DawnG

I'm so sad right now. My mom didn't have a will, she was in denial and didn't change the benificiary of her life insurance policies. Everything went to her husband, whom she didn't really want to be with any longer. He is a total @sshole. The day my mom got home from the hospital she was going to call and have a beni form faxed but she was so out of it that it was too late. Now he has everything, he won't even let us kids go to the farm and get her stuff, all of it was hers, he never paid for a damn thing. She paid for everything, he just mooched off of her for 20 yrs. I hate that man, you have no idea how much I hate that man. My mom wanted us to have her stuff, she told us what she wanted us to have and he won't let us have any of it. My mom signed a power of attorney over her medical care and burial rights to us kids.....well once it came time to get the burial stuff going, we found out that the hospice of the lakes didn't have my mom initial certain spots, so we had to split up her ash's. I had a dream one day that mom and I were driving in her car and I said mom, i know you don't like to talk about this stuff but you know that jerry isn't letting us have anything, she said, dawn I know I'm working on it, it's not fair. I feel that she's not at peace because of what is happening with her husband and it really breaks my heart. He didn't even notify her bank that she died, I had to do it and I had to notify social security too, he cashed her check!!! he's in deep trouble because she was already gone, he owes all that money back, it would have been her first check and she was ready to spend spend spend, we were going to go to san francisco this month

Hello, I know how you feel. I miss my mom too. I was her baby, she raised us 3 kids all by herself working 2 jobs to support us. I miss not being able to call her four times a day like I use to and I miss going to visit her at her farm that she totally loved. I miss her smell, smile, her laugh, everything, I just miss her. I know how you feel, hang in there Dawn

chuckles, Thanks for that post. It will be 2 months on Saturday since my mom died and I'm just a basket case. I want her back badly and really feel like this life is a dream, that I'll wake up and my mom will be there like she always has been. My mom was my rock, whenever I needed to talk she was there and now when I need that, nobody is there for me, i'm going off on a tagent that's not related to the post lol so I'll stop Dawn

Annie, I know how you feel about having to let your father go, when I had to get rid of my moms feeding tube, it was the hardest thing because you're letting them die and that's the one thing you don't want. Just to let you know, if he goes into a coma, my mom was in one for a day and a half, he can still hear you so tell him whatever comes to your heart. When I talked to my mom her eyes would roll, so I knew she hears me. It is very strong of you to stand by him and hold his hand, you should be proud of yourself. I'm sure Saturday will be really hard for you. My thoughts are with you and I'll put you and your dad on my prayer list. big hugs Dawn

I dream about my mom quite a bit and I believe that it's her visiting me, I've had a lot of signs that my mom's presence is with me. I lost my cat to Liver Cancer 11 days before I lost my mom and believe it or not my cat has even been in my dreams. Just the other night I had a dream that wasn't my mom visiting me but it was about her, she had called me on the phone and said, hi dawn, the cancer is gone, I'll be home soon and I said mom how can that be I have your ash's and she hung up, then called back again, said the same thing and I said the same thing, she hung up then a guy called and said what my mom had said and I told him that when I find out who he is I will rip his heart out of his chest with my own hands. I know icky dream. A good sign that I had, the day before my mom's service, I went to get my hair done the way she wanted hers done when she got out of the hospital, she had a nurse and just loved her hair style, so I go and sit in the chair and tell the stylist what I want done, we both looked away from the mirror for a moment, looked back and there were 2 hand prints on the mirror. The stylist believed it was my mom and so do I. I tell my mom every day, don't stop the signs, I need to know you're around. My grandfather died about 14 years ago and he still comes and visits me in my dreams. My stepmom died July 12 of this year and I've had dreams about her too. wow I just realized I've had a lot of loss in the last month.

Hello, I can completley identify with the punching walls, I've done it twice and let me tell you it felt good at the time but my hand hurts like hell. I haven't found a way to get rid of my anger but what I try to do is think of something good about my mom which doesn't work all the time. My hand still hurts and I find myself wanting to hit the wall or anything again, just to try to transfer the pain. Our minds go through so many different emotions during grief it's just amazing one minute you could be enjoying a movie, the next minute you're crying like a baby or angry as hell or totally depressed. Being angry is okay, trust me, hitting the wall or something only lessons the pain for a very short time, 5 minutes maybe. If you want to punch the wall or something, put a pillow in front of it and then punch, that way you won't hurt your hand. Once I figure out what to do with my anger I will for sure let you know. hang in there Dawn

I thought I would share this site with everyone so that you can know how special my mother was, plese read the guest book, there were so many people that admired her and were inspired by her, also read the journal, it shows what she went through during the last month of her life www.caringbridge.org/visit/maryannstadtnigg

Hello, I'm new here as well and I've found that everyone has something in common. My heart goes out to you to lose your dad at such an early age. My mom died June 18th and I talk to her, may sound weird but I do, go ahead and tell your dad still that you love him, tell him that you wish you could hug him. I started writing letters to my mother yesterday, I cry the entire time but it seems to help. I'll keep you in my prayers Dawn

Hi Chuckles, My heart pours out for you. I'm glad that you have found this place, I feel like this is the best place to lay out your emotions and feelings where nobody will judge and everyone will understand

I am just sitting here at my computer in a daze with tears rolling down my face like a fawcet. My mom's 2 month comes up on Saturday and it's just bringing up so many memories of taking care of her, having to whipe her and suction out her gastric tube and give her her meds in her feeding tube, unplugging her feeding tube. God the first night, that she came home, I had thought I overdosed her because she went number 2 all over we cleaned her up but I thought it was my fault, apparently the feeding tube was giving too much an hour, which I new!! I told my sister and brother that it should be @ 30 that's all she can handle, hospice said 50, well I was right, hospice called back and said bring it down to 30. She didn't even know that she messed, she just wondered what the smell was. I hate remembering her like that, I am remembering all this like it was yesterday, all the things that happened when she was sick, the stuff we said, she always spoke openly with me because she knew I needed it. God I miss her........

Hello, I miss my mommy too. She died on June 18th and I know exactly how you feel, today is not a good day for me. I was going to post something similar to this post but when I read yours I felt the same way. It's a pain that is so deep and so lonely and it's really hard get rid of it. Go ahead and post all you want, this forum has helped me so much and I've only belonged for two days. Take care of yourself Dawn

Hello, I lost my cat Captain to Liver Cancer, I nursed him for 3 months, force fed him, gave him his meds, even gave him fluids throgh his skin every other day, he did get better for 2 weeks started eating on his own but as soon as my mom got sick ( she died June 18 ) he got sick too and I had to put him to sleep on 6-7-07. He was my non human rock, he followed me around like a puppy dog. He would give me eskimo kisses at night, for the first couple of nights I couldn't sleep in my bed. I guess I haven't really been able to grieve him yet because i'm dealing with my mom's death. He was a great cat with an awesome personality. When I am on my computer he would go from side to side tapping my arm until he got my attention. He was only 7 years old.

That is a great song I heard some of it, you can email it to me gilsondawn@yahoo.com I don't care who has my email ,so go ahead and email it to me. It's okay that you're having a bad day, I've had a bad every day since my mom died. It's okay.

Hi Shell, My mom always said " you do what you gotta do" " it is what is is" and " what are ya gonna do". Isn't it weird how you realize how strong your mother really is, I new she was but I didn't know to the extent until she went through this. I will have to try the balloons. thanks again!!

Thanks so much for everyones feedback. It feels good to know that I'm not the alone and that my feelings are real. Today I got stung by a wasp and I instantly went to call my mom and just broke down in tears. I just wish she was back. I go to my first parent loss group tonight, I am sure I'll break down like a baby. Thanks again everyone

She was my mother, father and best friend. I am having a very difficult time dealing with this loss, I feel as if I'm an orphan, nobody in my family understands why I cry every day. I'm sure they grieve in their own way but it makes me angry that they tell me to get over it, life goes on. Well I know life goes on but not as I knew it before mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in Jan 2006, I went to all of her chemo appts, dr. appts, took care of her after surgery and took care of her during her last 6 days in this life. I was her primary caregiver and was/am very proud that I was able to do for her what she had done so many time for me. She was so strong during her battle, she never once complained about anything, she really didn't start to go down hill until May of 2007, her stomach stopped working and was in the hospital for 12 days, they put a feeding tube in, we brought her home to my sisters for hospice care, I got a crash course in medical care for her, then the next day we had to take her back because the tube moved into her stomach, she was in the hospital for another 6 days, as soon as she came home she went down hill, she waited until she was home to die. Every day of those last six days of her life she looked more young and more beautiful then I had ever seen her before. I had to turn off of her feeding tube and that was the hardest thing I had ever done. But I told her " mom no more feeding tube" and she said " good " she died 3 days later. The words she said to me was that she loved me. I wish I could hear those words again, any word from her, I miss her so much. She literally was my life. She knew me the best and made me feel special, I was the baby of the kids and the only single one so during xmas she would always buy me extra gifts and give them to me on the sly, it was cute, she'd even bring groceries over, we'd go bumming around on Saturday's and she'd always manage to buy me something, even though I made more money than her. She was a gifted soul and I know she is up there doing a heck of a job. I love you mom Just because I no longer stand in front of your eyes doesn't mean you can't see me close them and I am there just because i no longer answer when you call my name doesn't mean you can't hear me speak softly listen carefully there is my voice just because i can no longer touch your hands doesn't mean you can't feel me hold to another my arms are there just because I am no longer there to show you I love you doesn't mean my love is gone place your hand on your heart feel its beat i am there know that I am with God know that God is with you and in that we are still with each other Just because [attachmentid=141][attachmentid=140][attachmentid=142][attachmentid=143]