a bed if they don't let me in.  I'm never mean, but my sister has hit that college teacher attitude because she is feeling better.  They are going to move her to a room tomorrow and then, I'll just bet anything she signs out AMA.  They needed to add some potassium and she was telling them she didn't need it.  I apologized because she is fixing to really be ornery.  I hate that.  That is one thing I don't want to be mean to, medical care workers.  

My hands shake so bad that I do more correcting than typing.  I am sorry about the hep-C, have seen it up and personal.  It is a hard fight to correct.  Scott did it, but it was a year of hell, but I think they have newer meds now.  Still, it will be a fight.  I'm so sorry.  He was willing to fight it, if not he would not be here.  My best wishes go with your friend, I hope she has a mind change.  

“All the world is queer save thee and me, and even thou art a little queer.” ― robert owen   (In 1700's)..

My mom would always say "all the world is crazy except me and thee and sometimes I worry about thee."  Have to say as our world has evolved, so has our language and the meaning of the words.  

My sister is still in ICU but seems to be behaving.  I've got to hurry to meet visiting hours.  They think they removed all the cancer, but it was such an enormous operation,, she looks like a little autumn leaf in that big ICU bed and it hurts me, but nothing like she has gone through.  

I am shaking more from the essential tremor, and eventually it will be like/or evolve into Parkinson's disease.  Used to be called a familial tremor, as it is inherited. Ah, so is life.  

2 hours ago, kayc said:

what's to ensure not a relapse when she gets out? 

:No insurance against a relapse ever.  My grandson has been through rehab, and with a "sane" mind when leaving rehab, "I'm sorry, I do not want that way of life" and by that he meant a life of "sanity" without drugs.  Totally sane moment of a mind that had been bent so far into mind blowing drugs that reality is not a life he wanted to live.  Reality is what we live.  They prefer a life that is not reality.  It is almost like the counselors tell my granddaughter "you have to learn to love yourself."  That is good, if the reason you are going to a counselor in the first place is because you hate yourself. Sanity is nice work, if you can reach it.  These past few days, my sister in ICU, visiting hours far apart.  She has to learn to breathe on her own.  We have to learn to live on our own.  As widows and widowers, we understand this "sanity" as much as anyone.  

I think I misunderstood Kevin.  My girls worked with a veterinarian taking care of a bunch of cats.  I wish the very best for the granddaughter.  I know it must be tough moving in "minus" degree temperature.  Be safe.  

This is great Kevin.  My daughter and granddaughter did this years ago and both still reflect back on it.  I'm not searching, but think there was something in the Bible about being kind to the smallest creatures.  With my memory it could have been Edgar Allen Poe or Emerson, or some other poet.  I applaud you and your family for this.

8 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Dee. won’t do AA and I can’t force her.   If she left I wouldn’t be able to be alone.

It has to be a personal choice or it won't work.  It is not magic and it is hard.  I think the meetings help because you realize other people are just like you.  They all struggle.  My sister had been in it so long that when Mama was sick she thought she would test it with one drink.  You can't test it, it grabs a hold and you have to start over with day 1.  

7 hours ago, kayc said:

I feel 80 at times

Yep, me too.  I'm sorry about your daughter.  People look at things now and wonder why we "didn't do something."  I talked to the head deacon.  He said "people are going to have to see that our Kelli is growing up."  Nothing against the man.  We didn't have "me too" in the early 80's.  We do now, and it could have been used.  A friend of mine was done this way by her father all her life.  No one knew.  She did and it almost destroyed her after she had had her kids.  Destroyed an innocent marriage.  Sometimes there seems to be too much "me too."  When you watch the movie "Spotlight" you realize it was not just women, and men are too embarrassed to talk about it.  Evil exists.   

My kids have been through a lot.  My daughter was abused by our trusted youth director (who was married) from age 14 to 17.  We trusted him and his wife to help take care of her while I was in Houston at the big hospital.  At 17 she took an overdose, the church was breaking up for other reasons and he had promised to marry her.  I knew nothing until the OD and I went home and read personal notes under her bed.  I was fighting cancer, my dad was dying of cancer and this man prayed over him.  So, you will forgive me when I call it my mustard seed faith.  After Billy left I found I could pray to Jesus and talk to Billy at the same time.  I knew Jesus did not get jealous.  I find myself doing that again as my son is in the depths of depression, which is a family curse.  I might be thought of as having an "Alice in Wonderland" mentality, but it works for me.  Sometimes something good will happen and I will look at one of my, probably 50, crosses and will say "You did that, didn't you"  Nope, I am no more demented than I was at 15.  It works sometimes for me, and I need Billy's help now.  And, all this time my kids think they had perfect parents and I hear from them every day, never miss a day, and if  I need help they are there.  We weren't perfect, but we had a lot of love, and if they needed us we were there.  Sorry for the word salad, got a lot on an old woman's mind.

AA has taken my sister out of alcoholism twice.  She fell off the wagon when she moved in with mom.  Hard hearted Hannah here (me) would have died of something after two days.  Now my sister is fighting cancer.  We go in Friday for debulking surgery.  As an answer, her surgeon is a colorectal surgeon.  Don't know how this came about, but said it was the radiation to cure another cancer.  After nine years, my colon surgery is also acting up, but I have no more fixing they can do.  I had total of 144 hours intracavitary radiation, plus outside radiation.  The most they say anyone could have. My insides won't hold a stitch or glue. On top of my sisters, I will just watch mine for awhile.  Nine years might have been as long as such things hold.  "Not having a good time in Louisiana either."

Scott had hepatitis C and withheld treatment because it caused depression and he didn't need more of that (he thought).  We took care of him for a year under the hep-C treatment they had back then.  It was a joy to my ears to hear him snore, then I knew he was still alive. How did he get it?  He had had a lot of blood transfusions when he was shot, but he was DJ at a stripper bar for years and years.  So sexual could have been a reason.  But we are pretty sure it was exchanging needles from the drug dependency.  Did not matter where it came from, it was a hard fight keeping him alive.  The medicine made him very- very sick.  His gallbladder grew to his liver and a tedious surgery was successful.  

All God's children have troubles.  I think in the song they call it "chillens." We just do what we can.  

So happy for you, your family, and for Marley Karen.  Good things do happen.

I saw a quote the other day that reminded me of Marty's dad.  And, I wish we had a million of Marty's dads to help us along now.  If the computers crash, that doc you see 3 times a year, he has no idea what is wrong with you.  I miss the paper charts.  Sometimes they got filed in the wrong place, but eventually they were found.  (and this is how I glow)

Gwen, not knowing the situation, I need to keep my fingers still.  But, they move on their own.  I do believe Dee has put the onus on you to take care of her.  Thought it a good idea at first, but the last thing you need is another problem to take care of.  I'm sure, like she is a child, you are feeling protective of her.  You talk about her bad life.  She sounds like a very good companion at times, like maybe she is helping you, worrying about her more than yourself.  None of my business, but it seems she is the one needing help, she sounds like she might hurt you in one of her "moods," whether caused by drugs or alcohol.  I can tell you this, I do not think you will find a caregiver anything like her out in this ole world.  But, it would be nice if Gwen had someone that she could depend on rather than "what's behind door #3."  And you never know.  It seems like you are the one giving her care, and you are the one needing care.  But, on the other side, she does keep you guessing what each new day will bring, and someone that takes care of you would not be that exciting.  Love you Gwen, love the care and worry you give to this child/young lady/woman, but you are supposed to be the patient.  I don't think life would be as exciting with a staid, older woman, that is a real caregiver.  I don't want this person to physically hurt you.  I will admit, worrying about her, you have not had to worry about yourself.  But, was that the focus of hiring someone to help you?  I think she "helps" in some ways, but I do not think you depend on her, except "what mood is she going to be in tonight."  Not my business, I think you would miss her and worry about her if she was gone.  

3 hours ago, kevin said:

.On the serious note, calling a few shelters today to check up on my Daughter, sad issue...

I know, you hope they are fed and warm.  Do not think it is easy for a good looking young man in those jails in California, but that is how they take winter.  Get caught shoplifting and you are guaranteed shelter.  Such a sad way to get it.  At least their winters against the coast are not that bad.  My son has been out there so often to try to "save" his son, but even after giving him a tent and sleeping bag.  They were sold for the dope or were stolen by stronger people.  It is hard, never thought it would happen like this, but we all have a family member somewhere we cannot help.  You think you can't give up, but even getting as low as possible, they still hang on to the stuff.  My son was lucky to get off it, but like my AA member sister, she got off the liquor with help from rehab.  Grandson came out of rehab saying "sorry, it is the only life I want.  Everything has been done we can do.  They will take anything and you just hope and pray they do not get a hold of Fentanyl and you know it is there.  I'm sorry Kevin.  The stuff has altered their minds,  and sometimes we can't help.  We helped my son, but he wanted to be off of them to please his dad.  He did it by himself.  Same song, second verse.

Hate reliving that day.  Prayers for you George.  Some things cannot be replaced.  

Mine with Optimum went up over $40 a month.  Talked to some person that seemed to care and got it down to $180 (with taxes), but I have Netflix separate.  Said I had to pay the $248 first though.  We'll see.  I paid it.  My electricity was almost $400, but Brianna used a separate heater and she still stayed cold.  Her thyroid levels run normal, but her body temperature gauge does not run like regular person.  She is at her mom's now, so guess it will be down.  This time last year it was $170.  I called them and learned prices had gone up on things.  No kidding!!!! That was something if you live and breathe, you already have learned.  

7 hours ago, kayc said:

when the finality will hit.

Last night was Billy's night.  I cried until bedtime.  Then awhile afterwards.  Watching "New Amsterdam" on Netflix, because I was watching "Chicago Med" and didn't need two of them.  Sure, I'm crying for the actors, acting out their loss, but the scar tissue is so loose, even going into the 8th year.  2015 sounds so long ago.  It was just yesterday.  It will hit her soon, probably does when she is alone, then what C.S. Lewis said: “No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear."  And it does, and it does, and it still does.  

I'm so sorry Karen.

12 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Damn, she’s in very bad head pain.  She won’t let me call  anyone.  I think it’s from falling asleep. I’ve got to tend to this…….

 

See, that is why I wonder if Dee being there, even if she is another pain you have to put up with, I wonder how much her being there puts your mind on helping someone else, even though you are not really able, you want to find a way.  In that respect, she is a pain, but one you take care of, even though she is there to help you.  Maybe being needed does help you.  Again, none of my business.

Keto sounds terrific.  Some stupid people let their colons rupture and many more have colon diseases that make Keto foods death traps.  Although, in some cases, I've seen it helps some. I used to follow the Atkins strictly.  Of course that was years before the inevitable radiation side effect happened.  I can have fats, I can have carbs, I cannot have fiber.  Only, one time the doc said I could start wheat bread.  The nutritionist could not believe a person could live on this diet.  I've learned though, the main thing I crave is stuffed celery.  No, I won't try it.  I won't gripe (though my stomach will), but I've lived 9 years next month on this unheard of way to eat.  I have Community Praline Pecan coffee and Pecan creamer.  Anything with coconut, even just the flavoring will have me adding another cross on my bathroom wall.  Please God, I promise not to eat.............again.  So far I am riding just below diabetic levels.  And, all this is rolled along with the dose of MiraLax each night.  

On 2/5/2023 at 4:35 AM, Gwenivere said:

She’s in her room

There was a time people would be thankful for this.  I still think some people would be.  I hope you find someone that can be a companion and not a millstone around your neck.  You have enough problems without having to pick her up.  I'm saying this and also knowing it is none of my business.  That girl does not know how lucky she is.  It is cold out there.  

Kevin, those low temps scare me.  We have a two day cold snap with it getting down to 20 to 30 degrees and they are warning us about hypothermia.  My electricity bill was the highest it has ever (in my life) been.  I turned it down to 72 and am wearing sweater in the house.  My granddaughter has a weird hypothyroidism, her levels run normal with medications, but she freezes while I am sweltering.  Our apartments were built in the 1970's and some rooms are just colder than others.  I gave her the largest room with private bath and she just froze.  She is living back with her mom now and i can turn temperature down.  We saw the sun the last two days and our bayous are running over the banks into people's houses.  This happens often, but I am high and dry, and comfortable. I would be satisfied with 70's daytime and 50's at night.  Give it a day or two and we will have that.  Then the rain and tornadoes.  The poor tulip tree behind my apartment had bloomed out, the bulb flowers had started blooming, but we are not through with winter yet.  I think maybe, (I hope) that it is not our humid coldness and maybe it is a dry cold and maybe able to be tolerated more.  In my memories on Facebook, 12 years ago we lived almost 200 miles to the north and I had filled the freezer with snow ice cream.  Put into the blender and it was good to go.  Y'all stay  inside and stay warm.

RIP for your brother.  Time does not erase history, memories or feelings.  He was a young man.  So sorry.  

I tried screaming into pillows.  The force of the scream just hurt my head.  I watched a movie the other night that was "sweet" all the way through.  Took a bath towel to soak all the tears.  I cried from the first of the movie until the last..  I was by myself so I could sob when I felt like it.  Gwen's saying at the end of each of her posts finally soaked through this stupid brain of mine.  "We grieve in direct proportion to how much we love."  That really says it all, and you will see that.  Took me seven years to see it, but I'm still grieving.  Sometimes being old has its advantages.  If your young, you have time to possibly make a new life.  You will just have to find a part of your heart and mind to make room for whatever possibilities happen.  I won't repeat my guilt for how I treated him when he reached for me when he was leaving.  Somewhere, I think he knows I was not going to let him go.  God took my "God badge" away that day.  Cry whenever or wherever you feel like it.  No shame.  

7 hours ago, kayc said:

If you don't do the newspaper obit, how do people know he died?  Doesn't make sense to me.

I think that is the point.  She never wanted to bother anyone so exit quietly.  Family and friends knew.  She was the type of person we all loved, still miss, and we know she is gone.  I went through papers yesterday and found obituaries that were sent to me like a birthday card, except it was a "death card."  We all have our "druthers" and I'd like to go without a "death card."  Billy felt the same.  Mama did too.  Quiet exit, I hope.